Part 22<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia stretched trying to figure out where she was without opening her eyes. She felt comfortable and safe, she didn\u2019t want to wake up completely and find out she was wrong.<\/p>\n
She tentatively moved her hand reaching out, patting the hard muscled flesh that surrounded her, she snuggled in closer, her hand no longer patting but caressing. She knew where she was and why she felt safe.<\/p>\n
\u201cHi,”she said to the dark eyes that were boring into her. \u201cDid you get any sleep or did you brood and stare all night?\u201d she asked teasingly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d Angel answered seriously, leaning into kiss the young woman. Cordelia signed into Angel\u2019s lips holding him close. She moved slightly, finally pulling away to catch her breath. \u201cYes, you slept or yes you stared?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d Angel smiled pulling Cordelia with him to a seated position.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you sleep at all?\u201d Cordelia questioned.<\/p>\n
\u201cI slept.\u201d Angel reassured the worry in the scolding tone. For the first time since being placed in the metal box, he had really slept though not for as long as his body needed. He had fallen asleep to gentle breaths and heartbeats, only to awake when fear began to encroach upon his sleep, fear that the soft sounds and warmth were just a dream.<\/p>\n
So, Angel remained awake the rest of the night staring at the beautiful woman giving his mind the evidence it needed to rest. His body would just have to wait a little longer for its reprise. But, it was okay. Angel felt stronger. The persistent need of his demon to act for its survival had lessened. Angel didn\u2019t feel as hungry and the instinct to kill was more controllable.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d She cuddled in closer. \u201cAngel,\u201d she said her lips pressing against his neck, creating small puffs of breaths as she kissed and spoke.<\/p>\n
\u201cMmm,\u201d Angel continued to stroke at the silk of Cordelia\u2019s hair as his hand skimmed along her back, his fingers dancing up finding the pathway to her skin hidden by her T-shirt. Angel needed more. His palm quickly followed the path of his fingers, widening and encompassing as much flesh as it could.<\/p>\n
\u201cOnce we\u2019re done with my plan the next thing to do on our things to do list is find a way to keep your soul safe and sound where it should be.\u201d She murmured trailing her lips to his.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d he murmured as he tasted what she offered, savoring every movement and flavor. His lips and hands rejoiced at the warmth that was being given to him. The need to explore and taste every inch of that warmth pounded throughout his body and vibrated painfully in his groin. With each touch and gasp of breath, Cordelia was igniting a burning need to have it all.<\/p>\n
Sexual desire was not foreign to Angel but the intensity of this burgeoning need was. He wanted to get lost in the body that felt so perfect in his arm; it was a desire that was transforming into a demanding compulsion and that scared him. Angel\u2019s hand slowed in its descent downward in its instinctive need to reach Cordelia\u2019s inner heat. The warnings of his mind fought against the desire of his heart and urge of his body.<\/p>\n
Angel stilled forcing his reason to take control. Angel gently moved his hand still caressing but away from the temptation. Once touched, he would have to taste and once tasted, he was afraid that he would forget what he was and why he couldn\u2019t have it all. Angel had known that the curse would put limitations on any physical intimacies between he and Cordelia; he just hadn\u2019t realized that his own desires would limit them even further.<\/p>\n
Angel pulled slightly away, his hands coming up to cradle her face. His eyes fixed on the darting pinkness that wetted Cordelia\u2019s lips and the desire that clouded her eyes.<\/p>\n
Angel stared struggling with his frustration at stopping and his bitterness at the unfairness of it all. He should at least be allowed to give Cordelia pleasure, give her more than just kisses to express his love. But pleasuring her, touching and tasting her wasn\u2019t a slippery slope that he thought he could travel. The possible risk was too great.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d Cordelia murmured puzzled at Angel\u2019s intense gaze.<\/p>\n
Angel smiled, pushing aside his thoughts not wanting to burden Cordelia with the intensity of them. \u201cKeep this up and will have to move it to the top of the list.\u201d He said teasingly, happy to see a return smile on Cordelia\u2019s lips. Angel gently adjusted Cordelia off his lap.<\/p>\n
Cordelia sighed and scooted a bit further from the vampire. \u201cYeah, the plan does need to come first.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd what is this plan?\u201d Angel asked. The need to get lost in her body was still present Angel had the suspicion that it would never fully go away not as long as she was alive and he could see her and touch her, but the tingling warning that his desire could become uncontrollable was fading.<\/p>\n
Angel would just have to live with the constant ache, it would be okay because it would be a reminder that they did love each other and that it was real. A frown flitted over his features; he could deal with it, but could Cordelia, why would she want to? She definitely didn\u2019t deserve it.<\/p>\n
Cordelia wrinkled her brow at the new expression on Angel\u2019s face. \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d Angel said shaken out of his thoughts.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat broody frown that just appeared out of nowhere. Why? You haven\u2019t even heard my plan.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, don\u2019t avoid tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel wanted to run or at least hide under the bedcovers at her glare. \u201cI\u2026we can\u2019t make love.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia blinked. \u201cAh, duh. That\u2019s why the soul issue is at the top of the list once this is all over.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, there may never be a solution. I love you so much. I\u2026.You aren\u2019t some one that I can just have sex with or even\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course I\u2019m not one of your chippies. No more chippies by the way.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? Of course not, I haven\u2019t\u2026\u201d He stopped at Cordelia\u2019s arched brow.<\/p>\n
\u201cDarla was different. But still no joy, I mean the reason\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, let\u2019s not rehash the \u2018Darla\u2019 incident, that\u2019s been done to death, literally and figuratively, I\u2019m just clarifying the chippies -none. Okay, am I clear?\u201d Arching her brows again.<\/p>\n
Angel shook his head. \u201cYou don\u2019t understand, my soul\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re right, I don\u2019t understand. The \u2018happy clause\u2019 isn\u2019t some big secret that you been lying to me about and have to come clean about. Remember, I was there when everybody found out. It was all over Sunnydale in leather pants and bodies. Not a secret. So why are you acting like it such a big deal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy aren\u2019t you acting like it is. How can you want to be in love with someone that you can\u2019t make love too? You are a young, beautiful, vibrant woman. I can\u2019t expect\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHold on, are trying to break up with me?\u201d Cordelia pushed at Angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are, you are about to do the \u2018whole Cordy doesn\u2019t deserve this, she deserves a normal life a normal relationship. Forgetting of course, I kind of loss ‘normal’ rights when I kept the visions and got demon DNA. You\u2019re about to break up with me for my own good, aren\u2019t you? Who do you want to leave, me or you?\u201d Cordelia waved away her last question. \u201cI\u2019m not leaving my family, so I guess that means you, uh, buster.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026\u201d Angel stopped. He hadn\u2019t thought it through that far- a life without Cordelia, leaving her, her leaving him, him being alone. It couldn\u2019t happen. \u201cNo,\u201d he said forcibly, he couldn\u2019t leave her like he left Buffy, even for her own good, he needed Cordelia too much.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d Cordelia studied the vampire. Issues still were making his brow all broody. She took a deep breath. \u201cAngel, the sex thing isn\u2019t a deal breaker, so what that we can\u2019t make love, we\u2019ll figure it out, and for now will just have to settle for less that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, you\u2019re going to have to settle for a whole helluva lot less than just less, more than I thought.\u201d Angel brushed at his hair in frustration.<\/p>\n
The lovely brunette scrunched up her nose trying to understand why Angel was so agitated. \u201cMore lessage? We can kiss, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel jerked his head away and after a moment of thought he nodded.<\/p>\n
Cordelia settled back on the bed studying Angel preparing to pull it out of him tooth by fang. \u201cCan I see you naked?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel looked up. \u201cUh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, can I?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel thought about. He wasn\u2019t modest. That wasn\u2019t a big deal.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you see me naked?”<\/p>\n
The idea of Cordy seeing him nude flew out of his mind replaced by the beautiful naked form of Cordelia. Angel gulped and considered, trying to think over his inner voice that was screaming yes, yes, god please,yes. Once he was sure that his decision was not based on that lust driven voice Angel finally nodded.<\/p>\n
Cordelia smiled. \u201cSo far so good. Okay, can you touch me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNaked?\u201d Angel\u2019s voice rose to an unnaturally high level.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d Cordelia said.<\/p>\n
The voice in his head was getting louder as he pictured Cordelia laid out nude open to his touch. Again he tried to ignore it and think clearly but it was getting more difficult. She was getting into dangerous territory. \u201cMaybe\u201d He slowly nodded half hoping and half dreading that Cordelia would ask him to prove it.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, we\u2019re kissing, I\u2019m naked and your naked and you\u2019re touching me. So, can I touch you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWait, stop.\u201d Angel jumped off the bed away from the young woman. Flashes of he and Cordelia naked their bodies entangled as their mouths and hands explored.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t say that we were kissing, touching and naked at the same time, you didn\u2019t.\u201d He shook his head trying to stop the imagines that were so breathtaking that it silenced his inner voice in awe. \u201cNO.\u201d Angel shook his head beating down the urge to make those images real.<\/p>\n
Cordelia straightened still remaining seated on the bed. \u201cSo, no mutual nakedness or touching or kissing. Okay, one of us will just have to take turns keeping their clothes on.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel jerked stopping in mid-pace trying frantically to rid himself of the new imagines and the inner voice telling him in a very reasonable voice that clothes were a barrier, it would be okay. The voice didn\u2019t sound like Angelus, too whiny and desperate, but Angel wasn\u2019t so sure anymore.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d He needed to jump into an ice-covered river or kill something -quick.<\/p>\n
Cordelia leaned back, this was getting kind of fun but maybe she shouldn\u2019t torture him so, after all she did love him. Still, he brought their limitations up and now she wanted to know and she couldn\u2019t help smile, Angel wasn\u2019t acting all broody- now he was frantic, which was better than him leaving her because of some stupid nobility. Still should she or shouldn\u2019t she.<\/p>\n
Why not? And she did need to know. \u201cSo, oral sex is in or is it out? I mean the former president said it didn\u2019t count- what does the curse say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stood still, his body vibrating with the new imagines that Cordelia\u2019s words invoked. His face embedded in her heat, her taste rolling down his throat, her mouth with those teasing lips encasing him giving him warmth. Angel stepped back, the inner voice again was silenced but not by awe this time, just by Angel\u2019s own body crying out in a pounding need.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis conversation is OVER.\u201d He practically ran out of the room and into the cold shower that could give him some peace.<\/p>\n
Cordelia wrapped her arms around her knees resting her head staring at the bathroom door. She really shouldn\u2019t have said that last part. She probably should go apologize but the vampire would probably jump out the window if she went in there. But she couldn\u2019t help the satisfied smile dancing on her lips.<\/p>\n
Angel really loved and wanted her. Buffy, Darla, chippies be damned, he loved and wanted her, Cordelia Chase -alot. Cordelia scrunched up her face; maybe evil Polly did awaken some of her more bitchy qualities. Nay, Cordelia shook her head at that unease. Cordelia had been jealous of all of those other woman, she just hadn\u2019t realized how much or why.<\/p>\n
She had the right to gloat for a minute. So, while listening to the water splattering against the porcelain, Cordy sang the childish ditty of nay nay boo boo in her head to all chippies and blondes, she got the dark gorgeous wonderful man, okay so what he was a vampire, she got him. She looked up as the water turned off. Former jealousies went away, Angel loved her, she believed him and she was damn happy.<\/p>\n
Angel stepped out of the bathroom a towel wrapped around his waist, his erection and pounding now in a manageable state. He looked up at the frank love and desire in Cordelia\u2019s eyes and turned sharply around and went back into the bathroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel. I\u2019ll be good.\u201d Cordy jumped off the bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet me my clothes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, this is stupid, I\u2019ve seen you in a towel like a hundred times and didn\u2019t rip it off, might\u2019ve wanted to but didn\u2019t.\u201d Cordelia called through the door.<\/p>\n
Angel struggled, what was that fantasy number 52, Cordy rips his towel off? He shook his head from behind the door. \u201cMY CLOTHES.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPfft, now you\u2019re being silly.\u201d Cordelia stomped over to Angel\u2019s closet starting to yank at the first piece of clothing she could reach then paused. She scanned the contents closer, pushing and considering each garment.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy.\u201d Angel yelled from the bathroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m trying to find that plaid shirt I got you.\u201d She yelled back.<\/p>\n
Angel burst out of the bathroom. \u201cI\u2019ve never owned a plaid shirt and never will, ever.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDuh.\u201d Cordelia beamed holding out a dark gray sweater and black pants.<\/p>\n
Angel glared dropping his towel and shoved his legs into his favorite pants.<\/p>\n
Cordelia sat back on the bed trying to get a better glimpse of Angel\u2019s ass.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop that.\u201d Angel snapped pulling on his sweater.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, I\u2019m not going to jump you, okay. Come on sit.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel winced as the image of Cordelia throwing her amazing nude body at him. Okay, she hadn\u2019t said nude but she had been nude in fantasy number 12, 18, 45 and\u2026OH, shit. Angel gulped, as the throbbing in his groin got harder.<\/p>\n
He might\u2019ve gotten out of the shower too soon. He moved a little way from the young woman. \u201cPlease, stop with the descriptive stuff, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia scrunched up her face. \u201cAll I said was\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStop, please.\u201d Angel whispered painfully.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay. But Angel,\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy,\u201d Angel said trying at a calmer tone. \u201cYou jumping me isn\u2019t the problem.\u201d He took a breath. \u201cI love you and want you so badly, all you have to do is be there. Sometimes, I turn my head and you smile at me only me and I get almost too happy then.<\/p>\n
\u201cWow.\u201d A great wide smile started to appear over her face. Her eyes widened and she shot her hand up to her mouth.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, wow.\u201d Angel said, gently pulling her hand away. \u201cDon\u2019t ever stop smiling for me, please. I couldn\u2019t handle that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia bit her lip and nodded. Cordelia gazed up at the vampire. \u201cAngel, sit.\u201d Cordy beckoned.<\/p>\n
The vampire began to look wary but sat lust fears aside, he couldn\u2019t resist her call.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, I get that we have to be careful, conscious of the evil guy and such. But, I don\u2019t understand why you\u2019re so freaked at it.\u201d She waved away Angel\u2019s disbelieving look. \u201cI don\u2019t-not having sex was a known factor, I knew it before I fell in love with you, you knew it, too. This isn\u2019t a surprise, so why the sudden need to pack up and leave me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wouldn\u2019t, I couldn\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, you were ready to go into your \u201cI\u2019ve got to leave for the good of the woman I love mode.\u2019\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cI could never leave you Cor. I should\u2026but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSee, stop that. I told you before I love you and you do deserve love whether it be from me or someone else, you do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI only want it to be you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen, we\u2019re okay. I just don\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel laid a gentle hand up to Cordelia\u2019s face. \u201cI just thought, wanted to\u2026\u201d Angel started to caress her skin. \u201cI just thought that I would be able to at least give you pleasure that\u2019s all, I want to give you something other than pain to fill your memories of me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia leaned back from his touch, getting more than a little angry, finally understanding what was bothering the vampire. \u201cFirst Angel, I\u2019ll only say this once more you DO NOT give me pain.\u201d Cordelia shook her head. \u201cIt\u2019s because of you that I..I believe that I\u2019m a better person than I was supposed to be. My path had been laid out, spoiled rich girl. My father\u2019s \u2018misfortune\u2019 wouldn\u2019t have changed that not really. I still would\u2019ve believed that I deserved more\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, you do\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, we\u2019re not talking about the same thing.\u201d She studied the vampire. \u201cWhen did you forget that I was that spoiled selfish girl?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, you weren\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I was,\u201d Cordelia smiled softly, her anger receding at Angel\u2019s sure gaze. \u201cAngel, you had to see it, granted, you do get a bit \u2018focused\u2019 and Buffy was that focus in Sunnydale, but even here when we first met again you had to see it. You did. You thought I was a pain. It\u2019s okay, you were a pain too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, listen to me, this isn\u2019t about Buffy. I\u2019m not questioning your love for Buffy or wanting you to explain it or compare it or deny it, she helped you become who you are now, I might not have been her biggest fan in the day, but I\u2019ve learned to appreciate who she is and what she has done and is still doing. I know you loved her. Buffy\u2019s not an issue with me, not anymore, I\u2019ve done my 30 second gloating bit. This is about me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c30 second what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry, okay. But, Angel, I was a spoiled bitch and I thought I deserved,\u201d Cordy shook her head. She had forgotten all those thoughts and feelings until scary girl brought them all back in techno color.<\/p>\n
\u201cDeserved isn\u2019t even right, I thought I was entitled to everything and I mean everything that\u2019s what I was raised to believe and I did. It changed over the last few years but that was who I was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Cordy, that\u2019s not right.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel..\u201d<\/p>\n
The vampire shook his head. \u201cI do remember Sunnydale and when you first came to LA. I know what I saw. I noticed the beautiful superficial selfish girl even through my Buffy-glazed glasses, I noticed not so much because you were beautiful, you were and are, but because even then when I had forgotten how to smile, you made me smile. There was no drama or angst surrounding you, you just were you saying what needed to be said, sometimes in very tactless fashion, but usually you were right.<\/p>\n
I agreed with you more times than you could ever imagine or would\u2019ve if I had been able to focus beyond Buffy. You were funny. You made me laugh.\u201d He rose at brow at Cordelia\u2019s look of pure disbelief.<\/p>\n
\u201cInside,\u201d he nodded, \u2018deep inside.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight.\u201d Cordelia cocked her brow.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally. It\u2019s just that I wasn\u2019t the funny guy that I am now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh.\u201d Cordelia\u2019s other brow rose to match its mate in height and disbelief.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m talking now.\u201d Angel gestured away her expression.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy god, you do have a sense of humor.\u201d Cordelia said mockingly, smiling at her vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cI said, I was talking, now shut up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m listening,\u201d Cordelia inched closer to the vampire. Angel immediately reached for her. “I saw you, a beautiful young girl, who with all her bitching never failed in getting Buffy and gang to where they needed to go, who did what you could to help, seemly reluctant and definitely loud, but if you hadn\u2019t cared you wouldn\u2019t have done it or been there.<\/p>\n
You had courage and heart even then, just well hidden. Then, I saw you here, admittedly at first I tried to ignore you most of the time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSee.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause, you made me smile again, care about something other than my self broodying pity party and I didn\u2019t want to. I didn\u2019t think I could. Then one day, one horrible day, it hit me- I saw you struggle behind sightless crying eyes, seeing god only knows what horror, lifeless against hospital straps and I was afraid that I might not be able to save you. I had saved you before -more than a few times but that time, I was scared.<\/p>\n
So scared because I realized that I needed you in my life. I think that\u2019s when I began to realize that nothing could ever happen to you, that I had to protect you always. It wasn\u2019t love, not yet. But, in it a way, it\u2019s was more powerful, then I knew I could survive without Buffy, I still loved her but I could survive- but you I needed. It was you and your smile that were my link to actually living, not just being a demon shadow of a man, I couldn\u2019t become the person you joked, nagged, and believed that I could be, the one that I realized that I wanted to be- without you.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t want to be that shadow anymore, I was slow, but I did learn that and you taught me. You in all your Cordyness, uniqueness, wonderfulness, gave me hope for something that was impossible. Like I said I was slow, but the seed was sown that day and it was one that never went away, even when I screwed up.<\/p>\n
It was there in the corner of my mind drawing me back to you. It\u2019s no wonder I fell in love with you. I didn’t really have a choice. I couldn\u2019t not have you in my life, so every where I turned there you were all courageous and heart, so damn loving and beautiful that it hurts sometimes just to look at you. And Cordy, you did have those qualities in Sunnydale it just here that you allowed them to be seen.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s why I love you and why you are the heart of all of us, especially me. Because that\u2019s who you are, who you always been.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know, that \u2018heart\u2019 stuff just gets more and more cheesy every time it\u2019s said. I blame Fred for bringing cheesiness into our midst, \u2018heart of\u2019, \u2018Kye-rumption, all of it.\u201d Cordy brushed away her tears, valiantly trying not to dissolve into a massive puddle at Angel\u2019s words.<\/p>\n
Angel smiled. \u201cFred, in her own way, says the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmmph.\u201d Cordelia blinked up her eyes at Angel, attempting to regain her patented Cordy composure. \u201cI had a point to all of this, do you remember? Oh god, I\u2019m turning into Fred.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you were starting to list some reasons to be mad at me? You were getting angry.\u201d Angel said hopefully.<\/p>\n
Cordelia blinked. \u201cMad at you? After all those wonderful things\u2026\u201d Her eyes widened. \u201cOh yea, I remember.\u201d A scowl forming on her brow.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh yeah.\u201d Angel said glad to see the melancholy off her beautiful face. \u201cYou were saying,\u201d he pulled the young woman closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cFirst, with not going all into it again, you don\u2019t give me pain, one bad time only, the rest wonderful, I found a purpose and a family with you so if nothing else I love you for that, okay. The vision, while not asked for originally, I ultimately chose, just like I chose to stay with you and always will. I believe in the mission and I believe in you and I love that I can believe in both. The second was,\u201d Cordelia turned separating their bodies but maintaining her gaze on the vampire. She wasn\u2019t really sure how to say the next part.
\nAngel\u2019s most recent brood fodder was that he wouldn\u2019t be able to give her an orgasm, not said explicitly, but she had figured it out. Which Cordy did admit was a bit unfair, since it was his soul that was tied up to \u2018the big happy\u2019 not hers, but really she didn\u2019t think it was that big of a deal. It would\u2019ve bothered her more if he had said no kissing or cuddling.<\/p>\n
Not that she didn\u2019t like sex, she did- she was a healthy female with needs. It\u2019s just that orgasms never were big on her list of needs. The boys she had dated that she did actually sleep with, which were a lot less than high school gossip said, never really concerned themselves with her pleasure just theirs. And later, there were even less guys, Wilson and Groo. If she had an orgasm with Wilson, that memory was wiped completely away by the huge pregnant stomach full of demon babies she woke up with. So no after glow there.
\nAnd Groo, she guessed she had them with him, she was sure she did, but mostly it seemed like she faked to get him to stop, god it was always, \u2018I must please my princess\u2019, \u2018pound pound pound\u2019 all night until she screamed like a banshee just to get him to stop. Which sounds great, all that stamina, unless you\u2019re the one getting pounded in when all you really wanted was to be held and kissed and feel the intimacy of being loved.<\/p>\n
There were no kaleidoscope of colors bursting behind her eyelids or nerves that melted in to exquisite explosions, or losing conscious at the pleasure, that was romance novels, reality was \u2018pound pound pound’. You got what you could outta of foreplay. Cordelia jerked her head.<\/p>\n
Oh god, she was frigid, she wasn\u2019t a healthy female. She couldn\u2019t tell Angel that, he\u2019d never want to make love to her then. Cordelia signed and buried her head in her hands. Why did she start this whole thing? To wrapped up in loving Angel and reassuring him, never mind the consequence to her self-confidence and exposure of her faults.<\/p>\n
Angel sat and waited for the second reason Cordelia was mad. Only it wasn\u2019t coming. In fact, something was upsetting her. Her beautiful eyes had gone from the welcome glare, to concentration, to shock and then to embarrassment. What the hell was she thinking? \u201cCordy, what is it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? Nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, the second reason, you started but stopped.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI forgot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, stop avoiding and tell me.\u201d Angel repeated her earlier words.<\/p>\n
Cordelia glared up. He shouldn\u2019t be able to use her words against her. That wasn\u2019t fair. When did she lose control over this conversation? Oh she remembered, when she actually starting thinking about orgasms and Angel in the same thought. She took a deep breath. She was Cordelia Chase, she loved Angel, but it was only Angel, when had she not been able to handle a conversation with him.<\/p>\n
Okay, think. \u201cAngel, I get that you want to please me, I do really and that\u2019s so sweet.\u201d She patted Angel\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
Angel pulled back; the images of naked bodies were starting to surface again. \u201cSweet?\u201d Angel sat further away, his images maybe could be called sweet he did have a couple of nice fantasies of Cordelia which started out with music and candlelight and words of love, they were number 1 thru 5, and then there was 12, which had flowers and god forbid dancing, he guessed they could be called sweet, of course they all ended up hot and sweaty and a bit more carnal that \u2018sweet\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, sweet. It\u2019s so sweet that you want give that to me, but Angel it\u2019s no big deal.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel narrowed his eyes and began to wonder if she was talking about something different than what he was thinking. \u201cCordelia, I was talking about pleasing you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know. It\u2019s\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn\u2019t talking about making you dinner,\u201d Angel interrupted not wanting to hear the word sweet again.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, you what you were talking about. You want me to be able to have the \u2018big happy\u2019 even when you can\u2019t. That\u2019s\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease stop saying sweet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with sweet, it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s just not the word that I would use to describe what I want to do you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaking love to me would to be sweet.\u201d Cordelia glared.<\/p>\n
Angel blinked back to the vision of music and candlelight. He nodded quickly and kept on nodding until the glare left Cordy\u2019s face. She was right it would be sweet- sweetly sexy, sweetly hot, sweetly enticing, sweetly carnal, sweetly love-filled, sweetly lust-crazed.<\/p>\n
Cordelia smiled. \u201cRight. Anyway, it\u2019s that is not necessary. It\u2019s not a big deal. Orgasms are overrated. Sure, okay, not for you, you\u2019re a guy and you\u2019ve got this whole mysticism of the curse wrapped around it, of course it\u2019s like a really big deal to you. I understand that. But this broody need for you to give me one is unnecessary. Having you kiss me, hold me and love me is enough, though it is really sweet of you to think you have to do more for me. But, Angel, women don\u2019t need orgasms like men, half the time they fake, you saw \u2018Harry Met Sally\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel sat back trying to catch one, just one of the fleeing and crashing thoughts that were bombarding his mind. The first was who in the hell were Harry and Sally and what were they doing in this conversation.<\/p>\n
That question he was able to dispense with as soon as he recalled the movie and the scene Cordy referred to. He only remembered it because Cordy had laughed her head off, crying \u2018men are so lame\u2019 and that he felt uncomfortable and had a sudden need to prove to the hysterical woman that she would never fake anything with him-that memory became rooted in his mind as he realized the meaning of Cordelia\u2019s whole statement not just the movie part.<\/p>\n
If Cordy really believed that women didn\u2019t want orgasms than she never had one not really, not that the kind that blew your mind and reason out of your head, the kind he was afraid of having with her, the kind he knew he could give her.<\/p>\n
Angel was back to the thought to prove to Cordy that she would never fake with him- the challenge was there but so was the pleasure of knowing that Groo, the buff na\u00efve hero never gave her one. He couldn\u2019t of or she wouldn\u2019t be so ready to ignore it. Angel thought he could do this, because even with how much he loved Cordy, right now the overwhelming urge wasn\u2019t to get lost in her, but in completing the challenge successfully.<\/p>\n
\u201cCor,\u201d Angel leaned in. \u201cYou fake your pleasure?\u201d He smiled, his grin soft, his voice smooth as silk and slightly teasing. Cordelia blinked leaning away. This wasn\u2019t a smile of Angel\u2019s she had seen before. It scared her.<\/p>\n
Not in the oh my god it\u2019s Angelus and a bloodbath, but in oh my god I\u2019m a deer caught in the fucking headlights or I\u2019m a fucking mouse getting ready to be pounced on by a really beautiful dangerous cat.<\/p>\n
Though, that wasn\u2019t right either, the deer and mouse were victims, she didn\u2019t necessarily feel like a victim and Angel the predator. Okay, she did, as his hand started to tease the flesh of her collarbone and mouth as he moved closer with that confident teasing smile. Damn it was sexy.<\/p>\n
Okay she didn\u2019t feel like she was going to die just that something uncontrollable was about to happen. Hey, that wasn\u2019t good. \u201cAngel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShh, baby, just trust me, I\u2019m in control.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, you said\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShh,\u201d Angel captured her lips, manipulating them, teasing them, torturing them and his hand was doing much more to her skin. How’d he get his hands under her shirt so fast.<\/p>\n
Oh God. Cordelia started to believe in fireworks behind the eyes. Her body did just seem to melt as Angel\u2019s hand, the one that wasn’t teasing her breast moved down along her jeans to the juncture of her thighs. Oh god. Cordy just knew that it wasn\u2019t natural the way her body had heated up to boiling level. He was just fondling her through her jeans, not an unknown experience.<\/p>\n
But it was Angel, Angel the vampire that she had loved longer than she probably even knew, was tracing hard and circling patterns through the denim fabric. She was going to scream, because the material was there, the friction unbearable and his clothes were on. She tried to lunge at his lips but they were unmovable on her chest slowly descending onto her breast, she gasped.<\/p>\n
Kisses on breast were good. She clutched tighter around the vampire, pulling at his shirt, skin she needed to touch skin. She pressed, stroked and dug as the teasing at her jeans became more insistent the pattern more focused. Soon, she couldn\u2019t remember if she had pants on or not and damn, if she didn\u2019t experience a firework display behind her eyelids.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d she gasped her legs clenching than releasing, her nerves burst finally allowing her to breath. She lay dazed as Angel roughly pushed her away.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d she said. The vampire was sitting as far away from her as he could on the bed, staring at his hand, the fingers at his face. She stared at those fingers. Those goddamn fingers that made her forget her name for a moment in delicious time. Cordelia swore that she saw Angel\u2019s tongue dart quickly to taste one.<\/p>\n
She wanted to be that finger, she wanted to be that tongue. Hell, she just wanted. \u201cAngel,\u201d she said breathlessly crawling closer.<\/p>\n
Angel blinked. \u201cGo now, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia stared and that\u2019s when she saw Angel\u2019s straining erection and recognized the grimace on his face, it was the one that she knew was on her face. \u201cCold-shower.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel blinked gazing at her like she just recited the cure for cancer or peace on earth. He nodded moving jumping to the door of the bathroom. He stopped as he realized that Cordelia wasn\u2019t just talking about him needing a shower her hand was also on the doorknob.<\/p>\n
He pushed it away. \u201cNot together.\u201d He growled.<\/p>\n
Cordelia gulped and blinked. \u201cRight. Really bad idea.\u201d She turned and ran out of the room.<\/p>\n