{"id":4017,"date":"2015-07-06T00:20:44","date_gmt":"2015-07-05T23:20:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/?p=4017"},"modified":"2015-07-06T01:03:42","modified_gmt":"2015-07-06T00:03:42","slug":"bad-timing-21","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/2015\/07\/06\/bad-timing-21\/","title":{"rendered":"Bad Timing. 21"},"content":{"rendered":"

Part 21<\/b>: Hitting the Fan<\/em><\/p>\n

Cordelia hadn\u2019t come to the Hyperion with the intention of getting into it with Buffy. She had finagled her way out of the hospital and had only stopped by to let the gang know\u2014then go home to her ghost and her bed and put this whole disastrous weekend behind her.<\/p>\n

She hadn\u2019t been able to sleep more than a few hours at the hospital and she was choosing to blame that on the unfamiliar setting and not the reoccurring flashbacks she was getting of Angel and Buffy. She would figure out what to do about them and their goddamn eternal love later.<\/p>\n

Every time she thought of the two of them together, of finding them like that, heat rushed into her cheeks and her heart started pounding. She felt so stupid. How could she have thought she and Angel had a chance? Maybe, maybe if there was no Buffy, it might have happened. But there most definitely was a Buffy and her place, as always, was in Angel\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n

At least she hadn\u2019t done anything incredibly lame, like confessing how she felt about Angel. The fact that she hadn\u2019t gotten the chance to tell him was the only thing letting her save face right now, the only thing saving her from total and utter mortification.
\nAnd now, here she was, starting shit with Buffy. Was it because she was jealous, was this about Angel? Cordelia tried hard to be honest with herself and she really didn\u2019t think that was it. It was Buffy\u2019s refusal to see her in any way different from the Cordelia Chase she was circa 1999 that was prompting this. It was her off-kilter reaction that pushed Cordelia to stop eavesdropping and speak up.<\/p>\n

And now that she was gonna open her big fat mouth, she might as well go all the way.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know why Buffy,\u201d Cordy heard herself saying before she realized she was even talking out loud. \u201cYou know why you can\u2019t admit that people change, that I\u2019ve changed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Buffy jumped and Xander and Willow\u2019s heads whipped around toward the door, where Cordelia stood. Trust the Slayer to recover quickly. She was always good under pressure.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what you are talking about,\u201d Buffy said.<\/p>\n

Cordelia accepted the fact that this wasn\u2019t going to go away. This needed to be dealt with, and hadn\u2019t she always prided herself on her ability to cut through the bullshit?<\/p>\n

\u201cHow can you say people can\u2019t change, that they don\u2019t change? Buffy, look at Wesley. And Willow\u2014tell me that whole gayness thing isn\u2019t a teeny bit of a change from our days in high school. Hell, even Xander is less of a retard now.\u201d Xander smiled inanely at that last part, then frowned, unsure if he had just been complimented or insulted.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t talk about Xander like that,\u201d Buffy shot back. Xander frowned more\u2014judging from Buffy\u2019s reaction, Cordelia HAD insulted him.<\/p>\n

Cordelia would not be deterred. \u201cDon\u2019t try to change the subject. What about Angel, Buffy? He\u2019s changed. You know that. Everyone here can see that\u2014it\u2019s what makes working with him and knowing him so rewarding.\u201d Cordy sighed and stepped closer to the group. \u201cBut then, of course Angel\u2019s changed. That\u2019s part of the reason you\u2019re so scared.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not scared of anything,\u201d Buffy said, hoping that she didn\u2019t sound like a petulant child.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re scared to death that he\u2019s changed. You\u2019re scared that those changes might mean the end of the Angel and Buffy saga that we\u2019ve all watched so faithfully all these years. And being in love with Angel is just about the only thing you have right now that you trust, that you don\u2019t doubt. Loving Angel right now is what makes you feel safe.\u201d Cordelia was actually rather impressed with herself. She sounded all psychological, like a member of the debate team or something.<\/p>\n

A malicious gleam came to Buffy\u2019s eye. She had, after all, been trained to look for weakness and use it to her advantage in a battle. And she had a pretty idea what Cordelia\u2019s Achilles heel might be.<\/p>\n

\u201cInteresting that you bring up loving Angel. Something you know all about, I\u2019m sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a minute there was silence. Cordy swore she could hear everyone breathing, everyone\u2019s heart breathing. Was this what it was like for vampires, this ultra-awareness? All of the sudden she was noticing a hundred details. The way Willow tilted her head and bit one side of her bottom lip when she was puzzled. The fact that Xander compulsively cracked his knuckles when he was tense. The appearance of Spike from the doorway to the basement.<\/p>\n

Buffy went in for the kill. \u201cAdmit it Cordelia. You want Angel so bad it hurts. That\u2019s why you are here today, picking a fight with me. Because you are jealous about what you saw last night. You\u2019ve always wanted everything I had. Dating Xander, keeping in touch with Willow\u2014god, your little Christmas cards were so pathetic. Then you come to LA and turn yourself into Angel\u2019s little gal Friday? When are you going to realize that no matter how you worm your way into peoples lives, you will never BE me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank GOD.\u201d<\/p>\n

Buffy did a little \u201cPfft\u201d sound of her own. \u201cAre you going to stand there and deny that you are trying to steal my boyfriend? Well, Cordelia, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Angel went completely still as he waited for Cordelia to answer Buffy\u2019s question. As seconds seemed to slow to milli-seconds, he nervously glimpsed over at his fellow eavesdropper, Lorne, who offered a quirky half-smile and nothing more. So very much was riding on how Cordelia answered this question. He knew he shouldn\u2019t expect her to make some grand proclamation of love in front of Buffy and her friends.<\/p>\n

But damn it, I need to know how she feels.<\/i><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Buffy wants me to deny trying to steal her boyfriend, Cordy thought. Done. <\/i>\u201cAm I trying to steal Angel away from you? Absolutely not,\u201d Cordy answered, unaware that on the stairs a vampire\u2019s heart had just been broken.<\/p>\n

Willow bit her lip to hold down the urge to argue with what Cordy had said. Buffy wasn\u2019t quite so controlled.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, right,\u201d she said. \u201cLike you aren\u2019t in love with Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia realized she needed to clarify. \u201cI\u2019m denying that I\u2019m trying to steal your boyfriend Buffy, because Angel\u2019s not your boyfriend. But, yes,\u201d Cordelia went on, realizing she\u2019d rather admit the truth than join Buffy on the train to Denial-ville, \u201cyou\u2019re right. I\u2019m totally head over heels in love with him.\u201d She waited a second for Willow to gasp and Xander\u2019s jaw to drop. She wasn\u2019t disappointed, although Willow didn\u2019t look quite as surprised as Cordy would have predicted.<\/p>\n

Wow, letting that out really wasn\u2019t that hard. But of course, it\u2019s not like telling Angel. Which I clearly won\u2019t be doing anytime in the near future. But who really cares if the Scoobies know? They\u2019re leaving soon. As long as no one who matters finds out, it\u2019s fine. Hey, it\u2019s almost therapeutic. <\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cI admit that because, while I may be the tactless manipulative bitch that you think I am, unlike you, I\u2019m not a liar.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI AM NOT A LIAR,\u201d Buffy shouted, as if Cordelia had just accused her of eating babies for breakfast or something equally horrid.<\/p>\n

Feeling much calmer and confident now that she was starting to see the effect she was having on the Slayer, Cordelia went on in a soft quiet voice. \u201cOh really? I\u2019m guessing you\u2019ve been lying to yourself for quite a while now. You tell yourself that you\u2019ve got everything under control, you tell yourself that what you\u2019re doing to Spike is okay because he\u2019s a vampire\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s she doing to Spike?,\u201d Xander asked. Everyone ignored him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou tell yourself that you\u2019re still in love with Angel, that you haven\u2019t changed at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t,\u201d Buffy said firmly.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course you have. Jesus, Buffy, it\u2019s not a bad thing. We\u2019re supposed to change, to grow up. It\u2019s okay that you\u2019re not the same girl that you were when you first came to Sunnydale. It\u2019s okay that you have different needs and desires than you did when you were 16. It\u2019s even okay if those needs and desires include Spike.\u201d<\/p>\n

Buffy looked nervously at her two friends, who were currently staring at her with confused expressions on their faces. \u201cI, I don\u2019t know what you are talking about. YOU don\u2019t know what you are talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wanna bet?<\/i> \u201cOh, I think I do. I know what it\u2019s like to change. I know what it\u2019s like to feel guilty for wanting someone. I know what it\u2019s like to realize I want someone I would have once been repelled by, someone off limits.\u201d Cordy wondered if maybe she was sharing a little too much here.<\/p>\n

Buffy smirked. \u201cGee golly gosh Cordelia, have you told Angel about the big crush?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia shrugged. \u201cNo, and honestly I probably never will. I understand the realities of that situation. I know my chances of getting what I want. But Buffy, at least I am woman enough to admit what I want. You won\u2019t even do that\u2014and you KNOW how Spike feels about you. Unlike me, you have a chance of getting what you want. And what do you do? You throw that chance away, over and over and over again. Spike, you know he\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShut up,\u201d Buffy said, between clenched teeth. She started to walk over to Cordelia.<\/p>\n

Oh no, this isn\u2019t done yet. <\/i>\u201cLove doesn\u2019t always have to be tragic and painful. You and Spike, it could work. You could be happy and\u2026.\u201d Cordelia didn\u2019t finish the sentence. Buffy stood only inches in front of her and it was a little intimidating.<\/p>\n

\u201cSHUT UP!!!\u201d Even Buffy looked a little surprised when that came out as a scream.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Angel handed the baby to Lorne. In the past three minutes, he figured he had just been through every human emotion known to man. At first, when he thought Cordelia was denying that she felt anything beyond friendship for him, it was like the world was ending. And then\u2026..She had said it. Cordelia had gone and told Buffy that she was in love with him. And to be honest, Angel almost blacked out.<\/p>\n

It was such an overwhelming admission, one he had prayed for and yet, realistically, never expected. He had never been hit by a train before, but he imagined it feeling somewhat similar.<\/p>\n

It had taken a few moments to realize that downstairs, Buffy and Cordy were still talking. As Cordy continued to push Buffy\u2019s buttons, a small tiny prick of fear rose up in him. Buffy was sworn to protect humans, but at the same time, there was nothing stopping her from hurting them. Plus Cordy isn\u2019t entirely human now so Buffy might think knocking her around is okay.<\/i><\/p>\n

Now, seeing his ex yelling, Angel decided he might have to do something. He wouldn\u2019t let Cordelia be hurt.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

When Buffy yelled, Cordy couldn\u2019t help but flinch a little, and she hated herself for it. The first rule of Queen-C-hood was: Never let them see you sweat, never show fear. Well, when the Chosen One loses her temper and you\u2019re the one she\u2019s pissed at, it\u2019s a little hard not to sweat. Oh well, too late to turn back now.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cYou consistently use him Buffy, you know you do, and then you throw his love for you in his face. While he just stands there and takes it.\u201d Looking over Buffy shoulder, Cordy\u2019s eyes met Spikes and she silently apologized for making his business so very public.<\/p>\n

\u201cDamn it Cordelia, I swear to God, if you don\u2019t shut up\u2026Spike is a monster.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia took a deep breath and looked her in the face. \u201cSo is Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n

She would have said more but her thought process was somewhat distracted by Buffy\u2019s hand reaching out and arching toward her face. She braced herself for the blow and opened her eyes when it never came. Spike stood in front of her now, his hand gripped around Buffy\u2019s still raised arm.<\/p>\n

Before she could blink Spike was yanking Buffy away. But he wasn\u2019t keeping her silent. \u201cDon\u2019t you dare compare Spike to Angel. Spike is disgusting. He\u2019s a bloodsucker. He\u2019s a killer Cordy, just like he always was.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia briefly wondered if Buffy knew she was crying. \u201cTell yourself that,\u201d Cordy simply said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI tell myself that because it\u2019s true. Wanting him, it\u2019s sick and it\u2019s twisted and gross and wrong,\u201d Buffy said.<\/p>\n

Spike had let her go once he realized that she posed no danger to Cordelia. Buffy, sobbing now, sank down onto the couch. Oddly, none of the Sunnydale crew moved to comfort her.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe loves you,\u201d Cordy stated quietly.<\/p>\n

Buffy pulled her head up out of her hands, her wet, tear-ravaged eyes looking right at Cordelia. \u201cSpike doesn\u2019t know what love is. Only one man has ever loved me,\u201d she pronounced solemnly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, there was Riley,\u201d Xander admitted.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd Xander, don\u2019t forget Xander,\u201d Willow added, unable to help herself.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey,\u201d Xander scowled at his best friend.<\/p>\n

Cordelia sent a withering glance her ex-boyfriend\u2019s way. \u201cLook, Buffy, I know you and Angel had the tragic endless love to end all loves. I am in no way trying to diminish that.\u201d Okay, maybe I am, just a little. After all, I\u2019m only human. Mostly human. <\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cI know the story, how Angel left because he thought it would be best for you and how leaving almost killed him. I\u2019d just like to point out that Spike, he never left Buffy. He stays with you and LETS you kill him. But he stays. If that\u2019s not love\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

Buffy looked over at Spike, realizing for the first time that he was in the room. In the silence that followed Cordelia, everyone seemed to be taking a moment to recover and get their bearings back.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, Cordy had that feeling. Lately she had been getting much better at sensing when everyone\u2019s favorite vampire with a soul was nearby. She had really been liking the fact that he wasn\u2019t able to sneak up on her anymore. But now\u2026Please, God, please let me be wrong. Please don\u2019t let this happen.<\/i>She sucked up her courage and gave the room a good scan. There he was, standing halfway up the stairs, with Lorne right next to him bouncing Connor. Judging by the expression on Angel\u2019s face, he had heard a lot. For a brief moment their eyes met and Cordelia tried to figure just how much he had overheard. He started to move forward and Cordy\u2019s hand shot up. It had the desired effect and he froze in his descent.<\/p>\n

Cordelia couldn\u2019t deal with this. Not now. Not ever probably. \u201cI, um, the cab\u2019s waiting for me.\u201d Need to leave. So need to get out of here. <\/i>\u201cI just stopped by, I never meant to\u2026I just stopped by to tell you I was released from the hospital. Gonna go now.\u201d Lord I sound ridiculous. <\/i>\u201cI need to get home\u2026let Dennis know I\u2019m okay, so anyway, I\u2019ll\u2026. I need to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no shame in running away. Okay, there\u2019s loads of shame, but shame can just kiss my ass right now. <\/i><\/p>\n

She was out the door before anyone could respond.<\/p>\n

Part 22<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

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Part 21: Hitting the Fan Cordelia hadn\u2019t come to the Hyperion with the intention of getting into it with Buffy. She had finagled…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4017","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-completed-fics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4017","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4017"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4017\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4017"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4017"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4017"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}