{"id":1578,"date":"2015-06-24T19:18:31","date_gmt":"2015-06-24T18:18:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/?p=1578"},"modified":"2015-06-24T19:34:10","modified_gmt":"2015-06-24T18:34:10","slug":"nightmares","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/2015\/06\/24\/nightmares\/","title":{"rendered":"Nightmares"},"content":{"rendered":"

Title: Nightmares<\/b>
\nAuthor: <\/b>Cordelia\u2019s Destiny
\nPosted: <\/b>03\/06
\nRating: <\/b>PG-13
\nEmail<\/b><\/a>
\nContent: <\/b>C\/A angst w\/ resolution
\nSummary: <\/b>Angel is forced to face his feelings for Cordy.
\nSpoilers: <\/b>Mid-Season 3, post WITW
\nDisclaimer: <\/b>The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
\nDistribution: <\/b>GT\/AO\/JF
\nNotes: <\/b>I actually owe this idea to a JAG fanfic I once read. I can\u2019t for the life of me remember the author and the name of the story, but I loved the concept so much it wouldn\u2019t leave me alone. If the author is here reading it and recognizes it, please consider it flattery.
\nNotes 2:<\/b>Don’t let the first scene make you stop reading. This story isn’t what it appears to be at first.
\nFeedback:<\/b>Will keep me writing. No feedback, no stories. How\u2019z that for an ultimatum?<\/p>\n

\n

\n

Choking rain drowned the evening of Cordelia Chase\u2019s funeral. It poured down in sheets that soaked in seconds all it touched. Billowing, angry clouds the color of charcoal lined the sky, blocking any hint of sunlight, but it seemed fitting to those standing somberly by her graveside.<\/p>\n

The minister\u2019s voice droned unheard as the small crowd stood solemnly out of respect for the woman by whom they\u2019d all been deeply touched. She had been too young to die; too loved, too cherished to be taken so cruelly. Too full of promise and life to have been denied fulfillment of her potential.<\/p>\n

Black and gaping, her grave seemed bottomless, but even so it would be insufficient to contain the grief of her friends standing beside it. Gunn held Fred tightly in his arms, her gloved fingers clutching an umbrella that seemed to do little to keep them dry. Her thin frame shivered, Gunn\u2019s strong warmth behind her doing nothing to ease the cold clutching her heart at the loss of an only too recently gained friend.<\/p>\n

Wesley stood near them, his hooded jacket ineffective at shielding the rain. Icy drops of water clung to his eyelashes and cheeks, mingling with the hot tears that flowed freely at the loss of a woman who was more beloved baby sister than friend. There were few others, some familiar, some nearly faceless, gathered in huddled groups for warmth.<\/p>\n

One lone figure stood apart from the group, feet planted just at the edge of her grave as if he planned to follow the shining casket inside. A strong hand lay on the casket, fingers curled as if touching the precious face that rested beneath the wood.<\/p>\n

Angel stood uncovered, broad shoulders straight and solid as if he were impervious to rain, his brown hair plastered to his head as rivulets of water trickled down his face like tears. Brown eyes were empty as they stared at the flowers laying limply on her tomb, ears unhearing as the minister finished his words and closed the black book in his hands.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t move as the mourners shuffled back to allow the grave attendants to do their grim but necessary work. The mahogany box was lowered, inch by inch, until it disappeared from view to all but him. With a gentle thud, it settled on the bottom. Friends trickled by one by one, their hands clutching clumps of dirt to sprinkle over her grave, but the mud they offered thumped unmercifully when it hit her coffin.<\/p>\n

Wesley flinched as his handful landed, feeling disrespectful for treating one he loved so callously.<\/p>\n

Fred\u2019s tears obscured her vision, so she and Gunn paid their respects together.<\/p>\n

And as the crowd walked away, Angel remained, mud clutched in his fingers, unable to let it drop, knowing that his would be the final covering, that she would truly be gone when he released it. It would be his fault. Just like it was when she died. It was his fault she was gone.<\/p>\n

~***~<\/p>\n

Sharp pain made Angel clutch his hand to his chest as he bolted upright in bed, gasping for breath he didn\u2019t need. Panic had obscured years of undead habit as his mind swam with fractured images from his horrific dream of Cordelia\u2019s funeral. Instantly, he reached for the phone, desperately needing some reassurance.<\/p>\n

Ms. Grumpypants answered him on the fifth ring. \u201cWhoever the hell this is better have a good reason for calling me at,\u201d there was a pause and a shuffle of noise, \u201coh, my God. It\u2019s four-thirty a.m. Angel?\u201d The last was said suspiciously.<\/p>\n

Angel couldn\u2019t help the relieved grin that formed at hearing her voice, never mind the irk factor. \u201cYeah, it\u2019s me.\u201d<\/p>\n

She sighed, yawned, and groaned. \u201cGeez, Angel. I know you\u2019re all nocturnal and crap, but c\u2019mon. Some of us need our beauty sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was hard to bite back the contradiction that immediately sprang to his mind: for Cordy, beauty sleep would be superfluous. \u201cI\u2019m sorry for waking you up. But I just . . .\u201d He frowned, trying to figure out how to excuse his calling without telling her he had a nightmare. No need to sound like a sissy. \u201cI just had a bad feeling. You haven\u2019t had a vision, have you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm. . . Wait, let me check,\u201d she answered sarcastically. \u201cDemony images and gross smells? Massive migraine? None of the above. Seriously pissed off seer who\u2019s about to slam the phone down on her champion? Check.\u201d<\/p>\n

An involuntary chuckle escaped him. \u201cOkay. Good. Sorry to wake you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKay,\u201d she mumbled, and he could picture her snuggling closer to her pillow. Lucky pillow.<\/p>\n

His voice was gentle as he answered, \u201cSee you tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019Kay,\u201d she repeated, yawning hugely. \u201cNight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGoodnight,\u201d he whispered, and hung the phone up with the softness of a caress.<\/p>\n

It was with a relieved but still troubled spirit that Angel stretched back out on his bed. This dream of his wasn\u2019t the first he\u2019d had about Cordy, but it was the first that had such an overwhelming feel of desperation and loss. Never had he had such conflicting emotions about her.<\/p>\n

Ever since Connor\u2019s birth, he\u2019d had more and more opportunities to analyze his relationship with her, but each analysis brought up more questions. Then they\u2019d gone to the ballet and he\u2019d kissed her as they\u2019d been possessed by the spirit of dead lovers, and he couldn\u2019t forget the taste of her. It didn\u2019t seem to matter that they hadn\u2019t been the ones behind the wheel; he\u2019d felt every kiss and caress as if he\u2019d initiated it intentionally and she\u2019d willingly responded whole-heartedly.<\/p>\n

Every day, he caught himself staring at her when she wasn\u2019t looking, and sometimes even when she was. Brown eyes would lock with hazel as they found themselves in another world where everything around them faded away. It seemed clich\u00e9d, but he\u2019d lived it for the past week and still couldn\u2019t quite believe it was happening.<\/p>\n

Despite the number of heated glances they\u2019d shared, he still didn\u2019t know what she was feeling. Sometimes he could swear that she was at least lusting for him, the way her mouth would be slightly open, her eyes a bit glazed as she stared places other than his eyes. Once he\u2019d been putting his sword away in the weapons cabinet and he caught sight of her reflection in the glass as he closed it, her stare trained dreamily on his backside. The feeling that swept through him was indescribable, and all he wanted to do was walk over to her and gather her into his arms to fulfill every fantasy he\u2019d had and a few he hadn\u2019t thought of yet.<\/p>\n

Angel tossed in his bed a bit as negative feelings began to invade his musings. After only a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, he sat up again abruptly in his bed and threw his legs over the edge.<\/p>\n

There was really only one way to deal with frustrations like this: a long, sweaty session with the punching bag.<\/p>\n

~***~<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m leaving.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re what?\u201d The sword nearly dropped from his grip as he gaped at her. Something about the look on her face told him that she wasn\u2019t talking about making a run to the grocery store. The bulging suitcase at her side was kind of a big clue, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cLeaving. Exiting. Vamoose. Hasta la vista, baby. I\u2019m flying out of the cuckoo\u2019s nest once and for all.\u201d<\/p>\n

He stared at her, nonplussed. \u201cI don\u2019t get it. Why? What did I do?\u201d<\/p>\n

Incredulity was written over every inch of her face. \u201cWhat did you do?\u201d She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and held them there, raising her hands as if beseeching the gods for answers. \u201cHe asks what he did. Hmmm, let\u2019s see. He uses me, fires me and shuts me out, sleeps with his ex–a skanky vamp ho, by the way–and then lies about it, only to bribe me with clothes for forgiveness. Geez, I don\u2019t know, I think that\u2019s kind of a good reason, huh?\u201d Her gaze dropped as she glared at him, tiny slivers of hurt mixed in with the pure anger in her eyes.<\/p>\n

Angel\u2019s gut tightened painfully. He thought they\u2019d gotten past this, and he said as much.<\/p>\n

\u201cPast this? Are you kidding?\u201d She looked at him as if he\u2019d lost his marbles. \u201cYou think I\u2019d take one look at Connor and the apology in your eyes and forgive you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, yeah,\u201d he answered, confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re delusional. I stayed long enough to make sure Connor was okay. I don\u2019t hold it against him who his parents are. But I can\u2019t stay here. I can\u2019t stay here with a liar and a jerk who I thought was my closest friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCordy, I–\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t even try, Angel. You\u2019re not going to change my mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut the visions!\u201d It was his last hope.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve already arranged with Wesley to contact him about them.\u201d She looked up, and this time there were tears in her eyes. \u201cYou broke my heart, Angel. I can\u2019t take it anymore. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

He gaped helplessly as she picked up her suitcase and disappeared out the door and into the sunlight.<\/p>\n

~***~<\/p>\n

\u201cGeez, we might as well call you grumpy Gus. What\u2019s with the \u2018tude today, big guy?\u201d Cordelia nudged Angel\u2019s side with her elbow as he leaned against the counter with a cup of warmed blood and a frown that seemed cemented in place.<\/p>\n

Internally, Angel groaned as Cordelia tried to cajole him out of his black mood. The last thing he needed was her cheerfulness. Not when she\u2019d abandoned him so callously. His jaw ticced. Didn\u2019t matter that it was just a damn dream. She still left him. His Cordelia abandoned him. The real-life one was going to, too. He just knew it, deep in his gut. Everyone left him. Why should she be different?<\/p>\n

Outwardly, the reason for his broodiness was indecipherable. His only answer was a shrug, to which she groaned and rolled her eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, Angel, it\u2019s not like we need you around here or anything. I mean, there\u2019s only this little dinky group of goth junkies who are about to become Hostess Twinkies for some really nasty vamps. No big. Only innocent lives at stake.\u201d She backed away from him and sighed when her words didn\u2019t seem to register. \u201cSo go ahead. Stand there. Since you can\u2019t seem to take time out of your quality depress-o-rama.\u201c<\/p>\n

There was silence, and as Angel stared into his mug, he hoped she was done.<\/p>\n

She wasn\u2019t. \u201cAre you brooding about Buffy again? Cause I thought we were free of that Dawson\u2018s Creek knockoff.\u201d<\/p>\n

His gaze shot to hers as Buffy\u2019s name was mentioned. How could she think he was still thinking about Buffy? That was years ago. Or at least it felt like it. Cordy was his obsession now. Only she didn\u2019t know it.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he answered her question. \u201cIt\u2019s not Buffy. I\u2019m just not sleeping well, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Concern furrowed her forehead. \u201cI knew it was something like that. You\u2019ve been looking kind of pale. More pasty-white than alabaster. Not a good shade, I might add. You could seriously use some sun.\u201d At his glare she added, \u201cOr not.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d she sighed. \u201cTell you what. You finish your piggy juice there, take care of our little rebel vamp problem, and you and I will have a little fun tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat kind of fun?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh-ha!\u201d she smirked, pointing a knowing finger at him despite the reluctance in his voice. \u201cI knew it. No man can resist the charms of Cordelia Chase.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled a bit in spite of himself. \u201cWhat did you have in mind?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust a little getting\u2019 down with your bad self at Caritas. We haven\u2019t paid Lorne a visit in awhile and he\u2019s been begging me to see his redecorating.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201c he said, sighing. \u201cDeal.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFabulous!\u201d Before he knew what hit him, she\u2019d hit-and-runned him with a bear hug. He was still tingling from the feel of her squeezing him when she disappeared into Wesley\u2019s office. To his surprise, his black mood was receding.<\/p>\n

Now if he could only get the dreams to stop.<\/p>\n

~***~<\/p>\n

Angel awoke to the feel of warmth on the side of his face and chest. Bleary eyes blinked rapidly at the sunlight that was pouring over him, and a feeling of utter panic had him vaulting from the bed with the swiftness of Superman escaping from kryptonite. It took only seconds of cowering in a shadowy corner for him to realize that he wasn\u2019t burned. He wasn\u2019t even singed. And he was alive! At least the rapid gasps and pounding heartbeat pointed in that direction.<\/p>\n

Shaking his head rapidly a few times to clear it, he blinked as the room came into focus. His eyes widened as he realized that this wasn\u2019t his room at the Hyperion. This was the mansion in Sunnydale. And all the window coverings were gone.<\/p>\n

\u201cHiya, sleepyhead,\u201d Cordelia\u2019s soft voice jolted him but not nearly as much as what she was carrying.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour babies wanted to come say hi,\u201d her smile was huge, and the infant in her arms had one to match. \u201cWave to Daddy,\u201d Cordy said, and took the little girl\u2019s arm in her hand to wave it at him. Trailing beside her, chubby fingers clutching at her pants, was another little angel. One look at him and Angel\u2019s breath caught; this was Connor, no doubt in his mind.<\/p>\n

As if to confirm it, the little boy began talking in a language that sounded something like English but was completely unintelligible, but the \u201cdaddy\u201d mixed in was crystal clear. So was the love in the tiny arms that clutched around his neck to hug him.<\/p>\n

His daughter\u2019s giggle echoed in his ears as he rose from the floor, Connor cradled in his arms, and stared, mesmerized by the sight in front of him. Thick, curly dark hair covered the little girl\u2019s head, and deep brown eyes stared back at him. It was like looking at a tiny version of Cordelia with his eyes. Slowly he approached them, fearful that they would disappear if he moved too fast. Tentatively, he reached a finger out and stroked the baby\u2019s soft cheek and she grabbed at his finger, jabbering as she clutched it in her tiny fist.<\/p>\n

Just as he was about to reach for her, the baby began to fuss.<\/p>\n

Cordy frowned and sighed, but the sound was contented. \u201cShe\u2019s hungry,\u201d was her simple explanation. \u201cGeez, I don\u2019t know where she gets it from, eating non-stop. It\u2019s not like I have an appetite like that.\u201d She settled herself into a nearby armchair and raised her shirt to feed the baby.<\/p>\n

Angel felt his chest grow tight as he took in the beautiful sight of the baby suckling greedily, her fist gently tapping Cordelia\u2019s breast. He walked over and knelt beside them, setting Connor gently on the ground and looking deeply into Cordelia\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomething wrong, baby?\u201d Cordy asked, her hand coming up to cup his jaw.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t help himself as he leaned into her touch and shook his head. \u201cJust so thankful for you both.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe love you, too,\u201d Cordy said softly, and Angel immediately rose and took her mouth with his in a kiss that was both demanding and sweet, flavored with just a hint of desperation.<\/p>\n

\u201cSay it again,\u201d he breathed when he pulled back and stared wildly into her eyes, his hand reaching down to cup his daughter\u2019s head.<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t hesitate. \u201cI love you, Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n

~***~<\/p>\n

The sharp ring of the telephone jarred Angel out of his dream. This one, he didn\u2019t want to let go. Groaning, he clutched his pillow as he willed the evil invention to disappear.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t. With a growl, he grabbed the phone and answered it gruffly.<\/p>\n

\u201cAngel?\u201d Cordy\u2019s voice was weak, and immediately, Angel was wide awake.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVision,\u201d she said simply, and he could tell she was clenching her teeth from the pain. \u201cYou need to get downtown ASAP. There\u2019s a Cholek demon rising and it\u2019s going to head straight for a 7-11 nearby. Something about the neon lights.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve got it,\u201d he answered, pulling his pants on as he talked. \u201cYou gonna be okay? You want me to bring Fred over?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she was quick to answer. \u201cI\u2019ll be okay. Take care of it and presto! I\u2019m off the head transplant list.\u201d<\/p>\n

He chuckled. \u201cTake your medicine and go back to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, mother,\u201d she snapped. \u201cOh! Watch out for the puncture thingies.\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay. Bye,\u201c he grinned as they hung up.<\/p>\n

Two hours later found him surrounded by his staff in the lobby as Cordy peeled his shirt away to reveal a particularly nasty puncture wound.<\/p>\n

\u201cDork!\u201d She glared at him as she tore open packets from the first aid kit. \u201cI told you there were puncture thingies. But did he listen? Noooo! Mr. Dark Avenger thinks he\u2018s impervious.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou should\u2019ve called us, Angel,\u201d Wesley admonished, handing Cordelia the antiseptic.<\/p>\n

Gunn added, \u201cI wasn\u2019t busy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel frowned his answer. \u201cIt was one demon. I\u2019m handy with an axe. I just slipped on a little slime and lost my balance for a sec. No problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo problem! There\u2018s a four-inch hole in your chest.\u201c As she poked at his wound with no apparent regard for his pain, he growled. \u201cDammit, Cordy! That stings!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPfft,\u201d she answered with a flutter of her bangs. \u201cQuit being such a baby, Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n

He froze at the word \u201cbaby\u201d as images from his dream flooded him. With those pictures came the feelings that had distracted him during the fight. He\u2019d lied; there wasn\u2019t any slime, only his preoccupied mind. He just couldn\u2019t quash the image of her feeding his child, holding his daughter with such love and tenderness in her eyes.<\/p>\n

With one surreptitious glance up at her, Angel had the desperate urge to yank her into his arms and carry her off like some romantic hero. But would this Cordy, the real one, be willing to take the next step? Was there an echo in her heart of the love he was discovering in his?<\/p>\n

\u201cThere ya go,\u201d she said, interrupting his thoughts with a final slap to secure the tape. \u201cGood as new. And listen to me next time, Broody. Coulda got yourself killed. And then where would we be?\u201d<\/p>\n

Where would you be? <\/i>He wanted to ask. Would you be mourning me? Would you be wracked with guilt over what might have been, if we\u2019d only taken a chance? Where would you really be, Cordelia?<\/i><\/p>\n

But he couldn\u2019t ask that question, not with such uncertainty between them. He had to know for sure before he asked, but he had to ask to know. It was an untenable situation.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, gosh, Cordy, it\u2019s gorgeous!\u201d Fred\u2019s feet might as well have been attached to a pogo stick for al the jumping around she was doing. \u201cWhen did y\u2019all set the date?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy hooked her arm though her fianc\u00e9\u2019s. With a dreamy smile up at him, she answered, \u201cJune. I\u2019ve always wanted a summer wedding.\u201c Eyes flicking across the lobby briefly, she added, \u201cWe\u2019ll have an evening wedding, of course. Just in case everyone wants to come. Xander and I want all our friends to be there with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

Xander grinned but rolled his eyes as he patted Cordelia\u2019s hand where it rested in the crook of his elbow. \u201cCan\u2019t offend the vamp guests, now can we? With the bleached wonder and dead boy over there, we\u2019ll have to order up the blood pudding by the truckloads.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cordy and Fred groaned at his bad joke and Fred dragged her away, her mouth moving a mile a minute as she demanded every tiny little detail. Wesley and Gunn clapped Xander on the back and said their congratulations more out of duty than heartfelt expression, their eyes glancing nervously at the silent figure just a few yards away.<\/p>\n

Across the room, Angel glared with eyes like daggers at the sight of them. Nausea, a condition he didn\u2019t know he could experience, welled up in his stomach and throat. It felt as though a vise were clamping down on his heart, crushing his hope into such tiny pieces that he doubted he\u2019d ever get it back. He should\u2019ve known this would happen.<\/p>\n

It had started innocently enough. A few phone calls back and forth with Cordelia and Xander on each end, trading news and a few helpful facts about demons both fronts were fighting. Then the phone calls got longer, e-mails were exchanged, and before Angel knew it, every time he came into the office Cordelia was gushing about Xander this and Xander that, and how much he\u2019d changed since high school. He wasn\u2019t the dork he used to be, she\u2019d said; he was still funny, but deep and loyal and caring. And then she\u2019d be on the phone for hours on end, her flirtatious giggles grating on Angel\u2019s nerves like a knife scraped across glass.<\/p>\n

They\u2019d had their first fight and Angel thought it was over. But Xander had come barging through the door of the Hyperion, roses clutched in his hands, a plea on his face and tears in his eyes, and Cordelia had fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. Before Angel knew it, a glittery ring was on her finger and the farcical tableau across the room seemed to mock him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have to show you my planning book,\u201d Cordy was saying to Fred when Angel unwillingly tuned back into the conversation. \u201cIt\u2019s upstairs. Don\u2019t talk about me while I\u2019m gone!\u201d<\/p>\n

With that, she breezed past Angel and took the stairs two at a time. He waited for a split second, and noting that the others had gone back to their conversations, he followed her.<\/p>\n

Cordy shrieked as his fingers roughly grabbed her elbow and swung her around in the hall upstairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cGeez, Angel! What do you want? Let go!\u201d Her eyes flashed in her anger, cheeks tinged with pink as she pouted her annoyance at him. Much to his chagrin, Angel thought she\u2019d never looked more beautiful.<\/p>\n

His grip didn\u2019t let up. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you\u2019re actually going to marry that idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shoulders stiffening in indignation, she ineffectively tried to yank her elbow away from him. \u201cI am going to marry that idiot. And he\u2019s not an idiot!\u201d<\/p>\n

A scoff was his first answer. Then his grip relaxed as his voice softened, dropping to a deep, intimate tone. \u201cYou have to know he\u2018s wrong for you, Cordy. You don\u2018t really want to marry him; you know you don\u2018t.\u201d<\/p>\n

She could see there was something beyond anger and disgust in his eyes. \u201cWhy wouldn\u2018t I want to?\u201d she asked simply. \u201cXander loves me; he\u2018s proven it. No one else has ever wanted me enough to fight for me,\u201d she added pointedly.<\/p>\n

Cordelia shook her head sadly when his silence spoke volumes. \u201cNo one else has claimed they love me.\u201d<\/p>\n

His mouth opened and closed as the feelings washed over him. Oh, God. He was losing her, but he couldn\u2019t tell her he loved her. He couldn\u2019t make the words come out. What did fall from his lips was far from enticing.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou won\u2019t do it,\u201d he shook his head. \u201cYou have more sense than that. Xander\u2019s a loser, and you know it.\u201d<\/p>\n

With that callous statement, Cordelia\u2018s sympathy vanished and her anger returned full force. With a toss of her hair, she arched an eyebrow and retorted, \u201cI won\u2019t do it, huh? Just watch me!\u201d<\/p>\n

Helplessly, he watched her stride away from him, her steps purposeful as she took the stairs like a conqueror. Only when she reached the bottom did his feet come unglued from his spot. He took off after her.<\/p>\n

\u201cCordy! Cordelia, wait!\u201d But she wasn\u2019t listening. He took the stairs rapidly but she was dragging Xander across the lobby toward the door. \u201cCordelia! Stop. Wait!\u201d<\/p>\n

She gave one last glare back at him, marching out the door with her head held high.<\/p>\n

His bellow made the windows rattle. \u201cCordelia!\u201d<\/p>\n

~***~<\/p>\n

\u201cAngel!\u201d<\/p>\n

Groaning, Angel tossed, calling Cordelia\u2019s name, begging her to come back.<\/p>\n

\u201cAngel!\u201d The voice was insistent, right in his ear this time, small hands clutching at his writhing shoulders. \u201cGeez, dumbass. Wake up, Angel!\u201d<\/p>\n

Brown eyes popped open in disbelief and he shot upright, clutching her into a breath-stealing bear hug.<\/p>\n

Cordy squeaked and gasped. \u201cBreathe! Can\u2019t . . . breathe!\u201d Her fists beat his shoulders weakly.<\/p>\n

Her plea wormed its way through the din in his mind and he released her slightly.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, now you\u2019re scaring me,\u201d she stared at him, wide-eyed. \u201cThat must\u2019ve been some dream.\u201d<\/p>\n

He opened his mouth to explain, only to clamp it shut again without speaking. \u201cIt was nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n

She rolled her eyes. \u201cPlease. Like I\u2019m going to fall for that macho man line.\u201d<\/p>\n

Slowly, his hands slid away from her and he inched his way back toward the headboard. Leaning against it, he crossed his arms over his chest and tried to be nonchalant. \u201cSeriously, Cordy, it was nothing. Forget it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she said, her gaze turning suspicious. \u201cYou\u2019ve been all weird lately, and I want to know what\u2019s gong on. You\u2019re not getting enough sleep. You\u2019re grumpier than usual, and believe me, I thought you had the brood market cornered. Then I come up here because you\u2019re sleeping way later than usual and you\u2019re thrashing around like someone\u2019s attacking you. What gives?\u201d<\/p>\n

He contemplated her for a moment before sighing and letting his shoulders droop. \u201cJust bad dreams.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo talk about \u2018em.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPfft,\u201d she scoffed. \u201cThere you go, being all macho man again. It\u2019s not bad to share your feelings. And I do know you have some, as hard as you try to hide them.\u201d She took his ongoing silence as an invitation to continue. \u201cC\u2019mon. Best friend here. Perfect opportunity.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I can\u2019t talk to you <\/i>about them.\u201d<\/p>\n

A hurt look crossed her features. \u201cAnd why the hell not? Am I not good enough or something?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not what I meant! I meant–I just–Oh, to hell with it. They\u2019re about <\/i>you, Cordy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh.\u201d After a split second, her eyes widened. \u201cOH! Ewwww, Angel! You perv!\u201d<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t help but laugh. \u201cNot sex dreams.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, okay.\u201d She sounded relieved, but there was a look of disappointment in her eyes. \u201cWait, you haven\u2019t had sex dreams about me? Not any?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCordy!\u201d he tried to sound stern but he couldn\u2019t make eye contact. Okay, so he\u2019d had a few, but they weren\u2019t related to his recent nightmares, and could she blame him? She was hot, and he was a guy.<\/p>\n

The look on his face gave him away and she tried to hide a smirk before she got back on topic. \u201cSo these dreams were different?\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded, slipping out of bed to pace next to it, tying the string of his pajama pants as he walked. \u201cYou left me,\u201d he said flatly. \u201cFirst you died, then you got mad and left, then you had my baby, but after that you married Xander–\u201d<\/p>\n

At that she laughed outright. \u201cMe? Marry Xander? Oh, god, that is a nightmare.\u201d She froze. \u201cWait, baby? What baby?\u201d<\/p>\n

He continued as if he hadn\u2019t heard her. \u201cYou left. And I couldn\u2019t stop you. I couldn\u2019t tell you–\u201d<\/p>\n

She stood, taking his arm and pulling him to a stop to stand in front of her, laying her warm hand on his bare chest. \u201cHey, time out, buddy. First of all, still alive. Second, I get mad at you all the time, but I never leave. That should tell you something. Third, a baby? Okay, I plan to have some someday maybe, but not pregnant now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her fingers curled on his chest as she brought her other hand up to cup his face. \u201cAnd you couldn\u2019t tell me what?\u201d<\/p>\n

Angel\u2019s head swam as he felt her hand on his cheek and relived the life he dreamt about with her and his baby and him as a human. In front of him now, her eyes questioning but unfathomable, and he knew this was his chance, probably the only one he would have. If he didn\u2019t tell her how he felt, she would leave him someday, he knew it in his gut. But what if she said no? What if she left him anyway? What if she–<\/p>\n

\u201cAngel? What couldn\u2019t you tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n

He swallowed convulsively before he finally answered hoarsely, \u201cI couldn\u2019t tell you that I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the dreams you loved me?\u201d Her voice had dropped to a whisper, and there was a look of hopeful apprehension on her face.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he whispered, his fingers wrapping around her wrist, stroking her pulse point. \u201cI love you now. In real life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her breath caught and tears glistened in her eyes. \u201cYou do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do,\u201d he whispered, and lowered his forehead to lean against hers.<\/p>\n

They stood there for a minute or two, and then Cordelia moved, cupping his face in both her hands and brushing her mouth across his in a feather-light kiss. She returned for a few more, never deepening them, just touching their mouths together as if verifying that this was really happening. When she pulled back, there was a smile on her face that lit up the room.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what do you say we take this back to the bed for a little while?\u201d Angel\u2019s eyes sparkled mischievously.<\/p>\n

She cocked a haughty eyebrow at him. \u201cOh, I get it, just after a freebie, huh? No declarations of love here, just a horny vamp trying to get into my pants.\u201d<\/p>\n

He laughed and clutched her tightly to him, leaning down to nuzzle her neck. \u201cYou know you love me,\u201d he cajoled, the breath sending shivers down Cordelia\u2019s spine.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, I kinda do love you,\u201d she answered, clutching him to herself, toying with the hair at his nape. \u201cI kinda love you more than I\u2019ve ever loved anyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n

She could feel him smile against her skin before he raised his head and said, \u201cSo I can tie you up and have my wicked way with you then?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPfft, in your dreams,\u201d she scoffed, rolling her eyes and smirking. \u201cBut how about if I tie you up?\u201d<\/p>\n

End<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cordelia’sDestiny<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Title: Nightmares Author: Cordelia\u2019s Destiny Posted: 03\/06 Rating: PG-13 Email Content: C\/A angst w\/ resolution Summary: Angel is forced to face his feelings…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1578","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-completed-fics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1578","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1578"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1578\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1578"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1578"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1578"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}