{"id":4023,"date":"2015-07-06T00:31:41","date_gmt":"2015-07-05T23:31:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/?p=4023"},"modified":"2015-07-06T01:05:00","modified_gmt":"2015-07-06T00:05:00","slug":"bad-timing-23","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/2015\/07\/06\/bad-timing-23\/","title":{"rendered":"Bad Timing. 23"},"content":{"rendered":"

Part 23<\/b>: Confusion and Clarity<\/em><\/p>\n

Cordelia sat on her couch and wondered why she couldn\u2019t stop shaking. Dennis knew she was upset, although she hadn\u2019t said a word, other than the occasional \u201cOh God Oh God\u201d since she came home.<\/p>\n

He had floated everything but the kitchen sink over to her, trying to offer any comfort he could. Ice cream, a blanket, hot tea, Kleenex, and for some reason, her loofah. She didn\u2019t want any of it. Nothing would make her feel better.<\/p>\n

Nothing could fix this.<\/p>\n

Why did I pick that fight with Buffy? In front of everybody. Wow Cordy, if you were trying to get them all to forget what a bitch you were, acting like that was clearly the way to go. <\/i><\/p>\n

It was just, when she had walked in the door, the door to the place where SHE worked with HER friends \u2013 it was hearing all that bad stuff being said about her on her turf, where she felt safe.<\/p>\n

And it wasn\u2019t even that Buffy seemed to hate her. She hadn\u2019t lied to Angel \u2013 she did care what the Scoobies thought of her, but that wasn\u2019t what made her lose her cool. It was thinking about the people of Angel Investigations overhearing.<\/p>\n

Fred, Gunn, Wes, Angel, even Lorne \u2013 what if they had listened to the Scoobies and started to agree with them? This was the first time in her life she had friends who simply liked her, for no reason at all. She didn\u2019t want them looking at her the way the Scoobies did.<\/p>\n

Of course, it wasn\u2019t the overheard slander that had her shaking on her couch, Cordy acknowledged. Angel had heard that last bit, the part about how Spike had stayed while Angel had left. What else had he heard? Where was he when Buffy and I were fighting? <\/i>If he knew, if he had been listening when she had foolishly blurted out her feelings for him, Cordy didn\u2019t know what would happen. Her safe, cozy little world would come crashing down around her. Angel would probably freak. The man she loved was a dork at heart. He wouldn\u2019t deal with her unrequited love well. It\u2019s going to get weird. She was going to lose everything. Snuggles with Connor and Angel at bedtime. The smiles he slipped that seemed just for her.<\/p>\n

The casual touching. Oh God, I won\u2019t be able to touch him anymore. <\/i>Cordy would miss that the most. The way she was allowed to lay a hand on his shoulder or run a hand down his arm. The way she wasn\u2019t allowed to touch his hair but how she did anyway, just to piss him off. The way that, lately, she had been finding reasons to lean on him. They would be watching a movie on the couch or standing in line at Baby Gap and she would just lean her head onto his shoulder or chest. And sometimes she would turn her face so her nose touched his shirt and just breath him in. And how, rarely, but ever so often, he would bring his hand up lightly to her waist. Making everything perfect.<\/p>\n

But those privileges would be gone. Angel would get all paranoid about what each touch meant. Worry that he was leading her on. It would be awful. Junior high all over again.<\/p>\n

Maybe he didn\u2019t hear. Maybe he was sleeping and he woke up and came down right away and just heard that last part. Yeah, that, that wouldn\u2019t be so awful. Sure he heard me basically tell Buffy that Spike loved her more than Angel ever had, but that wasn\u2019t SO bad. Not as bad as him possibly hearing me confess my love for him to his ex-girlfriend and her cronies.<\/i><\/p>\n

Cordy decided she would just stay away for a couple of days. The Sunnydale crew would be gone by tomorrow. She could call in sick and avoid having to listen to their phony goodbyes. Maybe she could pretend to be really sick and stay home for the entire week. Maybe after a week, that whole I\u2019m-in-love-with-Angel thing will just go away. And that icky yearning feeling in the pit of my stomach, that will disappear. And everything will just go back to normal, to the way it was. The way it will always be\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n

Cordelia wasn\u2019t sure that was possible. Could she stop thinking about Angel that way? Go back to a time when he wasn\u2019t even a romantic consideration. When he only looked at her as something he put up with, for the sake of the mission. Before she had started to care so very much.<\/p>\n

\u201cDennis,\u201d she said in a wobbly voice. \u201cI think I might be ready for that ice cream now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCherry Garcia or mint chocolate chip,\u201d came a voice from the door.<\/p>\n

She turned her head. It was him. Angel stood just inside her apartment holding two pints of ice cream. She hated that he knew her so well. That she had let him know her so well. Once you let them in, you give them license to hurt you. Her father had told her that.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is this custom we half-demons have, it\u2019s called knocking, maybe you\u2019ve heard of it,\u201d Cordy said, trying to sound as normal as possible. I\u2019ll just ignore the fact that I know he can see all the tear-streaks on my face. Hell, he can probably smell them. Stupid vampire.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cI did. You must not have heard me. Dennis let me in,\u201d Angel said as he walked into the kitchen as if he owned the place. What\u2019s his problem? Who does he think he is, coming over here and bringing me ice cream, knowing I always need it when I do the breakdown thing? Oh I know. This is gonna be just like with the firing. He comes bearing gifts, we both agree we\u2019re still friends, and we just pretend it all never happened.<\/i><\/p>\n

Wiping at her eyes and sniffling, Cordelia hauled her aching body off the couch and walked into the kitchen. Angel was spooning the Mint Chocolate Chip into a bowl. Ha! Guess he doesn\u2019t know me that well! <\/i>Before she could point out his mistake, Angel spoke.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, when you\u2019re sad you like to eat it straight out of the container, but I\u2019m sorry, that just goes against everything I believe in,\u201d he said, without turning around to look at her. He put the ice cream into the freezer than turned around. \u201cHey, you just got out of the hospital, you need to stay off your feet.\u201d He pushed her into the chair and placed the bowl of ice cream in front of her. Oh my god. He\u2019s \u201chandling\u201d me. I\u2019m letting myself be handled.<\/i>Cordelia was confused and tired and at a loss for what to do. So she picked up the spoon and ate, while a vampire with a soul sat down at the table across from her and watched.<\/p>\n

**
\nAngel wasn\u2019t exactly sure how to proceed. He had known what to expect before he came over here \u2013that\u2019s why he stopped for ice cream. The confrontation with Buffy, seeing that kiss last night, plus the ordeal of being ripped open by a demon. He knew it would leave Cordy tired and hurting and vulnerable. She hated feeling vulnerable.<\/p>\n

So he brought ice cream.<\/p>\n

When he walked out of the door of the Hyperion, he hadn\u2019t had much of a plan. Nothing beyond telling Cordy that he loved her. He had practically flown out of the hotel, he was that eager to see her (and he was lucky the sun had been setting\u2014he hadn\u2019t even bothered to check). On the way over to her apartment, he realized it wasn\u2019t that simple. There was more to say than \u201cI love you.\u201d There was explaining what happened the night before with Buffy. There was the curse. There was the fact that she had jumped in front of a demon to save his ex-girlfriend and seemingly thought he would have no problem with that. It wasn\u2019t going to be easy. But this is worth fighting for.<\/i><\/p>\n

The weird part was that he wasn\u2019t used to being the aggressor in these situations. Usually it was him hurting and her stepping in and making him feel better. In the end, he decided to copy a move from her playbook. Which is why he brought the ice cream. He was using her patented \u201csweep in, take charge and get them talking before they realize what\u2019s happening move\u201d. He needed to get her to talk to him. Never had two people so desperately needed to talk.<\/p>\n

But it was hard, now, seeing her upset and not sweeping her into his arms and holding her the way his body screamed to. To smell her tears and not try to kiss them away.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t do that, not yet, but he couldn\u2019t seem to figure out how to start the talking either. So he just watched her. Her little perplexed face as she stared at him and at the bowl of ice cream. The way her nose wrinkled, how she finally picked up the spoon and got a scoop, how she brought it up to mouth level and just sighed, how she finally ate it, sighed again, then put the spoon down. Then she would start the process all over again, starting with the bowl stare. She did it four times. She didn\u2019t look at him once. She didn\u2019t say anything. But he couldn\u2019t seem to either. So he just kept watching her.<\/p>\n

Finally she put the spoon in the bowl and pushed it away from her.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis isn\u2019t working,\u201d Cordy said, watching her nails as they tapped at the edge of the table.<\/p>\n

Angel flinched. Not working? We haven\u2019t even started yet, how can we already not be working? <\/i>His level of confusion must have shown on his face, because she hurried to clarify.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe ice cream,\u201d she said, pointing to the half full bowl. \u201cIt isn\u2019t working. I\u2019m not feeling any better.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid I get the wrong kind?\u201d Angel asked, frowning. He was sure he knew what she liked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it\u2019s not that. It\u2019s not the flavor that makes me feel better. It\u2019s the part where I put on my sweats and curl up on the couch with a carton and a spoon and listen to Sarah McLaughlin and eat until I need to puke. And I can\u2019t do that. Not with YOU here,\u201d Cordy huffed.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we\u2019re friends.\u201d Best friends. <\/i>\u201cYou can do anything in front of me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTrust me,\u201d Cordelia said. \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t BE my friend if you saw the way I inhale ice cream when I\u2019m by myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel guessed that now was not the time to tell her that he had seen her before. How on one of those nights earlier in the year, when he used to come over in the middle of the night and watch her, when he was worried about the visions getting worse\u2026he had seen Cordelia with the ice cream. She had put away a pint of Cookies and Cream at three in the morning, watching \u201cAn Affair to Remember\u201d between her tears. And I thought Angelus was a messy eater.<\/i><\/p>\n

Instead he reached across the table and touched the top of one of her hands. \u201cI\u2019ll always be your friend, no matter what I see.\u201d She smiled and for the first time that night, she didn\u2019t seem so distant.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd no matter what I hear,\u201d he added. She yanked her hand away and her eyes shot open in what looked a lot like fear. Angel figured that worked as an ice-breaker. All right. Now it\u2019s time.<\/i><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u201cCordy, we need to talk,\u201d he began. First they would deal with what happened in the park. Because, while Angel was happy, hell, practically perfectly happy, about her confession of love for him, he was also more than a little angry.<\/p>\n

Immediately, she was out of her chair, interrupting him. \u201cFine. You\u2019re right. I know you heard\u2026what you heard.\u201d Oh my god, he heard. He heard. Why did he have to hear? <\/i>\u201cSo lets just \u2026not make a big deal about this. It\u2019s nothing.\u201d Yeah, my falling in love with a blood-sucking UV-allergic vampire and him not even having the courtesy to love me back, that\u2019s nothing.<\/i><\/p>\n

Nothing? She thinks the fact that I stood in a hospital waiting for her to wake up, waiting for hours for her to open her eyes, that\u2019s nothing. He kept remembering what she had said in the hospital, when he had asked her what happened. \u201cIt\u2019s not the first time I\u2019ve gotten in the way of a big slimy demon.\u201d She had been so blas\u00e9. As if her life was something to be trifled with. Something she would sacrifice for Buffy.<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing? How COULD you not tell me this right away?\u201d Angel winced when he heard how loudly he was talking.<\/p>\n

Cordy wondered how she should have told him right away. What, she was supposed to have realized she was in love with him, run downstairs and said \u201cHey, sorry about the winter weight comment, by the way, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.\u201d Okay, maybe I could have told him a little sooner. But I didn\u2019t even tell myself until yesterday. So really, this WAS done in a pretty timely manner. He really shouldn\u2019t be complaining.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel, I\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t tell you right away. I guess I felt a little uncomfortable,\u201d she said as she paced around the kitchen table.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you felt so uncomfortable, why did you do a thing like this in the first place?\u201d Angel shot back. Why was she fearless when it came to risking her life to save Buffy and then afraid to tell him about it?<\/p>\n

\u201cExcuse me?\u201d Cordy said, frozen \u201cHELLO, it\u2019s not like I planned this.\u201d Yeah, like I wanted to fall for a poor single father who can\u2019t have sex. That was my goal from the get-go. <\/i>\u201cI didn\u2019t really have a lot of choice in the matter.\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel felt like steam was coming from his ears. However much he loved her, this woman was still completely infuriating. She didn\u2019t have a choice? Seems to me she could have CHOSEN to not jump into the path of a demon who was perfectly willing to tear her apart. <\/i>\u201cNo choice Cordelia,\u201d Angel said. \u201cI don\u2019t buy that. This was a conscious decision, a stupid crazy decision.\u201d<\/p>\n

So the idea of me and him is stupid and crazy? Fine. <\/i>\u201cI get it,\u201d she said, slumping into her chair across from him again. \u201cLook, lets just pretend you don\u2019t know. I\u2019m sure we can both get over this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt will take you weeks before you are back to normal,\u201d Angel noted grimly. The doctor said it had taken 20 stitches. He began to grind his teeth, thinking how small she had looked in that hospital bed.<\/p>\n

Weeks? I fall in love, really in love, for the first time in my life and he thinks I should be over it in a few weeks? <\/i>Cordelia didn\u2019t know what to say that.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe how stupid you were.\u201d Apparently Angel did know what to say.<\/p>\n

Cordy took a deep breath. Stupid. My feelings are stupid. My loving him is stupid. And this is my best friend talking. <\/i>\u201cI am not going to apologize for the way I feel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou had no reason to feel that way,\u201d Angel said. This time, he got up and started pacing. He really didn\u2019t know why Cordy had tried so desperately to keep Buffy from getting hurt. Does she honestly think that her life is less important than Buffy\u2019s? That her dying wouldn\u2019t hurt me, wouldn\u2019t break me?<\/i><\/p>\n

For a minute, for Cordy, it was like an echo in the room. She kept hearing Angel telling her \u201cyou had no reason to feel that way,\u201d over and over again. Telling her she had no reason to think he could ever feel that way, about her.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was wrong,\u201d she mumbled in a small quiet voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were very wrong,\u201d Angel said, his back turned to her.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess that I mis-read certain\u2026signs,\u201d Cordy told his back. \u201cI thought you\u2026\u201d I thought you might learn to love me back just a little.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t see how you ever thought I would be okay with this.\u201d Angel didn\u2019t understand how Cordy couldn\u2019t know what losing her would do to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cAngel, I\u2019m sorry.\u201d Cordy was starting to get a little ticked off. She got the part where he didn\u2019t feel the same way about her. But he seemed WAY more angry than the situation warranted.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure you\u2019re sorry, now, when your stupid crazy decisions have gotten you hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n

Maybe it was because that was the third time he called her stupid. Maybe it was the fact that he seemed to be telling her that her broken heart was all her fault. Or maybe she was PMS-ing. For whatever reason, the dam broke.<\/p>\n

\u201cListen,\u201d she practically yelled, flying out of her chair, spinning him around to face her, and then shoving him into the refrigerator. \u201cI refuse to accept all the blame here buddy. You played along. You encouraged\u2026with all the\u2026touching. And the kissing.\u201d Okay, we were possessed at the time of the kissing, but still\u2026..<\/i><\/p>\n

So she sees me kiss Buffy once and thinks that I would die if I lost her? <\/i>Angel saw more than a few flaws in Cordelia\u2019s logic. \u201cGeez Cor\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd it\u2019s not just that. It\u2019s all the time together. All these almost-moments that keep happening.\u201d I know I wasn\u2019t imagining those moments. When we\u2019re training. In bed with Connor. Yesterday, on the couch. Last night at Caritas\u2026before he decided to suck face with Buffy.<\/i><\/p>\n

Angel squirmed against the fridge. He had fallen in love with a crazy person. All the time together? He had seen Buffy maybe five times in three years. \u201cWe\u2019ve hardly spent any time together,\u201d he told the beautiful but insane woman who had him pinned. \u201cNot the important kind of time.\u201d Not like the time you and I have.<\/i><\/p>\n

Right around the time she heard his remark about important time, Cordelia lost it.<\/p>\n

\u201cAhhhhhhhhhhh,\u201d she screamed into his face. She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, saying, \u201cHow can you say you and I don\u2019t spend important time together?\u201d She let go of him and spun around, walking over to the table. \u201cHow can you say that we haven\u2019t been having a whole helluva lot of very out-of-the-ordinary, non-platonic, ALWAYS INTERRUPTED moments.\u201d She kicked a chair for impact and it went skittering into the stove.<\/p>\n

Angel was very very confused. Because he had been kidding before, about her being crazy. But now she really was acting crazy. She wasn\u2019t making any sense.<\/p>\n

\u201cUm, Cordy,\u201d he said, as calmly as possible. \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n

What am I talking about? What does the idiot think I\u2019m talking about? What have we just spent the last ten minutes talking about? <\/i>He hadn\u2019t moved from the place she had assigned him against the refrigerator and now she stalked back over to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m TALKING about how you heard me tell them how I was in love with you. How you come here and act like it was ridiculous for me to think you could even LIKE me like that. Like that\u2019s me, CRAZY CORDY.\u201d She jabbed him in the heart with her index finger. \u201cI\u2019m TALKING about how you should be letting me down gently before you ride off into the sunset with Buffy and instead, you came over all yelling and mean. HELLO, I\u2019m wounded. You are being MEAN to the walking wounded here.\u201d And with that, she went back to the chair, sat down, and laid her head down on the table.<\/p>\n

Angel sighed. Somehow they had been talking for fifteen minutes and hadn\u2019t managed to actually SAY a word to each other. It\u2019s like, whenever we finally don\u2019t have any obstacles, we manage to create new ones. <\/i>This was progress though. She had admitted she was in love with him. He had been worried he would have to drag it out of her.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, the tiredness and frustration started to fade away. Cordy loves me. <\/i>There hadn\u2019t really been time for that to sink in. But it was true. She\u2019d said it twice now. She loved him.<\/p>\n

He walked over to her and sat back down too. \u201cI know you\u2019re wounded,\u201d he said in a quiet voice. \u201cI found out you got hurt trying to save Buffy. That\u2019s what I\u2019ve been talking about this whole time. How you pushed Buffy and let that demon slice you open.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d she said into the table. \u201cYou heard that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd the other? The thing I was talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe part about how you\u2019re in love with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia was glad her face was buried in the table and she didn\u2019t have to watch him say that. \u201cYes,\u201d she mumbled.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I caught that too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy knew she needed to look up. But she couldn\u2019t. Not just yet. It was much easier having this conversation with the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cAngel, please don\u2019t get all broody and awkward about this. This love thing, it doesn\u2019t have to change anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel got sick of having to hear her voice through a block of Formica. He crouched down next to his Seer and tried to get a peek at her face. \u201cCordelia, I don\u2019t see how that\u2019s possible. It changes everything. And we are going to talk about that. But first, we are going to talk about the fact that you essentially were willing to trade her life for your own.\u201d<\/p>\n

Finally, she turned her head to face him, but still kept it on the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cUghhh, Angel! Trust me, I didn\u2019t think of it that way at the time. Geez, that makes me sound all martyr-y. Ughhhhh.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell it doesn\u2019t make you sound good,\u201d Angel agreed. Her face was just inches from his and he wanted nothing more than to just touch her lips. With his fingers, his lips, his tongue, anything. But he couldn\u2019t. Not just yet. \u201cHow could you think that I\u2019d want to sacrifice you for Buffy?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy sat up. \u201cAngel, I didn\u2019t think of it like that. Really. I\u2019m no saint. I just, I guess all I did think was that I couldn\u2019t watch you lose her again. I wasn\u2019t sure you would be able to deal a second time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Confident that she was through talking into the kitchen table, Angel sat back down. \u201cBut I\u2019d be just fine \u2018dealing\u2019 if I lost you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy leaned forward, looking into his eyes. \u201cAngel, we are talking about Buffy here,\u201d she said slowly, as if she were explaining something complicated to a child.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m talking about you,\u201d Angel said just as slowly.<\/p>\n

\u201cExactly,\u201d she told him. She leaned back in the chair, pulled her legs up and cradled her knees with her arms. Somehow the fetal position was always appropriate when your heart was breaking. \u201cI\u2019m not\u2026and no matter how I\u2026\u201d She didn\u2019t know how to explain.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not what? No matter how you what?\u201d Angel wondered if he would ever understand her.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw you Angel. Last night. At Caritas.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, you did.\u201d There was no avoiding this part. Angel knew that.<\/p>\n

\u201cI pick a pretty good time to announce my love for you, huh?,\u201d Cordy chuckled bitterly. \u201cRight after you get back together with the love of your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel rubbed his face with both hands. \u201cBuffy and I are not back together.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut she is the love of your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. No. Sort of.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia wrinkled her brow. \u201cWell, which is it?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s the love of my, of my youth.\u201d I would have said love of my past, but then she\u2019d probably bring up Darla and I\u2019d prefer to keep the majority of my exes out of this discussion.<\/i><\/p>\n

Cordelia blinked. The love of his youth? \u201cAngel, weren\u2019t you like 240-something when you met Buffy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI might as well have been 15,\u201d Angel muttered, pushing out of his chair and calling dibs on pacing around the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh?\u201d Cordelia asked the vampire circling around her.<\/p>\n

\u201cCordy, you know that first time you kiss someone and feel more than lust? The first time you\u2019re near someone and realize that they make you happier and stronger and just, better? The first time you have someone worth\u2026everything?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy bit her lip. Yeah, I was 21 and that someone was you..<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Angel continued, \u201cAll those firsts were with Buffy. And everything feels like its bigger than the world the first time. Didn\u2019t you feel that way with\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith Xander,\u201d she exclaimed, appalled. \u201cAre you joking?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell that\u2019s the way it was with Buffy. It was new and forbidden and dangerous and larger than life. All the things you want when you\u2019re young. It was what you want before you learn. Learn what real intimacy and closeness is.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, now I get to listen to him talk about how real intimacy was sex and losing his soul with her? Fabulous. <\/i>Cordelia shot out of her chair. \u201cIf you\u2019re going to talk about you and Buffy and sex, I\u2019m going to need more ice cream,\u201d she said, heading to the freezer before Angel grabbed her by her wrists. He pulled her closer to him, with her arms bent at the elbow and propped up between their two bodies.<\/p>\n

\u201cNO,\u201d he said, shaking his head. \u201cI\u2019m talking about real intimacy. It\u2019s not sex. It\u2019s knowing someone without the mystery.\u201d In his head, Angel saw all the times he had watched Buffy from the shadows. Heard Spike telling them both they weren\u2019t friends, they would never be friends. \u201cIts being there when they\u2019re in danger and, more importantly, when they\u2019re not.\u201d He saw Cordelia watching him out of the corner of her eye as she talked to Wes. Dragging him to parties. Letting him pull out the splinter she had gotten that day they killed the Aliwri demon. \u201cIn that way, Buffy and I never were\u2026intimate.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, Angel, it\u2019s great that you two have now reached new levels of intimacy and whatnot. Best of luck. Cheers. Mazel Tov.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCordelia. We are not back together. I\u2019m not in love with Buffy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia hmphhed. \u201cSure. Whatever you say. You\u2019re not in love.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t say that,\u201d Angel corrected. Oh, I\u2019m in love, you beautiful clueless woman.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cSee,\u201d Cordelia whined. \u201cNow that that\u2019s settled\u2026\u201d Cordelia never finished her sentence. She forgot what she was going to say when Angel lifted her up and sat her down on the table. For a minute, he just stood in front of her, swaying from side to side. He almost looked\u2026nervous.<\/p>\n

\u201cCordy, I have something to give you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She couldn\u2019t help but sigh. \u201cAngel, I really don\u2019t need a \u2018Sorry I don\u2019t feel the same way about you\u2019 present. It\u2019s cool. You don\u2019t have to let me down easy.\u201d I wonder if it\u2019s clothes again.<\/i><\/p>\n

Clearly the two of us are in for a life sentence of getting our signals crossed Angel thought. \u201cCordy\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve always known it couldn\u2019t happen,\u201d she interrupted. \u201cThat\u2019s why I didn\u2019t let you know. That\u2019s why I didn\u2019t let myself know.\u201d She started to kick her feet a little. \u201cI may make fun of it, but I do understand the whole star-crossed lovers bit. You don\u2019t have to hand me a little blue box to make up for not loving me\u2014I assume it is a little blue box, because if I was mad and you wanted to make it up to me, Tiffany\u2019s would be the way to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCordy, I do love y\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, I know. As a friend. And that\u2019s great. That\u2019s\u2026enough.\u201d That will have to be enough.<\/i><\/p>\n

Angel had had enough. \u201cCordelia. Shut up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her jaw dropped open. Then it snapped shut. I think that may be the first time she\u2019s ever listened to me. <\/i>\u201cCan you just let me say this? Because I do have something to give you. And I\u2019m not leaving until I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Once she realized he was waiting for an answer, Cordy nodded. \u201cRight. Fine.\u201d Her words belied a sense of casualness she didn\u2019t feel. I\u2019m scared. Why am I so scared? It\u2019s just a present. <\/i>\u201cWatcha got for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy heart,\u201d he said. Her jaw dropped again. He waited, but it didn\u2019t look like she planned on talking any time soon.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know. It doesn\u2019t beat. It\u2019s, well, slightly used. But other than that, it\u2019s in perfect working order. And it\u2019s yours.\u201d Angel studied her face. She made no move to speak, but her eyes looked suspiciously damp. \u201cFree and clear.\u201d She blinked. \u201cIt actually has been,\u201d he added. She bit her lip. \u201cFor a while now.\u201d There. I said it. Balls in her court.<\/i><\/p>\n

Except Cordy wasn\u2019t playing. She didn\u2019t say a word. Long slow seconds passed until Angel was on the verge of grabbing the chopsticks she kept in the drawer on the left and staking himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d she said, sliding her hands out of his grip, hopping off the table and taking a step or two back. \u201cI prefer merchandise that\u2019s brand new. I\u2019m not usually interested in second-hand items.\u201d She seemed to hesitate and then a watery smile broke out on her face. \u201cBut I happen to think you and your heart would look pretty good on me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Part 24<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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