\u201cHi, Bye, shower.\u201d Cordelia barreled in and slammed the bathroom door.<\/p>\n
Gunn raised his brows past his non-existent hairline at the entrance.<\/p>\n
Fred shrugged. \u201cShe\u2019s been held captivate and tortured and almost died maybe she needed a shower. She probably just wanted to use my shampoo.\u201d Fred shook away her puzzlement at the fact that it was the same shampoo that Cordelia used, in fact Cordy was the one that bought it for her at that expensive salon.<\/p>\n
But then Cordy probably didn\u2019t have hers with her being all captive and everything. It had to be the shampoo because Fred really couldn\u2019t come up with any other reason why Cordelia would barge in to use her shower when Angel had one right across the hall and then there were the ones down the hall, in fact the whole hotel was full of them.<\/p>\n
Not that Fred minded Cordy could use her shower anytime she wanted, but the shampoo thing was the only reason she could think of why Cordy would.<\/p>\n
\u201cQ-U-A-R-K\u2019 Fred said laying down her tiles, the issue of Cordy and the shower settled in her mind.<\/p>\n
\u201cQuark, that\u2019s the funny looking Star Trek bartender not a word, T.V. weird alien person, you lose.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, quark is a noun, any group of subatomic particles having a fractional electric charge and thought to constitute, together with their anti-particles, all baryons and mesons. Originally coined in 1963 by U.S. physicist Murray Gell-Mann.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won.\u201d Fred smiled widely at the scrabble board that rested between the couple\u2019s knees.<\/p>\n
\u201cNext time we’re playing \u2018Galaxy is Mine\u2019,\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally,\u201d Fred\u2019s eyes got wide. \u201cYou never let me play.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, well just don\u2019t get your buttery popcorn fingers all over the joy stick\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou never complained before.\u201d Fred pushed up her glasses and leaned back on the bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cDown, nasty girl\u201d Gunn laughed.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia wavered to knock or not. She was a little unsure. One because she wasn\u2019t really sure Angel was through with his shower and she wasn\u2019t quite sure that she was ready to see him in a towel again and two, she was just a little furious. She would go with furious until she got over the butterflies and weak muscles.<\/p>\n
\u201cHmmph.\u201d She stared at the clothed vampire who was gazing dejectedly out the night window.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should be. You all concerned about what I\u2019d be missing, so you give it to me just so I\u2019d know. Thank you very much. My potential of frustration just skyrocketed a few hundred degrees. And what\u2019s worse I think you did it on purpose, too prove some stupid man point.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel turned. \u201cWill I ever be able to lie to you again?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBetter not.\u201d Cordelia huffed then sat on the bed. \u201cFred and Gunn think I\u2019m crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stared at the young woman. Her body warming up from what had to be as cold of a shoulder he had taken, it was already getting flush again. Her wet hair framed waves around her pout. God, he wanted her.<\/p>\n
He had kept the hand that had touched her out of the water for the longest time, trying to recapture the feel, the taste, even through the material of her pants he felt her heat, it seared him, they both were truly lost if he ever touched the unprotected heat.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy,\u201d Angel moved to the woman.<\/p>\n
She scooted back. \u201cStop, you\u2019re dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel paused. \u201cYes, and if you remember that and I remember that, then this won\u2019t happen again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI knew it. You forgot.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel winced a little at that. \u201cI thought that\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour need to prove a point would be stronger. A challenge. Not much of a challenge. I\u2019m surprised you\u2019re not disappointed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was pretty easy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWith me.\u201d Angel smiled that same smile the one that started the whole thing in the first place.<\/p>\n
Cordelia narrowed her eyes. \u201cExactly how much is the soul and how much is Angelus.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stepped back. \u201cI think the evil indiscriminate killing and torture could be labeled purely Angelus.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia laughed. \u201cI\u2019m thinking that still leaves a lot of danger in you my sexy, broody, pain in the ass, dork, wonderful, dark, issued-filled champion.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy,\u201d Angel knelt at the bed at her feet. \u201cI love you and you\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia made a face but still smiled. \u201cWhat we need to do is talk about my plan now. We won\u2019t be able to fix the other mess here, in this room, right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut we will, you said we could. Cordy, I didn\u2019t think\u2026\u201d Angel wasn\u2019t sure anymore, he knew after the fact that he had been arrogant and a fool to tempt himself. He really had gone into it thinking that he could control himself under the circumstances and he did, but definitely not as well or as smoothly as he had hoped.<\/p>\n
Cordelia tilted down, caressing the strong insecure face before her. \u201cWe will.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s dead heart soared at the confidence for her words. He knelt back. \u201cYou had a plan.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, but before we put this other issue away for the night- Angel, I do love you and among all of the other pleasure you give everyday, you have the ability to\u2026\u201d Cordelia blinked away and licked her lips then biting them as she gazed back to the face that was waiting.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo give me amazing physical pleasure, leaving me with dreams and desires I should hate you for, but I don\u2019t. I love you and I know you love me. You proved a point tonight, a rather obvious one, but still valid, but have I? I believe that everything will be okay. I\u2019m happy, even though, I know what I\u2019m missing. I believe this because we love each other; I believe that we will help the helpless,<\/p>\n
I believe bad first starts aside, or second with you, we are good people, we deserve happiness and I believe that we will have it. You will get Connor back. Our family will be whole. It will. I\u2019m feeling pretty happy right now, aren\u2019t you? Angel, you have to trust. Can you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stared at the young woman\u2019s beseeching eyes thoughts of his need to possess her body fleeing as the eyes bore into his, thoughts of his fears and doubts ran away just as quickly, he was left with nothing but her beautiful eyes and the words of the Conduits, spoken in answer to his final plea.<\/p>\n
The meaning of the words spoken in this chamber before. That what scares you the most, you must trust. She may, she is stronger than expected. Can you?<\/p>\n
The Conduits words, Can you, asked with doubt just as Cordelia was doing now. She believed in him, but could he believe in himself, that was what she was asking, what the Conduits were asking. He looked at the beautiful woman on his bed, he could take her and destroy her in a second with one swift move, she\u2019d be under him and dead, he was the physically stronger, yet, she was really the stronger, her faith was unlimited just like her love. Angel moved back, he didn\u2019t deserve\u2026.the thought stopped.<\/p>\n
If he had said that out loud, Cordy would\u2019ve hit him. He had to believe, not just that he loved her and that she loved him, but that he was entitled to love. It was difficult, years with the soul had made him doubt his self-worth after all the atrocities of Angelus, who was he kidding he had doubts as to his worth when he was human.<\/p>\n
Angelus was the only time when he hadn’t and that was because the demon hadn\u2019t cared. But Angel did, he wanted to be worthy of Cordelia\u2019s love. He glanced again at the young woman, who had remained uncharacteristically silent during the last few moments.<\/p>\n
\u201cHelp me.\u201d His voice cracked as the real truth of what he wanted came crashing down.<\/p>\n
Cordelia blinked away her forming tears, and held out her arms, moving her body closer, grabbing the vampire and hugging him with all of her love. \u201cWe can do this Angel, we can have Connor back, we can have our family back and we will figure out how to love each with out the risk of Angelus. We are the goods guys, they do get a break every once in awhile and its time for ours.\u201d She murmured into his hair, her hands moving in comforting pattern along the vampire\u2019s shoulders and back.<\/p>\n
Angel buried his head into the giving chest. It was safe there. Angel would be all right if he could just stay in the confines of the warmth that cradled him. But, he also knew that he couldn\u2019t stay there, Cordelia loved him to be sure, but she didn\u2019t expect him to hide but to fight for the mission and what she thought they deserved. Angel leaned back up, kissing her tenderly on the lips.<\/p>\n
There in the softness of that gentle kiss, Angel had another epiphany. He didn\u2019t really like it. His clarity wasn\u2019t at all fair to Cordelia. But it was what he knew to be true. Angel brought his forefinger down Cordelia\u2019s face. \u201cYou deserve more than you\u2019ll ever know, more that I can ever give you, but I\u2019ll accept willingly all that you offer. You are my love and my anchor and what will save me. I TRUST you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia leaned away from his reaching touch. \u201cAngel, you have to trust yourself, not me, I mean, yeah you can trust me, but\u2026Angel, geez that\u2019s quite a lot of pressure there. I can\u2019t be your redemption.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTough, you\u2019re tough, you\u2019ll deal with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Cordy, you can do this for me.\u201d Angel moved his expression sure and filled with a confidence that was absence before. \u201cI\u2019m selfish. Always have been, I\u2019ve tried the martyr bit, I don\u2019t like it. I have you. I love you. You will save me. You have proven that time after time. I won\u2019t give you up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, no ones asking you too, and why am I feeling a bit nervous right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause Cordelia Chase I\u2019ve just laid my heart and soul at your feet, they\u2019re yours do with what you see fit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, I can love you, I can help you, but I can\u2019t\u2026.Angel the choices you make have to be yours. They have to be.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy choice is mine, I choose you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d wringing her hands more and her voice cracking. \u201cI can tell you want to do, I can yell, guilt whatever, but they have to be your choices- that\u2019s how your soul will be redeemed. As much as I like the idea, you CANNOT really follow me around like a little puppy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel smiled. \u201cBut I like following you around.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, stop what\u2019s wrong with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing\u2019s wrong, soul safely in place, I just know that I don\u2019t necessarily trust the Powers, but I do trust you. But, I know you have enough courage and love and heart, that you\u2019re decisions will be the right ones for you, for me, for our family. I trust you Cordy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d Cordelia fidgeted. She didn\u2019t like this. Sure, she told everyone what she thought. But, Angel, like this, like he would take her word as golden, what if she was wrong. She had been wrong about \u2018evil\u2019 Skip. He trusted her too much. She couldn\u2019t\u2026\u201d Angel, I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTrust Cordelia, you can, now what was your plan?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy what?\u201d Cordelia tried to focus. She did have a plan. Cordelia just needed to remember it. \u2018Okay,\u201d she breathed deeply, amazed and wondering how she, the selfish girl in high school, became the heart of anything, much less Angel and the scary thing was Angel believed it.<\/p>\n
Cordelia rolled back her shoulders; she did have a plan, one that would work, and one that would bring her family together. \u201cEasy\u201d she said with the confidence brought on by trust and love.<\/p>\n
“Find Justine and make her tell us exactly how Holtz died. Then we get Connor from Wolfram & Hart and tell him the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s your plan?\u201d Angel wondered how a couple of hours of angst and pleasure could conclude with a two-sentence plan, but he was very happy at Cordelia\u2019s expression. She didn\u2019t doubt, she knew that this was the way to proceed. Angel shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, and if we have to give that little evil Pollyanna a whooping so be it. Oh, and once Connor\u2019s safely with us, Wesley will quit Wolfram & Hart and come back where he belongs.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWesley\u2019s\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Angel. I understand why you wanted him there. Destroy from within- I get it. But it won\u2019t work or at least it won\u2019t be worth it. Our family is the priority not revenge against Wolfram & Hart. If they find out about Wesley, they will kill him. He has to come to home.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel got off the bed. \u201cI want\u2026.\u201d Forgetting for the moment that he had just relinquished pretty much everything to the woman sitting before him.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo tear the place apart. I know. Look, Angel, I\u2019m not saying we can\u2019t kick some lawyer\u2019s butts in the process, the more the merrier, but the priority has to be getting Connor and Wesley away from them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, Connor still doesn\u2019t trust me, he won\u2019t want to come.\u201d Angel was confident that his trust in Cordy was right; his instincts were just still having a hard time not just going and killing the threat.<\/p>\n
Angel straightened, he wasn\u2019t weak any longer, his demon would not control, he had already proven that when he left Cordelia on his bed without just taking her and all that she promised. He could wait for that happiness just like his demon could wait to kill. Cordelia had told him that everything would be okay.<\/p>\n
Angel began to believe that even his demon recognized that its survival began and ended with the woman in his arms.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cPooh, he can\u2019t like it there. And you know what it doesn\u2019t matter, I know I was all for giving him room, letting him come to you on his own and I believe at the time I was right or would\u2019ve been without the interference by whatever plan Justine put in motion. No, we need him home, and then we can deal with everything else. Tough love, buster, Connor needs it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, I\u2019m right and once we take care of that then we can concentrate on us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUs, I like the sound of that.\u201d Angel smiled pulling her up into his embrace, wanting all over to bring that amazement of ecstasy back to her face, wanting to delve in all that she offered.<\/p>\n
He smiled and just kissed Cordelia. Kissing was good and kissing was safe. Angel deepened the kiss making the most of what they could have of each other.<\/p>\n
Cordelia leaned up taking a breath, her hands resting on his shoulders. \u201cMe, too. I\u2019ve been thinking, Anita\u2019s brothel had the paranormal prophylactic elixir that allowed me to keep the visions when\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel kissed her quickly stopping her words. \u201cDon\u2019t mention that potion, please. It\u2019s purpose, the whole debacle of getting it, everything\u2026I\u2019d really rather not think about it ever again.\u201d Angel\u2019s tone was upbeat, only because he was forcing his instincts down, he had always hated the fact that Cordelia asked him to go on that \u2018little\u2019 mission for her and Groo and worse that his inability to refuse his seer forced him to go.<\/p>\n
Those imagines brought out his inner-voice; it was mumbling kill, kill, kill, but it was only a grumbling not a real need. Angel knew its normal scream was being tempered by the knowledge that Groo had flopped it up. Though a part of Angel was strangely mad about that, Cordelia deserved everything and the bumbling hero couldn\u2019t give it to her. Wait. He was glad about that, no more thoughts of killing needed.<\/p>\n
Cordelia started to speak but rethought her words at Angel\u2019s expression. \u201cAngel, it happened okay and as\u2026. not comfortable for you as it was, and it was really stupid of me to ask you, but \u2026.you are my best friend\u2026and whatever\u2026.it did happen and Anita had potions to stop prophecies, maybe also curses. It should be checked out.\u201d Cordelia paused at Angel\u2019s silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cUnless, you\u2019ve decided that finding a way to make love, isn\u2019t on the things to do list.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s head shot up.\u201d Every possibility will be checked out,\u201d he growled, yanking Cordelia back into his arms, kissing her with all the love and desire that was running rampant through his body or rather what he could handle.<\/p>\n