Part 36<\/b><\/p>\n
“Angel, for the last time. I’m fine. I’ve never felt better. This is good.”<\/p>\n
Angel pushed Cordelia back on the bed. “Cordy, you’re part demon. How’s that good?”<\/p>\n
“Head won’t explode, duh.” She scooted up the headboard, glaring as she crossed her arms.<\/p>\n
“Of course, that’s good. But, you said that the side effects are unknown, that’s not good.”<\/p>\n
“But it doesn’t necessarily mean bad, Angel.” Cordelia reasoned, pulling her knees to her chest. “The floating thing is pretty neat and I didn’t turn green or grow horns, which would been…not so great. But, I get to keep the visions and stay alive. That’s really good.”<\/p>\n
“You gave up your dream for me.” Angel shook his head. “You shouldn’t have done that.”<\/p>\n
“Uh, Angel, reality check,” she waved her hand in front of his face. “I explained- you didn’t do the visions very well. You couldn’t keep them. And what dream? I distinctly remembering getting tired of being a TV star.”<\/p>\n
Angel sat back in his chair, the doubt apparent on his face.<\/p>\n
“Really, Angel.” She rolled her eyes at the vampire.<\/p>\n
Angel slowly nodded, accepting her statement for the moment. “You still haven’t explained everything though. What are you leaving out?”<\/p>\n
“I told you everything- told you about Skip telling me that human’s weren’t meant to be seers, that the Powers offered to re-write history so I wouldn\u2019t get the visions from Doyle.”<\/p>\n
“Yes, and you explained that you were a TV Star, Angel Investigation existed, without Fred, but existed. Explained that I got the visions from Doyle and that you took them back. How?”<\/p>\n
“How- What?”<\/p>\n
“How did you take the visions back?”<\/p>\n
“Geez, Angel what does it matter?”<\/p>\n
“Doyle kissed you before he died.. So…was I dying and I kissed you? Or\u2026Hey does that mean Doyle kissed ME before he died. That would be really kind of \u2026.odd.”<\/p>\n
\u201cNot in California.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDuh, Geez, I don\u2019t know how Doyle gave you the visions- but Skip told me that Doyle was able to pass on the visions because of his \u2018feelings\u2019 for me\u2026.so maybe you and he, you know were more than\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoubtful, Cordelia.\u201d Angel gave her a hard look.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, Angel. I do remember some longing glances across the office.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, the only glances then were Doyle trying to look down your shirt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d smacking him.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s true.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPfft, never you though, uh.\u201d She leaned back.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course not.\u201d Angel coated his lie with the proper offended expression and tone. Though, actually it wasn\u2019t really a lie; that particular habit hadn\u2019t become full blown until more recently. Angel felt a little less guilty. He sort of told the truth.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, I could\u2019ve walked around stark naked and you wouldn\u2019t have blinked.\u201d Cordelia hid her pout. She didn\u2019t understand why this Angel was so oblivious to her and the other one definitely noticed her physical attributes.<\/p>\n
Angel just decided to ignore that statement as he valiantly tried to ignore the images it created.<\/p>\n
\u201cAny way, I did tell you everything.\u201d Cordelia shrugged, hoping that would end Angel\u2019s questions. The less thinking of the alternative universe would minimize the thinking of all the different ways the alternate Angel touched her various physical attributes\u2026.and that was really for the best. She couldn\u2019t be screwing up and jumping her best friend.<\/p>\n
Angel shook his head. She hadn\u2019t told him everything. Cordelia had gone on and on describing her alternate house, Wesley\u2019s one arm, Gunn being pretty much the same, the lack of Fred, Lindsay and Lilah being evil, but, him\u2026she barely said anything about Angel. Well, except that he had to be chained up when he had a vision. Why didn\u2019t she go on and on about him. Had Angel really been that bad? Though, he guessed he had been- having to be chained wasn\u2019t good. But, Cordelia did say Angel helped Wesley and Gunn protect her. So, he couldn\u2019t have been crazy all the time.<\/p>\n
It was just that Angel knew how he had been when he first got to LA- that and Doyle\u2019s death without Cordelia in his life to give him hope, plus the craziness of the visions- he couldn\u2019t imagine him being anyway other than extremely anti-social, rude and quietly obnoxious in a very broody suicidal way.<\/p>\n
What if he said or did something to hurt Cordelia. Had he? Was that why she wasn\u2019t describing his alternate self more? Angel had to know. He knew it wasn\u2019t him, but it in a weird way he also knew it was. Cordelia\u2019s description of alternate Wesley, Gunn, Lilah, Lindsay, even herself were different than their true selves but only in experiences, the substance of the individuals had been the same. So, where did that leave him?<\/p>\n
Damn\u2019t. Cordelia rolled her eyes. Angel was going into full brood mode. It couldn\u2019t be over her teasing him about having a relationship with Doyle. What was the dork\u2019s problem?<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, what do you want to know?\u201d She said resignedly.<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s attention snapped back to the young woman. \u201cI\u2026I didn\u2019t say or do anything to hurt you did I?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, you\u2026you were out of it, when you had the vision. Wesley said that you might strike out not knowing who I was, but you had been drugged\u2026and talking- you didn\u2019t make much sense. So, no, of course not.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel winced at the thought of him being so helpless and out touch with reality. \u201cI don\u2019t mean, when I had the vision\u2026before. You said I was able to help Wesley and Gunn. So, I couldn\u2019t have been out of it all the time. Then\u2026did I say or do anything to hurt you or upset you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, it wasn\u2019t you. So don\u2019t worry about it, and you sure and hell-don\u2019t have anything to feel guilty about. There\u2019s nothing to feel guilty about.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did do something, didn\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn\u2019t. NO. Okay. Well\u2026there was this morning but you were just being a jerk, but before that you were wonderful. You stayed with me to make sure I was safe, you were a great date for the premier, made me breakfast\u2026.well, except for this morning but I like I said you were a jerk\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did I do this morning?\u201d Angel liked hearing that he had been the one that stayed with her. And if he cooked her breakfast and went with her to a premier he couldn\u2019t have been that bad. But that was the second time she said he had been a jerk.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s nothing. I wasn\u2019t hurt. Just mad. Go figure, you made be mad.\u201d Cordelia waved the subject away. She really didn\u2019t want to get into why she had been mad.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy.\u201d Angel insisted.<\/p>\n
\u201cFine, you broke all my living room windows. Okay. It wasn\u2019t really your fault. Gunn had locked the place up. So, you broke them to get in. Glass and wood everywhere. It was a big mess.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel considered her answer and didn\u2019t buy any of it. \u201cWhat does that have to do with me not cooking you breakfast or being a jerk in the morning. Or are you telling me that I broke the windows in the daylight.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia glared, the diverted rant she had planned for alternate Angel bubbling to the surface once again. \u201cYou, you dumbass, left me all alone asleep unaware with those broken windows. Every and any creepy crawly wild animal type of thing could strolled in and eaten me AND I was starving when I woke up. You snuck out- all because you\u2019re a big baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel bought it. He just didn\u2019t understand it. He waited though rather than ask questions. Cordelia was gearing up for a true Cordy rant. If he didn\u2019t interrupt and listened very carefully, he might be able to figure it all out.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou ran scared or just were being stupidly mean-all because I made some silly off the cuff remark after great sex. Geez, how old are you? People say things like that all the time after sex. It doesn\u2019t mean anything. But nooooo, you snuck out while I was asleep like a big baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
Plan A just flew out the proverbial window. Angel had to interrupt, because if he just figured out why Cordelia was mad, he was crazy in this universe as well as the other one.<\/p>\n
\u201cSEX? WE MADE LOVE?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia slumped back. \u201cGeez, you don\u2019t have to shout. The alternate \u2018grr\u2019 guy liked it just fine.\u201d She huddled further into the headboard.<\/p>\n
\u201cImpossible.\u201d Angel said in a slightly lower tone, his head moving frantically from side to side.<\/p>\n
Cordelia blinked, opening and closing her mouth like a big stunned fish. \u201cYou DID TOO LIKE IT. And we had a lot of SEX, so there. Impossible my ass.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is impossible. Unless, was my soul anchored? It\u2019s that what you\u2019re saying, my soul was anchored and then we made love.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Your soul\u2026\u201d Cordelia\u2019s eyes widened, her hand flew to her mouth. \u201cAngel, your soul, Skip\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWE RISKED ANGELUS. Were you nuts? Was I? Wait I was. But you, you had to know better. Even in re-written history you knew about the curse. What could you possibly be thinking? Were you just STUPID?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia shot up on the bed. \u201cI WAS NOT NUTS OR STUPID. YOU HAD SEX AND DIDN\u2019T LOSE YOUR SOUL—IT HAPPENS\u2026.DUH.\u201d Cordelia flung herself back down. \u201cNot talking Buffy love here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel really wanted to yell again. Angel really wanted to know how he could\u2019ve made love to Cordelia and not lose his soul. He really wanted to remember any part of the act\u2026acts. Angel groaned. His alternate-self made \u2018lots\u2019 of love with Cordelia.<\/p>\n
Now, the picture of him hopeless and chained to the wall didn\u2019t seem so horrible, not if he could make love to Cordelia on the good days. It’d be worth it.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, yes, I can have sex without losing my soul, that has been pretty much proven. But, I don\u2019t see how it is possible that WE could\u2019ve made love and I didn\u2019t lose it. Even in that other place. I can\u2019t imagine not being pretty FUCKING HAPPY buried inside you. I can\u2019t believe you risked it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t\u2026or\u2026and\u2026 ERH,\u201d Cordelia threw up her hands in frustration. Why couldn\u2019t she keep her dumb mouth shut? She took a deep breath. \u201c The \u2018alternate guy\u2019 didn\u2019t love me. So no risk.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel sat on the edge of the bed and studied the agitated young woman. \u201cWhat \u2018off the cuff\u2019 remark did you say that had my \u2018alternate\u2019 self running like a baby from your bed leaving you to fend off wild carnivorous animals by yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel.\u201d She tried to out stare him but failed miserably. Damn him. \u201cFine. I said I loved you. But\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel nodded, finally understanding everything. \u201cMy \u2018alternate\u2019 self obviously didn\u2019t believe that it was a meaningless statement or it probably didn\u2019t matter even if he did. Tell me Cordelia, in this alternate universe, did you make me laugh.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia scooted back. Angel was making her very nervous. There was something in his tone and the way he kept inching closer that shot tingles along her spine and let loose a thousands butterflies in her stomach. \u201cUm, not really the laughing version. But almost, you smiled a few times.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel nodded. \u201cAnd I wanted to make sure you were safe- ignoring the wild animal threat for the moment.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia nodded, no longer moving away. The vampire was holding her still with his intense gaze.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I cooked you breakfast, again ignoring the fact that I was a jerk this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDinner, too.\u201d Cordelia nodded again, not at all sure where Angel was going.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course I cooked you dinner.” Angel chuckled lowly. “What about my breakfast and dinner, did I run and hide my blood from you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia scrunched her brow. \u201cYou tried, but\u2026.well, you did eat my real Bloody Mary mixture. Said you would try the Thai, but I think you ran off to beat up Lilah and Lindsay on purpose just so you could avoid it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re probably right.\u201d Angel really smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s easy, Cordy,\u201d Angel reached up to brush away a strand of hair that had fallen over Cordelia\u2019s face. \u201cYou said you heard part of what I was saying to the Conduits, but you didn\u2019t hear all of it. I told them that I was more scared of you dying than you were. I asked them what that meant. They didn\u2019t answer. But, as I sat here and watched you lying on this bed so beautiful, so strong yet dying, I remembered every other time I almost lost you and I realized the answer. It\u2019s more than just that I need you- I love you. And I imagine that\u2019s what my other self realized, a lot quicker than I did and with the benefit of being able to hold and love you. I\u2019m very jealous of that self. I imagine that at the moment you said that you loved him, he ran because he realized how so easy it would to get lost in your love. He was scared.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d Cordelia bit her lips, fighting the tears threatening to emerge. \u201cNot such a jerk then, uh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, a jerk, I wouldn\u2019t left you to face hordes of man-eating wild beasts.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, there was no wild animals.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDuh.\u201d He gently tapped her on the nose.<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess maybe it wasn\u2019t so off the cuff, maybe I did or maybe I was falling in love, but I do know that I am in love with you.\u201d She said softly, chancing a glance at the vampire.<\/p>\n
Angel closed his eyes bringing her close, gently dropping his forehead to hers. \u201cI know and I love you\u2026and it scares the hell out me. But,\u201d He lifted her face, vowing with his steady gaze. \u201cI won\u2019t run. I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia smiled, chewing on her bottom lip. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to. I started to tell you, but you kept shouting. Skip, or rather the Powers, what-whoever, anchored your soul right before I was demonized. Skip said he had to fix it before it blew up in our faces.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel pulled away, clutching her firmly by the shoulders. \u201cMy soul is bound?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia shrugged. \u201cSkip said so. I know the Powers haven\u2019t been the most helpful at times and almost always vague and misleading, but why lie about this. I\u2019m part demon and you\u2019ve got your soul for good.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re going to live, we love each other, and we can make love, why do I feel like it\u2019s my birthday.\u201d Angel pulled her back for a hug, only to be shoved away.<\/p>\n
\u201cBIRTHDAY. That\u2019s right. I never got to open my presents. Where\u2019s yours? You gave it to me then\u2026.Where is it? Whatcha get me?\u201d Cordelia piercing gaze searched the bedroom trying to zero in on a small box that screamed birthday present.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, \u2026it\u2019s somewhere down stairs. You dropped it when you\u2026.when you had the vision.\u201d And flew up against the glass cabinet shattering it. Angel winced at the memory.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, let\u2019s go find it.\u201d She tugged at the vampire to get off the bed.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cWhoops. Run.\u201d Fred pulled at Wesley and Gunn.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ve every right to be here. They were yelling.\u201d Wesley said firmly, but his feet quickly following Fred down the hall- away from the door to Angel\u2019s suite and the couple inside.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, and there was all that evil ass Angelus talk, had to know.\u201d Gunn justified their eavesdroping as he quickly followed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d Fred looked up from the bottom step. \u201cThen there was all that love and soul bound stuff.\u201d She sighed. \u201cI think I really like this Skip demon guy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFred, do I have to remind you, his alternate life version- had you still in Plyea.\u201d Wesley said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, so maybe, I only like him some. I bet, they\u2019re up there for a long time.\u201d She sighed again and returned her gaze up the stairs.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot taking it.\u201d Gunn shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot a prudent bet. How about though, we all leave.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWait, I\u2019ll get Connor. Don\u2019t want to take a chance of the baby waking and ruining the mood.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel pulled against Cordelia\u2019s tug. \u201cPresents can wait.\u201d He yanked her back on the bed. \u201cI didn\u2019t have a last night or the night before.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere were the mornings too. Didn\u2019t even have to go to the living room once the I bought curtains for the bedroom.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou bought curtains for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCouldn\u2019t be searching for you on the carpet. Once was enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can tell me that story later.\u201d He moved closer, his body almost covering Cordelia\u2019s.<\/p>\n
Angel growled, pulling back at the knocking on the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, Cordy.\u201d Fred called through the wood.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat.\u201d Angel grumbled opening the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry,\u201d she poked her head in. \u201cWe were just wondering if we could borrow Connor for the day. It\u2019s sunny out and we thought we\u2019d spend it outdoors, if you don\u2019t mind.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel glanced at the bassinet, suddenly remembering the baby, wondering how in the world the small infant had slept through all the yelling. Angel then looked at Cordelia still sitting on the bed. Angel wasn\u2019t willing to take the chance. \u201cSure, have fun. Here.\u201d Angel quickly grabbed the baby bottles and tote bag. \u201cHe\u2019ll be hungry soon.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred nodded. \u201cSee ya later,\u201d she nodded, her arms full with the baby and his necessities.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d Cordelia narrowed her eyes. \u201cI haven\u2019t gotten my proper baby snuggles yet and you just sent Connor off.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLater, I haven\u2019t gotten my proper snuggles at all.\u201d He stalked back to the bed.<\/p>\n
Cordelia scooted back, suddenly nervous again. It was Angel. She\u2019d made love to Angel before, she remembered every touch and kiss, but it wasn\u2019t that Angel that was stalking towards her, his eyes dark with an aching need, almost vulnerable, definitely intense, and most assuredly causing the flock of butterflies in her stomach to melt and make her squirm.<\/p>\n
Would it be different, would it be the same, did it matter?<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s thoughts scattered as Angel took possession of her lips and body. It was the same, it was different and it did matter. Because this time, she knew Angel loved her and he knew she loved him.<\/p>\n
She definitely chose the better life.<\/p>\n
The End<\/b><\/p>\n