22<\/u><\/p>\n
Angel pulled the band-aid away from its sticky backing, holding it carefully between the tips of his forefinger and thumb. He turned, facing Cordelia as he kneeled in front of her on the couch. Leaning forward, he gently placed the strip over the cut on her cheekbone, pressing it into place.<\/p>\n
His fingers trembled against her skin and Cordy caught his wrist, wrapping his hand up in her own.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d She whispered, her eyes wide and imploring.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor what?\u201d Angel stroked the back of his fingers down her unmarked cheek, sitting back on his heels.<\/p>\n
Cordelia swallowed. \u201cI was an asshole. I hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did.\u201d She cupped his cheek. \u201cBut I didn\u2019t mean to. I thought you knew – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, I should have.\u201d Angel interrupted her, dabbing moisturiser onto a flat cotton pad. He ignored the sharp flash of jealousy the memory of her dancing elicited, knowing he could have avoided it, all of it.<\/p>\n
\u201cA little part of me was mad at you.\u201d Cordy confessed, her eyes closing when he smoothed the moisturiser over her cheek. \u201cI knew it would make you jealous. I\u2026it was stupid. I was angry and stupid.\u201d She looked up guiltily, her eyes wider, glassier than before. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel was silent for a moment, the residual anger in his body ebbing away and giving way to softer, warmer emotions. He breathed in though he didn\u2019t need to, found his senses filled with Cordelia and realised there was no place he\u2019d rather be.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter.\u201d Angel said honestly. He palmed her face, kissing her eyelids shut when her eyes were disbelieving. \u201cYou\u2019re the only thing that matters, Cordelia. The first time I saw you, the first time we met, I knew that nothing that had happened to me before, or that would happen after would mean as much.\u201d<\/p>\n
He paused, turning her hands over in his, following her lifeline with his fingertips. \u201cThe way I feel about you\u2026it\u2019s everything. There\u2019s nothing you could ever do that would make me let go.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her eyes were shining, as though she was amazed by him and Angel cupped the back of her neck, bringing her forward and brushing his lips against hers. \u201cSo quit apologizing already. You\u2019re here and you\u2019re alright. That\u2019s enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
Wesley waited for the standard beep after Cordelia voice. Then he straightened, speaking directly into the receiver.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes Cordelia, it\u2019s Wesley. As discussed, I\u2019m going to need you and Angel to come into the office earlier than everyone else. Willow and I have made some rather exciting discoveries.\u201d His voice changed suddenly, going from upbeat to weary. \u201cBut of course, as with most dealings, there are hazards involved that Angel \u2013 that you *both* need to be made aware of.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wes sighed. \u201cI\u2019ll explain in the morning. See you then.\u201d<\/p>\n
He hung up, his hand still on the phone as he placed it back into the cradle. How he wished, just for once, that action had no consequences.<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you for coming, Angel.\u201d Wesley shook Angel\u2019s hand, gesturing him and Cordelia into a seat. \u201cI understand you\u2019re a busy man but I\u2019m afraid this won\u2019t be brief. There\u2019s a lot of information we need to relay to you and – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s fine.\u201d Angel assured him, glancing at Willow who sat opposite him. \u201cWhat did you find?\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley\u2019s knees clicked as he sat, earning him a grin from Cordy. \u201cWell, as I\u2019m sure you\u2019re both aware, the only way to reclaim ownership of your soul is to break the contract that ties you to Wolfram & Hart. Unfortunately, there are several hurdles on the way to acquiring the contract, though we seem to have overcome most of them fairly well and without – \u201d his eyes darted to Cordelia, \u201cmuch injury.\u201d<\/p>\n
She raised her eyebrows, ignoring the sharp stab of nausea in her gut. \u201cBut?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut even once we reach the contract, there are rituals that must be performed before it can be destroyed.\u201d Wesley looked tired, tense. \u201cOtherwise, Angel will burn with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHis soul is bound by the contract.\u201d Wesley informed her. \u201cIf we were to destroy it, we would destroy him from the inside out.\u201d He hurried on when Cordy\u2019s face paled. \u201cBut we\u2019ve done our research and there is a way to avoid it\u2026which is where Willow comes in. However, it\u2019s complicated. There are risks.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s eyes narrowed, an uneasy feeling in her chest. \u201cWhat kind of risks?\u201d<\/p>\n
Willow spoke up suddenly, breaking her silence. \u201cWe\u2019d have to release his demon.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s jaw dropped. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d Cordelia said slowly. \u201cLet me get this straight. In order to save Angel, you want to remove his soul and let the demon roam free to massacre the rest of us?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel shot her a pained look and she patted his hand repentantly. \u201cNo offence.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHardly.\u201d Wesley said, looking annoyed. \u201cWillow will perform a soul extraction spell that will relieve Angel\u2019s body of the soul. We will, however, have a vessel prepared \u2013 something the soul can go into and be kept safely in until it can be restored to Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut won\u2019t the contract affect it anyway?\u201d Cordelia asked. \u201cAnd what about Angelus?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll hold him in a devil\u2019s trap or manually by chains \u2013 whatever precautions are necessary will be taken to ensure our safety and his. That\u2019s really the least of our worries. As for the soul…\u201d Wesley nodded at Willow.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen the soul\u2019s extracted, it\u2019s just an entity.\u201d Willow told them. \u201cBecause the contract is related to Angel’s soul, it cannot destroy his body or his soul when the two are apart, even if it is broken.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe separation of soul and body will protect Angel from any harm, while still liberating his soul from Wolfram and Hart’s contract. So until we restore it to him, the soul and Angelus are safe.\u201d Wesley said. \u201cThat being said, we will have to endure Angelus for a certain period of time, on top of which, we will be, quite literally, in the seventh circle of hell. Who knows what we\u2019ll have to face down there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you will be able to restore his soul, right?\u201d Cordelia\u2019s voice sounded small, even to her own ears and she wasn\u2019t surprised when Angel slid his hand into hers.<\/p>\n
It didn\u2019t make her feel any better when Wesley and Willow exchanged a worried look.<\/p>\n
\u201cI saw that.\u201d She sniped. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNormally, yes. The magic involved is advanced but it\u2019s nothing I can\u2019t handle.\u201d Willow paused. \u201cBut\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut?\u201d<\/p>\n
She took a deep breath, reaching for her bag. She pulled a file from it, sliding out a slim sheet of paper with words and symbols on it.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen Buffy told me about the case, I got in touch with an old friend.\u201d Willow lifted the sheet, placing it carefully down onto the table. \u201cThis is why I called Jenny Calendar. She\u2019s a Romany gypsy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s hand tightened in Cordelia\u2019s.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is a copy of your curse, Angel.\u201d Willow told him. \u201cThe very one that gypsies cursed you with 250 years ago.\u201d She slipped the sheet back into its protective covering, holding it carefully between her palms. \u201cWhen she gave me this, she explained all of it \u2013 the curse, the clause – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m surprised you still want to help.\u201d Angel said lowly, his shoulders hunching.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t judge.\u201d Willow smiled at him, turning her eyes to Cordelia. \u201cWhen I heard about the two of you, I spoke to Jenny again\u2026Cordy and I go way back so I started doing my own research into a cure or some sort of loophole.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s heart was pounding in her chest, her eyes wide. \u201cA cure for the curse? Is that even possible?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel looked as hopeful as she felt \u2013 and as shocked too.<\/p>\n
\u201cAs I said, the soul on its own is an entity, a form of energy\u2026\u201d Willow touched the file holding the curse with her fingertips, tracing the outline of it against the table. \u201cThe process or the spell of restoring it \u2013 that\u2019s what can be altered.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen the soul is apart from you, the contract will have to be destroyed so that the clause binding you to Wolfram and Hart is removed. And then\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Her voice slowed and Cordelia could hear her excitement in every word. \u201cI\u2019ve been working on this since I got here, with some help from Jenny. She\u2019s never been one for conventions herself.\u201d Willow smiled fondly. \u201cAnd\u2026well, I\u2019m pretty damn sure I\u2019ve got it. If I\u2019m right, I\u2019ll be able to restore the curse without the second clause of the evening. The happiness clause.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia could barely believe her ears. She was embarrassed when her eyes teared up, her lips rubbing together in an effort to control them falling, scarcely able to believe what she was hearing. \u201cWillow\u2026I don\u2019t know what to say. I – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t say anything yet.\u201d Willow said, raising a hand. \u201cLook, I\u2019m pretty sure it\u2019s legit. But there ARE risks.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s lips quirked, the gratitude in his eyes quite breathtaking. \u201cMore risks?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGiven the alteration of the curse\u2026\u201d Willow trailed off, glancing at Wesley, apparently unsure of how to continue.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne clause is hard enough, but it is doable with Willow\u2019s experience and expertise. Two clauses however\u2026\u201d Wesley sighed. \u201cIt may prove more difficult to restore the soul with two such immense alterations.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut\u2026it\u2019s not impossible?\u201d Cordelia asked timidly. \u201cI mean, you have one of the most powerful witches in the world right? It\u2019s not – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, I wouldn\u2019t have told you all this if I didn\u2019t think there was a chance in hell it would work.\u201d Willow laid her hand atop her friend\u2019s, squeezing it. \u201cBut you have to know that, as with any magic, there is the possibility that it could go horribly wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe question is, is that a risk the two of you are willing to take?\u201d Wesley asked them, his eyes soft, unassuming. \u201cBecause, and there really is no easy way to put this\u2026if it does go wrong and Willow is unable to restore Angel\u2019s soul\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
He went silent, unable to say it.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll have to kill me.\u201d Angel finished for him, his voice sturdy and resolute as Cordy had ever heard it.<\/p>\n
Three pairs of eyes turned to him and she felt her heart shudder to a complete halt. She looked at Wesley for confirmation, terror lancing painfully inside her when she saw it in his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo\u2026\u201d She whispered, \u201cNo, no, I can\u2019t – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, I understand this is difficult for you.\u201d Wesley reached for her when she stood and backed away, running a desperate hand through her hair. \u201cAnd we don\u2019t have to go through with the removal of the original clause if you\u2019re afraid but – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut once Angel gets out of Wolfram and Hart, there\u2019s nothing stopping him from being completely and totally happy.\u201d Willow explained, rising as well. \u201cNothing but the curse.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley nodded. \u201cAnd considering the way the two of you are going, it WILL be a problem. If he gets too happy – \u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia shook her head stubbornly. \u201cHe was happy before. He was – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot blissfully happy.\u201d Angel interrupted her. \u201cWe couldn\u2019t be together\u2026I\u2019d lose my soul in a heartbeat, Cordy.\u201d His face was pained, mouth pulled into a frown. \u201cI love you so much. You make me unbelievably happy already and without Wolfram and Hart weighing me down – \u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley looked embarrassed at the usually taciturn vampire\u2019s bold declaration but it was Cordelia who cut him off, feeling as though she\u2019d been punched in the gut. \u201cSo you want me to choose between killing you and knowing you\u2019re alive but having to be as far away from you as possible?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s the third option.\u201d Willow reminded her urgently, seemingly desperate to fix her devastating no-guarantee admission. \u201cI *will* do my very best to help you and there is a chance that it could all work out. Angel could be free and you could both be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel squeezed her shoulder gratefully. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I haven\u2019t even thanked you. You can\u2019t imagine how much I appreciate – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d Willow nodded, biting her lip as though suddenly close to tears herself. \u201cI\u2019m happy to be a part of this, Angel.\u201d She glanced at Cordelia. \u201cBut I have to be honest. I can promise you both that I will try my hardest. I just can\u2019t promise that it\u2019ll work.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, we should give the both of you some space to talk this out.\u201d Wesley stepped forward, gesturing Willow in front of him and reaching for his coat. \u201cTake your time and think it through, it\u2019s a big decision. One that IS ultimately Angel\u2019s to make, Cordelia.\u201d<\/p>\n
The glare she cut him could have sliced him in half. Wesley continued, trying to remember he was the head of this operation.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo doubt he\u2019ll want your help in making the right choice. I trust you\u2019ll give it to him.\u201d When he reached the door, he turned, locking eyes with his charge. \u201cOne way or another, this is going to affect the rest of your lives together. You need to be prepared for that, whatever you decide.\u201d<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
The door clicked shut behind Wesley and Willow, and Angel swallowed, tasting the thick, deadly silence in the room. Cordelia was looking everywhere but at him, her heart hammering so fast his ears could barely keep up with each thundering beat.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t lose you.\u201d She said abruptly, her eyes filling with tears and tumbling over her cheeks. She didn\u2019t resist when he strode over and pulled her into his arms, folding her in safely. \u201cI just can\u2019t, Angel. I won\u2019t survive.\u201d<\/p>\n
Words so familiar, so much a part of what he loved about her. He wondered what he\u2019d do if he could roam the streets of LA, a free man, no longer bound by evil or law \u2013 and yet be unable to see her, to touch her, to breathe her in\u2026for fear that one single moment could rip his humanity from him without the blink of an eye.<\/p>\n
He\u2019d rather die than hurt her. He\u2019d rather die than live without her. And just like that, his mind was made up.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to go through with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel cupped Cordelia\u2019s face in his hands, brought his forehead to hers and breathed out unnecessarily. \u201cI want to be with you. I want to hold your hand and make love with you and spend the rest of my life with you knowing perfect happiness without pain and fear following a close second.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy bit her lip, more tears falling and his heart twisted painfully, hating it.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, you have to know\u2026surely you understand? I love you. I don\u2019t think\u2026no, I know. I could never live without you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you think I could live without you?!\u201d She asked incredulously. \u201cYou could die, Angel! I\u2019d have to kill you and then live without you anyway!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut there\u2019s a chance it would work.\u201d Angel said soothingly, rubbing his hands along her shoulders. She was shaking. \u201cThere\u2019s a chance I could survive and the curse would be gone and we could be happy.\u201d He squeezed her shoulders. \u201cReally happy. Wouldn\u2019t you rather know what might have been than spend each day knowing what is and hating it?\u201d<\/p>\n
When she didn\u2019t respond, he tried a different approach. \u201cIf it were you\u2026\u201d Her eyes shot open, \u201cWould you be able to live your entire life without me, knowing that I was right there and you couldn\u2019t have me because you wouldn\u2019t take the chance?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy didn\u2019t have to answer for him to know \u2013 she couldn\u2019t, just as he couldn\u2019t. He was as much a part of her now as she was of him \u2013 she belonged to him completely, the same way he belonged to her. Getting over the other, living without the other would be hard, near impossible if that person were still alive.<\/p>\n
There was a part of Angel that wished he could undo this\u2026wished he could go back in time and never pursue her, never fall in love and never have to face this shared decision and that look on her face. But the part of him that loved her, the part that grew tight and brightened like a fiery ember in the black when she walked into a room\u2026that part knew it couldn\u2019t. He couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
He wouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo\u2026\u201d She answered reluctantly, gasping so that air filled her lungs. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI need you to promise me something, Cordy.\u201d Angel said gently, knowing he was approaching another hurdle, one that wouldn\u2019t be well received. \u201cI need you to promise that you *will* kill me if this doesn\u2019t work.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s eyes filled with raw hurt, so sharp it tore through him and left him agonized, desperate to quell it. She whimpered, turning her head away and shaking it viciously. \u201cNo, I can\u2019t – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have to. I want it to be you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI CAN\u2019T!\u201d She tore away from him, pressing a hand to her lips as though it was too much \u2013 as though it had all hit her as swiftly as an avalanche and buried her underneath. \u201cYou can\u2019t ask me to do that, Angel! I can\u2019t\u2026I can\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia\u2026\u201d Angel brushed away the tears, holding her firmly, determined to make her see. \u201cI hope with every fibre of my being that it doesn\u2019t come to that. I hope it works and my heart tells me it just might if maybe I wish or hope it hard enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
He paused, hooking a finger under her chin and forcing her to look at him. \u201cBut if it doesn\u2019t, I\u2019d rather die than be a monster. I don\u2019t ever want to hurt you or anyone else. Not again. I love you and I need you to be strong. You have to promise me this.\u201d He seized her hand and dropped it over his heart, holding it there. \u201cYou have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
She closed her eyes, her heart a desperate, frantic pulse. For several seconds, she said nothing, and he was afraid she\u2019d argue her way back to square one \u2013 forget their happiness and simply ensure his safety, forget their future together and simply ensure his existence be it with or without her.<\/p>\n
Then, as magnificently as the sun peaking through clouds after a thunderstorm, her eyes opened, dryer now and filled simultaneously with strength, hope and resignation.<\/p>\n
\u201cI promise.\u201d<\/p>\n