Part 5<\/b><\/p>\n
Anya had never been one for girl talk, but she prided herself on being able to offer her friends the absolute, unvarnished truth about their problems and concerns. While it was true that her opinions were often unsolicited, Anya knew that everyone around her was secretly grateful for her blunt honesty. Like the swiftness of a beheading, Anya\u2019s kernels of truth were often painful, but only for an instant. Other people\u2019s advice tended to be more like death by a shot to the stomach, a slowly bleeding drain of life. They doled out words of advice in such diluted quantities that it often caused more harm than good.<\/p>\n
These thoughts spurred Anya into action late on the fifth day of their cruise. She\u2019d taken a much needed respite from Xander\u2019s fumbling attentions, and while she\u2019d had more physically pleasurable experiences on this sea voyage than she\u2019d had in a long time, even nymphomaniacs needed time off. So far, her mini-vacation had led her on a slow wandering of the ship\u2019s many entertainment decks, and she\u2019d found some really good deals on lingerie and accessories.<\/p>\n
Feet tired, Anya had stopped in at a small cafe near the promenade and ordered a mocha with the intention of watching the choppy waves out the panoramic window. She\u2019d barely scoped out the seating area for a place to rest when she spotted Cordelia, hands clutching a large mug of coffee as she stared out at the sea.<\/p>\n
Immediately, Anya had considered leaving, knowing that Cordelia probably didn\u2019t like her very much. And who could blame her? Anya would be devastated if she were in Cordelia\u2019s position, having to see Xander in a committed, sexually exhilarating relationship with another woman. Especially after the way Xander had left Cordelia. But on the other hand, Cordelia did have Angel, a strong, virile and highly-sexed male in his own right.<\/p>\n
In the end, the look of utter weariness and dejection on Cordelia\u2019s face brought out Anya\u2019s nurturing side. Cordelia obviously needed someone to talk to, and heaven knew that Xander would be absolutely no help.<\/p>\n
Anya walked briskly over to Cordelia\u2019s table. Sitting down, she set her mocha in front of her and dumped her purchases on the empty chair. Cordelia looked startled and stared at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cGod, I never thought shopping could be such a chore,\u201d Anya complained by way of introduction. \u201cThe bargains I got were fabulous, but really, they didn\u2019t have to make this place so huge. I\u2019ve never seen so much lace and leather in my life, and I\u2019ve been in my share of Victoria\u2019s Secret stores.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia managed a small smile and sighed, realizing that Anya wasn\u2019t going anywhere. \u201cWhat did you buy?\u201d she asked, her voice soft.<\/p>\n
Anya searched her face a minute before answering. \u201cJust some lingerie. A teddy, a merry widow, a peignoir, and some absolutely fabulous push-up bras. I didn\u2019t know I could have so much cleavage. I thought for a minute I\u2019d body-snatched Pamela Anderson while I was in the dressing room.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy laughed, the first happy sound she\u2019d made in two days.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I haven\u2019t seen you in awhile,\u201d Anya said, settling back into her chair. \u201cHow have your classes been?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy\u2019s eyes immediately dropped down to the tabletop. \u201cFine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmm.\u201d Anya\u2019s raised eyebrows conveyed her skepticism. \u201cDoesn\u2019t sound fine to me. Is Angel being an ass?\u201d<\/p>\n
Having heard rumors of Anya\u2019s bluntness, Cordelia was only slightly taken aback by Anya\u2019s question.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs he ever anything else?\u201d she said bitterly.<\/p>\n
\u201cOuch,\u201d Anya said, wincing. \u201cHe must\u2019ve been a complete bastard for you to be so angry with him. The other day, you two couldn\u2019t keep your hands off each other.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy wanted to explain how she and Angel weren\u2019t really together, but that meant it would most certainly get back to Buffy, and that was the last thing she wanted. The damage control from what Xander and Anya had already seen would be bad enough. She took a sip of her drink as Anya continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cWas he flirting with one of the cheap, skinny little twits they have in hordes on this boat? I swear, Xander must have magnets to silicone in his eyes; it takes all his willpower to keep from ogling all the over-inflated double D\u2019s we\u2019ve seen on this trip.\u201d<\/p>\n
At the mental image Anya\u2019s words invoked, Cordelia choked on her coffee. \u201cNo,\u201d she finally gasped when she\u2019d caught her breath. \u201cAngel hasn\u2019t been like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell be thankful for small miracles,\u201d Anya advised her. \u201cBut the classes haven\u2019t helped?\u201d<\/p>\n
Shaking her head, Cordelia thought back to the last forty eight hours since Angel had shattered her world. They\u2019d been to four classes and thankfully, every one of them had been low-contact. They\u2019d managed to perform with a bare minimum of visible awkwardness, but the knots in Cordelia\u2019s stomach had only tightened with every hour she spent in Angel\u2019s company. She\u2019d desperately needed time away, and her escape had led her to this coffee shop.<\/p>\n
When Cordelia remained silent, Anya pressed her. \u201cSo what is it? I\u2019m sure I can help you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sighing, Cordy shook her head. \u201cI don\u2019t think anyone can help, but thanks anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, come on. Being a demon for so many years has taught me a thing or two. Give me a try. Who else are you going to talk to?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess you\u2019re right,\u201d Cordy admitted, setting her cup down and running her thumb absently along the handle. \u201cIt\u2019s kind of a long story.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve got time. Xander\u2019s dead to the world right now. I wore him out.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia smirked and then grew sober. \u201cDid Xander or the rest of the group ever tell you about Darla?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think she might\u2019ve been mentioned. Wasn\u2019t she Angel\u2019s sire?\u201d<\/p>\n
A nod was Cordelia\u2019s answer. She quickly outlined the recent history of Darla & Angel, without the sex.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sucks.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTell me about it,\u201d Cordy agreed.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo what does this have to do with Angel being an ass?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy raised pained eyes to meet Anya\u2019s concerned ones. \u201cHe told me day before yesterday that he slept with her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBastard!\u201d Anya said, shaking her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo kidding.\u201d Cordy\u2019s tone was bitter. \u201cAnd to top it all off, the experience was so horrendous that it secured his soul. That would be a good thing, but he didn\u2019t tell me about it and it\u2019s been nearly six months since he found out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo this is why you\u2019re so upset? Because he kept this from you?\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded, tears filling her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s true he\u2019s a lying jerk-off, but there isn\u2019t much you can do about it. At least he told you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut he slept with her!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo?\u201d Anya\u2019s frankness was almost cruel, but the sympathy in her eyes softened the impact. \u201cYou love him, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy gaped a minute before answering. \u201cYeah, I guess, but\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd he loves you, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nodding because she knew Anya expected it, Cordy wondered miserably if that were true.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, then, there you go,\u201d Anya said, sipping her mocha decisively. \u201cYou have to forgive him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t. It\u2019s too soon. Just the thought of her, and him, and–\u201d she shuddered.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet over it, Cordelia,\u201d Anya said forcefully. \u201cThat\u2019s the best advice I can give you. If you want Angel in your life, you have to forgive him and move past it.\u201d<\/p>\n
The two women sat in silence as Cordelia rebelled at what Anya suggested. In theory, she understood why Angel had kept this revelation from her. He had predicted this reaction and she hadn\u2019t disappointed him. But that didn\u2019t change anything. He\u2019d still betrayed her, and Cordelia didn\u2019t know if she\u2019d be able to get over that.<\/p>\n
\u201cGeez, look at the time,\u201d Anya said, glancing at her watch. \u201cI\u2019ve gotta go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnother class?\u201d Cordy asked, smiling slightly. Despite Anya\u2019s forthrightness, Cordy had enjoyed her company, if only for the distraction it provided.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Anya answered, smiling. \u201cWe have a romantic dinner planned at Chez Francois. Sounds fabulous, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n
At Cordy\u2019s nod, Anya stood and gathered her things. \u201cThink about what I\u2019ve said, Cordelia. You shouldn\u2019t let this ruin what you have with Angel. Even I can see it\u2019s something worth saving, and I don\u2019t even know you.\u201d<\/p>\n
With a little wave, she was gone, leaving Cordelia in a state of confusion. What Anya had said rang true. But did Cordelia have it in her to follow her advice?<\/p>\n
* * * * * * *<\/p>\n
At the rate she\u2019d been going, Cordelia figured she could\u2019ve climbed to the top of the Empire State Building at least three times on this Stairmaster. Her legs were so tired they burned and her body dripped with sweat. None of it mattered. This insane workout was dulling the pain inside just enough to take the edge off, and that was worth every excruciating step.<\/p>\n
Catching sight of herself in the mirror on the wall of the gym, Cordelia grimaced and closed her eyes, gripping the bars to keep her balance. With every step the pain ebbed just slightly, and for that she was thankful. But if she stopped. . . Cordy shuddered. Somehow, she knew it would come rushing back, and this time, she didn\u2019t think she could handle the intensity of her feelings.<\/p>\n
But thinking about her feelings only brought her back to the reason for being here. Anya had said she needed to get over it. To forgive Angel and move on, salvaging their relationship and giving Angel unconditional love. But could she do that when she wasn\u2019t sure of his feelings for her?<\/p>\n
Forgive him.<\/p>\n
Such simple words, yet so difficult. Her mind glommed on to the rhythm of her steps and tortured her with the words, repeating them until she was ready to go insane with it.<\/p>\n
As if she were destined for self-annihilation, Cordy\u2019s mind drifted to earlier that week, the morning after Angel had told her his secret. She\u2019d awoken completely refreshed, content, and happy. It had taken a good two minutes for her brain to register two very important facts. One, she was sprawled out on top of Angel with the limp languidness of a wet noodle. Two, Angel was a lying bastard.<\/p>\n
It had taken all of her will power to keep from jumping off him as if escaping with her life. She\u2019d forced herself to relax, inching slowly away from him until she breathed a sigh of relief at being free. Dressing in record time, she\u2019d slipped out and found solace in the gym. Every day she\u2019d come back here, seeking relief, but it was only temporary. She\u2019d have to actually talk about this to Angel at some point.<\/p>\n
But she hoped it wouldn\u2019t be soon.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s voice behind her startled her so badly that Cordy stumbled and nearly fell off the Stairmaster. Catching her balance, she found her rhythm again and kept going as if he hadn\u2019t spoken at all.<\/p>\n
Not to be deterred, Angel walked around the machine until he was directly in front of her.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, you can\u2019t hide from me forever. We need to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stared at the wall above his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can\u2019t keep this up,\u201d he tried again. \u201cThe last two days have been ridiculous.\u201d<\/p>\n
She agreed but was hell bent on acknowledging it. Finally gracing him with a split-second glance, she looked away again. \u201cSo talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel seemed taken aback by her order. Every explanation he\u2019d rehearsed had fallen short anyway, and he knew that there wasn\u2019t much more he could say to convince her. Time seemed to be the only advantage he had, but he couldn\u2019t seem to make himself be patient. He could feel her slipping from his grasp and the thought of losing her terrified him.<\/p>\n
Watching her as she practically killed herself on the treadmill, Angel reached deep within himself for some way to fix everything. That\u2019s when it hit him. The payback she\u2019d promised him. Maybe he could use that to his advantage.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re going home tomorrow,\u201d he began, and the \u2018you\u2019re an idiot\u2019 look she gave him made him falter slightly before regaining his composure. \u201cAnd I want to ask something of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
She met his eyes again, silently telling him to continue as she turned off the Stairmaster and slowed her steps.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to attend our last class together tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe kissing class?\u201d she asked in disbelief. Legs feeling like rubber bands, she climbed off the machine and faced him.<\/p>\n
Angel nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve got to be kidding me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not.\u201d The complete seriousness covering his face gave her no doubt as to his sincerity, but she still couldn\u2019t believe he\u2019d even suggested it. In a flash, her frustration at her own inability to decide what to do about this situation flared into anger.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave you been slipping a little LSD in your blood lately? I\u2019m can\u2019t stand to be in the same room with you right now. Why would think I\u2019d even consider making out with you? In public? With instructions?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you owe me,\u201d he said simply, and with that reminder, her shoulders wilted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to pay you back this way.\u201d Her glare could\u2019ve ignited a glacier.<\/p>\n
\u201cToo bad.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her gasp of disbelief didn\u2019t phase him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou owe me for dragging me on this trip, Cordelia, and I\u2019m demanding my payback. I told you I\u2019d collect before the trip was over, and I mean to do just that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jaw clenched in frustration, she muttered, \u201cWell, why don\u2019t you just demand that I forgive you, then, huh? Isn\u2019t that what you\u2019re after?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel shook his head. \u201cI can\u2019t force you to forgive me, Cordelia. But I can force you to go to this class with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her chin raised stubbornly. There was no way she could get out of this, but at least she could salvage her pride. \u201cOkay. Whatever. Be the overbearing, stubborn bastard. But don\u2019t expect it to change anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
Turning to walk away from him, Cordelia made for the door, but Angel caught her arm and wouldn\u2019t let go.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is all,\u201d he added. \u201cIf you come tonight, your debt to me will be repaid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJeez, enough already!\u201d She jerked out of his grip again.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll be by the room to get you at seven,\u201d he added as she reached the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not coming back?\u201d Surprise colored her tone. At he very least, she thought he\u2019d be hovering in her space all afternoon, rubbing it in.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot until tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
Shivering at the look in his eyes, Cordelia escaped. His words held a promise she couldn\u2019t ignore.<\/p>\n