Part 10<\/b><\/p>\n
Unbidden it stirs<\/em> Now trapped by shadows<\/em> It burns through the cold<\/em> Still unrecognized<\/em> Called by many names<\/em> Enlightened by pain<\/em> Destiny or chance<\/em> A heart reaching out<\/em> Opportunity<\/em> Love for the asking<\/em> Entranced by the truth<\/em> To spurn or embrace<\/em> Cordelia waved one final goodbye toward the crowd gathered on the Summers\u2019 front porch. The actual farewells had been less mushy than she imagined.<\/p>\n Considering the shocking theory about Angel\u2019s soul and the fact that Buffy happened to be in the same room at the time, she was a little surprised that there had been a goodbye from those two at all.<\/p>\n Buffy\u2019s, \u201cI\u2019m happy for you Angel. Hope everything works out,\u201d seemed understated and suspiciously final in Cordelia\u2019s eyes. There had to be more to it than that. On the surface, it certainly didn\u2019t sound like an invitation to a Slayer-Invisible Vampire boinkfest.<\/p>\n Nor did Angel\u2019s response, \u201cThanks again for everything, Buffy. Just be careful.\u201d<\/p>\n Where was the drama, the lovelorn angst at parting even for the short time it would take to get this straightened out? Maybe Angel was just focused on getting back to L.A. to find out what the old gypsy wrote in that letter, Cordelia figured.<\/p>\n Immediately after that cryptic little exchange, Angel practically shuffled them into the Plymouth, barely giving anyone time to scarf down dinner.<\/p>\n It amused Cordelia to see Gunn in the driver\u2019s seat, a spot that Angel had given up without argument. Wes occupied the front passenger side and Fred sat in the middle. Cordelia was in the back on the opposite side of Connor\u2019s car seat from Angel. Their hard-won spoils, the Trio\u2019s invisibility ray with the Eye of Dakronn, remained tucked safely in the trunk.<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t until the car zipped past the Now Leaving Sunnydale<\/i> signpost that Cordelia let out an audible sigh of relief. Naturally, Angel picked up on it. \u201cGlad to be headed home?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGod, yes,\u201d Cordelia admitted without hesitation. \u201cI\u2019m gonna call ahead when we get closer and ask Dennis to run me a hot bubble bath.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re staying with me tonight,\u201d Angel\u2019s unyielding tone left no room for argument. The real impact came when Cordelia\u2019s head started swimming with forbidden images of spooning up next to him, and Angel hastily made it clear, \u201cWith us. You\u2019ve just gotten out of the hospital. It\u2019s better to stick around where we can keep an eye on you.\u201d<\/p>\n Then remembering she had her own room, Cordelia figured he was only trying to be sensible by suggesting that she stay at the Hyperion. Though, truthfully, Dennis watched over her just as well as any of her other friends could.<\/p>\n An exaggerated sigh escaped her lips, \u201cI don\u2019t know. Dennis\u2019 special TLC is hard to beat.\u201d<\/p>\n Glancing at the empty space where he sat, Cordelia pressed her lips together while waiting for Angel\u2019s response. He had none. At least not one she could see or hear. Stoic silence tended to suggest she\u2019d hit a nerve and that was just too irresistible to ignore.<\/p>\n \u201cHe always gets the water just the right temperature, adds in my favorite scented oil and bubbles,\u201d Cordelia told him. \u201cIf Dennis wasn\u2019t so corporeally challenged, I might have to keep him.\u201d<\/p>\n Eavesdropping on the conversation, Fred turned to wink at Cordelia. \u201cHe\u2019s kinda like your Beck and Call Guy,\u201d she paraphrased a line from \u2018Pretty Woman\u2019.<\/p>\n \u201cBesides, he\u2019s great with a loofah,\u201d Cordelia couldn\u2019t resist that little admission, her smile beaming as she shared a feminine giggle with Fred.<\/p>\n Angel muttered just loud enough for her to hear, \u201cGood thing for Dennis he\u2019s already dead.\u201d<\/p>\n If she didn\u2019t know better, Cordelia would say Angel sounded jealous of the ghost. No doubt he was still in his overprotective mode. Cordelia reassured him that she\u2019d be in good hands, albeit phantom ones,<\/p>\n \u201cDennis is a great roommate and takes good care of me and tucks me in nearly every night. He\u2019s an experienced tucker-inner.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCordelia,\u201d the use of her full name was sign enough that he was determined to get his way, \u201cyou\u2019re staying the night at the hotel. I\u2019ll do the tucking in if you need it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I suppose it\u2019s just the difference between having one invisible dead guy versus the other doing the tucking in,\u201d she conceded with a shrug. Though being tucked into bed by Angel instead of her ghostly friend no longer seemed like an equally balanced proposition.<\/p>\n Angel\u2019s dislike of that comparison was clear. A grumpy growl rumbled along with his words, \u201cI think I can handle it.\u201d<\/p>\n Having Angel back after believing that she\u2019d lost him, Cordelia could not deny that the thought of spending a night away from him right now left her a little rattled. No matter her fun in teasing him about Dennis, she had no intention of going back to her apartment until all of this was cleared up.<\/p>\n \u201cGood, because I\u2019m staying until we find Madame Bozo and get you univiziblized.\u201d<\/p>\n Wes corrected her from the front seat, \u201cBO-sha. Madame Bosha, with an emphasis on the first syllable,\u201d he sounded it out again for good measure.<\/p>\n Leaning forward, Cordelia ruffled his already messy hair. \u201cWhatever, smarty-pants.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAren\u2019t you excited, Cordy?\u201d asked Fred, grinning at her as she turned around to face her. \u201cThe gypsy\u2019s letter, the soul theory, the whole invisible Angel thing?\u201d<\/p>\n Fred\u2019s bubbliness was cloyingly sweet as Cordelia realized that excitement was not a word she could associate with her feelings. Not that she could name them. \u201cI\u2019m still getting used to the fact that Angel\u2019s not a pile of dust and Connor isn\u2019t up for bid at a demon auction.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally, you\u2019re not excited about it?\u201d Those big brown eyes slid toward Angel\u2019s side of the car. Cordelia noted that Angel stayed silent as Fred went on about the reasons why Angel\u2019s invisibility was such an interesting phenomenon, scientifically speaking. Lucky vampire; it was easy not to appear bored when you were invisible.<\/p>\n Cordelia later found herself laughing at Gunn\u2019s description of Warren\u2019s capture. \u201cWe swooped down on the van, Angel surfing on the hood of the car. Too bad I couldn\u2019t see it. I bet he looked like Batman with that leather jacket flapping behind him like a cape.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWould that make you Robin driving the Batmobile?\u201d sniggered Cordelia. \u201cBet you\u2019d look good in tights.\u201d<\/p>\n After a spasmodic coughing episode, Gunn hinted dangerously, \u201cThe Batmobile has an ejection seat,\u201d sounding like he wished he had one.<\/p>\n \u201cTights aren\u2019t so bad once you get used to them,\u201d Angel piped up for the first time in ages. \u201cThey\u2019re just snug.\u201d<\/p>\n Cordelia rolled her eyes. \u201cDork! Please tell me that\u2019s you remembering the oh-so bad fashions of yesteryear and not you taking a scary interest in my lingerie drawer.\u201d<\/p>\n Once again the peanut gallery chipped in. Wes lifted a closed hand to his mouth and cleared his throat while Fred giggled in the wake of Gunn\u2019s, \u201cShe\u2019s got you pegged, Bro.\u201d<\/p>\n That led to five minutes of horrible jokes about demons getting into her underwear, which had Cordelia howling. Even Angel managed to get in a few good ones and the sound of his laughter made her yearn to see his face.<\/p>\n There was a possibility she would never see it again. Wes might be right about the magic rock. Exposing Angel to its power a second time might make him visible, but it might also strip his soul away. Better to have Invisible Angel around than Angelus\u2026 like way better.<\/p>\n Invisibility could be cool, Cordelia mused in attempt to convince herself of the fact. It would be easy to sneak up on the enemy in a fight. Easy to get into a movie theater, assuming he was alone and not dragging his visible pals along.<\/p>\n Not that Angel would stoop to sneaking in anyway. A: it was tacky; B: paying gave him the opportunity to grumble about going and about the ticket price.<\/p>\n The fun stuff would never occur to Angel. He was probably busy thinking about that little bonus revealed by the Eye, his permanent soul. Cordelia had kept Angel in a distinct \u2018No Bone\u2019 category in her mind for ages, probably as long as his return from Hell to Sunnydale and certainly as recently as their reunion in Los Angeles.<\/p>\n Not that her conscious thoughts and her bedtime fantasies always matched.<\/p>\n Cordelia had always categorized the dreams and stray thoughts as wanting what she could not have, just the temptation of forbidden fruit. After all, Angel was her best friend. They\u2019d been through a lot together building back what they\u2019d lost when he had ripped her feelings apart, deserted them for three months, and finally come back to them.<\/p>\n He wanted what they had before he got back in touch with his dark side, an easy-going friendship that had no strings attached.<\/p>\n Except that there were too many strings binding them, Cordelia admitted to herself. Despite her determination to shut Angel out, she couldn\u2019t shut down her affections. The clothes he bought her should have infuriated her, but they didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n She seized that moment to jumpstart their friendship again. It was the easy, selfish way, but she found that forgiving him was far more rewarding than maintaining her contempt.<\/p>\n Who could resist the way Angel hugged back, as if each hug was his first experience or the flash of those pearly teeth when one of those rare smiles appeared? Cordelia hoped she would have more than just the memory of those smiles. Not seeing Angel again would be more than strange, it would change everything.<\/p>\n For now, that invisibility and its side effects opened up a world of possibilities that Cordelia could no longer push out of her mind. Back at the house, what was that hot whisper in her ear all about? \u2018Have some in mind?\u2019 Duh! Cringing inwardly at how obvious that answer had to be, Cordelia remembered that she\u2019d demonstrated that fact by practically feeling him up back at the hospital.<\/p>\n It had started out as an innocent exploration at the time, but the way his muscular thigh felt beneath her hand gave her other ideas. Cordelia still didn\u2019t know what to make of that tiny kiss of gratitude back on Buffy\u2019s front lawn. She could still feel it tingling like a ghostly sensation against her lips, almost like she had imagined it to begin with.<\/p>\n Was it bad to wonder what it would be like to feel those lips against hers for real? It was just a kiss for Connor\u2019s sake, a quick thank you between friends.<\/p>\n Geez, Chase. He\u2019s got a permanent soul for five minutes and you\u2019re already planning to jump his bones. Pathetic, much?<\/i><\/p>\n Connor started to fuss and Cordelia gratefully let the baby distract her from her thoughts. She rummaged through the diaper bag until she found one of the bottles of formula Fred had fixed earlier in the day.<\/p>\n \u201cWant to feed him?\u201d she asked Angel who readily took the bottle from her hand.<\/p>\n The baby\u2019s eyes tracked the bottle seeming to float in front of him. Cordelia let out a laugh as Connor latched onto the plastic nipple after Angel\u2019s voice encouraged him to go for it. \u201cHe seems okay with the invisibility thing.\u201d<\/p>\n Angel reminded her that his son also liked seeing his face in full vampire mode. \u201cThat is all that calms him down sometimes,\u201d he added worriedly.<\/p>\n \u201cWes says we just need Madame Bubbalicious to confirm or dispute his theory. You might stay invisible and have a permanent soul, go back to the way you were, or\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n He filled in the pause, \u201cGet lucky?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOptimistic, much? Two seconds with a permanent soul and you\u2019re already thinking about sex?\u201d That wasn\u2019t exactly what he meant, but watching Cordelia\u2019s irritation as she crossed her arms and glared in his direction made him wonder why she was so quick to bring up the subject. \u201cYou are such a guy, Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n That only brought a grin to his face, one she couldn\u2019t see. While lucky meant lucky in his mind, Cordelia obviously had latched on to some other meaning. For once, it was his chance to tease her a little. Angel pointed out, \u201cBeing simultaneously visible and having a permanent soul sounds lucky to me.\u201d<\/p>\n Cordelia snorted, \u201cMaybe I was giving you too much credit.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbout being a guy? Or getting lucky?\u201d It wasn\u2019t often he got to see his seer squirm in her seat. Normally, the tactless brunette wouldn\u2019t bat an eyelash at the subject of sex. Cordelia sat at an angle in the corner, trapped and staring as if he\u2019d caught her at something.<\/p>\n \u201cPfft! Take your pick,\u201d a careless shrug followed.<\/p>\n Angel\u2019s predatory instincts tingled madly. He couldn\u2019t let her little insult sit there. Proving that he wasn\u2019t quite that clueless, Angel pounced back with a low whisper, \u201cLuck has little to do with it, Cordy. It\u2019s all about skill and timing.\u201d<\/p>\n Heat bloomed in her cheeks, a sudden response that surprised him. He almost felt guilty about openly flirting with Cordelia with the others only a couple of feet away, but only almost. Wes, Fred and Gunn were too preoccupied discussing their meeting with Madame Bosha at the boardwalk and the possible contents of her letter to take notice.<\/p>\n Even Connor was innocently unaware of the tension his father just created, the baby continuing to chug down his formula at a healthy pace.<\/p>\n Getting an actual tongue-tied reaction out of Cordelia Chase was a noteworthy event. Speechlessness was only part of it. Cordelia\u2019s pulse throbbed, beating a visible tune just under the flushed golden skin of her throat.<\/p>\n Her body shifted to rasp against her clothes, showing signs of arousal that his senses honed in on with unerring accuracy. Not that he\u2019d purposefully tried to wind her up, but Angel felt the satisfaction just the same.<\/p>\n If it wasn\u2019t for the crowded car, the baby between them and this blasted invisibility, Angel figured he\u2019d like to show her exactly what he meant. Gently, of course, since she was still bruised. The thought made him study the deep yellowing discoloration marring her face, fury flaring inside him that resulted in an involuntary growl.<\/p>\n As if the sound acted like a bucket of ice water, Cordelia snapped out of it so quickly that Angel thought that he might have imagined her reaction. Her eyebrows arched over those hazel eyes, \u201cSince when does doing it twice in the last hundred years make you the next Don Juan?\u201d<\/p>\n Meaning Buffy and Darla, he assumed correctly. Obviously, Cordelia figured he had been celibate since his ensoulment back in 1898. Wrong. He\u2019d never cared enough before Buffy to actually experience a moment of true bliss. The curse hadn\u2019t been a factor, and certainly not with Darla.<\/p>\n The curse and it\u2019s dangerous out-clause had nothing to do with sex, Angel had long since decided. It was about happiness, about forgetting who he was and why he had been cursed to begin with. He wondered, if that was the case, how he hadn\u2019t lost his soul a hundred times by now.<\/p>\n There seemed enough opportunity. Moments alone with Cordelia, with the rest of the gang, with Connor. Little instances where he\u2019d felt totally relaxed and happy. Was it just because even during those times a part of him was still consciously aware that he was a vampire? Unless his soul was already permanent.<\/p>\n When had it happened? Willow re-ensouled him during the Acathla incident. She might have tweaked the spell, but Angel doubted it. Angel\u2019s memories of the hell dimension were sketchy, but he didn\u2019t think it happened there. Events since that time suggested otherwise.<\/p>\n It all seemed to come back to that night with Darla when he could have cared less about the soul or his redemption. He just wanted to feel something other than the cold and thought she could give it to him. Strangely enough, she had and it came in the form of his epiphany.<\/p>\n Maybe, just maybe, there was more to it. Truthfully, Cordelia was his epiphany. The shock of it had knocked him off his feet; he felt the same emptiness when his soul had departed his body that first time, only it seemed to be happening in reverse. Angel was filled by it, warmed by it, and the haze of what he thought he wanted dropped away to reveal what he needed instead.<\/p>\n Angel had thought it was all of them: Cordelia, Wes and Gunn. Their friendship, the companionship that had developed and to some extent, that was true. The truth was that it was always about Cordelia; winning back her friendship, her loyalty, her trust.<\/p>\n She\u2019d made it too damn easy for him, letting him back into her good graces. Angel realized that and his need to accept her forgiveness far outweighed his curiosity in finding out the reason for it.<\/p>\n \u201cEarth to Angel, I can practically hear the cogs churning in that head of yours. What are you thinking?\u201d Cordelia broke through his thoughts apparently realizing he had no intention of responding to her Don Juan comment. \u201cMaybe Fred should\u2019ve asked you about being excited.\u201d<\/p>\n The possibilities of a permanent soul went beyond excitement, but it was a feeling that he couldn\u2019t let himself acknowledge. Not now, not yet. \u201cI\u2019m reserving that for later,\u201d he explained, \u201cwhen I believe it\u2019s true. When Lorne and Wes prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Angelus is no longer a threat to my friends.\u201d<\/p>\n Cordelia\u2019s hand fiddled with Connor\u2019s tiny bootie-covered foot as she added, \u201cTo your family.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d Angel stared at the two of them, his voice thick with emotion. Angelus was still a legitimate threat, especially to her. \u201cUntil then, I\u2019m reserving any bursts of happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n Unseen it flows from the heart<\/em>
\n Rising from the soul<\/em><\/p>\n
\n A flame flickering to life<\/em>
\n Hope lighting the way<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Leaving behind winter\u2019s chill<\/em>
\n Existing unnamed<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Welling from the darkest depths<\/em>
\n Unspoken but there<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Soaring to heights unmeasured<\/em>
\n Bolstered by dreams<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Out of the gloom of despair<\/em>
\n Truth clouded no more<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Bounding to its pinnacle<\/em>
\n To be acknowledged<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Offering tokens of trust<\/em>
\n Seeking a return<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Revelations lost and found<\/em>
\n Speaking from the heart.<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Where desire burns brightly<\/em>
\n Awaiting response<\/em><\/p>\n
\n As resounding echoes sound<\/em>
\n Time for acceptance<\/em><\/p>\n
\n The heart\u2019s most precious secret<\/em>
\n Love everlasting.<\/em><\/p>\n