Part 2<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia eyed herself in the mirror. Mentally running through a checklist she had used many times during her reign as Queen C of Sunnydale, she gave herself an approving smile. Hair perfect, makeup flawless, dressed to kill, she was ready to face the day.<\/p>\n
Much more importantly, to face Angel. Granted, she was digging into her old bag of tricks by wearing a fa\u00e7ade of perfection and carefree attitude, but she was desperate. Desperate to forget about the embarrassing scene she made yesterday in front of everyone and desperate to show them that as far as she was concerned, everything was alright.<\/p>\n
And she was alright. She had been through worse.<\/p>\n
So what that Angel slept with Darla. So what that he had lied to her. So what that he didn\u2019t feel the same way she felt for him. And what was it that she really felt for him? She bet herself that she really didn\u2019t love, love Angel. That\u2019s right, it wasn\u2019t even really that kind of love. She had been mistaken. Mistook what she felt for him as something more than it was. After all, she had never really been in love before so she had nothing to compare the feeling to.<\/p>\n
More importantly, she had never had a true friend and had nothing to compare that type of love to. That\u2019s it. Angel was a good friend. One that she cared about more than anyone else in her life at the present moment. She cared about his well being and happiness but she, Cordelia Chase, WAS NOT IN LOVE WITH ANGEL! \u201cOkay Cordy,\u201c she addressed her reflection, \u201cstate, repeat, believe. I am not in love with Angel. I AM not in love with Angel. I am NOT in love with Angel. I am not IN love\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel sat and stared. He hadn\u2019t moved from the crimson chair that sat in his suite since he had returned to the hotel the night before. He didn\u2019t even move when he heard her footsteps coming down the hallway. \u201cGo away Fred.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, Cordy\u2019s downstairs,\u201d came a muffled and hopeful reply.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred timidly opened the door to the darkened room and stepped inside. Gently closing the door behind herself she turned on a lamp and nervously looked around the room, knowing that she was failing to hide her fear at imposing on Angel. Her eyes darted around until she finally saw what she was looking for.<\/p>\n
\u201cWesley was looking for a certain book. He thought you might have it up here.\u201d she explained as she crossed the room to Angel\u2019s personal stash of aged books. Angel stared, not looking her way.<\/p>\n
Fred\u2019s eyes brightened and she knelt down smiling to herself at all of the beautiful objects in front of her. \u201cI\u2019ve always liked books. My cousin Winnie used to tease me something awful about the way I used to spend all my time in the town library, I know what your thinking,\u201d Angel thought she must not or she would shut up and leave.<\/p>\n
\u201cWinnie, Winifred, yeah it\u2019s the same name. My mom and her sister both wanted to name their girls after my great-aunt Winifred Anne Huckabee but I was born first so my mom named me Winifred and then when my cousin was born seven months later my aunt decided that she had just as much right to name her daughter Winifred and boy did that start a feud in the family until Uncle Gus said that they should call her Winnie and me Fred. Of course, later on I was a little disappointed that I got the boy name.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel took a deep unneeded breath, leaned forward, and rubbed his forehead with one hand, trying to relieve the headache that was Fred. He cringed as she continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cEvery afternoon she and a group of girls from school would go to the corner drug store and flirt with boys and talk about school and which ever girl that didn\u2019t happen to be there that day. I never went. I spent my afternoons in the library. Not that they really ever invited me. It didn\u2019t really hurt my feelings any, not really. Not as much as when she teased me about likin\u2019 books more than boys, but I guess she didn\u2019t know too much about the library, or about Harold.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel finally looked at Fred, noticing how her eyes had glazed over, as if she had been transported somewhere else in time. She really was a sweet girl. Even if she never had a point and seemed to ramble on about nothing in particular. Wesley obviously had sent her on a meaningless errand to relieve himself of her company for a while.<\/p>\n
Angel made a mental note to \u2019thank\u2019 Wes later. He knew he would regret the next two words for the rest of his existence, but he felt a little sorry for the girl. \u201cWho\u2019s Harold?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh he was our town librarian. He was so brilliant. His parents owned a farm outside of town. He was about three years older than me. He loved books too. His daddy refused to send him to college because he was the only son and would be responsible for the farm someday. The people in town said that he would have gone insane if it hadn\u2019t been for his part-time job his dad let him take at the library. He was brilliant, funny, and absolutely gorgeous. We would sit and talk for hours about science, literature, history, anything\u2026everything. He was my best friend. My only friend.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were in love with him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, I guess I was. He gave me a necklace with an apple on it when I went away to college. I never took it off. We wrote and saw each other when I came home for visits. Every once in a while I would start to tell him how I felt, but I was always too afraid he didn\u2019t feel the same way. So, I waited for him to say something, anything about the way he felt, but he never did. When my parents came, after ya\u2019ll saved me, I asked about him. My momma said that when he heard I was missing he quit his job and came out here looking for me. His dad was furious.<\/p>\n
After two years he gave up. He showed up on my parents doorstep one night drunk as a skunk. He told my parents that I must be dead because I would have never stayed away so long and hurt him like that. My mom said he fell asleep on their couch crying about how much he loved me and know he could never tell me.\u201d The room slipped into silence as Fred paused and started to focus on the books in front of her again.<\/p>\n
\u201cWesley didn\u2019t send you up here for a book, did he?\u201d Fred sat back on her heels and sheepishly shook her head at Angel who was now leaning forward even further in his chair, elbows on knees, and hands clasped in front. \u201cIt\u2019s never too late to go home Fred. To tell him how you feel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSix months after the night he showed up on my parents porch, he married Winnie. They live on his family\u2019s farm. Winnie sent me a picture of their two boys a month ago. I guess she knew all about what the library had to offer after all.\u201d Fred stood up and wiped at her eyes before the tears could spill out.<\/p>\n
\u201cYa gotta tell people how you feel Angel or the opportunity may pass you by. I was real stupid to wait for Harold to get the nerve up to say something to me. Don\u2019t be stupid Angel. Now,\u201d she said as she headed for the door of the suite,\u201d like I said at first,\u201c Fred opened the door and looked at Angel expectantly, inviting him to exit the dreary room. \u201cCordy\u2019s downstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Lorne was tired. He had never been a big fan of soap operas and he was cursing Wes and Gunn for recruiting him to help solve the walking and talking one going on in this very office. He peeked through the office window again at the woman who\u2019s bright smile and busy hands betrayed everything that her aura was screaming. He turned away, changing his mind about his earlier promise to help.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo you ain\u2019t man.\u201d Gunn took hold of Lorne\u2019s right shoulder while Wes grabbed his left arm, both walking the hesitant demon back toward the office door.<\/p>\n
\u201cLorne, you are the only one of us capable to handle a situation such as this.\u201d Wesley complemented. \u201cYou know that Cordelia is hurting right now and she will do everything she can to avoid the subject with us. She needs to address her anger and hurt toward Angel so that they can begin to deal with the feelings that they have been suppressing. There is no reason to be afraid.\u201d He assured as they reached the door. \u201cIt\u2019s just Cordelia.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, so get your green chicken ass self in there and help us fix this thang.\u201d Gunn threatened as the two of them pushed him further toward the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t be afraid? That\u2019s easy for the two of you to..\u201d Lorne turned to see the rapidly retreating forms of his persuaders \u201c..say.\u201d Lorne felt like a lamb being lead to the slaughter. He swallowed hard and entered the office. \u201cHey princess, how are you doing this bright and beautiful morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSave it Lorne. If those two \u2018brave\u2019 souls sent you in here to read me, I\u2019ll spare you the trouble. I\u2019m fine,\u201d she said with a fake smile that, if it had been any bigger, would have broken her face. \u201cNo more insane outbursts of emotions like yesterday. It was a shock that\u2019s all. We were all a little ticked at Angel, to say the least. But, it\u2019s in the past and it\u2019s really none of my business.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCupcake, I don\u2019t have to read you to know what\u2019s going on in that pretty head of yours. Hey, even Einstein and Hercules out there figured it out. And even though for some reason they have chosen me to be the representative of their little group, \u201c giving a glance back at the two men who were doing a poor job of acting innocently busy he continued, \u201cI have to say I agree with their message.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd that would be?\u201d Cordelia arched an eyebrow, ready for the attack.<\/p>\n
\u201cUnexpressed emotions are like food in a pressure cooker. If you don\u2019t open the lid on what\u2019s inside in time, it\u2019s going to explode. And frankly sweetie, we don\u2019t want to be around to clean up the mess.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t have any unexpressed emotions.\u201d Cordelia crossed her hands defensively in front of herself. \u201cAnd I could care less what Angel does or has done. Angel is my friend,\u201d she said in a rehearsed monotone voice. \u201cThe only reason I was upset is because I care for his well being and happiness. No matter what any of you think. I am not in love with Angel.\u201d Cordelia had planned on the last statement coming out as a strong affirmation. It didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Lorne looked at Cordelia\u2019s quivering lip. \u201cBeen practicing that mantra have you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSince three this morning,\u201d she breathed out and slumped down into the desk chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoney, you\u2019ve got to tell the big guy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t. I don\u2019t know if he feels the same and even if he does, I\u2019m not sure he can.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow that just doesn\u2019t make sense if he does then that means he \u2026 oooh, you mean can. Well, Princess I\u2019m sure that our crack team of investigators here at Angel Inc. can find a way for the two of you to..\u201d Lorne trailed off as he bobbled his eyebrows suggestively.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat!?\u201d Her head shot up and her eyes looked incredulously at Lorne. \u201cGross no you perv, I\u2019m not talking about sex, at least not with you.\u201d Lorne slunk back and shrugged his shoulders innocently at his misunderstanding. \u201cI\u2019m talking about love. He\u2019s loved before. Deeply. I\u2019ve never had that kind of love. Not true love anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lorne finally understood. \u201cAnd you think because he\u2019s loved like that before, that he won\u2019t ever be able to love anyone like that again. That he won\u2019t love you like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I deserve that don\u2019t I?\u201d Cordelia stood and began to pace the room as she argued her point. \u201cI mean, don\u2019t I deserve to have that kind of love? The kind you feel like you\u2019ll die without. I\u2019ve never had anything like that, not even close.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSweetie\u2026\u201d Lorne tried fruitlessly to interrupt her rant.<\/p>\n
\u201cI deserve to love a man who knows exactly what color my eyes are, what kind of movies I like to watch, what I do when I\u2019m sad or feeling lonely, what makes me smile. I want all of those things with Angel but he\u2019s already had them with someone else. Knowing that Lorne\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPrincess\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo Lorne, you started this conversation so let\u2019s finish it. Knowing that he will never love me like that, like I love him, makes me sure that I can never tell him how I feel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSweetie,\u201d Lorne pointed to the now open door behind Cordelia. \u201cI think you just did.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s face burned. He couldn\u2019t be behind her. She turned and stared into a pair of stunned brown eyes. \u201cOh God,\u201d she whispered to herself. And for the second time in two days, Cordelia ran from the hotel with her face buried in her hands.<\/p>\n
Angel couldn\u2019t move. Everything Cordelia had said washed over him, eventually reaching his brain. He tried to make sense of everything she had said. He loved her but he couldn\u2019t. She loved him but she wouldn\u2019t. He had to put an end to this. Angel shook himself out of the trance like state he had been frozen in and dashed to the hotel door. \u201cGreen!\u201d He yelled from the doorway to the sunny sidewalk outside.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d Cordelia asked as she turned to see Angel standing just inside the hotel enough to avoid the daylight.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour eyes,\u201d he said a little softer. \u201cThey\u2019re hazel, with little green flecks that sparkle when the light hits them just right.\u201d Cordelia stood still a few feet down the sidewalk and just stared at Angel as he continued. \u201cYou like comedies but your favorites are all of those dramatic sappy movies; even though you always get up right at the end pretending to go into the kitchen to get something to drink when your really just getting a tissue and hiding the fact that they make you cry.\u201d Cordelia took a tentative step toward the doorway. \u201cWhen your sad you listen to Billy Holiday, Nina Simone, or Sarah \u2026\u201d Oh no, he knew this.<\/p>\n
\u201cMcLachlan,\u201d Cordelia added helpfully as she took a few more steps closer to Angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cMcLachlan, yeah, I should have remembered a good Irish name like that. Flowers make you smile,\u201d he continued. \u201cThat\u2019s why you put those plastic ones in the basement for me. And, yes once in my very long life I did find love in the Hellmouth of all places. But I was able to leave that love behind me in the past without staking myself or going for a jog in the park at noon. Your right when you say that I could never love you like that. Because when you were sucked into Pylea and I thought there was a possibility that I couldn\u2019t get you back, I knew I\u2019d never make it if I didn\u2019t. I can\u2019t tell you exactly when it all started Cordy. Love snuck up on me so softly and quietly that I didn\u2019t even notice it at first. But I do know that I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person. That with you I\u2019m better than I ever thought I could be and without you\u2026well, I don\u2019t even want to think of life without you.\u201d Cordelia stood frozen, immobilized by the last part of Angel\u2019s statement. He just said he loved her more than \u2026 no, that couldn\u2019t even be possible.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, please come back inside and talk to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot now!\u201d Cordelia whined.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t want to come in and talk about it?\u201d Angel asked dejectedly, cursing Fred in his mind for giving him courage.<\/p>\n
Cordelia grabbed the side of her head, falling to the ground in excruciating pain. \u201cVision,\u201d she choked out as she landed on the sidewalk.<\/p>\n
\u201cWes, Gunn!\u201d Angel frantically called, helplessly watching Cordelia crumpled in pain. Wesley and Gunn immediately ran to Cordelia\u2019s aid, both lifting her by one shoulder and helping her to the door. \u201cGive her to me,\u201d Angel growled as he took her from his friends arms as soon as they reached the shade of the doorway. Angel kissed her forehead and carried her to the lobby sofa. \u201cWhat did you see?\u201d he asked, sitting her gently down.<\/p>\n
\u201cBig ugly drawing. I think it was a tattoo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou had a vision of a tattoo?\u201d Gunn asked. Cordelia squeezed her eyes shut, rubbed her temples, and nodded yes.<\/p>\n
\u201cCould you be more specific Cordelia? Could you possibly describe the tattoo?\u201d Wesley prodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was a lion. It had yellow eyes and its mouth was stretched open. I think it was on someone\u2019s chest, but I\u2018m not sure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you think you could describe it in detail to Angel so that he can sketch it for us?\u201d Wesley gently suggested.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s no need.\u201d Angel answered for her. \u201cI know what it looks like.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Andre rolled the blackened automatic window up and headed back to the lavish hotel room where Aslan awaited his report. Angelus might not be wearing the Ring of Amarra, but all of their sources indicated he was the last one to possess it. Andre had to admit to himself that after hearing all of the tales Aslan told of the legendary vampire during their trip to L.A., he was beginning to worry about his ability to find Angelus\u2019 Achilles\u2019 heel.<\/p>\n
He shivered at the possibility of disappointing his beloved sire. But now, after the scene he had just witnessed, his confidence was renewed. He smiled at the thought of it being a woman that would undo Angelus. Visualizing the torture he would inflict on the lucky girl, his smile widened. It was good to be him.<\/p>\n