Chapter Eighteen<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia didn\u2019t bother knocking, but barged in. Angel was asleep. Her scowl turned to a smile. It was true that she didn\u2019t want to talk to the vampire, but it was equally as true that she wanted to see him.<\/p>\n
This was perfect. Cordelia sat on the chair and watched. He saved her again. Angel always saved her. It was amazing how he did that. It really made it hard to stay mad at him. She really was one lucky woman; she had her own personal savior.<\/p>\n
Buffy maybe his soul mate, but Cordelia had Angel in her life, everyday. Cordelia use to be envious of Buffy, and maybe she was still a little, but if given the choice she would rather have Angel\u2019s friendship and daily presence in her life, then some tragic long distance wanting. Cordelia was if nothing but practical and, well, she wasn\u2019t given the choice.<\/p>\n
But if she had been\u2026Cordelia sighed, she had to admit it would be nice to have Angel\u2019s passionate real love, and not just his friendship, but again, not a possibility and she was practical. What she had was enough, more than enough. Stupid vampire.<\/p>\n
Her hands lightly touched the bruises and the bandages Wesley had fixed up along Angel\u2019s body. He could have been killed. He could have destroyed his future all in trying to destroy his past. Didn\u2019t Angel realize yet, that the past was just that the past and the present, the future, his future was all that mattered? Cordelia would have willing laid down with Angelus and had him bleed her, if it could have kept that future safe.<\/p>\n
God, she loved Angel. This was her favorite time, well not that Angel was hurt, she hated that, but when he was in his healing sleep. That seemed to be the only time that she could just stare with out him waking up. Now she was being stupid, but she couldn\u2019t help it. Cordelia hand caressed Angel\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
Angel could feel his body slowly mend. Now if he could just get his emotions and mind to rest. He had had the chance to prevent Angelus from terrorizing souls. The number of people he could have saved would have easily outnumbered the ones he had saved so far with a soul. Yet, those few important ones that he saved with a soul were the ones he cared about, the ones that mattered to him.<\/p>\n
He was selfish, but\u2026maybe if he had never seen or met Buffy, Wesley, Gunn, or Fred\u2026 he could have done it, risked their lives to save those nameless victims of Angelus. But he did meet them and he did love them each in their own way. Who was he kidding there was only one reason, one person that prevented him from snapping Angelus\u2019 neck.<\/p>\n
Cordelia. He could sense her in his room, could feel her soothing touch. The light warmth it brought to his skin, inflamed both desire and anger with in his still body. She let Angelus touch her, she would have sacrificed herself to Angelus, the reasons were irrelevant to his anger, just as the fact that it was Angelus his former self that she allowed something that Angel would always have to deny himself, her blood.<\/p>\n
Angel hated himself right then, but he couldn\u2019t deny it; he was enraged and jealous that Angelus had something that he could never have. Something that rightfully belonged to Angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo.\u201d He growled, pushing her hand away. It was too dangerous for her to stay, his emotions too volatile. He needed distance, time to calm down, time to remember that he loved her and that she loved him, he heard it and this time he had no doubt, there was no misunderstanding, but it also wasn\u2019t enough, right now. Angelus was gone trapped in the past where he belonged, Angel\u2019s future was ahead, but right then in the present if Cordelia didn\u2019t leave Angel, he would ruin that future, because his demon, souled or not, wanted to possess Cordelia, too erase Angelus’ mark and replace it with it\u2019s own.<\/p>\n
And just like Angel would never let Angelus touch Cordelia, he would never let his demon touch her. But Angelus did touch her, his demon cried. \u201cGo.\u201d Angel said again, pushing Cordelia further away.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told Wesley, I didn\u2019t want to talk to you when you were being all growly. Hmmph, at least Angelus could hold a conversation of sorts.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel shot up in the bed. \u201cDon\u2019t push me Cordelia.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPush you, you\u2019re the one pushing me. All I wanted to do was go home and get a bath, a bath, something I haven\u2019t had in forever. But no, Wesley said I should talk to you.\u201d Cordelia scrunched her face. \u201cNot that I would do what Wesley says, mind you, but I thought I should see if you were okay. Well, you look okay. Hmmph. So, I\u2019ll leave you to your pouty growliness. Though, why you\u2019re mad I have no clue, I\u2019m the one\u2026Put me down.\u201d Cordelia clutched at Angel\u2019s arms as they picked her up.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel.\u201d Cordelia yelled.<\/p>\n
\u201cA bath, you want a bath.\u201d Angel took the struggling young woman into the bathroom and tossed her into the tub, he quickly turned on the shower and the faucet.<\/p>\n
Cordelia screeched and sputtered at the cold water, her hands pushing at her hair. \u201cWhat the hell? This dress is like a thousands pounds soaking wet. Eww.\u201d Cordelia squirmed to get her footing. Angel pushed her gently back down. \u201cBath time.\u201d He squirted liquid soap all over the young woman. \u201cStop,\u201d she whined.<\/p>\n
Angel stood back and smiled. He had thought only blood and lust would curb his anger, but actually, a good dose of cold water, a little humiliation for Cordelia did wonders. It was a strange sort of love that he had for his soul mate. One minute wanting to pound into her and rip her neck wide, the other just wanting to watch the myriad of expressions flowing over her beautiful face. She really was life in all of its beauty.<\/p>\n
\u201cHelp me with this, you, you, YOU. I can\u2019t get it undone.\u201d Cordelia pulled at the strings that bound the bodice of the old fashioned dress.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me.\u201d Angel grabbed the ties and broke them.<\/p>\n
Cordelia struggled with the dress pulling it off her throwing it to the side. \u201cWhat are you staring at? Bring back memories?\u201d She jerked to the chemise she was wearing under the dress. \u201cStupid thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can honestly say this is not something I\u2019ve seen before.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight. Aren\u2019t you wounded or something? Go to bed and leave me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, Cordelia did have one half of a good idea. Angel smiled at the infuriated girl. And it was true, this was not a memory he ever had. The chemise was a familiar garment but never had he seen one cover such beauty. The beauty was in his memory or rather Angelus\u2019. The face wasn\u2019t not completely, just the imagine of dark hair, beauty, fire and spirit. She was the one that got a way.<\/p>\n
The one that frustrated and tormented Angelus. The one that he had planned to turn and take Darla\u2019s place at his side. The fight in the alley was a blur as if Angelus had blocked out Angel, Wesley, and the Portal. All Angelus remembered was that his dark haired beauty left with another vampire, thwarting his plans and causing him a lot of physical pain.<\/p>\n
It was sort of like Pavlov\u2019s dog, Angel guessed. Angel was sincerely grateful for his prior obsessive love for Buffy, without it Angelus may have noticed Cordelia more, may have remembered and realized. That would have truly changed history.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know, it\u2019s all your fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? I didn\u2019t do anything and what are you doing?\u201d Cordelia stepped back in the tub as Angel stepped in.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy aversion to brunettes. It\u2019s all your fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI knew it. You do hate brunettes, blondes, blondes, and blondes. Be original why don\u2019t you, have you ever thought about a redhead. And what about Dru?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNope, it was you.\u201d Angel pulled at the chemise ripping it from Cordelia\u2019s soaked form, the water from the shower wetting them both.<\/p>\n
Cordelia eyes widened as her hands flew to her body. \u201cOh my god, we brought the wrong one back.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel chuckled and brought her to his chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel what are you doing? Don\u2019t Angel. Angel\u2026\u201d Cordelia\u2019s words were stopped as Angel\u2019s mouth descended onto hers.<\/p>\n
Cordelia wasn\u2019t sure what was happening; well she did know that she was naked in a shower with Angel and that he was kissing her. She just didn\u2019t know why or how. And at that very moment, she didn\u2019t care. She would have to care soon, but right now, she just wanted to enjoy it. So she did. Cordelia leaned into Angel, her arms reaching up to his shoulders, his bare skin slick against her fingers. Okay, now time to care she thought, as her insides melted.<\/p>\n
\u201cUm, Angel, um, Angel.\u201d She mumbled against his lips. \u201cAngel,\u201d she snapped pushing him back.<\/p>\n
Angel cocked a brow and gave a wicked grin.<\/p>\n
Her eyes widened, she tried to move further away.<\/p>\n
He let her out of his arms. \u201cDon\u2019t know who you are with?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up. I know perfectly well which dead guy I\u2019m with. What I want to know is what you are doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought it was obvious.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, and here I thought the soul changed everything, but you are still one arrogant bastard. Hmmph. Just because you hate brunettes, and therefore your soul is safe, doesn\u2019t mean I will have sex with you. Hmmph. And you don\u2019t hate me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHave I ever told you that you are beautiful even when you pout.\u201d Angel leaned in rubbing his thumb across Cordelia\u2019s bottom lip.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said stop that. Angel\u2026don\u2019t please.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stared. Cordelia was frightened truly frightened. Angel turned the water off and got out of the tub, he held out his hand. \u201cCome on.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia shook her head, her wet hair covering her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on, it will be alright.\u201d Angel held out a towel for the wet naked girl.<\/p>\n
Cordelia hesitated then grabbed the towel and quickly wrapped it around herself. She tentatively held out her hand and let Angel lead her into the bedroom.<\/p>\n
Cordelia was scared. More scared then she had been in her entire life, which was saying a lot. But something was happening, Angel was starting something, going to say and do something that would change everything. And she honestly didn\u2019t know if she could handle it.<\/p>\n
\u201cSit.\u201d Angel pulled her to the bed.<\/p>\n
Cordelia looked around and bit her lip. She really wanted to just go home, go to sleep in her own bed, maybe have Dennis fix her some tea. Tea, she hated tea. Oh, she just wanted out of there, but she couldn\u2019t move in any direction other than where Angel led her.<\/p>\n
Angel stared at Cordelia, his eyes fixing on every curve and feature of her face. He didn\u2019t know where to start, so he just said it. \u201cI love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUH?\u201d That was not at all what Cordelia expected.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you.\u201d Angel smiled. It wasn\u2019t that hard to say after the first time. In fact, it was pretty easy and fun. \u201cI love you.\u201d He smiled.<\/p>\n
Cordelia paled and her eyes got wide. It was worse than she imagined. \u201cUh, no you don\u2019t\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia took a deep breath, which she hadn\u2019t realized that she had been holding. \u201cRight, the best friend thing, I love you too.\u201d She smiled. \u201cCan I borrow some clothes?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel pulled her back on the bed. \u201cYes, you are my best friend and yes, because of that I love you. But I love you, beyond that, more than that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d Cordelia calmed. \u201cThat\u2019s very sweet. But, I think maybe the portal did something to you. You don\u2019t love me. You love Buffy. Remember the Prophecy. It\u2019s okay. Weird stuff happens.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, you are the only one that thinks that the Prophecy meant Buffy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, that\u2019s not true, everyone agreed with me, even you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, no one wanted to argue with you or break your little bubble of denial, even me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do not deny. I am very aware of what\u2019s going on. And you don\u2019t love me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, I do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, why are you doing this to me. Stop saying it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe, I will, when you tell me what you said in the alley. And then tell me you don\u2019t mean it. And you will have to think of something better than I\u2019m a dumbass.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s mind scrambled back. She said a lot of things in the alley; she thought a lot of things in that stupid smelly alley. But she didn\u2019t say\u2026.\u201dI didn\u2019t say it.\u201d She shook her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026Oh damn.\u201d Cordelia hid her face in her hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, did you mean it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I say no, will you leave me alone?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I believe you, maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of answer is that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe truth. I love you. And I now that I have said it, I like saying it. I like feeling it. I like knowing that you love me\u2026\u2026\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI haven\u2019t said that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt makes the whole being soul mates easier.\u201d Angel said ignoring Cordelia\u2019s interruption.<\/p>\n
\u201cSoul mates?\u201d Cordelia blinked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, it seemed even Wolfram & Hart realized it before you did. Actually, I think I should be hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s with you? I want the growly Angel back.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, I\u2019m sorry, I wish that I could make my demon disappear for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia scrunched up and hid her face in her hands at the sound of pain in Angel\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd even though, I have my permanent soul, I\u2019m still a vampire, but I promise that I won\u2019t let my demon touch you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia peeked from behind her fingers. \u201cYou have your permanent soul, since when?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Shit. \u201cDarla.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, gross.\u201d Cordelia dropped her hands and grimaced. \u201cThat\u2019s just fucked up. You lose your soul because you slept with the do gooder blonde and you get it solid by sleeping with the blonde dead bitch. That\u2019s just whacked. Those Powers are just whacked. I want to go home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, you aren\u2019t leaving me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia stared. Angel was getting all grry again. \u201cThis soul mate thing, is it written down somewhere? Like was it proclaimed from a high or something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia you are my soul mate.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmmph. Fine. But there are going to be some rules in place.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRules, as dos and don\u2019ts. Don\u2019ts- no blondes, ever. No anyone for that matter, got it? Or I\u2019m out of the soul partnership thing. Powers or no.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDone. The dos?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry, I\u2019ll think of something.\u201d Cordelia glared.<\/p>\n
\u201cUm, Cordy, does this mean you love me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u2019\u201d Cordelia pouted and rolled her eyes. \u201c It\u2019s so not fair. I find out that I have a soul mate the same time I find out that my so-called mate got his soul by having sex with an old skanky girlfriend. Where\u2019s the romance in that, hmm? Where\u2019s the wine and gifts?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want wine and gifts?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course, but right now I want you to kiss me, again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia rolled her eyes. \u201cDuh?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel laughed and pounced on Cordelia, his body covering hers.<\/p>\n
\u201cI said kiss, not smother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d Cordelia smiled as Angel\u2019s lips descended.<\/p>\n