15<\/b><\/u><\/p>\n
Wesley stared grimly at her and Cordelia couldn\u2019t do much else but stare back, the weight of his words hitting her heavily. They\u2019d had crazy missions before \u2013 other dimensions, time travel, body snatching \u2013 but this was by far the craziest. In all her years of working for the PTB, she never thought they\u2019d send her to hell. Granted the case was a big one and higher beings almost always worked in mysterious ways, but this was a little ridiculous.<\/p>\n
Her eyes met Faith\u2019s equally bewildered ones, then Buffy\u2019s, wordlessly communicating with her friends as the silence stretched thin between them. As quickly as the shock had surprised her, it began to fade, leaving in its departure a sense of resilience and determination. They were strong, individually and even more so together, and they really hadn\u2019t come across much they couldn\u2019t handle. It was hardly like them to back down at the first sign of something that scared them. And Cordelia wasn\u2019t a coward, she never had been.<\/p>\n
Hell, falling in love frightened her and she was on her way to staring down the barrel of the gun.<\/p>\n
Wesley shifted, looking apologetic. \u201cPerhaps if I talk to the Powers That Be\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo they could spout more of their cryptic mumbo-jumbo?\u201d Faith shook her head. \u201cWe could go to hell *and* back by the time it takes you to work out what the hell they\u2019re saying.\u201d She paused. \u201cTWICE.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley stared at her, astonished. \u201cBut – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s right.\u201d Cordelia stood, shrugging. \u201cWhat has to be done has to be done.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy grinned. \u201cTry \u2018A girl\u2019s gotta do what a girl\u2019s gotta do\u2019 Cor.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight.\u201d<\/p>\n
They were all on their feet now, Wesley looking at them like they were out of their minds. \u201cThis is incredibly dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight, cos killing vampires \u2013 no offence, Angel – and demons and jumping in and out through time and dimensions, that\u2019s all a cake walk.\u201d Faith said sarcastically.<\/p>\n
\u201cCompared to this it will be!\u201d Wesley protested. \u201cLook, after considering it I really think – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, we got it the first five times, Wes.\u201d Cordy patted his shoulder in an obvious effort to be reassuring and get him to shut up all at once. \u201cWe\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd if you\u2019re not?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe always are.\u201d Cordelia smirked. \u201cPlus, how cool is it to say I\u2019ve been to hell and back?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe could order t-shirts.\u201d Faith chipped in.<\/p>\n
Wesley shook his head in disbelief. \u201cHonestly, the lot of you, you just – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll go.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s voice cut Wesley off and they all turned to look at him curiously, realising he\u2019d been strangely silent all this while.<\/p>\n
Faith made a face. \u201cWell duh. You kindof need to be there, it *is* your soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d Angel stood to his full height, towering over all of them. \u201cI should be the one to go to the home office. I don\u2019t want anyone else put in danger because of me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSounds like you\u2019re trying to hog the glory.\u201d Cordy quipped, trying to lighten the suddenly dark mood.<\/p>\n
Angel glared at her. \u201cI mean it, Cordelia. You don\u2019t know what it\u2019s like down there. You feel cold and dead and completely alone, like the world\u2019s ending around you and you cant do a damn thing to stop it.\u201d His glare softened and he framed her face, ignoring Wesley\u2019s fidgeting. \u201cI don\u2019t EVER want you to feel that way.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy sucked in a breath, earlier nerves from Wes\u2019 revelation fluttering back to life inside her stomach. But she\u2019d made up her mind \u2013 she had a job to do and she was going to get it done.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m really feeling the love over here, by the way.\u201d Faith muttered.<\/p>\n
Cordelia ignored her, closing her hands around Angel\u2019s as they cupped her face. \u201cYou have to know that I care a lot about you. And I would never do something to deliberately defy or upset you.\u201d She stood straighter, just about coming up to his nose. \u201cBut this is what I do. And I have been doing it for a long time, long before you came into my life. And I am going to keep doing it, Angel. This is our job and we are going to finish it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel swallowed his eyes hardening. When he tried to jerk his hands away, she held them in place. \u201cYou know what else?\u201d She continued. \u201cI *want* to do this. I want to finish it and I want to be a part of it because I want to help you and I want you to be happy.\u201d Cordelia squeezed his wrists. \u201cThis isn\u2019t just a job or an obligation, Angel. It\u2019s your life.\u201d She smiled softly at him. \u201cIt\u2019s our future.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s right.\u201d Buffy confirmed. \u201cI mean, it may not be our future,\u201d She gestured vaguely to herself and Faith, \u201cbut we do care about you Angel. And we want to help.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cObligation\u2019s too big a word for my dictionary anyway.\u201d Faith said with a grin. \u201cJob on the other hand – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, thank you Faith.\u201d Wesley groaned, lifting a large rolled up sheet from his desk and shoving it in her general direction. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you do something constructive by being observant?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel was silent, seemingly fighting a battle within himself to make the right decision. Finally, he tugged his hands from Cordy\u2019s face, pulling her into a brief, tight hug. \u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy squeezed his waist. \u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou make it hard to stay mad at you.\u201d Angel whispered into her hair. \u201cYou\u2019re a pain in the ass, but somehow you\u2019re hard to stay mad at.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia grinned. \u201cIt\u2019s a rare talent you wont find in many other women.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019ll bother looking,\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are we missing here?\u201d<\/p>\n
Faith’s voice had Cordy pulling out of Angel\u2019s arms and taking a seat as her friend squinted through the magnifying glass, shaking her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook closer.\u201d Wesley ordered, perching on the edge of his desk.<\/p>\n
Buffy frowned at him, then returned to her scrutiny of the blueprint. Faith and her exchanged glances. \u201cI don\u2019t see anything, Wes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d Wesley huffed, rolling his eyes and coming forward. \u201cDid you consider WHERE you\u2019re going to gain access to the home office?\u201d<\/p>\n
Faith\u2019s eyes narrowed. \u201cI don\u2019t like trick questions.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt should work anywhere.\u201d Angel said. \u201cAs long as you\u2019re in Wolfram and Hart or on their grounds.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d Wesley appeared put out at his wind been stolen and the answer being declared in such an anti\u2013climatic manner. \u201cYes, quite right. And I suppose you know what the portal is disguised as?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAn elevator.\u201d Angel replied immediately. \u201cThat\u2019s what it was last time anyway. Oh, and that\u2019s where we\u2019ll need\u2026\u201d His voice trailed off but he lifted one the sheets of paper, pointing to an image.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe glove.\u201d Cordelia said.<\/p>\n
Faith raised an eyebrow. \u201cEureka.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does it do?\u201d Buffy asked. \u201cAside from, you know, the obvious.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel shook his head. \u201cLast time all I needed was the glove. It might be irrelevant if the coin and the key are what grant access to the portal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExcept it\u2019s likely that security was heightened since then.\u201d Wesley said. \u201cThe last thing Wolfram and Hart want is someone else as easily able to get in as you were.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s lips curled into the tiniest of smiles. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t exactly easy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy rubbed a hand down his back. \u201cSo you think the glove\u2019s important?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s likely. Then again, it may be something as simple as pushing the button.\u201d Wesley shrugged. \u201cRegardless, once you\u2019re in the home office, I\u2019d probably be more comfortable if you didn\u2019t make physical contact with anything without wearing that glove. It\u2019s unlikely to be healthy to touch things that are tainted by pure evil with your bare hands.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy frowned. \u201cBut there\u2019s only one glove.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRelax Buff,\u201d Faith said, \u201cI doubt any of us are eagerly gonna be feeling up the furniture. We\u2019ll just keep our hands to ourselves. Speaking of which,\u201d she looked at Angel and Cordy, her arm around his back, his fingers massaging the tip of her collarbone, \u201ccould you two get a room already?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up, Faith.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDuly noted.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve managed to locate the whereabouts of the key but we\u2019re going to need the location of the coin.\u201d Wesley looked up at the girls. \u201cPerhaps it\u2019d be best to do a spell of some sort. Oh, that reminds me\u2026\u201d He stood, walking over to his desk and removing an envelope from the first drawer. He handed it to Buffy as he sat down again.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI knew from the very beginning of this case that we were going to need a witch.\u201d Wesley admitted. \u201cFor several things really \u2013 the procedure of returning Angel\u2019s soul, location and security spells, any last minute safety precautions\u2026\u201d He looked up at Buffy. \u201cThere are three tickets in that envelope. Two are for you \u2013 a return from Los Angeles to Sunnydale. The other is for Willow Rosenberg.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWillow?\u201d Buffy smiled. \u201cMan, it\u2019ll be good to see her again.\u201d She pocketed the tickets. \u201cWhen do I leave?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe earliest bus I could get you is the 11.23am on Wednesday.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cThat\u2019s not for another two days.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTrue.\u201d Wes frowned. \u201cWho knew Sunnydale was so popular?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot me.\u201d Cordelia scrunched up her face. \u201cAnd that\u2019s SunnyHELL.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s not bash.\u201d Buffy warned. She turned to Wes. \u201cDon\u2019t you need some sort of material object for a location spell?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, actually\u2026\u201d Wesley perked up, sitting straighter in his seat. \u201cPerhaps it\u2019s best if you know a little history beforehand. As far as ancient chronicles go, location spells came about as a result of experimentation between the tribes of – \u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia groaned, turning her head into Angel\u2019s shoulder. \u201cMake him stop\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley glared at her. \u201cFor your information, this happens to be incredibly interesting and important information without which we would never even be able to – \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWesley.\u201d This time Faith cut him off. \u201cForget the storytelling. We get it, there isn\u2019t going to be a spell in the present<\/i> without this material object anyway. And some of us have things to see and people to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy jerked her head up almost violently, sucking in a shaky breath. Angel shot her an odd look.<\/p>\n
Faith continued oblivious. \u201cWhat kind of object exactly are we talking here?\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley released a resigned breath. \u201cWell, do you have anything of Gavin Park\u2019s from when you pick-pocketed him at the club?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe keycard?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, not personal enough.\u201d Wes shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy Gavin?\u201d Buffy asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot necessarily Gavin, Eve will do.\u201d Wes crossed his arms. \u201cAnyone senior enough in the sordid hierarchy of Wolfram and Hart is likely to know about the establishment and the location of the coin.\u201d His brow creased. \u201cAside from Angel of course, for obvious reasons.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright.\u201d Faith said. \u201cAny ideas?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel looked up. \u201cWill a lock of hair do?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbsolutely.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201dWell, there\u2019s a party at Wolfram and Hart this Wednesday – \u201d Angel started.<\/p>\n
Cordy peeked out from under his arm. \u201cA party?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel smirked. \u201cYeah. It\u2019s just an office get together, not celebrating anything in particular but it\u2019s kindof a big deal and I *do* know that Eve will be there.\u201d He shrugged, looking at Wesley. \u201cIt\u2019s not really my scene so I wasn\u2019t exactly planning on going but I could take Cordelia as my date. One of us should be able to get close enough to Eve to get a strand of her hair.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy\u2019s eyes lit up and she sat up straight, tightening her hold on his arm. \u201cDo I get to dress up?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m in.\u201d She grinned.<\/p>\n
\u201cExcellent.\u201d Wesley said, jotting it down into his notebook. He pointed at Cordy. \u201cYou may need a wig. After all, the security guards have seen you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I have to sit on a bus for hours and Cordy gets to doll up and go to a shindig?\u201d Buffy gaped. \u201cBehold the unfairness!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, get over it.\u201d Cordy grinned.<\/p>\n
Wesley ignored them, turning to Faith and pulling a small slip of paper out of his notebook, handing it to her. \u201cFaith, that leaves you. I\u2019m going to need you to go this address,\u201d He tapped the sheet, \u201cIt\u2019s a key manufacturer\u2019s, has keys for everything under the sun. Show him the image of the key. Keep in mind he\u2019s only open on certain days of the week.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy rested her chin on her palm. \u201cWhy are the key and the coin kept in two separate places?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause if they weren\u2019t? That\u2019d be TOO easy\u2026\u201d Cordy answered, rolling her eyes. \u201cMurphy\u2019s damn law\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s not going to give it to you willingly, Faith.\u201d Wesley told her.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry.\u201d Faith said resolutely. \u201cI\u2019ll get it.\u201d She slipped the papers into her trouser pocket.<\/p>\n
Wesley nodded, getting to his feet. \u201cGood. Well, as long as you all know what you\u2019re doing\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGreat.\u201d Faith stood abruptly, grabbing her scarf and winding it around her neck. \u201cWe done? Cause Victoria\u2019s got a Secret with my name on it and I need to motor.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh?\u201d Cordy blinked at the sudden shift from the case. Faith had a one-track mind and ants in her pants when there was a mission in the works. Only this time, her partner-in-crime fighting looked like she had something in her sights all right, but it wasn\u2019t Wolfram & Hart. Cordy glanced at Buffy, who\u2019d developed a strange upward tick around her mouth where a smile normally was, and then back at Faith, who didn\u2019t notice anything out of place. \u201cBig date?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, yeah.\u201d Faith winked, heading for the door with a broad smile. \u201cHave breakfast without me. Later, girls.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSee ya,\u201d chirped wispily out of Buffy\u2019s mouth. Then the room was silent upon Faith\u2019s exit for several seconds with an unexpected tension in the air before Buffy too rose to her feet, quietly sliding her arms into her jacket and walking towards the door. \u201cI\u2019ve gotta be going, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy frowned, standing. Okay, so why was nobody but her sensing the sudden weirdness? And, while they were on the subject, where the hell had it come from? \u201cBuffy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m fine, Cordelia.\u201d Buffy said quickly, and then just as quickly said nothing else.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot one to intrude or anything,\u201d Cordelia shot back, ignoring the look on Buffy\u2019s face that fairly screamed \u2018since when?\u2019 back at her. But she decided not to push, for the moment anyway. \u201cCall me if you need me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure, but I\u2019m good. Tired, that\u2019s all.\u201d Buffy collected her things and shrugged off Cordy\u2019s concern with a smile that lacked its usual lustre. \u201cHonest.\u201d Then she walked through the door, shutting it with a sharp click behind her.<\/p>\n
Angel, who\u2019d watched the entire exchange with muted curiosity, stared at the door for a long minute after she walked out of it, his brow creased. \u201cDoes Buffy have a thing for the guy Faith\u2019s with?\u201d<\/p>\n
Surprised, Cordy couldn\u2019t help but smile. She leaned up on her toes, kissing him on the cheek. \u201cYou\u2019re a strangely perceptive man, Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Faith placed her keys on the nearest table as she shut the door to her apartment, placing the Victoria\u2019s Secret bag on her couch. She grabbed at the stray clothes she\u2019d tossed and left on the couches, lifting the bag and heading into her bedroom.<\/p>\n
Once the dirty clothes were chucked into the laundry basket, Faith stripped off the ones she was wearing, lifted out her newest purchases and slipped into them. She\u2019d selected a deep black and red silk bra-and-panty set, the top and bottom of which were cornered with lace. Faith pulled a wife-beater over her head, sliding into her jeans as she ambled into the bathroom, pulling her make-up bag out of the cabinet.<\/p>\n
Tonight was kind of a big night she supposed, especially since she\u2019d waited a little longer than usual to sleep with Xander. Usually she just laid her cards down on the first date\u2014it made it easier to avoid any unnecessary complications or misunderstandings. Life was short. Why not just call a spade a spade and be done with it?<\/p>\n
Even so, things with Xander were different from the get-go. Not that they were what you\u2019d call serious or anything close to it, but Xander deserved better than that. He was Buffy\u2019s best friend, after all, and the last thing she wanted to do was ruffle those feathers. But, more importantly, she really did like the guy. She didn\u2019t like thinking about where she would go with things\u2014going with the flow has always been more her style\u2014but if her and Xander did pursue a relationship, Faith doubted it\u2019d be half bad.<\/p>\n
What the hell, she had fun with him\u2014that was what mattered now anyway. There wasn\u2019t much point in thinking about anything that came after that because she knew from experience that she\u2019d only end up bored, underwhelmed or disappointed. Why screw up a good thing, right?<\/p>\n
Faith, swept the eyeshadow over her eyelid a final time before rubbing her glossed lips together and winking at her reflection. The doorbell rang a few minutes later and Faith smiled, switched the bathroom lights off and headed towards her front door.<\/p>\n
Xander wasn\u2019t going to know what hit him.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy!\u201d Cordelia\u2019s voice sounded through the door, followed swiftly by her fists. \u201cIt\u2019s me, Buffy, open up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy looked up from where she was curled on the couch beneath her favourite cashmere throw. She hadn\u2019t exactly planned on moving from this spot so quickly but when it seemed likely that Cordy\u2019s banging would break down her door, she had little choice but to get up and let her in.<\/p>\n
She slowly opened the door until Cordelia\u2019s concerned face came into view. \u201cHey.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHey,\u201d Cordy said, stepping inside her apartment. She crossed her arms, shaking her head as though she was trying to gather her thoughts, to think of the right words. \u201cBuffy\u2026what\u2019s going on with you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy swallowed, tears pricking her eyes unexpectedly. She\u2019d been fine so far\u2014hadn\u2019t cried, hadn\u2019t opened the Rocky Road ice cream\u2014but all it took was someone else asking her what was wrong and now she was ready to turn into a freaking fountain. \u201cI told you, I\u2019m fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t bullshit me,\u201d Cordy said firmly. \u201cFor god\u2019s sake, Buffy, even Angel could tell something was up with you\u2014which is a genetic anomaly if ever I\u2019ve seen one.\u201d She ran a hand through her hair. \u201cIt\u2019s Faith and Xander, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy licked her lips, not entirely sure what to admit. On one hand, she wanted to get it off her chest. And on the other, she wanted to pretend everything was okay and take this particular confession to the grave.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought you were okay with them?\u201d Cordy asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, I am. I mean, of course I am. Why wouldn\u2019t I be?\u201d Buffy said, rubbing her arms distractedly.<\/p>\n
\u201cSay it one more time and maybe one of us will believe it.\u201d Cordy cocked her head and arched an eyebrow. \u201cC\u2019mon, Buffy, this is me you\u2019re talking to.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy looked away and crossed the room, searching for a distraction. For a long time, neither of them said anything. Until finally, Buffy gave into the pressure of Cordelia\u2019s stare behind her. \u201cOkay, so maybe I\u2019m a little not-okay with it. But it\u2019s nothing and I\u2019m over it already.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh-huh. I can see that by the way you\u2019re about to jump out of your skin,\u201d Cordy drawled back, before she slammed a lid on the frustrated sarcasm. She watched Buffy closely, trying to will her to get whatever was so obviously eating at her off of her chest. \u201cIs it because you think Faith might hurt him?\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy shook her head, closing her eyes. \u201cNo, it\u2019s not that. It never was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what, Buffy?\u201d Cordelia grabbed her hand, squeezing it. \u201cTell me what\u2019s wrong, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was no point in hiding the truth anymore, not when it was pounding through her, flowing through her veins and possessing her heart so she was unable to think of anything else to do but say it. \u201cLike I said, it\u2019s not a big deal. As a matter of fact, it\u2019s funny, really, when you think about it. And I\u2019m sure once I tell you, we\u2019ll both laugh at how ridiculous I\u2019m being. Because there is absolutely, positively, and without question no reason for me to be bothered by the fact that they\u2019re dating.\u201d Buffy knew she was babbling, but she couldn\u2019t seem to stop it before she finally blurted out, \u201cI mean, except for tiny and late-breaking realization that I\u2019m in love with him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201dWait,\u201d Cordy scrunched up her nose, confused. \u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy looked at her miserably. \u201cXander.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s jaw dropped.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
The living room was dark as he entered, barely lit by the table lamps and few candles that Faith has set down here and there. She looked good, dressed as she usually was, her hair down, her make-up done\u2014better than good, she looked so *ready*.<\/p>\n
Xander felt the butterflies take flight in his stomach as he swallowed, taking the beer she handed him. \u201cNice place.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d Faith led him to the couch, taking a seat close to him. She touched his shoulder. \u201cHow was your day?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood\u2014it was good!\u201d Xander said a little too loudly. He took a deep breath. \u201cYours?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe same,\u201d Faith said. \u201cBig case, Angel\u2019s soul, you know the rest. I have some business to take care of but nothing I can\u2019t handle.\u201d<\/p>\n
Xander perked up. \u201cReally? Cos if you have to work, we can postpone tonight until later.\u201d He started to get up. \u201cIt\u2019s not a problem, I understand\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Faith grabbed his arm, pulling him back down. \u201cXander, relax! There\u2019s no rush. It\u2019s not for a couple of days.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d Xander wanted to smack the disappointment out of himself. Here he was with a beautiful, sexy, fun woman who wanted to be with him, and he was desperately looking for a way to get out. What the hell was wrong with him?<\/p>\n
\u2018You know what\u2019s wrong with you,\u2019<\/i> said a voice in his head. \u2018It\u2019s a five letter word beginning with B.\u2019<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cXander?\u201d Faith asked, looking confused. \u201cYou okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, yeah.\u201d Xander nodded. \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d He looked up at her. \u201cSorry, it\u2019s just, been a long day.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmm\u2026\u201d Faith\u2019s fingers trailed up his arm to his shoulder, gently massaging the back of his neck. \u201cBetter?\u201d<\/p>\n
Xander gulped. \u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n
Faith put her bottle down on the table, kneading the muscles in his neck and back. Slowly, she shifted her weight onto her knees, pressing a kiss to his temple. She trailed her lips down his cheek and nipped the firm line of his jaw.<\/p>\n
Xander swallowed heavily, releasing a breath he didn\u2019t know he\u2019d been holding. He closed his eyes, tried to concentrate on Faith, on her lips, on her hands as they spider-walked down his front, undoing buttons along the way.<\/p>\n
Tried to concentrate on anything but the face of his best friend that kept surfacing in his mind.<\/p>\n
Faith\u2019s lips found his, the first touch gentle as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. His own arms fumbled, tentatively settling around her waist, unsure of whether to pull her closer or push her away. Her pace quickened, her mouth opening as her tongue flicked against his, kissing him hungrily.<\/p>\n
Xander let her push his shirt open, his eyes fluttering when she kissed his jaw, his throat, his chest. His eyes flew open when she pulled her top over her head, revealing the lacy, satin garment underneath. His body was hardly immune to the breath-taking sight and tightened in reflexive lust. If he just let nature take its course, he\u2019d be panting her name against sweat-slick skin without so much as a syllable of additional conversation. And he didn\u2019t doubt that Faith could make him forget his own name without even trying very hard. But a shimmer of disquiet still ran down his spine and the truth wouldn\u2019t go away.<\/p>\n
He couldn\u2019t do this.<\/p>\n
Faith\u2019s lips came down on his hard and it took him a second, maybe two, but he grabbed her shoulders, pushing her away as he leapt up and off the couch. He was breathing heavily as he held a hand out, looking down at her with apologetic eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Faith,\u201d Xander rasped, sucking in gulps of air. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry but\u2026I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
Faith sat up straight, confusion written all over her face. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do this,\u201d he said again, shaking his head. \u201cI like you a lot but this isn\u2019t\u2026I\u2019m not\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cXander, what the hell is going on?\u201d She\u2019d gotten up now, her hair a little wild as she pulled the top back over her head, crossing her arms. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been asking myself that all week, Faith,\u201d Xander said sincerely, his eyes pained. \u201cI\u2019ve been asking myself what a smart, beautiful, sexy woman like you is doing with a guy like me. And I\u2019ve been asking myself why I\u2019m not jumping for joy about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Faith just stared at him, waiting. \u201cThat makes two of us. So?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, I\u2019ve been trying to deny it because I *want* to move on.\u201d Xander said softly. \u201cI want to get past these useless feelings and seize the opportunity when someone as amazing as you gives a loser like me a shot\u2014because what kind of moron doesn\u2019t just fall to his knees and thank his lucky stars that you\u2019d let him near you, much less\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Faith\u2019s eyes softened. \u201cYou\u2019re not a loser, Xander.\u201d She ran a hand through her hair. \u201cRight now you\u2019re kind of an ass, and more than a little confusing, but not a loser.\u201d She sighed, looked at him, and quietly asked, \u201cThis is about Buffy, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Xander bit his lip. \u201cOh, God, how did you\u2014?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot just a pretty face. I\u2019ve got eyes, y\u2019know.\u201d He wasn\u2019t expecting her to smile then, the tiniest quirk of her lips though her eyes remained sad. \u201cTo be honest, Xander, I was a little surprised you made it past first base.\u201d<\/p>\n
Xander looked at her, pained. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I should\u2019ve said something. I just\u2026 I thought it would pass and maybe this time\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, me, too\u2026\u201d Faith sighed, taking a seat on the arm of a couch. \u201cI always knew that you loved her. Guess I shouldn\u2019t be all that surprised.\u201d She ran her hands up and down her arms. \u201cNot that I\u2019m not a little disappointed. And not that part of me wouldn\u2019t like to beat your ass for making me waste a perfectly good pair of sexy underwear.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, we are who we are. I\u2019ve never taken anything seriously a day in my life\u2014especially not a guy\u2014and you\u2019ve never gotten over this thing you have for Buffy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Xander cocked his head curiously, still surprised that she hadn\u2019t punched him and tossed him to the curb, and waited for her to continue.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut somewhere, somehow you do have to get over this, Xander.\u201d Faith looked at him. \u201cYou\u2019ve either got to grow some cahones and do something about it. Or you\u2019ve got to let it go. It\u2019ll kill you if you don\u2019t. I mean, maybe someday Buffy will feel the same way but if she doesn\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d Xander nodded. \u201cI know.\u201d He reached for his jacket slipping into it. \u201cI have to talk to her.\u201d He looked at Faith for a long moment, his hand on the doorknob. \u201cI really am sorry. About everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot interested in your apology, Xander.\u201d Faith shrugged, pretending an ambivalence she didn\u2019t feel. \u201cNo harm, no foul.\u201d<\/p>\n
Xander stepped through the door, closing it behind him and standing under the porch light. He took a deep breath, the realization of what he\u2019d just decided to do hitting him like a sledgehammer. After a brief moment\u2019s hesitation, he took off down the street, one person in his heart, the same person who had always been there, and one destination in his mind.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s expression would have been amusing in a less dire situation\u2014her eyes were wide, her mouth gaping open like a fish. But Buffy couldn\u2019t even seem to smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re\u2026\u201d Cordy cleared her throat and tried again. \u201cYou\u2019re in love with Xander?\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy merely nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen\u2026 when did this\u2014?\u201d Cordelia shook her head. \u201cHow did this\u2014? How did you\u2014?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Buffy said softly. \u201cI\u2026 I mean, I always did, as a friend. But then over time, the rest just\u2026 happened, without me even realizing it. Then out of nowhere, it felt like I was losing him to someone else and suddenly it really hit me, you know? Especially when that someone else is so close to home\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy\u2019s expression was contemplative. \u201cSure, I guess. I mean, it\u2019s surprising but it happens.\u201d She sighed. \u201cMaybe on some level you were always going to fall for him. He\u2019s your best friend and he\u2019s always been in love with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy glanced at her. \u201cOh, come on, Buffy. Please tell me you aren\u2019t that dense.\u201d She half-smiled. \u201cHe\u2019s always loved you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy swallowed, closing her eyes against the voice in her head that told her she was an idiot. \u201cFat lot of good that does me now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy frowned. \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHello\u2026 he\u2019s with Faith, remember? As we speak no less.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy rolled her eyes. \u201cYes, but they\u2019re not serious. Not yet, at least.\u201d She shrugged. \u201cI mean, I\u2019m not saying go in there and break them up, because that would be breaking all kinds of girlfriend rules. But, Buffy\u2026 if you feel this way, you have to tell him. It isn\u2019t fair to anyone involved and he has a right to know. Then he can make his own decision.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do that,\u201d Buffy whispered. \u201cI can\u2019t. If he chooses me, it\u2019ll hurt Faith and I\u2019ll feel awful. And if he doesn\u2019t choose me, it\u2019ll ruin our friendship and probably my friendship with her, too. I mean, either way, people I care about would get hurt and things would be awkward and weird between us, and that would be worse than losing him in the first place\u2026\u201d Buffy bit her lip, trailing off.<\/p>\n
Cordy paused. \u201cOkay, alright.\u201d She shook her head. \u201cBut the fact of the matter is, we could talk about this all night and you\u2019re never going to know if you don\u2019t talk to them. I mean, I get why you can\u2019t tell Xander how you feel yet. But, don\u2019t you think you should at least find out how Faith really feels about all this? Maybe you should talk to her?\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy looked at her like she was insane. \u201cWhat? Are you crazy? She wouldn\u2019t understand!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course, she would.\u201d Cordy said. \u201cI\u2019d choose your words carefully and stay out of swinging distance until she hears you out\u2026 but, she\u2019s your friend, too. She cares about you, Buffy.\u201d She licked her lips. \u201cBesides, you can\u2019t bottle this up inside of you forever.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy bit her lip and ran a hand through her hair, realization hitting her like a punch in the gut. \u201cIf I don\u2019t, Faith will end up getting hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFaith\u2019s a big girl,\u201d Cordy said. \u201cI\u2019m not saying she might not be upset, but she\u2019ll eventually understand. Plus, it\u2019ll be worse if you don\u2019t tell her and something happens.\u201d She stared hard at her friend, trying to make her see reason. \u201cAnd something will happen between you and Xander, Buff. It\u2019s just a matter of time. The right thing to do would be to go to Faith first.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy put a hand to her forehead. \u201cSo why do I feel like such a horrible person?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know, and you\u2019d do anything not to hurt the people you love. Even if you make yourself miserable in the process.\u201d Cordy didn\u2019t say anything for a few seconds. Then her face broke into a beautiful smile. \u201cSo, you\u2019re really in love with Xander, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am.\u201d Buffy said softly, swiping at her suddenly moist eyes. \u201cGod, Cordelia, I love him so much.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a sharp noise behind her and Buffy glanced up at Cordelia, freezing at the look on her friend\u2019s face. Cordy\u2019s eyes were wide and she swallowed, her eyes darting to Buffy\u2019s.<\/p>\n
Slowly, Buffy turned around, her eyes locking with the figure a few feet away.<\/p>\n
Xander Harris stood in the doorway, unmoving, an expression of stunned disbelief on his face.<\/p>\n