Part 3<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia slid further under the blanket staving the shiver of chills fluttering down her spine. It wasn\u2019t the unseasonably cool night, but the return of dreams that robbed her of sleep and a comfortable bed. The couch was better, it offered refuge for one; and the flood of artificial light held the bumps and creaks at bay.<\/p>\n
The fight had been brutal to say the least. Battle skills quickly sharpened by necessity dulled by fatigue as one vision trailed another. Her struggle could have ended; a faltered step moving her into the demon\u2019s reach, until a cool band swept around her waist, lifting and spinning her from harm.<\/p>\n
She had walked away, unwilling to ask, too afraid to listen, and too numb to care her unconcealed dispassion would raise questions.<\/p>\n
Why had he come back? Maybe he never left. Had he remained in LA, hiding in the shadows\u2026watching and waiting?<\/i> The incessant murmurs droned inside her head until the sleeping pills pulled her into a fitful slumber.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel skulked in the shadows below, plans of watching from the balcony derailed by the bright illumination of her apartment. He had visited each night since returning to LA, spending the dark, lonely hours crouched outside her bedroom window\u2026until tonight.<\/p>\n
His head dropped in weary acceptance; she could find sleep only under the protection of synthetic sunlight, and he was the culprit. When Cordelia realized his intentions of moving out of the shadows and back into her light; would she meet him with acceptance or attempt to flee the city\u2026and his pursuit?<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Eyelids fluttered open, quickly slamming shut as the shrill echoed into her drug induced sleep. \u201cDennis lights, too bright.\u201d The answering machine clicked on, coaxing the phone into silence and freeing her head of its jingling ring.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, are you there? It\u2019s half past noon; where are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWesley, I\u2019m here\u2026sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, are you alright? You sound\u2026ah-\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I\u2019m fine, just tired I guess. Are you and Gunn OK? Sorry I left last night, but-\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, that\u2019s quite alright. Gunn and I are fine, just worried about you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWesley\u2026is he gone?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s one of the reasons I\u2019m calling. Angel has asked that we meet with him.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia cursed the eerie feeling of being watched. It was mid afternoon, she cursed again; no one was watching her, at least no one she needed to fear. She had been on edge for days; maybe some part of her had sensed he was close, the hair at the nape of her neck constantly bristling a warning.<\/p>\n
Angel had shown up and she had fallen apart, proof of the small distance separating her from the past. In hindsight, stubborn refusal of counseling was probably a mistake.<\/p>\n
\u201cAn ear for listening, a shoulder for crying\u2026I come fully equipped.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t help me. I have to figure out how to help myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019d probably be easier if you would trust me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cProbably.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you\u2019ll let me be your friend?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhenever you\u2019re ready then\u2026I\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n
It may have helped to tell someone, but Cordelia didn\u2019t have to tell, he had known instantly. He had read her too easily, slipped inside her emotions and felt the suffocating death of trust and friendship. She had always considered Lorne to be Angel\u2019s friend and advisor, and wasn\u2019t willing to trust his pledge of confidentiality. There was one thing Cordelia had that she would now trust without question\u2026her instinct.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia stood inside the dimly lit club waiting for Lorne to sense her presence. She could be patient; it was only late afternoon, Caritas wouldn\u2019t open for several hours yet.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been expecting you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust wanted to drop off your key.\u201d Cordelia responded, letting the small piece of metal slip from her fingers and clank against the table\u2019s surface.<\/p>\n
\u201cKeep the key princess. Caritas is the one place you can come when you need to feel safe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew he was back.\u201d It wasn\u2019t a question; it rode the edge of accusation.<\/p>\n
\u201cYea, but not until two nights ago.\u201d Lorne halfheartedly defended.<\/p>\n
Cordelia hadn\u2019t been ready to know of Angel\u2019s return, and Lorne would deal with the guilt of keeping it from her; a small price considering he would have to tell her why Angel had returned to LA.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I guess safe is in the eye of the beholder. Gotta tell ya, I\u2019m not really beholding any warm, fuzzy feelings about being safe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSit down princess and I\u2019ll make us-\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStop calling me that!\u201d<\/p>\n
Old memories had been left behind, trapped in that room with the past; Cordelia wouldn\u2019t allow a childish pet name to unlock the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe do seem to be missing the ingredients for a good fairytale.\u201d Lorne somberly agreed.<\/p>\n
Past attempts at introspection blocked by a cancerous anguish so raw, pain could only reflect pain, leaving no room for anything else. Now layers of anger and obstinate survival stood like warring sentinels, and Lorne feared their breach were beyond his simple gift.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake a seat\u2026 princess<\/i> \u2026I\u2019ll make us some tea and we\u2019ll talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTea? If I wanted to chat over afternoon tea I\u2019d visit Wesley.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShove a knife in my heart; why don\u2019t you.\u201d Lorne feigned a too hearty chortle. \u201cBelieve me, where my heart\u2019s located sitting wouldn\u2019t be an option.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll take your word for it, cause I don\u2019t want a Pylean anatomy lesson.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFair enough. Now let me get you some of my special brew. This little specialty will blow the Brit\u2019s high tea right out of the water.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel flipped onto his stomach, hell-bent on recapturing the sleep that had cast him out. In slumber he could smell her perfume on his pillow, feel the warmth of her body on his sheets; and he could be aroused by their redolence and not be ashamed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you want from me Angel?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cI want you to help me get her back.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI read and tell people what I see. I don\u2019t interfere.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel pushed from the bed and headed from the room in search of a working shower. It would be dark in a couple of hours. He could travel through the sewers, be at their office by sunset. The sooner he stated his case, the sooner he\u2019d have their reaction; then he could decide his next move.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cI know Angel showing up out of the blue has scared the heebie-jeebies out of you, but if you\u2019ll listen to me, maybe it\u2019ll help make sense out of what happened\u2026of what\u2019s going to happen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOK,\u201d Cordelia gulped along with a big swig of her Pylean tea; obvious after her second cup the special brew was two-thirds bourbon.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel left Sunnydale because he was convinced it was the right thing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was there for the maiming and the killing, Lorne; it was definitely an attention grabber.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know Angel\u2019s evil side-step in Sunnydale seemed pretty bad at the time. But looking back\u2026does it even compare?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLorne, you\u2019re comparing what happened between Angel and me to his big love fest with Buffy\u2026that doesn\u2019t seem right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel left because he could. He made a decision and he followed through.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo Angel\u2019s made another decision?\u201d Cordelia asked, confused by the muddle of information; but confusion gave her a break from fear, if only for a little while.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s not that simple. Our brooding, and sometimes psychotic vampire has had an epiphany of sorts.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do that Angel. The Powers won\u2019t allow it.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t seem to be grasping the gravity of our situation Lorne.\u201d Angel leaned down low, his mouth hovering a mere breath away. \u201cIf Cordelia can\u2019t forgive me, if I can\u2019t return to the fold, then I\u2019ll leave; but The Powers need to understand\u2026I won\u2019t leave without her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now was not the time to reminisce Angel\u2019s ominous declaration and Lorne choked down the gulp caught in his throat, pulling in deep, slow breaths to calm his skittish nerves.<\/p>\n
\u201cLorne, are you alright? Lorne?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, sorry about that cupcake. Kinda faded out for a second.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, Angel\u2019s so-called epiphany?\u201d Cordelia asked, dreading whatever answer Lorne might offer but refusing to end up with another wasted session. \u201cWhat does it have to do with me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe won\u2019t leave you princess\u2026because he can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of sense am I supposed to make out of that?\u201d Cordelia demanded pushing up from her chair; the hard shove sounding an eerie screech as it scrubbed across the floor. Hazel eyes dark with fury and only a glint of fear glared at The Host. She flicked a thick strand of dark hair from her face, leaned down planting her fists against the table and shook the telltale shudder from her voice. \u201cWas that supposed to be soothing, help me get a good night\u2019s sleep? Cause I gotta tell you, it wasn\u2019t a warm milk moment.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cYou gotta admit, it\u2019s odd; the vampire showin\u2019 up like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes Charles, I agree; but I\u2019ve agreed the last three times you\u2019ve said it. Now will you please stop pacing? It\u2019s-it\u2019s\u2026making me tense.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not the pacing that\u2019s got you wired, it\u2019s\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Both men looked up, gawking at the large, stoic figure filling their doorway. Eyes dark, face emotionless; he stood unreadable, waiting for their response to tell him whether to seize or surrender control.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026him.\u201d Gunn choked out the last of his riposte, his gaze still glued to their ill-boding visitor.<\/p>\n
Wesley cleared his throat, dislodging the trapped air threatening asphyxiation and breaking the ghostly silence. \u201cAngel, we didn\u2019t hear you come in; please, have a seat.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stepped inside the small office, three short strides closing the narrow space to Wesley\u2019s desk. He loosened the fold of his arms letting the books slide into his hands, bringing them down to hover over the heavily scratched desktop.<\/p>\n
\u201cThese books were at\u2026\u201d \u201cJust give him the damn thing and let him get the hell out!\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t make me move you.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t even know what you are anymore.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m a vampire. Look it up.\u201d<\/i> \u201cI thought you guys might could use these.\u201d Angel nodded toward the books as he reached them to Wesley.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, well thank-oh, this is the book you took when you-oh my\u2026\u201d Wesley stuttered and stumbled, caught ill prepared for the instant recall of Angel\u2019s threatening demands for the text.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, of course; one can never have too many demon texts when researching\u2026well\u2026demons.\u201d Good God man, get a hold of yourself. You\u2019ve turned into a blubbering idiot.<\/i> \u201cSo Angel, what brings you back to LA?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI left most of my things at the hotel when I left.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you\u2019re just stopping by on you way out then?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot exactly.\u201d Angel asserted, lowering himself into the offered chair, but never breaking the lock of Gunn\u2019s cold stare.<\/p>\n
The young man had earned Angel\u2019s respect when they first met. Charles Gunn was often too cocky for his own good but he refused to be led by fear; driven by it maybe, but Angel could relate to that impulse.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel I\u2019m not sure why you\u2019re here, but I think you should know we continued with the mission in your absence.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you probably figured that out with that lurking thing you do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYea, but it didn\u2019t take much lurking to read the sign.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, well, we really haven\u2019t been able to agree on a new name; and things have been quite busy these past few months.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn case you missed it, the subtext is you ran when things got tough.\u201d<\/p>\n
The assertion may have come from anger, but its truth remained clear; and breaking from his staring contest with Gunn, Angel ventured the only acceptable response. \u201cI know\u2026I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, well then-\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCharles please, sarcasm won\u2019t help.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHelped me feel better, bet Cordy would enjoy it too if she were here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWes, where is C-Cor–Cordelia?\u201d Damn it<\/i>, Angel silently hissed. Wes was blubbering, Gunn was ranting; calm would give him the edge he needed to stay in control.<\/p>\n
\u201cSince it was unclear why you asked to meet with us, Cordelia chose not to attend. She\u2019s had quite a lot going on these past few days and taking a night off gives her a chance to catch up on some much needed rest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe shouldn\u2019t be fighting. It\u2019s too dangerous.\u201d It was out; the avower had been kicking at his gut since he stepped through the door. Better to say it now while calm was his foothold than risk succumbing to his own blubbering rants.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou think? And just why do you think the girl is fighting? Could it be we came up a man short?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGunn, stop it, this isn\u2019t helping.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo let him talk Wes. He\u2019s needs to get this out, so he can move past it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFuck you! You arrogant bastard; who the hell do you think you are telling us the girl shouldn\u2019t be fighting?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel felt the rage surge up filling his chest and pushed back hard. The young man was protective of Cordelia, it was second nature for him to protect his people. But as far as Angel was concerned, Gunn would have to accept that his need for Cordelia was the only thing that mattered to him. \u201cYou pretty much summed it up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMan, we know she shouldn\u2019t be fighting, but unlike some people she don\u2019t leave her friends in the lurch. Cordy is fighting because she believes she has to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen let me help.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExcuse me?\u201d Wesley practically yelped with astonishment. Worried that Cordelia would believe the brief encounter to hold promise of Angel\u2019s return to the mission, he had suggested that Angel most likely returned to tie up loose ends before moving on.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh hell no, don\u2019t even try it man. Ain\u2019t nobody gonna work for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want you to work for me, I\u2026I just want to help.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone calm down for Heaven\u2019s sake! Nothing will be settled by all this yelling. Now Angel, why are you here exactly?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to come back\u2026help you fight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMan you trippin. You only get to play the white hat once with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCharles, sit down and be quiet. I know you\u2019re upset; we all are, but you\u2019ve said enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d Wesley tried again. \u201cIt\u2019s been almost six months since you chose\u2026other priorities; what has changed that you would want to rejoin the team?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s changed; you know what\u2019s changed Wes. His girlfriend was blasted back to hell on the same broom she flew in on.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gunn rounded the desk; he\u2019d had enough. He\u2019d been staking vampires since adolescence; if Angel refused to leave, he\u2019d be just another pile of dust to sweep up. \u201cRumor has it you\u2019ve got another girlfriend you can go obsess over. My advice, take the interstate it\u2019s quicker, and for you quicker is safer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d Angel asked, his fa\u00e7ade of calm quickly failing. He looked at Wesley ignoring Gunn\u2019s suggestion that he high-tail it back to Sunnydale or face the consequences.<\/p>\n
Wesley\u2019s jaw dropped, fearing the meeting wasn\u2019t likely to end on a positive note. His glare jerked to Gunn then drifted back to Angel. \u201cI\u2026we thought you knew.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKnew what Wesley?\u201d Angel hadn\u2019t sensed Darla since his return, but he hadn\u2019t been able to locate her before he left or in the dozen haunts he\u2019d staked out since leaving LA.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere was a secret meeting held at Wolfram and Hart\u2026we assumed you were aware of it. Darla attempted to ambush one of the high officials and the firm put a contract on her head. Darla was assassinated within the week.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel rose from the chair, eyes cast down avoiding the blended stares of sympathy and aversion. Their reasons may differ, but both men expected a reaction based on personal loss, and grief, and anger. \u201cTell Cordelia, she doesn\u2019t have to see me. I don\u2019t need to be at the office to help with the visions. I won\u2019t come here again unless you call me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, are you staying at the hotel?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know where I\u2019ll be.\u201d Angel turned toward the door, the space separating him from solitude now looming. \u201cI\u2019ll call you\u2026let you know where I\u2019ll be, and if you decide you want my help\u2026\u201d And walked out of the office onto the dark street.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought you might like to know we\u2019re keeping the agency open. You may have turned your back on your mission, but we haven\u2019t. Someone has to fight the good fight.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
In their eyes, he had placed saving Darla above anything else. How could he expect them to accept his misguided belief that saving her might validate his own salvation? He had offered his own existence that Darla might earn her rightful death of old age, and still he had failed to save her. Could he ask them now to believe that Darla had been merely another lost soul in his struggle for redemption?<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not ready yet. Too many years spent sleeping in soft beds, living in a world where I don\u2019t belong. I can\u2019t fight them; not yet, but soon.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cLet them fight the good fight. Someone has to fight the war. It\u2019s time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy so far away, my love? Why don\u2019t you come over here and…stake me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can still feel her pain, her need, her hope. I\u2019m too close to fight her. I\u2019m not ready.\u201d<\/p>\n
He had fired them, pushed his friends away to keep them safe. Separated himself from the people he cared about so he could destroy the evil Wolfram and Hart had resurrected. At least that\u2019s what he had meticulously convinced himself to believe. Angel wondered if given the opportunity, would he have staked Darla?<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen Wolfram and Hart take a life, they do it at a distance. I don\u2019t have that luxury.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not on their level. But I can get there. And when I do, I\u2019ll be right up close. I\u2019ll bring the fight to them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut getting to the Senior Partners, that\u2019s my destiny.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it? Because I haven\u2019t actually featured a destiny with you in it lately.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf\u2026\u201d Angel chuckled at his still fractured perception. Instead of destroying Darla and Drusilla, he gave them free reign over the city he had been charged with protecting. Blamed Wolfram and Hart for his torment and indecision; and went after them with a bloodlust vengeance that would make his second creator proud.<\/p>\n
Evil had consumed him for centuries, his glorified epithet as white knight often oppressive and unmerciful. Eyes wide shut, he had easily slipped, following Darla\u2019s dark, wicked path again. But how could he have imagined the catastrophic repercussions of his orchestrated reprise?<\/p>\n
He had trudged the dark streets and desolate alleys for hours, purpose and direction constantly deluding; and bone tired from his endless plod of haunting memories he sought refuge in the grim and lonely hotel.<\/p>\n
Angel walked past the locked door, narrowed intent focused on the illusory asylum waiting inside the last room. He wouldn\u2019t visit Cordelia tonight; discipline had been weakened by need, and need fueled by hunger.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to wake up, get your head clear. You might still be enjoying fantasies of Darla and the good ole days, but you\u2019ve stumbled across the wrong girl. I don\u2019t want to play in your games. If you think I\u2019m going to be the good little victim, help you out during your dark time, you\u2019re wrong\u2026the wrongest you\u2019ve ever been.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cMake me warm. We can pretend we made love. We can pretend you still love me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t\u2026I don\u2019t know how.\u201d<\/p>\n
Patience was Angel\u2019s mantra now; he had survived a different hell to come back for her, and would not fall at the last steps of his journey.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not ready.\u201d<\/p>\n