Part 9<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia had no idea how long she had been asleep, but when she woke up, Fred\u2019s hand was still firmly grasped in her own and the physicist was leaning her head against the headboard, eyes opening and shutting, as if debating whether to fall asleep herself.<\/p>\n
Cordy shot up in bed, releasing Fred\u2019s hand. \u201cFred! Why didn\u2019t you wake me up? Jeez, how long have I been asleep? How long have you been awake?\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred smiled tiredly. \u201cA couple of hours. No biggie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m so sorry!\u201d Cordy cried out, seeing how tired the girl looked. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me, I would\u2019ve let go.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred smiled again. \u201cIt\u2019s fine Cordy, I didn\u2019t mind. I just\u2026didn\u2019t want you to be alone when you\u2019re hurt and miserable. Cos I know what that\u2019s<\/i> like\u2026\u201d she trailed off and shuddered, remembering her cave and the isolation she suffered. Cordy smiled widely.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou rock, you know that right?\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred grinned. \u201cYeah, but it\u2019s always great to hear.\u201d She winked at Cordy, making the ex-cheerleader laugh. Cordelia got out of bed and stretched, walking over to the window and looking out.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, it\u2019s all sunny.\u201d She yawned. \u201cI bet tall, dark and broody\u2019s back.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you gonna forgive him?\u201d Fred asked.<\/p>\n
Cordelia turned around, glancing at Fred, who looked at her with wide eyes. Cordelia nodded slowly.<\/p>\n
Fred let out a loud sigh of relief and jumped up and down, clapping her hand together. \u201cOh yay! I hate it when you guys fight. Cos, ya know, first you\u2019re yelling and then he\u2019s yelling and then you both start yelling and then Wesley\u2026<\/i> \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFred! Honey, I got it.\u201d Cordy smiled widely at her. Her smiled faltered slightly. \u201cI\u2019ll forgive him. But I still need to know why he did it. He said something about not wanting to feel the cold but hello? Dead person plus another dead person makes the freezer colder.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred laughed. \u201cI\u2019m getting used to your logic Cordelia.\u201d She stood up and straightened the bed covers. \u201cHave you tried talking to him?\u201d Cordelia felt a sharp stab of guilt wash through her, remembering the way she had just stormed out on Angel, without giving him a chance to explain.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u2026he\u2019s tried talking to me<\/i>.\u201d Cordy said sheepishly. \u201cBut I\u2019ll actually listen this time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred smiled. \u201cGood. Now let\u2019s go get something to eat because I am hungry and I desperately need to pee!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJeez girl, I was the one drinking all the water.\u201d Cordelia followed her out the room, closing the door behind her.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cSo\u2026what you gonna say to the vamp?\u201d Gunn asked curiously, waltzing along next to Wesley, who was clutching the crystal between both palms, as though his life depended on it. The sun shone brightly overhead and Gunn took a moment to acknowledge just how beautiful a sight it was.<\/p>\n
They didn\u2019t get to see or enjoy the sunshine much, never really got to experience its glory. Cordy often moaned about missing out on a day at the beach. Hell it was fine for him. What did Cordelia say he had? A permanent tan, that was it.<\/p>\n
Gunn smiled. The girl had one hell of a permanent tan herself. He shook his head, turning it once again to Wesley and nudging the ex-watcher, who nearly dropped the crystal in shock.<\/p>\n
\u201cChrist Gunn! Don\u2019t push me while I\u2019m holding this!\u201d Wesley\u2019s face went an almost comical shade of purple and Gunn bit back a smirk.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry English. You just gotta learn how to answer a brother the first time he asks you a question.\u201d Gunn said pointedly. Wesley merely rolled his eyes and sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean, what am I going to say to him? I\u2019ll tell them both that I\u2019ve found a cure\u2026that we\u2019ve found a cure.\u201d He corrected himself at Gunn\u2019s cough. \u201cAnd then we\u2019ll perform the spell so that they won\u2019t be able to hear each other\u2019s thoughts anymore.\u201d Gunn looked at Wesley, annoyed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI meant about Darla.<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley\u2019s eyes widened slightly. \u201cOh. Oh. Well\u2026I\u2026I suppose I\u2026I don\u2019t know.\u201d Gunn rolled his eyes. \u201cWell, I think Angel obviously must have had his reasons and of course it was an incredibly unwise and ludicrous thing to do but\u2026well, that\u2019s Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sighed. \u201cOf course I\u2019m disappointed in him\u2026he put us all at risk and he stopped trying for his redemption\u2026I\u2019m upset about that. But I\u2019ve long forgiven him for firing us because in all honesty he was just trying to protect us. Granted he did it in the most unconstructive way known to man\u2026but then again that\u2019s Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmm\u2026I dunno man. Sure I didn\u2019t like the way he treated you and Cordy back then but it never really bugged me all that much. Cos Angel and I weren\u2019t all that tight went he went beige. Yeah sure, now, it\u2019s different. But I still ain\u2019t that angry with him. I\u2019m pissed, but I ain\u2019t angry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley cocked an eyebrow, staring at his friend incredulously. \u201cGunn you do realise that makes absolutely no sense.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes it does.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo it doesn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s cos you\u2019re an ass pansy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, shut up.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cHey sweetie. You feeling a little better?\u201d Lorne asked Cordelia, as she walked down the stairs with Fred. Cordelia gave him a big grin and nodded.<\/p>\n
Lorne smiled. \u201cGood. For a minute there I thought you were looking greener than me!\u201d Cordy sat down on the couch next to him while Fred went to make a sandwich. She had offered incessantly to order tacos but Cordelia had refused. Fred had pouted once or twice and then conceded with making sandwiches.<\/p>\n
Lorne looked over at the seer seated next to him. She looked tired but other than that, she was fine. Her eyes weren\u2019t puffy and her mouth had tilted upwards slightly. When he glanced back up to find sparkling irises scrutinising him, he realised why.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know it\u2019s a great view Lorne, but\u2026\u201d she trailed off smiling. Lorne laughed loudly and then looked back at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cGreat? Jeez, that\u2019s the understatement of the century.\u201d His laughter subsided and he turned so that he was facing Cordy. \u201cHe really is sorry y\u2019know.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia held his gaze for a moment, staring into bright red, sincere eyes. \u201cI know.\u201d She whispered. Lorne gave her a sympathetic smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen tell him that, princess. Cos he\u2019s gonna be driving himself crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAs long as he\u2019s not driving her crazy.\u201d Fred walked back into the lobby, holding a large plate with sandwiches and a glass of milk. She put the plate down and gave the glass to Cordy. \u201cThat\u2019s the last thing we need. Two crazy people running around the hotel. You already have me.\u201d She smiled ruefully, making Lorne smile back at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll I\u2019m saying is, Darla was a mistake. Hell, everything he did back then was a mistake. If you love him, you gotta let it go and move on. You may want to slap him silly, you may want to stake her, but think about it like this brown eyes. If he hadn\u2019t slept with her\u2026\u201d he saw Cordy wince.<\/p>\n
\u201che wouldn\u2019t have had his fabulous epiphany. The Angel after their little romp in the sack is the Angel you fell in love with. That\u2019s the on that regrets hurting you. That\u2019s the one that loves you and is probably out there, wondering whether or not to walk into the hotel or walk into the sun.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s eyes widened in panic and she hurriedly tried to swallow the piece of sandwich in her mouth in order to get a word out, but the slamming of the basement door interrupted her.<\/p>\n
All Fred saw, as Angel moved quickly across the lobby, not stopping until he reached Cordelia, kneeling at her feet and resting both large hands on her knees, was a black shape that sped through the air, sending a light breeze over her shoulders and lifting the hairs off her neck.<\/p>\n
Cordelia looked at Angel, eyes wide as ever, both in relief that he was alright, and pure confusion. What is he doing?<\/i><\/p>\n
Angel took advantage of the fact that Cordelia\u2019s mouth was full of bread to begin talking, without interruptions. \u201cI\u2019m telling you everything. Why I did it, when I did it, how\u2026\u201d Cordelia scrunched up her nose in disgust and Angel quickly waved that away. \u201cI\u2019ll um, leave that bit out because you probably already know how I tend to do that\u2026\u201d he trailed off at Lorne and Fred\u2019s embarrassed looks.<\/p>\n
\u201cRight, okay. Cordy, I\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m so sorry. I\u2019m sorry for everything I put you through back then. I\u2019m sorry for firing you, all I wanted was to protect you. I\u2019m sorry for pushing you away even when you tried to help me, I never ever wanted you to get hurt. I\u2019m sorry for treating you like you were nothing to me, when actually you\u2019re the very thing that keeps me alive\u2026well, as alive as I can get with the being dead part.\u201d Cordelia\u2019s lips quirked up slightly and Fred let out a small smile. Angel continued, oblivious.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry that I slept with Darla. It had nothing to do with you or her.\u201d He paused, gathering his strength. \u201cIt was just to do with me and the fact that I was cold and selfish and I couldn\u2019t take it anymore because I wanted to save her and I wanted my redemption and I couldn\u2019t get it.\u201d Cordelia opened her mouth to speak but Angel silenced her with a finger to her lips.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease, let me just finish.\u201d Angel pleaded, knowing that if he didn\u2019t get out what he wanted to say now, he wouldn\u2019t be able to. \u201cI\u2026I tried to save her. I tried so damn hard because somewhere inside I felt something for her, not the kind of love I feel for you but something else\u2026something to do with obligation, with owing it to her. She was what made me what I am\u2026 I just thought that by saving her, I\u2019d be able to save myself. I thought that if I saved her soul, everything terrible that I ever did would just\u2026I thought that I\u2019d be able to redeem myself completely.\u201d Angel\u2019s eyes closed, a deep anguish flooding through him. \u201cI pushed you away because I had to deal with that Cordelia. I had to deal with it by myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia stared at him, swallowing hard, unable to speak or think. A single tear rolled down her cheek at the torment evident on his beautiful face, at the image of the isolation and suffering he must have undergone. He looked up at her, striking brown eyes filled with his beautiful soul, bringing a hand up to gently wipe away the tear that had streaked down her cheek. He began explaining again.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe reason I didn\u2019t lose my soul was because it wasn\u2019t perfect happiness. It was perfect despair. I did it out of sheer desperation to feel something other than the crap that was going on around me, and I was lost and unhappy and God\u2026I gave myself over completely to Darla, because I was so miserable, I stopped caring. And that made it pretty much impossible to lose my soul. I never felt enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe reason I slept with her\u2026God Cordy, I had nothing left. Everything just slipped through my fingers and I had nothing to hold on to, nothing to live for.\u201d He swallowed hard. \u201cThe world was hell and I was a part of it. And I felt as though nothing that I could ever do in the present, would atone for what I did in the past. I lost sight of the mission, and I stopped caring because there was nothing left to care about. I\u2026I hit rock bottom and there was nowhere left to go. I had no redemption, no hope, no\u2026you.\u201d He rested his forehead against Cordelia\u2019s, palming her face with his hands.<\/p>\n
Fred\u2019s lips pulled down and she blinked back tears, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffling slightly. Lorne glanced up at her in surprise, raising his eyebrows in a concerned gesture, which she brushed off, smiling.<\/p>\n
Angel kept his forehead against Cordy\u2019s and kissed the tip of her nose, once. \u201cI love you. I will always love you. And I swear I will never leave you or hurt you again.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia simply sat staring at Angel. For a whole minute, not one thought passed between them as she gazed at him, unsure of what to say, and him, unsure of what to expect. The silence was deafening and the moment seemed to be holding its breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, I\u2019m so\u2026\u201d was all Angel got out before the seer silenced him, gently placing her lips on his own, cutting off anything he had to say, any apologies he had to make. She had made up her mind to forgive him once already, and now he had made it up for her a second time.<\/p>\n
Sliding softly off the couch and on to her knees in front of him, never breaking the kiss, she placed both arms around his neck and hugged him tight, reassurance and love exuding from her touch. The vampire instinctively wrapped his arms around her, relief flooding his senses.<\/p>\n
Fred let out a breath she wasn\u2019t aware she was holding and the young physicist was positive that her heart had just burst and her insides had turned to mush. She sighed softly, blinking in surprise when Lorne\u2019s hand gently gripped her wrist, snapping her attention to him. He nodded his head in the direction of somewhere behind her, as to give the vampire and seer, still engulfed in each other\u2019s arms, some privacy. Fred slowly got up and followed him.<\/p>\n
Cordelia moved away from Angel\u2019s lips, resting her chin on his shoulder and squeezing her arms around him. I love you.<\/i><\/p>\n
Angel closed his eyes kissing her shoulder once before burying his face into her neck. I love you too.<\/i><\/p>\n
And I\u2019m sorry\u2026y\u2019know, about\u2026not letting you explain.<\/p>\n
No, it\u2019s…You had every right to be angry\u2026I just feel sorry for whoever has to fix your door\u2026<\/p>\n
Cordelia laughed softly, kissing his cheek once, before resting her chin on his shoulder once again. And since we\u2019re apologizing, I\u2019m sorry for not telling you about the visions.<\/i><\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s entire posture stiffened and his arms tightened around her waist. Cordelia closed her eyes and squeezed him back, unsure of what to say, or how to reassure him. Angel\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n
I\u2019ll find a way Cordelia. I\u2019m not letting you go\u2026<\/p>\n
Angel\u2026<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not giving you up without a fight.<\/p>\n
Cordelia let the tears fall, not bothering to hold them back, wanting to believe him, wanting to trust that he wouldn\u2019t let her die, just as he had promised never to leave her, she wanted to promise the same thing to him, she wanted to be able to keep that promise to him.<\/p>\n
But she was mortal. She\u2019d die eventually. And she was thinking way too much because Angel could hear everything and his grip on her waist was becoming almost painful. As though he couldn\u2019t bear to let her go, for fear that she\u2019d disappear from his sight and from his life.<\/p>\n
Then I won\u2019t let them take me without a fight either.<\/i> She raised her head slightly, arms still locked around his neck, and smiled. He didn\u2019t smile but le leaned forward and kissed her forehead softly, still holding her in his arms, soaking her into his very soul.<\/p>\n
The basement door slammed open, causing Angel and Cordelia to break apart in shock, and Gunn and Wesley strolled through it, Wesley carrying a wooden box and Gunn, his beloved axe.<\/p>\n
\u201cSherlock Homes here found a cure.\u201d Gunn said loudly.<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. I\u2019m the man.\u201d Wesley grinned at Gunn.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou da man!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m the man!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGuys!\u201d Cordelia shouted, getting their attention. \u201cCan we do so that we don\u2019t, oh I don\u2019t know, go insane???\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley cleared his throat. \u201cYes, of course. I just need to prepare everything and then we\u2019re good to go.\u201d He walked into his office.<\/p>\n
Cordelia sighed in relief, getting up and offering Angel her hand. He took it, pulling himself to his feet so that she wouldn\u2019t have to hold his weight. The vampire slung an arm around Cordelia\u2019s waist and pulled her down so that she was seated on his lap on the sofa. Cordelia let out a small squeak of surprise before shifting in order to get comfortable and nestling her head under Angel\u2019s chin.<\/p>\n
Gunn looked at them with raised eyebrows. \u201cSo you two kissed and made up, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia grinned and kissed Angel\u2019s neck, making Gunn roll his eyes and cringe at their display of affection. Angel opened his mouth, but was interrupted, as Wesley walked out of his office and placed the crystal in front of him on the table. Cordelia\u2019s attention was immediately diverted.<\/p>\n
\u201cOoh shiny!\u201d she moved off Angel\u2019s lap, eliciting a growl from the vampire, making Gunn snigger, but she only ignored him and moved to hold the crystal in her hands, before Wesley shooed her away with a stern look.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, this is a very fragile and precious stone, we need to be careful with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy huffed. \u201cJeez Wes, I\u2019m not gonna break the damn thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell if you do, there\u2019ll be hell to pay because you and Angel will be stuck listening to each other\u2019s thought for ever.\u201d Wesley confirmed. Cordelia put her hands on her hips and huffed again.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I thought you had to destroy it?\u201d Fred\u2019s voice floated out from somewhere, before she came into view, arms linked with Lorne. She rushed forward to join them.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I was all ready to do the smashing thing but English here decided to give me a heart attack.\u201d Gunn said. Wesley pinched the bridge of his nose.<\/p>\n
\u201cGunn, if you had smashed it\u2026Christ, everyone sit down otherwise I\u2019m never going to be able to explain this and I<\/i> am going to go insane.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia rolled her eyes and plonked herself back down on Angel\u2019s lap, her arms around his neck and his arms around her waist. Wesley laid the book flat on the table<\/p>\n
\u201cRight well, if we\u2019re comfortable, the crystal is the object that Fred suggested. It is of immense significance and importance to the demon. It occurred to me just as Gunn was about to destroy it, that Karranja demons have a tendency to fall desperately in love with shiny, mesmerising objects.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKinda like Cordy.\u201d Gunn smirked.<\/p>\n
Cordelia smiled sweetly. \u201cWell, at least I haven\u2019t fallen in love with my axe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, but you have a boyfriend who seems to have fallen in love with mine.\u201d Gunn retorted, blushing slightly and shifting in his seat, refusing to look at Angel. The vampire just buried his head into Cordy\u2019s shoulder and didn\u2019t say a word.<\/p>\n
I still can\u2019t believe you tried to take off his pants.<\/i><\/p>\n
I still can\u2019t believe you named his penis!<\/p>\n
Wesley coughed, while Cordelia and Gunn reddened. \u201cYes, well, the crystal does eventually need to be destroyed. But, before Gunn smashed it I was able to observe that it has several engravings on the internal surface.\u201d He lifted up the crystal and showed it to Fred who had taken a place standing next to him. She glanced at the inside. Sure enough, there were three long lines of inscriptions in a language that she recognised.<\/p>\n
\u201cHuh\u2026what does it say?\u201d Cordelia asked, genuinely curious. Wesley looked down sheepishly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia sighed, exasperated. \u201cWell Wes, can you please translate it and get this stupid curse out of me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell Cordelia, that\u2019s the beauty of it. I already know exactly what to do. So it doesn\u2019t need to be translated. We can go through with it straight away.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh no.\u201d Cordelia lifted her hand, shaking her head vigorously from side to side, \u201cNo way. I am not gonna take that chance and end up with horns or a tail or something really gross like that!\u201d Wesley opened his mouth to interrupt but she cut him off. \u201cNo Wesley! Let\u2019s just translate whatever it says and then do it. I\u2019m willing to wait. Magic isn\u2019t reliable and with my sucky luck, it\u2019ll have guaranteed side effects.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s right.\u201d Gunn chimed in, gaining a glare from Wesley. Finally, the ex-watcher conceded and opened a large book on his right, fingers strolling down the page. He observed the crystal closely and then glanced backwards and forwards between it and the book. His eyes squinted and he looked up, glaring at the five faces staring back at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do it while I\u2019m on bloody display!\u201d he said loudly, exasperated. \u201cStop watching me! Fred, could you give me a hand please?\u201d he beckoned her to follow him into his office. Fred hesitated, then shook herself and followed slowly.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you slept with Darla, huh?\u201d Gunn asked Angel bluntly, as soon as the door to Wesley\u2019s office closed. Both vampire and seer jerked their heads up and looked at him in shock.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow did you\u2026\u201d Cordy began.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told them.\u201d Angel said, catching Cordelia\u2019s eye. She looked at him for a moment and then looked back down at her lap, where their hands were now joined. A wave of uneasiness swept through her but she concentrated on Angel\u2019s earlier words and pushed it away.<\/p>\n
Gunn addressed Angel again, annoyed that he wasn\u2019t getting any attention. \u201cSo how come there was no evil alter ego bustin\u2019 out?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel kept his gaze on Cordy. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t perfect happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia kept her eyes on his hand, large and comforting, rubbing small circles into her palm. \u201cWhy not?\u201d Angel\u2019s eyes snapped to Gunn\u2019s. \u201cShe\u2019s blonde and short and annoyingly whiny. You must have blissed out bigtime!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGunn\u2026\u201d Lorne sighed softly.<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s gaze didn\u2019t waver. \u201cIt was perfect despair.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gunn\u2019s brown eyes, landed on Cordelia, who gave him a pleading look, worth a million words. He looked at Lorne, who was giving him more or less the same look, pained and beseeching. He switched his focus to Angel, who was staring at him apologetically, regret and remorse written all over his face. Gunn softened slightly at the immense sincerity in both the vampire\u2019s eyes, and his next words.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry Gunn. I didn\u2019t say that soon enough and I deserve your anger. But for what it\u2019s worth, I never meant to hurt any of you. I just had to deal with\u2026certain things. But I know I upset you and I regret that more than you will ever know. It won\u2019t happen again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDam right, it won\u2019t happen again.\u201d Gunn said lowly, staring at the vampire. Angel growled inwardly but nodded.<\/p>\n
Gunn\u2019s face remained completely void of emotion for a moment. \u201cWell, if Cordelia\u2019s forgiven you\u2026then I don\u2019t see why I should be all pissy about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia let out a sigh of relief and Gunn gave a small smile, the look on his face almost sympathetic.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d Angel said, sincerity laced through his words.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell man, you and I weren\u2019t exactly the best of friends. But you saved my ass once or twice and all that matters now is that you\u2019re back. We all have bad days. Or weeks, months, whatever. Personally, I\u2019m just glad you\u2019re the one sitting here and not Angelus. Sure, I should probably volunteer Cordy to bitchslap your ass into next week for even doing it but I\u2019m feeling strangely content. Could be all that destruction I caused with my axe\u2026\u201d he looked over at Cordy with raised eyebrows and then glanced back at the vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I just thought I\u2019d let you know about us being cool and shit. You\u2019re not gonna wanna hug are you?\u201d he asked, almost fearfully.<\/p>\n
Angel couldn\u2019t stop the small smile that graced his lips. \u201cNo Gunn, but thanks for asking.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gunn smirked. \u201cI\u2019ll leave the cuddles up to Cordy.\u201d He rose and Cordelia smacked him hard across the back of his thigh, making his grin widen. \u201cI told you Cordy, I ain\u2019t an S & M man.\u201d He laughed as he stretched.<\/p>\n
Cordelia hid her grin by covering her face with her hands. God, she loved Gunn. Despite his insecurities about Angel and his receding reluctance to accept what the vampire truly was, deep inside, she knew he had an amazing ability to cut through the crap in life and just live it through for what it was worth.<\/p>\n
He acknowledged the horrors of the past but cut it down to size through the hopes of the future. He had lost so much, normalcy, a little sister, a hell of a lot of friends\u2026but regardless of everything he lost, he laughed and smiled, with the help of everything he gained. And he knew how to distinguish the two beautifully.<\/p>\n
Lorne chuckled. \u201cWell Angelcakes, two down, one to go!\u201d he smiled at the vampire, tipping his head towards Wesley\u2019s office.<\/p>\n
How the hell am I going to explain this to Wes?<\/i><\/p>\n
Just tell him what you told me. Trust me Angel, Wesley is far more understanding than Gunn and I can ever dream of being. He\u2019ll work it out eventually.<\/p>\n
Angel just kissed her shoulder and shifted his feet to make himself more comfortable. Cordelia made a move to get up, but steel bands around her waist refused to let her go and she remained in place. She rolled her eyes and slumped against him.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cRight, so that\u2019s a T\u2026\u201d Wesley pointed at the strange circular character, staring at him from under the shiny surface. \u201cScrap that, it\u2019s an A.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred watched him, brown eyes narrowing behind her glasses, taking in every movement as his torso reared from left to right, from book to crystal, stiffly, as though he had a steel ramrod up his spine. \u201cWes, you\u2019re making me dizzy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley looked up, annoyed. \u201cWell, this has to be done Fred.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred sighed. \u201cYeah but at least loosen up. Here\u2026\u201d she moved forward, placing her hands lightly on his waist, as to help him straighten but he jerked away, blue eyes staring at her in horror, and then remorse.<\/p>\n
\u201cFred\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWesley, why are you doing this?\u201d Fred whispered, voice breaking, tears of frustration and heartbreak pricking at her eyes. \u201cWhy are you throwing away our friendship because of something I have already forgiven you for?\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley looked down, swallowing hard. He gestured back to the book. \u201cWe should really\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo Wesley!\u201d Fred said, her voice raising slightly, making the ex-watcher glance up at her. He recognised the anxiety and desperation in her voice and he wanted nothing more than to remove it. But he couldn\u2019t, not when he was unable to deal with the weight on his own heart.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to evade this anymore. I don\u2019t want these side long glances and hesitancies and this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that every time I move to touch you, you\u2019re gonna move away.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFred\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I don\u2019t want you to. I don\u2019t want you to move away. I spent five years in a place where I couldn\u2019t touch anyone, couldn\u2019t hold anyone, couldn\u2019t have anyone just there<\/i> with me. I had to hide and run and I craved human interaction, without the fear of being caught and enslaved\u2026\u201d Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now and Wesley felt his heart break just that little bit more.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I like being able to talk to you, to be comfortable around you. Because you\u2019re my friend and I can\u2019t bear to think that you\u2019re going to make me give that up because of something that isn\u2019t your fault and something that you\u2019re not forgiving yourself for!\u201d<\/p>\n
Blue eyes locked firmly with determined brown ones and Fred continued, \u201cPlease forgive yourself Wesley. Please. It wasn\u2019t your fault. It never will be your fault. And I trust you. Please believe me. I don\u2019t want to give this up. I don\u2019t want to give you up. I\u2019m not ready to. Please don\u2019t make me\u2026\u201d her last words were whispered and she crumpled, knees buckling, cheeks wet with tears.<\/p>\n
Wesley found he could no longer stand there while the woman who was stealing his heart fell apart, and rushing forward, he gently gathered Fred in his arms and rocked her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry Fred.\u201d He whispered. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry.\u201d Closing his eyes and blinking rapidly, he continued. \u201cFred I just\u2026I never ever wanted you to see me like that. It wasn\u2019t me, I know\u2026but I can\u2019t help thinking that every time you see me, you see that face. And I\u2019m scared to touch you or to be near you because I<\/i> see that face. I see your face, terrified of me<\/i>. And I can\u2019t bear it. But I\u2019m going to get over it. I\u2019m going to have to get over it because you\u2019ve just made me realise how much I miss you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred sniffled, burying her face under Wesley\u2019s chin and squeezing his arms. \u201cI only see you Wesley. I only see you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley smiled into her hair and kissed the top of her head once, before helping her gently to her feet. He removed a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed her eyes gently, before handing it to her. Then he smiled warmly, a smile that made Fred\u2019s heart warm suddenly because it was something he hadn\u2019t given her in a long time now. She smiled back.<\/p>\n
Wesley grinned. \u201cI\u2019m sorry for being such an ass pansy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred giggled, smiling widely at him, the heavy weight on her shoulders lifted and floating gently away. \u201cThat\u2019s okay. I like you regardless.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley felt something inside him pull sharply and his smile softened. \u201cGood to know.\u201d He gestured to the large tome on his desk. \u201cShall we?\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred smiled shyly, feeling slightly giddy for the first time in weeks and nodded, following Wesley as he strolled to the desk. Taking a seat, an immense feeling of peace settled within both of them. Of course, neither expected to hear both Cordelia and Angel screaming their heads off, mere seconds later.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Wesley and Fred rushed out of the office, their faces holding expressions of unadulterated shock at the sight that beheld them. Cordelia, well, that was closer to usual, writhing on the floor, Gunn restraining her flaying arms, preventing her head from hitting the ground.<\/p>\n
What they didn\u2019t expect to see was Angel crumpled in a heap on the tiles, clutching his head in agony, hand blocking his ears, yelling loudly, Lorne hovering over him, unsure of what to do and more than a little frightened.<\/p>\n
Wesley glanced at Gunn. \u201cWhat the hell happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know! One minute we\u2019re all talking, the next minute, Angel goes flying into the wall and Cordy\u2019s on the floor.\u201d The girl in question grunted, thrashed wildly one last time before shuddering and burying herself into Gunn\u2019s waiting arms. Gunn felt a wetness seep through his shirt and he gripped Cordelia\u2019s shoulders tighter, offering her whatever comfort he could.<\/p>\n
Wesley rushed over to Angel who was still moaning, softer now, curled into an almost foetal ball. The Englishman gently touched Angel\u2019s shoulder, squeezing lightly, waiting patiently for a response.<\/p>\n
Angel rolled his head so that he could look at Wesley, eyes squinted in pain, hands still over his ears. Finally he managed, \u201cWhat the fuck was that?\u201d<\/p>\n