Part 28<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia bypassed the questioning looks of her friends and headed up the stairs.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, I need some answers and they better not be as stupid as the Powers.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stared as the young woman strode over to sit across from him on the bed. Angel wasn\u2019t surprised that she was still angry but he didn\u2019t understand her reference to the Powers. \u201cThe Powers?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia waved away his question. \u201cI\u2019ll get to them in a minute. I\u2019ve some questions that you need to answer truthfully.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel sat back in his chair. \u201cI explained. I wasn\u2019t lying.\u201d<\/p>\n
Again Cordelia waved away his words. \u201cI know. My questions aren\u2019t about why you chose to do such a destructive and insane thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia took a deep breath. \u201cYou marked me as yours. How serious is that to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel felt his stomach drop. He knew he should\u2019ve lied about that. \u201cVery.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s pretty vague. Does it mean my choices are gone- just how possessive do vampire\u2019s get over what they consider theirs, does the so- called possession have any say in it? Are you going to kill any guy I decide to date?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re going to date? Who?\u201d Angel was too shocked to even growl at that information.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy, so you can kill him?\u201d Cordelia snapped.<\/p>\n
Angel narrowed his eyes, studying the young woman. She wasn\u2019t here to tell him she was starting to date again, but she was asking a serious question. \u201cVampire\u2019s are very possessive demons, they don\u2019t share, Cordelia. But, I wouldn\u2019t \u2018kill\u2019 anybody you decided to \u2018date\u2019, I wouldn\u2019t have to.\u201d Angel said pointedly.<\/p>\n
Cordelia stared at the vampire for a long moment. Cordelia shook her head blowing out a burst of air. She got up and started to pace. \u201cThe Powers want me to forgive you so as to not risk any more \u2018beigey\u2019 behavior on your part or some nonsense like that and you tell me that if I don\u2019t you will beat up or at least scare to death anybody I date. What if I don\u2019t want to forgive you or can\u2019t. What if I don\u2019t want to be your possession? What if I don\u2019t love you anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s fingers tightened around the armrest, threatening to shatter the wood. Angel pushed down his growl and urge to just take Cordelia, forcing her to realize that she didn\u2019t have a choice in the matter- she was his.<\/p>\n
Cordelia stared at the vampire sensing the violence in the still form. \u201cWould you make me?\u201d She asked in a soft voice.<\/p>\n
Angel tensed even more, scenting the fear that was growing in the young woman standing before him, the one he wanted to just grab and take. Angel gulped, hating the brief hesitation before his honest assurance. \u201cI can\u2019t make you love me if you don\u2019t, Cordelia.\u201d He said lowly.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, you could take me and lock me in a room, what did you say, keep me for yourself- BE Angelus,\u201d she stood before the vampire.<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s eyes locked on the hazel gaze that was searching his- for what he didn\u2019t know. But Angel could see and feel Cordelia\u2019s body radiating in tension and fear. A stake would be welcomed about now or a soulless state. Since, it looked liked he would get neither Angel took a deep breath and answered. \u201cI could.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia leaned a bit back, her frame slightly relaxing. \u201cBut you wouldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel shifted puzzled by the change in the young woman\u2019s demeanor. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not, you could.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel not only shifted again, he blinked not at all sure what he was scenting now from the young woman. It was a very welcomed and recognizable fragrance but not one expected or understood at this moment.<\/p>\n
Angel shook his head trying to focus on the woman\u2019s question not her scent. \u201cI love you, Cordelia, forcing you wouldn\u2019t get me what I need.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia moved to sit cross-legged on the bed, her chin on her fist, studying the vampire. \u201cBut you want to.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stared at the young woman, taking a deep breath and then cursing as he did. The vampire was definitely getting whiffs of arousal from Cordelia. It was confusing and he needed to think. \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel grabbed onto the arms of the chair. This time he did hear the crack of the wood. He gulped rather than breathed. Angel wasn\u2019t at all sure he would stay in the chair if he took in the air floating around the young woman.<\/p>\n
The fear was losing the battle with arousal, leaving Angel very frustrated, confused and wondering about his sanity. \u201cCordelia, what\u2019s going on? Do you want me to? I smell fear and a lot of desire. Since when did fear turn you on?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d Cordelia scooted back. \u201cYou can smell that?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel shrugged lifting his finger to his nose. \u201cVampire\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were just talking about shampoo, lotion and such, not THAT. EWW. THAT\u2019S an invasion of privacy or something, stop IT.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel took a breath, thanking god for Cordelia\u2019s unique rants they could always distract him. He was almost thinking logically again, almost, he didn\u2019t want to get carried away in believing that he knew what the hell was going on with the young woman. \u201c\u2019THAT\u201d is definitely not \u2018EWW\u2019 or something I can stop when it comes from you. You haven\u2019t answered my question.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmmph. It\u2019s not fear.\u201d Cordelia scooted back on the bed cupping a pillow close.<\/p>\n
\u201cI \u2026..\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, give me a break with you super vamp nose, would ya\u2019.\u201d Cordelia rolled her eyes. \u201cIt\u2019s not fear, stupid. It\u2019s\u2026You\u2019re a vampire\u2026No not that\u2026. that\u2019s actually kind of creepy. But the vamp instincts- strength, power, danger, violence that you could use to harm- you use to help and save- not even mentioning the over the top not average sexy vibe that comes with it- is kind of attractive.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia slightly shivered, unconsciously licking at her lips. \u201cIt\u2019s not just the leather coat and good looks that make all the damsels saved swoon, buster.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou still think I\u2019m creepy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia blinked and shook her head at the hurt expression on the vampire\u2019s face. Her shakes turned into sudden movement and wide eyes as Angel\u2019s expression changed. Cordelia gulped scooting further back, her hand held out in front of her as the vampire and his gleeful sexy dangerous grin stalked onto the bed. \u201cSTOP\u201d Cordelia yelled. \u201cDon\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel paused, the knowing grin still on his face. \u201cCreepy, maybe, but you want me.\u201d He reached out gripping a graceful firm denim-clad calf.<\/p>\n
Cordelia stilled. \u201cNo, you wouldn’t use force, you wouldn\u2019t have to. But, Angel, be warned, you use my weaknesses and feelings for you against me, without respecting my right to be angry or to say NO beforehand, I will be mad afterwards, no matter how pleasurable the act.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s hand trailed off the leg to the bed. \u201cHow mad?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia drew her legs away from the vampire up against her chest, her arms hugging at her knees. \u201cPermanent unforgivable-type mad,\u201d she vowed into the dark eyes.<\/p>\n
Angel leaned further away from the young woman. \u201cWhat do I need to do?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, Angel.\u201d Cordelia signed. \u201cYou did the unimaginable, but when you fired us, that was unimaginable\u2026.what are you going to do next to top yourself. Without a soul you wanted to take fun and blood to greater heights, outdoing yourself with each terror and kill, with a soul, will you do the same trying to break the trust more spectacularlly all in the name of good or for the sake of the one\u2019s you love. How do I trust you?”<\/p>\n
Angel clenched his fist tight to his side. “I…Cordelia, I want to be what you believe I can be, I will try, day by day to prove that, but I am what I am.”<\/p>\n
“Angel, being a vampire doesn’t excuse or even really explain what you did. It wasn’t some ‘dark’ instinct you couldn’t control, you thought, planned and did it.” Cordelia gulped and brushed at the tears that were starting to fall.<\/p>\n
\u201cI really don\u2019t know, Angel, I do want to know.” Cordelia looked at the vampire, her eyes closed involuntarily at the pain she saw reflected in his strong body suddenly so weak at her words. \u201cAngel, please.\u201d Cordelia knew then she was a goner and she hated it, but she had to reach out to him, he was fading away in front of her.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d she grabbed his hand. \u201cKnow this, please. I do love you. But, I\u2019m scared. But, no matter, it will be all right. I don\u2019t hate you. I can be your friend\u2026 I do love you. \u2026\u201d Cordelia pulled away going back to her position against the backboard. She took a deep breath, wiping away her tears.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, I do need to tell you that I went to the Conduits.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia waited until the vampire looked up at her before she continued. \u201cI wanted to find out why I didn\u2019t understand my visions-the one before I was kidnapped and the one of Angelus.” Cordelia brushed back her hair.\u201c Like you said, not really batting a thousand with the vision stuff lately and I was fairly certain that it didn\u2019t have any thing to do whether I was \u2018fucking\u2019 or not, so I went.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel winced at Cordelia’s use of his own harsh words. \u201cAnd\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia shrugged waving away his look of guilt. \u201cAngel, the Angelus-words I\u2019m not worried about, it\u2019s the reason that they were said and who said them that’s the problem. Anyway, somehow I was supposed to figure out that my vision of me saying I loved you was a warning not to love you or at least not tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Powers warned you about loving me? They don\u2019t want you to love me.\u201d Angel felt as if he just got suckered punched after already being gutted. He blinked clinging to an earlier statement made. \u201cYou said they wanted you to forgive me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia shrugged. \u201cI think it goes back to something Skip originally told me- the Powers aren\u2019t real up on emotions and stuff, not much use for them and they think that emotions, love, gets in the way of the purpose of the mission. So, no love. But, then I guess they figured it was too late, so the vision of Angelus- only it wasn\u2019t a warning of Angelus appearing but that you and Angelus were one in the same. Skip said it was to prepare me for the consequences of my choice. You know, sleep in the bed you had sex in and all that crap. The Powers and their whole \u2018free-choice\u2019 line is bullshit. They want me now to forgive you. Otherwise they say that I\u2019ll be a whoa major-weakness, possibly push you to make decisions that would effect your role in the up coming apocalypse- for the worse.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stared trying to gather his thoughts, pushing aside the selfish thought of using the Powers wishes to convince Cordelia to love him.. \u201cI\u2026. Cordelia, I don\u2019t want\u2026I don\u2019t want you to forgive me just because the Powers say too. I need you to mean it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia gave a soft smile. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t. And the Powers are wrong, you don’t need me to make the right choices, you have it in you- remember you do have the best heart of anyone I know.\u201d Cordelia sighed and got off the bed. \u201cDay by day, uh.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel gulped, again at the change in Cordelia\u2019s demeanor. “Yeah,\u201d Angel watched the young woman go to the door, small tendrils of hope rekindled in his being. Angel scowled as he thought more about what Cordelia had said. \u201cUp coming apocalypse?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia rolled her eyes. \u201cLike they gave me any more useful information. Hmmph. Just know one\u2019s coming, but hey, what\u2019s new about that?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel nodded. \u201cYou\u2019re leaving?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m tired, haven\u2019t slept yet. Good night, afternoon whatever. I\u2019ll see you tomorrow. You should eat and get some sleep too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI will.\u201d Angel said rooting himself to the bed refusing to say anything more. He didn\u2019t want to take the chance of ruining the soft smile on Cordelia\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
Cordelia nodded again, closing the door as she left.<\/p>\n
Angel stared at the door. Cordelia still loved him, she was his friend, she said so and she was still worried about his well-being. Oh lord, Angel\u2019s hope was jerking into tentative happiness. Tomorrow, first thing, Wesley needed to do the spell, just in case the real thing came as unexpected as the beginning.<\/p>\n
Part 29<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia stretched, yawning as she got up. New day, new what? Cordelia rubbed her face heading for the shower. Her mind wasn\u2019t necessarily more settled but she did know there were a couple things she had to do before she could concentrate on putting everything back to normal.<\/p>\n
No. Shaking her head. Putting them back – better than normal. With determination, Cordelia got dressed and headed for the Hyperion.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cHey,\u201d Gunn sipped on his coffee as Cordelia came in.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey.\u201d Cordelia looked around. \u201cWhere\u2019s Fred?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStill upstairs, this day was a big sleep in for everyone.\u201d Gunn nodded to the clock showing the afternoon hour.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, is she asleep\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNay, just slow moving. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia shrugged. \u201cGirl stuff,\u201d she smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d Gunn shivered a little before going back to his coffee.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Fred opened the door. \u201cCordy? Do you want to use my shower? Is something wrong with the one in your apartment?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia smiled. \u201cNo. I wanted to talk to you for a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred puzzled and opened the door wider allowing Cordelia to enter.<\/p>\n
Cordelia sat in the chair twisting her fingers together. Fred sat on the bed watching Cordy\u2019s nervous actions with interest. \u201cCordy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia chewed at her lip, glancing up at the other woman. \u201cI meant it when I said that you\u2019ve been a good friend.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred scrunched up her brow. \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI lied to you. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred scooted back on the bed leaning her back against the wall, taking a deep breath. She had been prepared to forget that small fact to keep the peace in the family, but she was actually very relieved that Cordelia brought it up. It kind of made her happy, even though the lie had upset her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI trusted you, both of you,\u201d Fred blurted out. \u201cDefended you to Wesley even.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, thank you.\u201d Cordelia sighed. \u201cI\u2026\u201d Cordelia brushed at her hair. \u201cWe thought we found a way. It was ours and Wesley would\u2019ve\u2026\u201d Cordelia rubbed more at her forehead.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe would\u2019ve been right.\u201d Fred said more calmly. Cordy had come to her and apologized. Fred would\u2019ve let it go, but Cordy hadn\u2019t. It kind of made Fred real happy.<\/p>\n
Cordelia laughed softly. \u201cYeah. I am sorry, Fred. We\u2019re friends and I lied, betrayed your trust in me by ignoring the potential dangers of what I was doing and I hope that you can accept my apology and forgive me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred smiled. \u201cI can do that.\u201d She jumped off the bed and hugged Cordelia.<\/p>\n
\u201cFred,\u201d surprised by the other woman\u2019s easy acceptance.<\/p>\n
\u201cPooh, Cordy, had you told me, I would\u2019ve been on your side not Wesley\u2019s. Anita\u2019s checked out through the computer and Lorne.\u201d Fred shrugged. \u201cI would\u2019ve been wrong too. Though, I wish you could\u2019ve trusted me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia smiled. \u201cI do and did. It was just that\u2026\u201d Cordelia leaned back a twinkle in her eyes. \u201cIt\u2026well, it was kind of fun, sneaking around.\u201d Cordelia scrunched up her nose as she jerked a shrug.<\/p>\n
Fred smiled with a responding twinkle and shrug. \u201cI can understand that.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel left his room heading straight for Fred\u2019s. He stepped back as Fred opened the door. \u201cAngel, hi.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHi,\u201d Angel looked around the young woman into her room searching for the scent that had overcame him when woke up. He frowned and looked back down the hall, slowly moving towards the lobby.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy left, she wanted to go talk to Wesley.\u201d Fred called after the vampire. Wow. She was getting good at this. Fred wondered though was it that she knew that the vampire was smelling or was it just that lost little boy look whenever he wanted Cordelia and she wasn\u2019t around.<\/p>\n
Fred studied the vampire. Hmm. She need to fine-tune her observations of human\/demon behavior, reading beings was an essential talent for good detectives.<\/p>\n
Angel turned. \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred shrugged. \u201cProbably to apologize.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred tsked at the vampire. \u201cShe apologized to me and then Charles, now she\u2019s going to Wesley\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy? She didn\u2019t\u2026..\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred stared at the vampire. \u201cCordy understands that your sneaking around could\u2019ve been very dangerous to ALL of us, she\u2019s apologizing for lying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred shook her head, gratified that the vampire had the decency to at least look a little guilty.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026.we\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t bother, Angel. Cordelia explained that it was fun for you both to sneak around.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight,\u201d Angel said slowly and started to move to the stairs.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel.\u201d<\/p>\n
The vampire turned.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you smell Cordelia in my room, or did you just want her to be in my room.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh.\u201d Angel gulped.<\/p>\n
\u201cReading people is important in the detective business. Now, I say you smelled Cordelia when you woke up, even though she left like an hour ago at least. But see, also, you do kind of look upset that she\u2019s not her because you expected it, but then again you look like you want her to just pop around the corner, like a big nice surprise, so which is it, smell or expectation or want or anticipation. \u201c<\/p>\n
Angel turned looking at the eager cute brunette. \u201cWhich do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred shifted, tugging at her t-shirt. \u201cI can\u2019t decide, if it was multiple choice I\u2019d say all of the above, but that\u2019s\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you would be right.\u201d Angel interrupted giving a slight smile as he headed down the stairs.<\/p>\n
Fred bumped against the door. Wow. She had been right and not only that she had a 30 second super meaningful conversation with Angel about his love for Cordelia. Wow. Fred went back into her room to finish getting dressed.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cHi, can I talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d Wesley opened the door wider for Cordelia.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll be quick. No more secrets.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
The young woman shook her head. \u201cI\u2019m not bitching. I know we were wrong, potentially VERY dangerously wrong, but no more secrets. Angel and I needed to know that you were working on a spell, it would\u2019ve avoided a lot. By the way, great job on that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, nothing \u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWesley, a lot did happen. Angel realized that even without sex he could lose his soul, so he concocted a dim-witted plan to break us up. It almost worked, but he can be pretty stupid at times and I figured it out. But, if you had told us then it wouldn\u2019t have happened. \u201c Cordelia held up her hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd if we had told you about Anita\u2019s you would\u2019ve disapproved, yelled and worked even harder to find a solution. I know we were wrong too and I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley cocked his brow at the woman. \u201cAre you okay? What did he do?\u201d Gunn had been right, there had been something wrong with the vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will be.\u201d Cordelia gave a wide smile. \u201cDo the spell quick would you. I don\u2019t want to ever have to worry about Angelus without a soul again.\u201d Cordelia leaned up to peck a kiss on her friend\u2019s cheek. \u201cBye. I do love you and am very glad you\u2019re back where you belong,\u201d Cordelia trailed a soft caress over his jaw.<\/p>\n
Wesley watched the young woman leave wondering about her use of the name Angelus. He shook his head; his hand going to the path on his cheek that Cordelia had left. Wesley smiled. He had been working back at Angel Investigation for awhile and it had been good but it hadn\u2019t quite felt like home, until now.<\/p>\n
Cordelia accepted him back totally which meant he was home for good.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, no more secrets\u2026.does that mean I\u2019ll be invited to the next family dinner.\u201d Lilah leaned up against the bedroom door.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, that means that this whatever it is – is REALLY over.\u201d Wesley turned.<\/p>\n
\u201cRight.\u201d Lilah swayed towards him.<\/p>\n
Wesley grabbed at her out stretched hands. He quickly pulled her hand to his lips, placing a harsh kiss on her palm. \u201cYes.\u201d He pushed her back. \u201cNo more. You are the embodiment of Wolfram & Hart; my family\u2019s worst enemy\u2026.I will not betray them anymore. I\u2026Lilah, you are amazing, but you also choose to have no conscience and I really don\u2019t want that. Goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t believe you, you\u2019ll come back.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. I won\u2019t. Lilah, ours is not a relationship that is possible now if it ever really was. I\u2019m not even sure what you want, if it\u2019s sex- go to more bars or walk your fingers through the yellow pages. If you want a puppy dog to jump when you command, then get a puppy, if it\u2019s unconditional love you want- then just get any pet- warm blooded would be the best for growth, if you want a real relationship get a conscience. Goodbye.\u201c<\/p>\n
Lilah straightened staring into his unwavering blue eyes. \u201cYou\u2019re serious.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n