{"id":4011,"date":"2015-07-06T00:05:10","date_gmt":"2015-07-05T23:05:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/?p=4011"},"modified":"2015-07-06T01:02:32","modified_gmt":"2015-07-06T00:02:32","slug":"bad-timing-19","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/2015\/07\/06\/bad-timing-19\/","title":{"rendered":"Bad Timing. 19"},"content":{"rendered":"

Part 19<\/b>: Playing Ann Landers<\/em><\/p>\n

Angel took the sewers home, literally dragging one foot in front of the other. He had never felt such bone deep exhaustion before. It was like being hit by a car. Or falling out of a building. Or being impaled by a rebar, then falling out of a building and then getting hit by a car.<\/p>\n

All the drama of the past two days had taken its toll on him. He had never felt this tired before. It had just been too much to deal with. Seeing Cordy\u2019s budding friendship with Spike of all people, kissing Buffy, Cordelia finding them, and then topping the evening off by having her almost bleed out in his arms. Angel just wanted to go kiss his son and then fall asleep forever.<\/p>\n

Focusing solely on the need to get to a bed, Angel came in through the basement and started walking up the stairs. He ran right into Spike, who was coming downstairs at an alarming speed. Angel had to grab the railing at the last minute just to keep from falling.<\/p>\n

\u201cWatch it you big poof,\u201d Spike said.<\/p>\n

Angel just shut his eyes, then opened them, mumbling a lame \u201csorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t know how I didn\u2019t know you were down here,\u201d Spike commented. \u201cI usually smell that Nancy-Boy hair gel from a mile away.\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel didn\u2019t have the energy to notice he had been insulted. \u201cSpike, I\u2019m tired. Please move,\u201d he bit out.<\/p>\n

Spike, being Spike, ignored the request entirely. He stared at his grandsire a moment, before quietly asking, \u201cHow\u2019s the cheerleader.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe woke up. She\u2019s mad about what the stitches are going to do to her audition schedule. She\u2019s making jokes, she\u2026\u201d Angel stopped, noticing something on his hands. It was blood. His hands were still covered in Cordelia\u2019s blood. Suddenly the smells of her blood surrounded him, like he had bathed in it. He was going to be sick.<\/p>\n

Not missing Angel\u2019s reaction, Spike sighed. He really did have something important to do, but clearly that would have to wait. Angel was, after all, family. He grabbed Angel\u2019s arm and dragged him up the stairs. Angel barely noticed. He seemed to have gone into shock. Spike pushed him into a chair in the kitchen and then grabbed a bag of blood from the fridge. Moving to the microwave, Spike began speaking.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what I miss the most about the old days. There was no fear. I mean, sure you and Darla were intimidating and there was lots of other peoples\u2019 fear and Christ that was great.\u201d Angel still stared at his hands. \u201cBut the taste of my own fear. I miss the time when years would go by without that taste.\u201d The microwave beeped and he handed the sitting vampire a cup.<\/p>\n

Angel still didn\u2019t look at Spike and made no move to drink. Finally he said, \u201cSince when are you so afraid?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, like you don\u2019t know the answer to that one. Love, you dolt. The minute you know love, in comes that bloody awful taste of fear. And the more you love, the more that taste is always there. And not that I didn\u2019t love Dru, but she never had me this scared. At least not for those decades in the middle.\u201d Angel moved to take a drink and Spike caught himself smiling like a new mother. The realization sickened him.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd now, with Buffy, you\u2019re afraid? Of what? That she\u2019ll get hurt, or die again? Or that she won\u2019t ever love you back, that you\u2019ll never know how she feels?\u201d Angel was confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know how she feels. I\u2019m afraid she\u2019ll never know how she feels. No strike that. I\u2019m afraid of everything. I\u2019m afraid she\u2019ll leave. I\u2019m afraid she\u2019ll stay but not close enough. I\u2019m afraid every time she walks away from me and I\u2019m afraid every time I see her coming near me.\u201d Spike hadn\u2019t meant to say so much.<\/p>\n

\u201cSpike, Buffy isn\u2019t Dru. She won\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh save it. I know she\u2019s not going to be my partner in crime. I know who she is.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cActually,\u201d Angel said quietly, \u201cI was going to say that Buffy\u2019s not like Drusilla. She\u2019s loyal. She has this incredible heart.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s sane.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, she\u2019s different from Dru that way too. But Spike, when Buffy loves someone, she loves them completely. There should never be fear in that kind of love.\u201d Angel looked at Spike and noted his childe\u2019s confusion. \u201cLook, I\u2019m not saying she feels anything for you. And by no means am I giving you my permission. I think she\u2019s crazy to lay down with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh but it\u2019s perfectly acceptable for you to try and worm your way into the cheerleader\u2019s pants?\u201d Spike cried out, his feelings hurt.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me finish. I know that Buffy\u2019s not in a good place right now. And if being with you, if you help make it better for her, than I guess it\u2019s not completely horrible. But if you hurt her, if this \u2018relationship\u2019 ends the least badly, well, it better not end badly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou think I would hurt her,\u201d Spike exclaimed, standing up so fast he knocked his chair over. \u201cYou, the man who she never recovered from. She never will recover from.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSpike, tell me that if the chip came out tomorrow, tell me you wouldn\u2019t rip open her throat and bleed her dry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Spike got right up in Angel\u2019s face. \u201cIf I wanted her dead, she\u2019d be dead. Ever since she came back, the chip doesn\u2019t work on her. I could snap her pretty little neck without a twinge of pain. I CAN hurt her. But I don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

Realization dawned on Angel. \u201cYou just let her hurt you.\u201d I may not \u201chave\u201d Cordy but at least I don\u2019t have her pulling me into bed with one hand and smacking me with the other. God, what that must be like.<\/i><\/p>\n

Somewhere, deep deep inside Angel, respect for Spike started to grow. The two vampires just stared at each other, suddenly uncomfortable when they realized they sounded way too much like Tuesday\u2019s on Oprah with Dr. Phil.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Spike said. \u201cLook at us, having a heart to heart over a nice cup of blood. Getting our feelings and sharing way too bloody much. I\u2019m off.\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel nodded and started towards the stairs. If possible, this conversation with Spike had left him even more tired. \u201cWait, Spike. Where do you have to be at\u201d Angel checked his watch, \u201cseven-o-clock in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

From the basement, Spike called, \u201cUh, gotta go see\u2026a girl\u2026about a thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Cordelia woke up with that creepy feeling that someone was staring at her\u2014the uneasiness that always manages to invade your sleep when someone\u2019s eyes are on you. Cordy had a pretty good idea of who it was too.<\/p>\n

Dammit, I told Angel to go home and get some rest, not come back in stalk me in an hour. <\/i>She peeked one eye open, registering the cool darkness of her hospital room and the presence of an unexpected guest.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought Angel was the only vampire who got off on watching people sleep? Or is it a genetic, sire to childe thing?\u201d<\/p>\n

Spike grinned. God he liked this girl. She looked tired and pale and in that minute, reminded him so much of Buffy. She had that face on, the face that said \u2018yes, I\u2019m hurt but I\u2019ll go on because I have to, because that\u2019s what I do, not matter how much I hurt.\u2019 He didn\u2019t think Cordelia would like being told she looked just like the Slayer. So he said just that.<\/p>\n

\u201cExcuse Me? Buffy and I look nothing alike. Nothing!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight now, you really kinda do,\u201d Spike said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh that\u2019s it. Looks like I have to change my hair again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alarmed, Spike said, \u201cDon\u2019t do anything drastic. Forget I said it. You two chits are nothing alike and you look nothing alike.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmph. Thank you,\u201d Cordy huffed.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe doesn\u2019t look anywhere near as bad as you do right now,\u201d Spike couldn\u2019t resist saying to her.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell she would! I mean, if I hadn\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, this was what Spike had come here for. Sure he liked getting Cordelia riled and having a nice spat, but they really did have more important things to talk about. Because something was really bothering him about what happened in the park.<\/p>\n

Buffy\u2019s story hadn\u2019t made a ton of sense and he was hoping Cordy would be more forthcoming. \u201cIf you hadn\u2019t what?\u201d Spike asked. \u201cBecause in Buffy\u2019s story, she was standing in front of the slide, a slimy demon came down the slide, and then the demon cut you open.\u201d Spike stared as Cordy flinched at the memory.<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew it,\u201d he said quietly. \u201cYou got hurt trying to save her. You were protecting her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia was mortally offended. \u201cI SO was not.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh really. How\u2019d you get that nasty gash than? Hmm?\u201d<\/p>\n

Why hadn\u2019t Cordy picked out some sort of story in advance? Or better yet, why hadn\u2019t she and Buffy come up with coinciding stories? That might have had a little something to do with the fact that I was bleeding and unconscious after it happened, but still\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Cordelia drawled, \u201cshe didn\u2019t see that thing and so I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you jumped in and saved her. Took the hit. Don\u2019t try to deny it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Geez, if he knows exactly what happened, why the hell is he asking. <\/i>\u201cI had to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s odd,\u201d Spike commented, coming to sit on the bed. \u201cI didn\u2019t know there was a rule about having to save people you supposedly hate.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t hate Buffy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you\u2019ve never liked her much. So why?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordelia sighed. \u201cI don\u2019t know Spike.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d he said, louder now.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess, maybe in the heat of the moment\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWHY\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I had to. Because I love Angel and I don\u2019t think he could take losing her again. I don\u2019t think I could watch that look come on his face again.\u201d Cordelia didn\u2019t realize she was shouting until a nurse came and peeked in the door, looking disapprovingly at Spike. After they shoo-ed her away, neither knew exactly what to say.<\/p>\n

\u201cI came here,\u201d Spike started, \u201cI came here to thank you. I had a pretty good idea of what happened, and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate, I mean, she, she means everything to me right now, and *I* couldn\u2019t take losing her again either, and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Spike noticed that Cordelia was staring at him, probably cause he was babbling like an idiot. \u201cBut now that I\u2019m here, I\u2019m going to give you some advice. It\u2019s brave of you and all. Getting hurt to save Angel\u2019s ex. Trying to help them get time alone. Telling yourself to just accept what those two are and always will be. Seriously, it\u2019s very brave and self-sacrificing and all that other crap. But you know what takes even more guts? Risking it all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh,\u201d Cordy said.<\/p>\n

\u201cQuit playing courageous martyr for love, get off your ass and try being really brave sometime. Try telling the person you love how you feel. That, my dear, takes real balls.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have no idea how he feels. He and Buffy\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBuffy\u2019s last words to me in Sunnydale were that she hated me and I should go to hell. It only took me five hours to catch up to her here in LA. That\u2019s courage. Coming clean about how you feel when you don\u2019t know your chances\u2026or hell, when you have no chance.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm,\u201d Cordy pondered his words.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, you think about that for a bit. Well, you really do look like hell, so I\u2019m guessing you need some sleep. Just wanted to pop in for a bit.\u201d Spike stood next to the bed, awkwardly looking down at her. Then he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, just as Angel had.<\/p>\n

And Cordelia\u2019s eyes fluttered closed, finally losing herself in sleep.<\/p>\n

Part 20<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

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