Part 9<\/b><\/p>\n
Eternity passed, or maybe time stood still as their crumbling world faded into oblivion.<\/p>\n
Wesley shuddered as the unbelievable declaration crawled up his spine. Impossible, was his knee-jerk reaction. Even taking into consideration recent events, the thought was inconceivable. The only explanation, he had simply heard wrong.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did Angel just say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Unmoving, Gunn stared at the dark, empty space. Jaw clinched and body tense; his fingers absently stroked the length of his weapon. The wood, smooth and cylindrical, it felt comfortable in his grip. The vampire had just signed his death warrant.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel said\u2026\u201d Stake aimed and ready, the young man charged toward the exit. \u201c\u2026he was gonna bite the dust tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
Shaking free of his mental fog, Wesley lunged forward. The grip on his friend\u2019s arm did little to slow his pursuit. And desperate to prevent an act impossible to undo, he swung around, a loose fist striking across Gunn\u2019s chin.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill you just stop for a moment\u2026and think.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThink about what?\u201d Gunn stumbled back, rubbing the slight sting of Wesley\u2019s punch. There wasn\u2019t reason to dwell once a decision was made.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat this may be exactly what Angel wants; but more important, the exact opposite of what Cordelia needs.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2026<\/i> His heart ached thinking of his friend. So young and innocent, she had dealt with her plight alone. Cordelia was his first priority. Then Wesley would take great pleasure in administering the death Angel desired and so rightly deserved.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou cannot<\/i> be telling me we have to let him go.\u201d Gunn shoved past the weaker frame blocking his way. This man was one of his own, their trust intuitive, but now… \u201cNo way man.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOnly until we talk with Cordelia.\u201d As difficult as it was, Wesley tried once again to be the voice of reason. \u201cOr do you prefer facing Cordelia after<\/i>you\u2019ve staked Angel?\u201d<\/p>\n
Slowing his pace, Gunn\u2019s stride faltered until implausible became a bare thread of possibility. \u201cFine, we\u2019ll do it your way. Talk first then stake.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley had spent his life reacting to the will of those around him, beliefs and desires yielding to other\u2019s ambitions\u2026but not this time. People depended on him now. He had a responsibility to friends that trusted him, and he would not fail them.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you. That\u2019s all I ask.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Triumphs and defeats, a man\u2019s hope rotting away inside a wasted life. Memories are cruelty in its purist form.<\/p>\n
Doyle had seen the life-force that existed behind expensive taste and youthful indifference. He had believed the young spit-fire that charged into their lives possessed a heart and soul that could lead a displaced vampire to his destiny. Even more miraculous, the reluctant hero had begun to see it too; but fearful of more disappointments that he couldn\u2019t survive, he had turned from his fate.<\/p>\n
Squinting against the yellow glare of the light bulb, Angel snatched the bag from the small refrigerator. His throat began to spasm, his stomach churning in protest of the red swill. Had he embraced dark yearnings and left with Darla, the hemic substitute would have been given up for a more savory cuisine. And had he possessed the conviction to defy his dark past, he would be basking in the warmth of his friends.<\/p>\n
He had done neither, and now waited in the lonely hotel for a final death that may never come. A master without dominion, a king smothering under the ruins of his fortress; Angel\u2019s hope was as barren as his existence.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Impatience taking charge over usual decorum, Wesley called out his urgency. \u201cDennis, open the door.\u201d<\/p>\n
The faint light from the hallway streamed inside, silhouetting the small form staring past the large, glass pane. Cordelia tensed for only a second before the comforting familiarity of her intruders washed through her body.<\/p>\n
\u201cDarla?\u201d She whispered, her sight remaining pinned to the dark LA skyline.<\/p>\n
\u201cGone\u2026and this time her death is irreversible.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia hated that her breath was still trapped, needing proof that Darla\u2019s demise was at the hands of Angel. She wouldn\u2019t ask, because she couldn\u2019t allow herself to need it that badly. Asphyxiation was an easier fate.<\/p>\n
Petrified by the eerie calm and looming quiet, Gunn stood stock-still. And waiting for Wesley to take the lead, dealt with his own threat of suffocation.<\/p>\n
Wesley tentatively stepped forward, closing the narrow space separating them. Cordelia in turn shifted her stance as his hands brushed across her shoulders. Their eyes met; and the obscure light reflected off the glass, unveiling her secret. They knew. The truth lifted a heavy burden, and simultaneously delivered one even more unforgivable to take its place. She had lied to her friends.<\/p>\n
Wesley\u2019s face somber and filled with concern, steel blue glistened under pooling moisture. And afraid that understanding wouldn\u2019t be granted a second time, Cordelia hesitated before finally glancing in Gunn\u2019s direction.<\/p>\n
Still rooted in place, he met her questioning gaze with pain and uncertainty that almost matched her own, then finally\u2026compassion.<\/p>\n
Her sight drifted back to Wesley, her pain almost more than he could bare. A time for killing may come in the days ahead, but tonight was about healing. His arms slipped fully around her, pulling Cordelia inside a tight embrace.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe should have known,\u201d he whispered. \u201cWe should have protected you.\u201d He gently kissed the top of her head. \u201cForgive us.\u201d
\n***<\/p>\n
Two Weeks Later<\/em><\/p>\n Senses attuned to the scrutiny of his body language, Angel\u2019s descent was slow and deliberate. He stopped just short of the lobby floor settling on the third step, and ever mindful of infringing personal space clasped his hands on his lap.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t expect you to come here.\u201d<\/p>\n Cordelia remained near the door. She knew its connection to the outside world was misleading, but even illusionary lifelines had their use. Arms tensely aligned with the rigid contours of her body, and her teeth nervously nipping at her bottom lip; she studied the calm facade lounging in front of her.<\/p>\n \u201cBelieve me, no one is more surprised than me.\u201d<\/p>\n Quiet minutes passed; only the soft whish of her breaths breaking into their silent standoff. They stared, each seemingly content to wait for the other, until anxiety threatened composure.<\/p>\n Angel could either allow fate to creep into his wasteland or force it to deliver a swift and final blow. \u201cThen why are you here?\u201d<\/p>\n Still searching for that answer, Cordelia turned around shifting her attention to easier contemplation. Fingers spread, her hands moved up to rest at the curve of her hips as she studied the sunlit activity beyond the large, double doors framing her escape.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not sure where we go from here.\u201d The words came easier with her attention fixed on the strangers outside. \u201cThe guys know everything, but then, you already knew that.\u201d<\/p>\n Content to simply have her within arm\u2019s reach, Angel remained silent as Cordelia watched the life she had left behind. Before either could understand the consequences he had pulled her into his life; the black eclipse of his restricted world shrouding her sun in darkness. There was a time Angel would have returned her to the daylight, but now, weak and greedy where Cordelia was concerned, he resisted any choice that shut him out\u2026even the right one.<\/p>\n \u201cI would let you go if I could. I tried.\u201d He stopped, waiting for hands to fold into fists and her spine to stiffen in resistance, but when her stance remained unchanged\u2026 \u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n A woman stepped off the bus, a little girl jumping out behind her and dashing to the ice cream cart cleverly set up in the perfect spot. True bliss is ignorance, Cordelia almost spoke out loud. For all those people, tomorrow was just that; another tomorrow.<\/p>\n Sometimes, some people don\u2019t get to have that. She<\/i> would never have that. Cordelia was only beginning to understand the full impact of Doyle\u2019s fateful decision. Doyle and Angel had been her first real friends. One had taught her the greater good, the other had ensured she would never forget.<\/p>\n \u201cI know.\u201d Her answer came with a resolved voice. \u201cAnd in a weird-ass sort of way, I\u2019m OK with that.\u201d<\/p>\n Cordelia turned back into the room, and Angel felt his thin veil of calm rip as determined eyes met him head on.<\/p>\n \u201cMe running and you chasing might not be an option, but this playacting we\u2019ve been doing has to stop\u2026now.\u201d Taking a small step from the door her action spoke of confidence, but her voice betrayed the apprehension rising to the surface. \u201cI know Lorne means well, but he can\u2019t help us. Maybe no one can.\u201d<\/p>\n Whether stemmed by desire or acceptance, Cordelia\u2019s avowal not to flee granted more hope than believed possible, and Angel latched onto the meager offer. \u201cWe don\u2019t need anyone. This is about us. And we can get through this as long as we\u2019re together.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTogether? I\u2019ve had sex twice. Both times because of demonic forces, and neither was about me.\u201d Hazel irises freezing into black ice narrowed their gaze. \u201cThere is no us<\/i> Angel. So let just concentrate on getting through this\u2026period.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t do that. Don\u2019t compare what we have to him<\/i>.\u201d His guise of calm forgotten, Angel sprang from the step, and with two long strides towered over Cordelia. Their bodies cringing in unison as Cordelia instinctively moved beyond his reach, Angel backed away from the imaginary line separating them.<\/p>\n Relieved that her bid for space had gone unchallenged, Cordelia concentrated on relaxing frazzled nerves and turned back to the outside view. Making peace with her fate had been the easy part. Now it was time to follow through and make peace with Angel. \u201cI need to talk to the guys first. Then we\u2019ll work something out we can all live with.\u201d<\/p>\n Her offer had filled him with false hope. Cordelia was suggesting the same restricted visitation as before. And deliberating the consequences of pushing her too hard, Angel quickly concluded there weren\u2019t any. Because Cordelia\u2019s evasion of his attention remained whether he accepted or rejected her terms. \u201cThat\u2019s not enough.\u201d<\/p>\n Her head jerked over a tense shoulder, and earlier cautions against confrontations were pushed aside. An indignant scowl twisting her face, \u201cexcuse me,\u201d snapped from pursed lips.<\/p>\n \u201cI know you need time and I\u2019ll give you that.\u201d Angel eagerly clarified, giving up the space of a step he\u2019d taken to make his point. Assuring her safety was critical, but Cordelia reconciling with the limitations he was willing to accept was equally imperative. \u201cBut the no-touching rule is gone; and your boys will have to deal.\u201d<\/p>\n Cordelia hadn\u2019t expected his reaction, and Angel watched the emotions flicker across her face as she worked out a response. He took a hesitant step, quickly giving it up when her back pressed against the door. \u201cI regret how it happened\u2026\u201d Struggling with restraint that was reaching its breaking point, his words trailed to a whisper. They had reached an impasse. One wanting to ensure a slow journey to their fate, the other anxious to see fate become reality. He had everything to gain at this moment and nothing to lose. \u201c\u2026but I\u2019m not sorry it happened.\u201d<\/p>\n Angel\u2019s confession rang of honesty and conviction, neither characteristic of the man she had come to know. And believing his sincerity only diluted the severity of his demands, making it harder for Cordelia to work through her mounting confusion.<\/p>\n Regardless of his intentions, none of that matter now because this wasn\u2019t about that night. Not anymore. Cordelia had already made her hardest decision. She wouldn\u2019t leave. Not because of the mission or the hopeless, but because she needed Angel as much as he needed her. Hating him with equal fervor only gifted her a slight advantage.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright. We\u2019ll make the rules together\u2026but there will be rules.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen you won\u2019t try to leave me?\u201d<\/p>\n His voice was a bevy of emotions; disbelief, shock, and finally relief. And Cordelia couldn\u2019t help but be pleased with the narrow shift of control. Turning around, she took a step forward. It was small and tentative, but it was a beginning.<\/p>\n Heart thumping fast and hard, her chin tilted up until their eyes joined in shared clarity. \u201cWhere would I go that you couldn\u2019t find me?\u201d<\/p>\n Holding her gaze, Angel simply nodded. Lies were no longer needed and truths were no longer feared.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n \u201cSpread your mouth over it and suck. Now take a big bite.\u201d<\/p>\n Angel scrunched his nose, eyes snapping shut as the foul-tasting liquid oozed down his throat. He had thought the grape flavored snow cone to be a safe choice. Wine was made from grapes. How was he to know Kool-Aid was a synthetic rendition the fruit? It was a bad decision, but one with welcomed repercussions.<\/p>\n Cordelia giggled uncontrollably as the artificial color dripped down Angel\u2019s chin, staining his pale skin with purple streaks. \u201cJust give it up Angel. Obviously carefree and lively aren\u2019t for you.\u201d Taking pity on her dopey companion, Cordelia held out a napkin already damp from overuse.<\/p>\n \u201cIs that another dig about me being dead?\u201d Angel feigned a soft huff, tossing his half eaten snow cone into the garbage. Then wiped the soppy napkin across his chin and sent it to join the syrupy treat that had decimated his persona of cool.<\/p>\n \u201cI told you, it\u2019s not a dig if it\u2019s true.\u201d Her mouth latched onto the mound quickly disappearing from her snow cone, an enthusiastic melody of slurps and gurgles sounding into their quiet night. \u201cLet\u2019s go. It\u2019s getting late.\u201d<\/p>\n It was the dread that shrouded every moment he was allowed to share with her alone. Ultimately the moment would end, its conclusion always coming too soon. \u201cNot yet Cordelia. It\u2019s not that late.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAngel, we had dinner and we saw a movie.\u201d Cherry-stained lips stretched into a smile, mischief dancing in her eyes. \u201cAnd I got to watch Mr. Kool-Aid kick your butt. All in all, it was a fun night.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust a little longer, then I promise to take you home. And no one kicked my butt.\u201d<\/p>\n Cordelia took in the shy and subtly guarded demeanor of the old Angel that had first become her friend. She missed that boyish grin and the way he shoved his hands inside his pockets just to give them a place to be. Not everything she had loved about Angel had been a deception. There were bit and pieces of her stoic champion that had been real, and the important ones, the ones that deserved her love and trust, had survived.<\/p>\n Stepping down from the curb, Cordelia turned back and held out her hand. \u201cCome on big guy, we\u2019ll take the scenic route.\u201d<\/p>\n An outstretched hand was a seemingly simple gesture, but to a man that had lost the right to touch and be touched it was more than words could describe. There had been touching. Angel\u2019s refusal to accept any rule denying it had ensured that, but Cordelia had never offered. And touches that even hinted of intimacy had been received with apprehension.<\/p>\n Honestly, things hadn\u2019t turned out exactly as Angel had planned. Everyone was getting along. Sometimes better than expected with Cordelia doing what she did best. Leading by example. She had worked through her emotions and reached a place where forgiveness was possible. And like forever friends do, Wesley and Gunn had followed her lead.<\/p>\n This new relationship was far different than Angel had first hoped for. Lorne had told him months ago that through time and forgiveness they would reach a new place. And they did. His friendship with Cordelia was healthier than it had ever been; proving what doesn\u2019t kill you makes you stronger. But with each passing day, the possibility of something more grew further from reach.<\/p>\n If not for the gravity of their situation, Angel might enjoy the irony of his predicament. He and Buffy had easily become lovers; it was friendship that always eluded them. But then, he had waited until her youth and innocence had accepted him as a lover to show his true face.<\/p>\n At first, it seemed his fateful decision almost a year ago was the catalyst robbing them of what might have been. Tonight, under the harsh light of reality, the true culprit was clearly visible. It was Angel\u2019s undeniable need for her friendship that would doom them as lovers. Cordelia would never refuse him the forgiveness and trust he had worked so diligently to regain; but the absolute faith intimacy required had been lost that night. And only time would tell if that faith was waiting patiently in their future.<\/p>\n Angel stared at the small hand, slender fingers waiting to entwine with his. He stepped from the curb, his large hand reaching over and closing around hers. Simplicity in the making? Maybe; but for them, it was monumental step. Not to where they once were, but to a new place they were ready to journey together. And hands clasped together, they walked in contented silence.<\/p>\n End<\/b><\/p>\n