CHAPTER 15<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia held her head high as she flipped the latch closed for her bag. It was just as well. The great big hole in her chest would only get worse.<\/p>\n
She needed her time away. She needed her space to come to terms with what her head and heart was telling her. And now that her contact with Angelus was restricted to a phone call, Cordelia was glad for the loneliness.<\/p>\n
It reinforced what she always believed.<\/p>\n
She was born alone and she\u2019d die alone.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia?\u201d<\/p>\n
Lifting her eyes, she pasted on the bright smile that would hide the loss of another friend. If she could ever call Angelus friend. It was just the bond. Nothing else. She kept repeating the mantra in her head so she\u2019d remember.<\/p>\n
Angelus didn\u2019t love her. He didn\u2019t want her. He was just as lonely as she was.<\/p>\n
\u201cGuess what Librarian man?\u201d<\/p>\n
Giles had stood there at the bottom of his staircase watching the young woman slap her clothes into the bag before he\u2019d spoken.<\/p>\n
After his night long drinking session with Angelus the week before and the torrent of tears he\u2019d found his slayer in, loving her for her interference and at the same time dreading the effect it would have on both the occupants of his house, Giles feared the worst.<\/p>\n
Cordelia was leaving for LA. Again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou just happened to find a bus ticket to LA in the mail?\u201d<\/p>\n
At the discovery of her secret wish, Cordelia\u2019s smile wavered and she wrung her hand in a nervous gesture. \u201cNot even Giles. Harmony invited me over to her house for Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n
Giles\u2019 heart plummeted. \u201cCordelia you don\u2019t have to go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do Giles.\u201d Suddenly the open wide smile melted into the impassive planes of her apathetic face. A face Giles never liked and had seen a lot of lately. \u201cI can\u2019t be here when they come bearing gifts I\u2019m not getting.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho are you running away from Cordelia? Them or him?\u201d<\/p>\n
She didn\u2019t look surprised at his question. \u201cBoth. For different reasons.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor the same I fear.\u201d The watcher came to stand beside her. \u201cYou\u2019re afraid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I don\u2019t like it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe if we all sit down together\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
She snorted. \u201cPlease Giles. Let\u2019s not fool ourselves. I have a barely tolerable rapport with the slayer. The witch and the dork avoid me like the plague \u2013 which is good for them. And Angelus,\u201d she let out a shaky sigh,<\/p>\n
\u201che\u2019s made it perfectly clear that I\u2019m only vision girl. He\u2019ll get his PTB induced guidance. I\u2019ll call if something happens. His new cell number\u2019s taped to the fridge. Right now? I just need to not be here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut Harmony?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBeggars and choosers.\u201d She shrugged and slung her bag over her head. She met his eyes with determination. \u201cYou get one hug old man.\u201d<\/p>\n
Giles smiled at the familiar reference he\u2019d gotten used to hearing from their vampire. He covered the few footfalls and wrapped his arms around the girl, resting his chin on top of her head. \u201cYou\u2019re coming back right after.\u201d<\/p>\n
She held him for a breath longer before muttering. \u201cA bit long for one hug, don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n
Knowing that she hadn\u2019t answered his question he released her and stepped away, giving her room enough to bring back her fake smile.<\/p>\n
He was starting to hate it. Cordelia only gave him a tip of her chin before she turned and walked out of his house.<\/p>\n
And he realized she had never looked back.<\/p>\n
***
\nGiles smiled as Willow stood on the little ladder hanging the decorations on the tree. Joyce was curled up in his recliner writing out her Christmas cards. Xander was wrapped in Christmas lights.<\/p>\n
He laughed when the young man nearly tripped taking Willow with him, the two laughing like he\u2019d seen them laugh since childhood.<\/p>\n
The house was filled with the smell of cookies and eggnog while Buffy worked in his kitchen. The atmosphere, save for one aspect, seemed perfect.<\/p>\n
Giles would have figured that once Cordelia was gone, Angelus would have ventured away as well, but he had returned now and then. And he never talked to Giles unless absolutely necessary. Without his usual bite and sarcasm.<\/p>\n
Almost like everything that was left alive inside him had gone with the brunette. And what remained was for what little connection she still had with the house.<\/p>\n
Giles hadn\u2019t let on, but he\u2019d known the extension in his kitchen had been picked up silently when Cordelia had called him to tell him she was settled into Harmony\u2019s house and how she was living a life of luxury for the while.<\/p>\n
And he\u2019d felt the sadness nearly potent in her voice as he felt it in his silence.<\/p>\n
Then she proceeded to tell him about the vision. Angelus walked out of the house silently and returned with more than enough wounds that would have kept Cordelia busy the entire evening, but he wouldn\u2019t let Giles tend to him, just collected his blood bag and left.<\/p>\n
It was nearly Christmas morning. Almost like he needed to reassure himself, Giles grabbed his coat. \u201cI\u2019m just running out for some coffee, we\u2019re out.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy peeked out from the kitchen with a frown, the jar of freshly ground coffee beans in her hand. \u201cBut we already have\u2026coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n
Her frown deepened. \u201cWeird.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angelus sat watching the flickering light on the second story bedroom across the street. Without the insistent whine of his soul, his mind painfully blank of thoughts. The burn of the brandy he\u2019d stolen out of the watcher\u2019s house in his throat and the ridiculous music from the night nearly deafening.<\/p>\n
It’s been a while
\nSince I could hold my head up high
\nIt’s been a while
\nSince I first saw you
\nIt’s been a while
\nSince I couldn’t stand on my own two feet again
\nIt’s been a while
\nSince I couldn’t call you
\nAnd everything I can’t remember
\nIs fucked up as it always seemed
\nThe consequences that I’ve rendered
\nI’ve gone stretched myself beyond my means<\/p>\n
It’s been a while
\nSince I couldn’t say that I wasn’t addicted
\nIt’s been a while
\nSince I can say I love myself as well and
\nIt’s been a while
\nSince I’ve gone and fucked things up just like I do
\nIt’s been a while
\nBut all that shit seems to disappear when I’m with you<\/p>\n
And everything I can’t remember
\nIs fucked up as it always seemed
\nThe consequences that I’ve rendered
\nI’ve gone and fucked things up again, again<\/p>\n
Why must I feel this way
\nJust make this go away
\nJust one more peaceful day<\/p>\n
It’s been a while
\nSince I could look at myself straight
\nIt’s been a while
\nSince I said I’m sorry
\nIt’s been a while
\nSince I’ve seen the way the candles light your face
\nIt’s been a while
\nBut I can still remember just the way you taste<\/p>\n
And everything I can’t remember
\nIs fucked up as it always seemed
\nMe, I know its always me
\nI cannot blame this on my father
\nHe did the best he could for me<\/p>\n
It’s been a while
\nSince I could hold my head up high
\nIt’s been a while
\nSince I said I’m sorry<\/p>\n
Angelus wished it was approaching dawn. After his goddamn pansy behavior, he deserved it. Because he\u2019d pegged her wrong. She wasn\u2019t coming to him. Willingly or anything. And it was obvious \u2013 he\u2019d fucked things up.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you miss her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes.\u201d The answer was out of his mouth in response to the watcher\u2019s question before he could stop it.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
This time he allowed himself a moment to find the right words. \u201cWhen I can’t sleep.\u201d And he didn\u2019t hide the bitter want in his voice.<\/p>\n
Giles let out a defeated breath. \u201cOh Lord\u2026look, Angelus, we’ll drink, alright?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angelus took a deep drag on his cigarette before letting it out slowly through his nose, the tobacco burning out of his lungs. \u201cNot tempting enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was utter silence behind him and Angelus figured the man had taken the hint and left, but then he felt himself being bodily lifted off the curb by the scruff of his coat collar.<\/p>\n
\u201cHEY! WATCH THE COAT!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cARE YOU GOING TO BLOODY WORK WITH ME OR NOT?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angelus bit down the urge to body slam the Englishman, but he was weary and had no strength to fight the pain of his chip for the sake of a few punches. Rattling on his feet while Giles shook him in anger, he glared up at him defiantly.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet your hands off me Giles, or I\u2019ll take you to hell with me.\u201d His voice deathly calm.<\/p>\n
Looking at the reigned anger in the vampire\u2019s eyes and control he was showing, Giles took a deep breath to calm himself. He couldn\u2019t stand to see Cordelia so broken. And God forgive him, Angelus\u2019 obvious moping was grating on his nerves.<\/p>\n
Even Cordelia hadn\u2019t been this darkened when he\u2019d found her in that house sheathed in white. But without him, she\u2019d seemed to disappear and Angelus was halfway down the same road. \u201cBloody sod\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOne day you’ll give yourself a damned coronary Rupe, and I\u2019m going to get a front seat.\u201d Angelus reclaimed his bottle and dropped back into his previous position, picking up the fallen cigarette and taking another drag.<\/p>\n
\u201cSince when do you smoke?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSince I can\u2019t bite.\u201d At the raised eyebrow, Angelus rolled his eyes. \u201cOral fixation.\u201d<\/p>\n
Giles watched the vampire take a swig from his bottle before offering it to him. With a calm intake of breath he took the bottle and mirrored his motion, sitting beside him on the curb.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia deserves better than you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBeggars and choosers and all that jazz.\u201d<\/p>\n
Giles\u2019 eyebrows shot up at the familiar words he\u2019d heard from the woman in question. It was almost eerie the way these two were connected which only reinforced his belief that they needed each other to survive. And Giles would never admit it, but there were times he would sympathize with the vampire.<\/p>\n
Cordelia was more than a handful, especially when she made up her mind about something. \u201cIt has been a week. How long do you plan to sit out here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t much care for your hospitality to come over anymore.\u201d He snatched the bottle from the condescending man.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you daft?\u201d Giles leveled a glare at him. \u201cAfter you’ve drained just about every drop of liquor in that house that I’ve ever had the displeasure of owning?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should learn to hide it better.\u201d<\/p>\n
Giles let out a defeated sigh. \u201cYou skate around the issue almost the same way she does.\u201d Running a hand over his face he stood up. \u201cI cannot believe I\u2019m about to say this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angelus tipped his head back and glanced up at the watcher as he towered over him.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet off your bloody arse and go talk to her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angelus couldn\u2019t help raise an eyebrow. \u201cThat sounded too much like encouragement on your part. You sure you haven\u2019t taken too much of the slayer\u2019s eggnog?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy slayer\u2019s eggnog is neither spiked nor bad. And furthermore.\u201d Giles resisted the urge to wag a finger at the strangely complacent vampire. \u201cWhen have you ever taken no for an answer?\u201d<\/p>\n
Pulling his gaze away from his, Angelus frowned at the inane need to spill his guts to the young man. To tell him of Cordelia\u2019s rejection and his own rage. He wanted to kill her. To drain her and make her hurt, but since he could do neither, Angelus seethed and plotted.<\/p>\n
Thought and planned, until he was drunk and dizzy and hungry. And then even the brandy would taste like her. \u201cThe seer needs to get off her goddamn high horse.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe won\u2019t.\u201d At the soft tenor of his voice, Angelus frowned up at Giles before he continued. \u201cCordelia is hanging onto the last vestige of her pride. Look at it from her point of view Angelus. She\u2019s lost it all.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I haven\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe didn\u2019t bloody deserve it! And she\u2019s human. What is it about her existence that eludes you? She is human and she knows her time is limited as opposed to you. And it\u2019s hard to imagine yourself as a ticking time bomb with only a crass vampire for a companion until she blows.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s safer if she just does the seeing anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat has escaped you Angelus? The fact that you\u2019re bonded for eternity to a slip of a girl? That you are finally afraid?\u201d<\/p>\n
The bottle smashed into a thousand angry shards as the demon reared up, eyes amber and the snarl nearly deafening. \u201cI\u2019m NOT afraid!\u201d<\/p>\n
The human didn\u2019t blink. \u201cThe thought of her dying doesn\u2019t scare you? That you will lose her one day? Isn\u2019t that why you\u2019re out here and she\u2019s in there?\u201d<\/p>\n
Muted fury melted into confused regret and Angelus lifted his head to look up at the house where his woman was hiding. \u201cWhat the hell do you want from me Giles?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou will remain miserable without her. She will die young with the pain she\u2019ll carry in her heart. And the visions will take her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angelus\u2019 eyes darkened back to chocolate. \u201cShe\u2019s really dying?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWithout her. So are you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angelus frowned. \u201cStop the fucking riddles. Get to the point.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are no longer two entities. The PTB granted you this gift so that you may redeem yourself. Her soul chose to save you Angelus. Now it is your turn to save her. Together you will find a solution. Not if you both act like egotistical arses.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLast nerve,\u201d the vampire warned.<\/p>\n
But Giles pressed on. \u201cYou need her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNO I don\u2019t.\u201d Giles nearly smiled as the vampire started to pace. \u201cI don\u2019t need her. I don\u2019t fucking need anyone. Not my childer and definitely not some bitchy harpy who thinks she\u2019s above me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright, I stand corrected.\u201d Giles crossed his arms and gave him a twisted smile that wasn\u2019t too amused. \u201cYou don\u2019t need her. You want her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike I want blood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIronic that she\u2019s the only one in this world that will allow you that liberty.\u201d<\/p>\n
Everything about the previously prowling vampire stilled. Flashing ochre eyes caught Giles like he wanted to burn right through him.<\/p>\n
The smile on the watcher\u2019s face was as wicked at the vampire was vain.<\/p>\n
Damn blood lust.<\/p>\n