Part 5<\/b><\/p>\n
New Year\u2019s Eve isn\u2019t all that special. When it comes right down to it, it\u2019s just a night like any other night. It starts when the sun goes down and ends when the sun goes up. Nothing special there.<\/p>\n
Angel had been telling himself that for several hours now. It wasn\u2019t working.<\/p>\n
He\u2019d turned off the music soon after Cordelia had left, determined not to spend the entire night wallowing. He tried to distract himself by giving Connor a bath. Connor loved bath time. He couldn\u2019t get enough of the water. Cordy had bought him lavender soap that was supposed to make babies sleepy and this little terry-cloth robe thingy to wrap him up in afterwards. She would sing forgotten songs from the eighties and Connor would gurgle and coo.<\/p>\n
Angel couldn\u2019t find the robe or the special soap so he tried to make up for it by humming and dancing around. The forced gaiety made the baby tense and cranky. Connor kicked and screamed and by the end, they were both soaking wet and miserable.<\/p>\n
Once father and son were dried and changed, they settled in on the bed to watch \u201cSteel Magnolias.\u201d For two hours, as the southern women on the screen laughed and cried and laughed and then cried more, Angel tried to comfort the fussy baby, to no avail. I guess he\u2019s not a big Sally Field fan. It must be genetic. She\u2019s given me the willies ever since she played that flying nun. <\/i><\/p>\n
He fed the baby the fancy formula, which Connor ended up loving. Watch, now he\u2019ll never settle for the cheap stuff again. I\u2019m going to have to start charging helpless people more all so I can keep my son in the lifestyle he\u2019s become accustomed to. That folks, is the miracle of Cordelia. <\/i><\/p>\n
Connor had seemed to settle down after eating and was dozing in his crib. For now, at least. <\/i>Angel had turned off the lamp beside his bed, so now the only light that filled the room was the flashing blue shadows from the TV. He\u2019d put it on mute after the video had ended, but he\u2019d kept it on. It was funny. A long time ago, he would have preferred to sit in darkness.<\/p>\n
Maybe add a candle or two, for more tortured brooding ambiance. But not now. Now he found the flickering lights from the television comforting. He wasn\u2019t exactly sure when that had happened. Couldn\u2019t have been too long ago. I only put the TV in here a couple of months ago. <\/i><\/p>\n
It was right after Connor was born. Angel had still been having a hard time even trusting the others to hold the baby. There was this tiny little creature, this life, that he\u2019d helped create. A baby that existed because of him and was utterly helpless, dependent on Angel for everything.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s only natural that I had issues. I mean, Gunn was giving advice like \u201cHold the baby like a football\u201d and Wes looked like he couldn\u2019t wait to stick Connor under a microscope and study him. <\/i><\/p>\n
Even with Cordelia and Fred, it was hard passing over the baby. Fred sort of knew what she was doing but she was also still suffering from Post-Hell Dimension Stress. And Cordelia\u2026well, she\u2019d never come off as anything resembling nurturing. Angel had nightmares about leaving her alone with the baby and returning to find his young son\u2019s toenails painted.<\/p>\n
What had it taken to change his mind? At the hospital, right after they\u2019d named the baby, he\u2019d handed Connor to Cordy. And Angel saw what it did to her. Her mouth had parted in what could only be described as awe. Her voice changed, into something warm and almost\u2026maternal.<\/p>\n
She\u2019d placed the baby in the stroller so carefully, like he was made of glass. \u201cLike he was a pair of shoes,\u201d Gunn had later recounted. Regardless, it was clear, then and there, that Connor would hold a place in Cordelia\u2019s closely guarded heart, a place few of them would even approach.<\/p>\n
Everything after that had sort of just happened. In that way women have, Cordy was just suddenly THERE, giving the baby baths and going for checkups. He trusted her implicitly. She read that signing to babies helped them learn to talk earlier \u2013Angel started learning sign language.<\/p>\n
Cordy said Connor needed more stimulation\u2014Angel bought the fifty-dollar mobile. It still hurt, to pass the baby over to her. But not for the same reason.<\/p>\n
Nothing could be more natural then easing the baby into Cordelia\u2019s arms. It was so familiar and wonderful and then he would remember that it was a lie. The three of them, they weren\u2019t some family. Cordelia would be there for Connor\u2019s first words, but he would call her \u201cAunt Cordy.\u201d She would one day argue over which school he\u2019d attend, but Connor would never get scared in the middle of the night and crawl into bed between them. Everyday, the two of them played house, but Angel never forgot for a second that it was just a game.<\/p>\n
That didn\u2019t mean he wouldn\u2019t enjoy the game while it lasted. Cordy started taking Connor upstairs for his bottle. Sometimes Angel would join them. Other times he\u2019d stand right outside the door, just listening. To the happy harmony of their heartbeats. To Connor\u2019s nonsensical babble, which Cordelia would interpret anyway she saw fit. To her off-key renditions of \u201cLeaving on a Jet Plane.\u201d<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know why she refuses to just sing Connor normal lullabies. God forbid the woman sing \u201cHush Little Baby,\u201d or \u201cRow Row Row Your Boat.\u201d <\/i>Instead she warbled a gamut of non-traditional songs. Motown. The soundtrack to \u201cGrease.\u201d Aerosmith. Incredibly, Connor seemed to love it all. Especially REO Speedwagon. I\u2019m going to end up with a child that knows all the words to \u201cKeep on Loving You.\u201d Oh the shame. <\/i><\/p>\n
That\u2019s how Angel ended up with a combination TV\/VCR in his room. Cordelia would whine and whine about how there was nothing to do in there. Angel had come upstairs one day and seen that she\u2019d rearranged all of his drawers. She\u2019d left a little post-it in the bathroom making fun of his collection of Sonicare electric toothbrushes. She wouldn\u2019t laugh if she knew what blood does to tooth enamel. Gotta keep those fangs pearly white. <\/i><\/p>\n
But Angel had worried about what else she might find snooping around in there\u2014besides the aforementioned book of scandalous sketches. There were just certain things Cordy didn\u2019t need to know. Things she would have a field day with. The pictures taken of me during the Disco Era. My copy of \u201cMen are from Mars, Women are from Venus.\u201d The stack of Playboys under my mattress. <\/i><\/p>\n
So he\u2019d gotten a television. To keep her entertained. Cause the more entertained Cordy was, the less she snooped. And also because then she couldn\u2019t use boredom as an excuse to leave. And it worked. Most nights she doesn\u2019t make it out of here until one or two in the morning. <\/i>They fell into an odd schedule of sorts. Cordy would have a vision.<\/p>\n
She\u2019d lay down in his bed to recuperate while Fred watched the baby and the men went out and killed the bad guys. Angel would come back in time to catch the beginning of \u201cConan O\u2019Brien\u201d with her, Connor securely cuddled between them. Cordy would take off when \u201cLast Call\u201d came on. If Carson Daly wasn\u2019t such a dumbass, I bet Cordelia would spend the night. Damn You Carson. <\/i><\/p>\n
From his crib, Connor began to whimper and fuss, prompting Angel to quit his reverie. Getting up, he glanced at the clock. It was 11:57. Three minutes until midnight. Time had suddenly become such a relative thing. He\u2019d walked the earth for hundreds of years and still, this was turning out to be the longest night of his life.<\/p>\n
Angel picked the baby up. He turned the volume on the television up. It didn\u2019t help. Angel was shocked by how lonely he felt. He shouldn\u2019t be lonely. Not when he could feel his child\u2019s fluttery heartbeat through his shirt and hear the roar of the Times Square crowd as the seconds ticked away. Angel was lonely though. Empty. No, that\u2019s not right. Not empty. Just not quite full. Something is missing. Ha! I love how I say that. Like I don\u2019t know what\u2019s missing. Who\u2019s missing. <\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cWomen are trouble,\u201d Angel told his son ruefully. Connor smacked his gums and looked up at his father. \u201cYou\u2019ve probably already picked up on that. But if you haven\u2019t, don\u2019t worry, you will.\u201d Connor nodded seriously as Angel started to pace.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not going to go so far as to say women are evil. They\u2019re not. They\u2019re just\u2026complicated. They bring out the best and worst in you. God, they make you crazy\u2026she makes me crazy. How bout that Connor? Daddy\u2019s insane and it\u2019s all your Aunt Cordy\u2019s fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
The baby\u2019s little hand suddenly swung out, slapping softly against Angel\u2019s jaw. The vampire chuckled softly. \u201cOkay, okay, relax. It\u2019s not all her fault. It\u2019s MOSTLY her fault.\u201d Connor eyed him warily. \u201cNever let yourself need a woman Connor. Like them all you want. Fall in love. Have a ball. But never start to need her. I mean it, it\u2019ll bring you nothing but heartbreak.\u201d Angel walked over towards the TV so they could watch the countdown.<\/p>\n
\u201cSure, it\u2019s fine, needing her, when she\u2019s around. But they leave Connor. They sucker you into needing them and then they leave. They go out on New Year\u2019s Eve in dresses designed by the devil himself, and they leave you aching and babbling to your infant son.\u201d<\/p>\n
On the television, Dick Clark shouted \u201cAlmost time now! Everyone! Ten!\u2026.Nine!\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd once you need a woman, that\u2019s it. You can\u2019t just stop. Believe me, I\u2019ve tried,\u201d Angel continued. \u201cYou think I want to be like this? I don\u2019t. Look at the mess Aunt Cordy has turned me into.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEight!\u2026Seven!\u2026Six!\u2026\u201d the crowd chanted along with Dick.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank God for Gunn. You\u2019ll need a strong male role model and I just don\u2019t think I can be that for you. Not with Cordelia twisting me up inside this way,\u201d Angel rambled.<\/p>\n
\u201cFive!\u2026Four!\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot that Wesley isn\u2019t strong. It\u2019s just that he\u2019s English,\u201d the father told his son, seemingly oblivious to the madness on the TV screen.<\/p>\n
\u201cThree!\u2026Two!\u2026ONE!\u2026Happy New Year!\u201d<\/p>\n
It was the blaring of car horns outside that brought Angel back from his lecture. \u201cHuh?\u201d He looked at the TV. Fireworks lit up the New York skyline. Confetti was everywhere. Dick Clark slipped his wife the tongue on national television.<\/p>\n
Angel brushed a kiss on the top of his son\u2019s head. \u201cHappy New Year Connor,\u201d he said. Happy New Year to me, too. Gee, and I have so much to look forward to, don\u2019t I? Twelve more months of pining for Cordelia like some lovesick puppy. <\/i><\/p>\n
Three hundred and sixty-five more days that always end the same way, with her walking away. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes of pretending that nothing\u2019s changed, that nothing\u2019s different, even though everything is different. Everything has changed. Stake me now. <\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cWould you do that for me, Connor? Would you please stake Daddy?\u201d Angel muttered. The baby burrowed his head further into Angel\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cHere\u2019s wishing you and yours the happiest of years,\u201d he heard Dick Clark say. \u201cI hope everyone out there is spending this special night with the people you love.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel sighed in annoyance. \u201cOkay, forget about staking Daddy. Someone needs to stake that guy. Seriously, people go on and on every single year about how Dick Clark never ages. I can\u2019t believe one of them hasn\u2019t figured out WHY.\u201d Angel leaned down to whisper in Connor\u2019s ear. \u201cIf you think he\u2019s bad now, you should have seen him back then. Him and Dru had a thing once.\u201d Angel reached down and turned the television off.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo that\u2019s it big guy. That\u2019s your first New Year\u2019s Eve. I know, I know, it didn\u2019t really live up to your expectations. But I\u2019ll think you\u2019ll find that pretty much happens every year. You figure you\u2019ll spend the night with your friends and then they all go out without you. You guess that the girl of your dreams will come to her senses and come rushing in at 11:59 and that doesn\u2019t happen either. You\u2019re sure she\u2019ll at least call to wish\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
BRRRINGG! Angel\u2019s monologue was cut off by the ringing phone. \u201cLooks like I spoke to soon,\u201d Angel said as he ran to the phone. She\u2019s probably just calling to see if I cried during \u201cSteel Magnolias.\u201d Or, or maybe she had a vision. Maybe someone\u2019s in trouble. Maybe Cordy\u2019s in trouble. Or\u2026or she could just be calling to wish me a Happy New Year. Then again, she could be calling to brag about how many guys she kissed at midnight. <\/i>He picked up the phone.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2014hello?\u201d Angel said hesitantly.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel?\u201d he heard, over an incredible amount of background noise. It wasn\u2019t the voice he had been expecting, but it wasn\u2019t unfamiliar either.<\/p>\n
\u201cFred?\u201d he shouted so he could hear her. \u201cHey. How are you? Is everything okay?\u201d he asked, shifting Connor to his other shoulder.<\/p>\n
Fred paused and then exhaled dramatically. \u201cEverything is\u2026wonderful. Incredible. Insane. Insanely, incredibly wonderful,\u201d she screamed.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s nice Fred.\u201d Despite the suckiness of his own night, Angel was happy for her. Fred sounded like she was having the time of her life. She also sounded more than a little drunk.<\/p>\n
\u201cI met so many people. Gunn has a million friends. Wes did the running man. Oh and some guy tried to pick me up! He gave me his card. And then Gunn and Wes threatened him. It was just like when you and Cordelia go out!\u201d<\/p>\n
Not exactly. I never let guys get close enough to give Cordy their cards, <\/i>Angel thought, smiling grimly.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh and the music is great. And I did a keg stand. And some shot, called \u2018Three Wise Men.\u2019 And everything is spinning and beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re having such a good time,\u201d Angel told her, rubbing the baby\u2019s back softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then, at midnight, we kissed,\u201d Fred squealed.<\/p>\n
Angel froze. This was not good. Well, it was good for one of the guys. But really not good for the other. Which could mean big trouble. He could picture this going horribly horribly wrong. This was why workplace romances were such a bad idea. Ha! Like I really believe that. <\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cWho\u2019s we?\u201d Angel asked with dread.<\/p>\n
\u201cMe and Gunn.\u201d Angel nodded to himself. Poor Wesley. <\/i>\u201cThen me and Wesley,\u201d Fred told him. Huh? <\/i>\u201cThen Gunn and Wesley.\u201d Oh. Okay. Got it. <\/i><\/p>\n
Before Angel could come up with an appropriate response, Fred asked him if he would hold on a second. He heard her tell someone that she would be right back and then the background noise got slightly less blaring.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s better. Sorry about that Angel, I could barely hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, how is your night going?\u201d Fred asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, pretty well,\u201d Angel said breezily. He glanced suspiciously at Connor, daring the baby to contradict his lie. Connor just slurped on his fingers.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave you heard from Cordelia?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAhh, no,\u201d Angel told her.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh well, I\u2019m sure she\u2019s fine. She\u2019s probably just busy flirting with millionaires.\u201d Angel cringed. And thank you so much Fred for that mental picture.<\/i>This phone call needed to end.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell Fred, I better let you get back to the party.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d Fred shouted as the music around her got louder. \u201cOh, okay. Hey guys, Angel\u2019s on the phone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHappy New Year\u201d Wes and Gunn slurred.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel? They said\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI heard. You guys be safe. No one drive.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred hiccupped loudly into the phone. \u201cYou got it. Us guys will drive and no one will be safe. Wait, I didn\u2019t mean that. I meant\u2026well, you know what I meant. Nighty-night Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGoodnight Fred,\u201d Angel said and hung up the phone. He looked down at Connor, who was still sucking away on those fingers. \u201cLooks like it\u2019s just you and me kid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd me,\u201d came a voice from the doorway.<\/p>\n
Angel blinked at the figure just outside in the hall. He\u2019d turned off the television so the room was almost completely dark, except for the light filtering in through the window. Pretty much all he could make out was an outline of a person. But I know those curves anywhere. <\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cCor\u2014Cordelia?\u201d Angel\u2019s voice came out in a harsh whisper. He cleared his throat and started again. \u201cYou\u2026I\u2026Cordelia?\u201d he stuttered. Oh yeah, that\u2019s much better. <\/i><\/p>\n
Cordy pressed her lips together like she was trying to contain a smile. \u201cWere you expecting someone else?\u201d<\/p>\n
She took a few steps closer. A sliver of moonlight caught on her, illuminating a slice of jaw, the arc of her perfect cheekbone. Angel could smell her now. His teeth clenched as an onslaught of pure desire raced through his body. How could he want her so desperately? How could he want her so desperately and she not know?<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, no. No one else. But I wasn\u2019t expecting you. I mean, I was expecting you, I just was expecting you to be busy making out with the orthodontists by now.\u201d Even he had to shake his head at that one.<\/p>\n
What was it about Cordelia that made him fumble? Even with Buffy\u2026it was never like this. Everything then had an air of dramatic intensity\u2026never stumbling foolishness. With Buffy I was Humphrey Bogart in \u201cCasablanca.\u201d Cordy walks into the room and I\u2019m Jimmy Stewart in\u2026well, in every movie he ever made. <\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cRight. Orthodontists,\u201d she said, gliding over toward the bed. She turned the switch of the lamp on the nightstand, filling the room with a warm glow, pushing the shadows back into the corners where they belonged. \u201cLet me tell you something I learned about orthodontists tonight. Besides their teeth and their bank accounts, they don\u2019t have much going for them.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel barely heard her. He was too busy looking. The light from the lamp illuminated the glowing skin. It made the highlights in her hair the color of fresh honey. She was at once both a golden goddess and a sinful temptress. Hundreds of years ago, in another life, the Galway villagers he grew up with would have burned her at the stake. Women weren\u2019t supposed to look like she did. That kind of power over men, it wasn\u2019t natural.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd if you think orthodontists are bad, agents are ten times worse.\u201d Cordelia was still talking about her evening. \u201cThey honestly think telling you about a part as Bloody Extra Number Two on \u201cER\u201d means you\u2019ll sleep with them. As if. Of course, if George Clooney was still on, I\u2019d have to think about it.\u201d She waited for him to laugh and when he didn\u2019t, her face scrunched up into a frown. \u201cHey, big guy, I\u2019m making with the funny here. Mind paying attention?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, what? Oh right. Clooney. Sure,\u201d Angel stuttered.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave you been drinking something besides blood tonight?\u201d Cordelia walked around the bed to where he still stood holding the baby.<\/p>\n
Angel made a pained face. No I haven\u2019t been drinking, but now that I think about it, I could use a glass of whiskey right now. Screw that \u201cglass\u201d crap. The way she\u2019s dressed, I\u2019m going to need the whole bottle. <\/i>\u201cOf course I haven\u2019t been drinking.\u201d<\/p>\n
She didn\u2019t look like she believed him.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy what are you doing here?\u201d What, you couldn\u2019t wait until tomorrow to start torturing me? Just had to come here and rub it in my face? <\/i>Angel was suddenly gripped with fear when another theory popped into his head. \u201cDid you have a vision?\u201d he barked out roughly.<\/p>\n
\u201cVision? No.\u201d Then she seemed to think about it. \u201cWell, actually, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did?\u201d Connor gave a little squeak when Angel, in his panic, started to squeeze him too tightly. Cordy moved even closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. I had a vision,\u201d she confirmed, rubbing the baby\u2019s back softly. \u201cI had a vision of you and Connor, all cozy and comfy and happy. And then I had a vision of me, getting sloppy drunk and spilling God knows what on my brand new dress and then swapping spit with God knows who at midnight.\u201d Cordelia snaked her arms under Angel\u2019s and scooped the baby out of his arms. \u201cSo I figured, why bother? Why stick around there when I\u2019d much rather be\u2014uh, Connor!\u201d she groaned good-naturedly, as his drool started to run down her bare arm.<\/p>\n
Angel used his sleeve to wipe her off. \u201cYou\u2019d much rather be\u2026\u201d he prompted.<\/p>\n
Cordy flashed a quick grin. \u201cBe here, dummy. I\u2019d rather be here, crashing your Boys Night.\u201d Angel\u2019s heart somersaulted in his chest. Utterly unaware of his cardiac acrobatics, Cordelia stepped away and raised the baby above her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow bout that sweetie? Do you mind if your Aunt Cordy hangs out here for a while? Huh? I\u2019m not so bad, even if I am a girl. I\u2019m younger than your daddy AND Dick Clark, so I\u2019m pretty much your best option.\u201d Connor waved his arms down at her and blew a bubble.<\/p>\n
Cordy turned back to Angel. \u201cOh, spit bubble. That means yes! I\u2019m staying.\u201d She brought the baby back against her chest and started attacking his entire face with kisses. He wondered in what language blowing a bubble was a valid form of communication.<\/p>\n
Angel stood immobile as Cordelia grabbed Connor\u2019s half empty bottle and kicked off her heels. He didn\u2019t say a word when she situated herself on the bed like she owned the place. He barely blinked when half the carefully placed pillows ended up on the floor in her frantic search for the remote control.<\/p>\n
Cordelia leaned back against the headboard and cuddled Connor to her breasts. Angel heard her hum the first few bars of \u201cKeep on Loving You,\u201d and he closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
What the hell is going on? I had this whole night planned. It was going to be mostly brooding, followed by contemplating my misery. And then she walks in and ruins the whole thing. What is she doing here? She said she\u2019d rather be here than at the party. But what does that mean? She\u2019s looking pretty cozy on my bed. What does THAT mean? That\u2019s it. This is too confusing. I’m beyond crazy now. God I hate this woman.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cSo Angel,\u201d Cordy drawled, smiling at him brightly and patting the empty spot next to her. \u201cWhat are we watching?\u201d<\/p>\n
God I love this woman. <\/i>\u201cWhatever you want,\u201d he said simply. “Whatever you want, Cordelia.”<\/p>\n