{"id":4084,"date":"2015-07-06T10:03:06","date_gmt":"2015-07-06T09:03:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/?p=4084"},"modified":"2015-07-06T10:28:07","modified_gmt":"2015-07-06T09:28:07","slug":"dick-clark-with-extra-cheese-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/2015\/07\/06\/dick-clark-with-extra-cheese-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Dick Clark with Extra Cheese. 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

Title: Dick Clark with Extra Cheese<\/b>
\nAuthor: <\/b>Kelly22
\nPosted here: <\/b>08\/05
\nEmail<\/b><\/a>
\nRating: <\/b>NC17
\nCategory: <\/b>C\/A
\nContent: <\/b>
\nSummary: <\/b>\u201cSomething changed in Cordelia\u2019s face. She quit frowning into her hands and looked up at him. He physically felt the moment when her eyes went all warm. She tilted her head to one side. \u201cYou think I\u2019m beautiful?\u201d she asked quietly.\u201d
\nSpoilers: <\/b>
\nDisclaimer: <\/b>The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
\nDistribution: <\/b>Nothing Fancy, anyone else, just ask.
\nNotes: <\/b>This is set BEFORE WITW and Birthday. So visions are still painful, no one (besides Lorne and Angel) is demony, and it’s still unclear where Fred’s affections lay.
\nThanks\/Dedication:<\/b> So this is for Anni<\/b>, who writes funny, heart-warming, too-rarely smutty stories. Anni, who has publicly called me out twice now for my lack of posting, and frankly, was starting to scare me.
\nFeedback:<\/b>Very much appreciated.<\/p>\n

\n

Part 1<\/b><\/p>\n

Angel\u2019s head whipped around when the door to his room flew open. He\u2019d been caught totally by surprise, too enraptured at watching Connor try to roll over. Ever since he\u2019d become a father, his reflexes had been a little off. Lucky, it isn’t a vampire cult out to kidnap the miracle child or Lorne asking my opinion on a Speedo again. It’s just Cordelia.<\/i><\/p>\n

Even as Angel thought that, he was tempted to laugh. \u201cJust Cordelia.\u201d Right. Like Cordelia was \u201cjust\u201d anything. Not moving from the easy chair by the crib, he looked her over, taking it all in. She stood in the doorway, one hand still on the doorknob and the other firmly on her hip. She was breathing heavily, so hard that he was momentarily transfixed at the rapid rise and fall of her breasts in the tight black tank top. Then his gaze moved up. To the light sheen of clean sweat on her chest. To the gleaming pinkness of her slightly parted lips. And finally, to the glare of death shooting out of her hazel eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am going to kill you,\u201d she announced in a low voice. She probably wanted to scare me. <\/i>Angel wondered if she knew that that voice did to him. Cordelia happy was a beautiful thing. But Cordy angry, Cordy annoyed, Cordy pissed, that, that was undescribable. Even now, he felt his whole body grow tight as he watched her. Yeah, it’s definitely a good thing she doesn’t know what that voice does to me. <\/i>But he did have to wonder, what had he done to make her so pissed?<\/p>\n

\u201cHow could you Angel? Knowing how important it was to me, how could you? How could you not tell me?\u201d she said. Okay, Angel conceded, maybe she was a little bit scary. Sexy, but scary. Did she find out about the two messages from that guy Paul, the ones that mysteriously disappeared before she’d heard them?<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cI thought we were friends,\u201d Cordy went on. \u201cMore than friends.\u201d Angel\u2019s eyes went wide. \u201cWe\u2019re best friends.\u201d Angel\u2019s eyes went less wide. \u201cYou owe it to me to be honest.\u201d Oh God, Angel wondered, what if she\u2019d found those sketches. Sure they’re great. Some of my best work. But I doubt Cordelia would appreciate finding naked drawings of her.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cHow could you not tell me?\u201d she asked again. She let go of the door and took a faltering step forward. Her voice was less \u201cI\u2019m going to cause your violent death\u201d now and more \u201cI\u2019m going to cry in about thirty seconds if you don\u2019t do something to fix it fast.\u201d He still had no idea how he had so grievously wronged her, but he realized it didn\u2019t matter. He needed to say something. Now.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry?\u201d he offered, in a small, humble voice. Her eyes narrowed, taking on that special glint they got when she was seeing right through whatever he was trying to pull. He quickly stood up. \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not exactly sure what I\u2019m sorry for. But I know that I am sorry. And that it\u2019s entirely my fault. And that whatever it is, we\u2019ll work through it together.\u201d Pausing, Angel took a moment to be proud of himself. That was a speech. That was one hell of a speech.<\/i> Then the worry hit. What if something is horribly wrong? Is she in trouble with the law? Did an audition go badly? Is she pregnant? Oh God, please don’t let her be pregnant. Wait, why would she be mad at me for not telling her that? She would know that way before me. What if she’s sick? What if the visions-<\/i><\/p>\n

Suddenly she was there, right in front of him, hot little breaths hitting his neck like tiny kisses. \u201cHow could you not tell me that I got fat?\u201d Cordy hissed. Angel could tell that she really wanted to yell, but was far too aware of the child sleeping peacefully two feet away. \u201cI went and became a heifer and you didn\u2019t think that was something worth mentioning to me!\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel couldn\u2019t help but sigh in relief. Thank God there was nothing really wrong. \u201cThat\u2019s it?\u201d he asked. \u201cYou\u2019re upset because you\u2019re fat.\u201d Even as he said it, Angel knew he\u2019d fucked up. He grimaced as he watched her react to his words. Her perfect lips parted as her mouth fell open into a gasp. Her eyes, shadowed and lined and mascara-ed, went wide. And her nails, with the French manicure that he\u2019d paid for yesterday, came at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWoah, woah,\u201d Angel said, taking a quick step backwards and putting his hands up in front of him to ward off her blows. He\u2019d been attacked by her before. Like all girls, Cordy fights dirty. <\/i>\u201cThat\u2019s not what I meant, that\u2019s not what I meant.\u201d Her hands stopped coming at him, but stayed up in the air. He glanced warily at her nails again.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not what I meant,\u201d he hurried to explain. \u201cYou are not fat. Not fat at all. You, you\u2019re, you\u2019re, uh, your body is\u2026\u201d Angel searched for an acceptable word. Amazing? Fantasy-inducing? Getting me hard as we speak? <\/i>He was taking too long, he noted, as her hands moved within clawing distance again. \u201cYour body is\u2026proportional.\u201d Seeing that wasn\u2019t enough, he went on. \u201cYou look very, you know, nice. I don\u2019t look at you and think fat. No one looks at you and thinks fat. Believe me.\u201d She was believing him. She brought her arms down. He gingerly took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. \u201cYou\u2019re not fat Cordelia,\u201d he told her.<\/p>\n

She looked down at the floor and then back up at him, her left hand coming up and touching where he was holding her shoulder. \u201cSorry Angel. I don\u2019t know why I was yelling at you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou weren\u2019t yelling,\u201d he pointed out.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wanted to,\u201d she said, shooting him a look and letting go of his arm. \u201cIf there wasn\u2019t a baby sleeping, believe me, there would have been much yelling. Which is ridiculous. It\u2019s not like it\u2019s your fault that I\u2019m the size of a small country.\u201d<\/p>\n

Keeping his hands on her shoulders, Angel shuffled her around until they\u2019d switched places and she was the one in front of the easy chair. Then he lightly pushed her down into it and crouched in front of her. \u201cAll right, I\u2019m getting tired of this. You know you\u2019re the most beautiful woman in L.A., so just quit.\u201d<\/p>\n

Something changed in Cordelia\u2019s face. She quit frowning into her hands and looked up at him. He physically felt the moment her eyes went all warm. She tilted her head to one side. \u201cYou think I\u2019m beautiful?\u201d she asked quietly.<\/p>\n

Angel was at a loss. Cordy rarely sounded like that. She got compliments all the time and usually they just seemed to bounce off her back. That\u2019s part of the reason he never gave them to her. And because I’m afraid that once I start, I won’t be able to stop. <\/i>Seeing his indecision, Cordy let a small smile escape. The tiny closed mouth smile she reserved strictly for flirting. She never gave him that smile. That wasn\u2019t a best friend smile. He was out of his element.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure you\u2019re beautiful,\u201d he babbled, out of sheer nervousness. \u201cA, uh, beautiful person, you know. You\u2019ve got heart\u2026.courage\u2026the whole package.\u201d The light faded from her eyes slowly and Angel wasn\u2019t sure if he was relieved or disappointed.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I thought,\u201d Cordy smiled more out of embarressment than pleasure, \u201cI thought you meant, with the\u2026never mind. Sorry.\u201d She shrugged her shoulders and tried to dissapear into the chair.<\/p>\n

Desperate to change the subject, Angel stood back up and asked, \u201cSo, what started this all?\u201d It was the right thing to do. Color rushed back into Cordelia\u2019s face as she forgot about his complete lack of social skills and she slipped back into the righteous indignation of two minutes ago.<\/p>\n

She also stood up and started to wander around the room, gliding her hands over books and tabletops. Something deep inside Angel, somewhere very near his unbeating heart, something shifted as he watched her walk around the room, looking so very much at home. He struggled to focus on what she was saying.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere were signs of course. I just must have missed them. There were those Earl Jeans that stopped fitting somewhere around Thanksgiving. Remember, I blamed you for putting them in the dryer instead of letting them air-dry? Oh, and how when I take Connor to the park, or to the mall, or wherever, people always think I\u2019m his mother. For some reason it never occurred to me that they were saying that I looked like I\u2019d just given birth. And then, today\u2026\u201d Cordelia\u2019s voice trailed off, like it was just too painful to describe. She swallowed heavily. \u201cOne day before New Year\u2019s Eve, which is like, THE most important night of the year, today, I try on the John Galliano dress I bought back, in like, August, and does it fit?\u201d Angel guessed the answer was no. \u201cNo. It doesn\u2019t fit,\u201d Cordy answered before he could. \u201cI don\u2019t fit in my dress and my hair keeps doing this weird flippy thing, and who\u2019s gonna want to kiss a girl like that at midnight?\u201d she whined. She walked back over to where he stood by the crib. \u201cHonestly, would you want to kiss a girl like that, a girl with three chins and flippy hair, would you want to kiss her on New Year\u2019s Eve?\u201d<\/p>\n

I want to kiss her right now. <\/i>For a second, a split-second, Angel was tempted. Tempted to just lean down and take her into his arms and cover her lips with his. And then he would walk her over to the bed and lay her down and cover her body with his.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou, uh, you don\u2019t have three chins,\u201d he pointed out instead. Something flickered in her eyes. He wasn\u2019t sure if it was annoyance, or something more. Before he could ask, she shook her head and exhaled loudly and then it was gone.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt really is kind of your fault, you know,\u201d she told him, but there was no real anger in her voice. The awkward tension from a moment ago was already fading. She was directing them back toward safe, platonic waters.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh really?\u201d Angel asked. \u201cHow is that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Cordy, want me to make you an omelet? I\u2019ll only put ham and bacon and three pounds of extra cheese in. Or, or Oh, Cordy, don\u2019t go to the gym, stay home with me and Connor, you burn enough calories demon hunting. You know, I have to tell you Angel, I think the health benefits of slaying a Kimigali demon are highly exaggerated,\u201d she said, wagging a finger at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell see, when you avoid the actual slaying and instead you stand next to the wall and yell at me about how I\u2019m doing it all wrong, then sure, you aren\u2019t going to be burning a lot of calories,\u201d Angel said. She giggled. \u201cAnd you like the extra cheese. You told me next time to use less eggs and MORE cheese.\u201d She actually laughed at that. Then she abruptly stopped.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t cheer me up. I\u2019m not ready to cheer up yet,\u201d she pouted. \u201cI don\u2019t need you to cheer me up Angel. I need you to make me skinny by this time tomorrow!\u201d Angel drew a blank. They hadn\u2019t trained in a while. He supposed he could offer to do that. \u201cI\u2019m talking drastic measures here.\u201d His mind flashed back to what he\u2019d read in last month\u2019s Cosmo. Which he read for purely professional reasons. He worked with women. He had women clients.They say sex burns more calories an hour than Tae-Bo. Should I offer to have sex with her? She did say she was willing to consider drastic measures. <\/i>At least sex with him wasn\u2019t as drastic a measure as it once would have been. Not since last week, when Lorne had come upon Angel humming \u201cSilent Night\u201d to Connor and announced that his soul sounded pretty secure. Of course, he hadn\u2019t tested that out yet. But, again, she did say drastic. <\/i><\/p>\n

“Hello? Earth to Angel? Are you even listening to me?\u201d Cordelia waved her hand in front of his face. \u201cI have a serious problem. In 24 hours I want to be breaking hearts. Not breaking chairs.\u201d Angel wondered if she knew she was breaking his heart a little right now. \u201cI think I even have back fat,\u201d she confided to him. She whipped around so she was facing the door, then looked over her shoulder at him. \u201cDo I have back fat?\u201d Then she crossed her arms in front of her and pulled up her shirt.<\/p>\n

Angel\u2019s mouth suddenly went dry. It’s no big deal. I’ve seen millions of women naked. This is just a back. There’s nothing sexual about a back. Everybody has a back. <\/i>But this was Cordy\u2019s back. An acre of warm tan skin covering firm muscles and perfect bones. He followed the line of her spine downwards, until it was met by the sun. He loved that tattoo. It was the only sun he ever got to see, and sometimes, it was almost enough.<\/p>\n

Before he could stop himself, before he was even fully aware of what he was doing, Angel took a step toward her. Then his hand reached out and, with his finger, he traced the same path his eyes had just taken. She slowly turned her head back at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHold me closer Tiny Dancer, what\u2019s going on in here?\u201d Angel and Cordy both jerked at the interruption. Their heads whipped around to where Lorne stood in the doorway, resplendent in a gold lam\u00e9 robe. \u201cHope I\u2019m not interrupting anything,\u201d Lorne said, waggling his eyebrows. \u201cI had no idea you two were up here playing Ben and J. Lo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Angel exclaimed, pulling his hand off Cordy like she had some sort of contagious skin condition.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo way,\u201d Cordy seconded, yanking her shirt back down.<\/p>\n

Angel moved to stand on the other side of the room. \u201cWe weren\u2019t playing\u2026who is Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy snorted. \u201cBelieve me Angel, you\u2019re no Ben.” She rounded on Lorne. \u201cWhy J. Lo? Is that your way of saying I have a big ass?\u201d<\/p>\n

Lorne gulped. \u201cEasy slugger. Just an innocent Pylean bystander.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia backed off. \u201cSorry Lorne,\u201d she offered half-heartedly. She wandered over to the bed and sat, putting her head in her hands.<\/p>\n

Lorne walked over and stood next to Angel. \u201cWhat\u2019s with the Pretty Pretty Princess?\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

Not taking his eyes off the woman slumped on the bed, Angel whispered back, \u201cShe can\u2019t fit into her New Years dress.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHello, it\u2019s not like my ears got fat. I can still hear you two,\u201d Cordy said, her voice muffled by the fact that her head was still buried in her hands.<\/p>\n

Unlike Angel, Lorne knew what to do in situations like this. He jogged to the bed and gathered her in his arms. \u201cOf course you can hear us, you silly, skinny girl. Now what kind of dress was it? Betsy Johnson?\u201d<\/p>\n

Still sulking, \u201cJohn Galliano\u201d Cordelia sullenly told him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell those always run small,\u201d Lorne said comfortingly.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt fit last summer,\u201d Cordy whined.<\/p>\n

Lorne covered, just like the master that he was. \u201cWell last summer you were practically anorexic. You needed to gain some weight, so you could look as fabulous as you do now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy bit her lip. \u201cFabulous.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGlorious. Sexy and womanly and every man\u2019s New Year\u2019s dream.\u201d Cordy shot Lorne a sly look. \u201cOkay, not MY New Year\u2019s dream,\u201d Lorne amended, \u201cbut every other man\u2019s. Come on sugar, I\u2019m sure Angelcakes already told you all this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy sniffled, mostly for dramatic effect. \u201cAngel told me I was proportional.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both of them turned and glared at Angel. \u201cProportional?\u201d Lorne repeated.<\/p>\n

Why does this always happen to me? <\/i>\u201cYes. Proportional. That\u2019s a compliment,\u201d Angel defended. \u201cAnd, and I said other stuff. I told you you were beautiful,\u201d he whined to Cordy.<\/p>\n

She rolled her eyes and turned back to Lorne. \u201cHe told me I was a beautiful person. That\u2019s what guys tell all fat girls.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not fat,\u201d Angel yelled. Everyone froze and looked over at the crib. Seconds passed in silence. Angel gave a sigh of relief. And then one long, painfully loud wail erupted.<\/p>\n

\u201cNice going,\u201d Cordy huffed.<\/p>\n

Lorne scurried over and picked up the squalling baby. \u201cAngel-heart, looks like you\u2019ve managed to alienate both the women and the children.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy slowly pushed herself up off the bed. \u201cWell, I\u2019m going downstairs to not eat,\u201d she announced. \u201cThanks for all your help Angel.\u201d Before Angel could object, she was out the door. He just stood there, looking at his feet, debating whether to run after her or give her some time to vent at Gunn, Fred, and Wes. I’m tired of being the bad guy. It’s their turn. <\/i>He\u2019d just stay up here, spend some quality with his son and wait for Cordelia to cool off.<\/p>\n

Rocking the baby gently, Lorne tssked. \u201cYou really don\u2019t know women at all, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel ground his teeth. \u201cWhat did you come in here for anyway?\u201d he growled.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, right, with all the excitement I completely forgot. I got another new Speedo and I was wondering what you\u2014Angel? Where are you going?\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel sprinted for the door, chasing after the lesser of two evils.<\/p>\n

Part 2<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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