Part 18<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia studied her reflection critically in the mirror of Golden Panda\u2019s bathroom. Her eyes took in the now-long hair, back to its original brown, shiny and healthy. It was natural, in soft waves that fell from her face and hung down her back in a heavy cascade. She scrutinized her nose, scrunching it up, opening her eyes wide and leaning close to the mirror to examine them. Last, she looked over her skin, smiling with satisfaction when she saw that it looked healthy. Not a blemish in sight.<\/p>\n
Satisfied that she hadn\u2019t changed a bit in her return trip, she pulled back and straightened her blouse, then adjusted her skirt to rest more comfortably on her hips.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, Queen C,\u201d she said to her reflection. \u201cYou\u2019ve still got it goin\u2019 on!\u201d At 11 p.m. on a Tuesday night, the place was dead, her voice echoing off the tiled walls.<\/p>\n
She jumped three feet, shrieking, when a cool hand delved beneath her hair and rested on the back of her neck, but immediately relaxed when reason set in.<\/p>\n
Whirling around, she smacked Angel hard on his upper arm. \u201cGeez, dumbass! Scare me back to the afterlife, why don\u2019t ya?\u201d She glared at him, but her eyes twinkled.<\/p>\n
\u201cI missed you,\u201d he said simply, putting his arms around her waist and leaning against her, trapping her between his hard body and the equally hard granite countertop.<\/p>\n
\u201cDork,\u201d she said, but it was obvious she was pleased.<\/p>\n
Her smile left an hurry when she saw his eyes grow dark. He pulled her closer, so close she could feel every single muscle pressed against her. They held there, breathless, staring into each other\u2019s eyes. Cordy felt as though she\u2019d stuck her finger in a light socket and was feeling the immediate jolt of electricity flow throughout her body.<\/p>\n
Angel felt it, too, and proved it by attacking her, a tender assault on her lips that made her pant. His tongue entered her mouth, finding hers and tangling with it, his hands roaming under her gauzy shirt. She shivered as his light caresses barely touched her skin, lingering at the small of her back, then traveling around the front until he found the clasp of her bra and undid it.<\/p>\n
As soon as her breasts fell free, she shivered again, then arched against him, leaning away from the counter and pressing her body flush against his. She used the weight of her body to grind her hips against his, bringing her hands up and stroking the strong line of his jaw, then scratching the back of his neck.<\/p>\n
Angel popped open the buttons on her blouse, his fingers tickling their way down her body until he found the hem. He smiled, a slow, lazy curve of his lips as he pushed her blouse and bra off her shoulders and bared her from the waist up. Immediately, his hands founds found the treasures they sought, cupping her breasts as if testing the weight of them in his hands.<\/p>\n
Briefly, he reached further down, gently caressing her hips, traveling behind her to cup her ass and squeeze lightly, then a brush to the gentle dip between her legs. He found the side zipper on her skirt, tugging it down, pulling it and the rest of her clothes off until all of it pooled in an airy cloud at her feet. Then his fingers went back, traveling to all of the same places, her hips, her ass, her curls, all lightly enough to drive her insane.<\/p>\n
Not for one moment did his eyes stray from hers.<\/p>\n
The magnetic pull of his stare was more erotic than any touches Cordelia had ever felt in her entire life, either this life or the last. His eyes were black, the color of volcanic glass and just as deep. It was as if his eyes were the match to the flame, his hands only fanning it into a fire. Those depths held a vast store of emotion, just like they had earlier, and as his hands traveled her sensitive skin, she watched them change, watched the love flow over the lust, then back again, in an ebb and flow of desire that caught her up in a hypnotic trance.<\/p>\n
She was startled when he finally broke eye contact, dropping his eyes down and staring at her breasts, releasing them and leaving her feeling cold at the loss. He stared, and stared, and stared, his gaze wandering her body, resting in every interesting place until her breathing was ragged and her fingers itched to grab him and pull him back to her. He seemed mesmerized by the beauty of her body, and she could almost feel the heat of his eyes searing her skin.<\/p>\n
She watched, in slow motion, as his head descended, one hand coming back up to cup her breast and lift it to his mouth. But just as he was about to taste her, he paused, his breath fanning her tender skin, and breathed, \u201cSo beautiful, Cor,\u201d and then closed his mouth over the tip of her breast.<\/p>\n
Cordy moaned as she felt his mouth on her skin. His cool tongue tugged at her breast, sending shivers of pleasure like tendrils of smoke throughout her body. Her hands came up again, clutching at his biceps, her eyes flying open as she made contact with his shirt and not the bare, cool skin she craved. She grabbed his lapels blindly, his head blocking her way, and pulled violently, his buttons scattering and ricocheting off the walls like candy dropped from a bag. Her mouth watered as his broad shoulders came into view, her fingers greedily moving across his skin and memorizing its texture with her fingers. Her nails lightly scored him, then she gasped and scratched deeper when he bit her nipple slightly.<\/p>\n
The sounds pouring from Cordelia\u2019s mouth grew louder and more frantic as Angel moved one hand between her leg, gently prying her thighs apart until he found her center, hot and more than ready for him. She arched against his hand as his fingers found all the right places, each tiny nerve that made her whole body tingle and bright lights appear before her half-shut eyelids.<\/p>\n
Suddenly, the reality of their location doused her like cold water. She\u2019d never been one for public acts of lewdness, despite her frank speech. Frantic, she pulled at his hair, bringing his mouth away from her breasts and his eyes back to hers.<\/p>\n
She panted, her eyes wide, and all she could manage was a whimpered, \u201cAngel!\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled, a sensual expression that started slowly and grew to consume his entire face, his eyes lighting up as he saw how needy she was for him.<\/p>\n
His smile seemed to give her strength. \u201cAngel, please!\u201d she said, clutching at his arms. \u201cWe\u2019re in a bathroom, for pete\u2019s sake,\u201d she said, blushing. It didn\u2019t last long, though, her brain overheating again as his hand between her legs resumed its tormenting movements.<\/p>\n
Gently, he placed a finger against her lips. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, baby. It\u2019s fine. The place is empty.\u201d<\/p>\n
She clenched her teeth, steeling herself against the euphoria that was about to wash over her. She was not<\/i> going to have sex in a restaurant bathroom. She had more class than that! She reached down, grabbed his wrist, and jerked it away from her.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel!\u201d she growled through clenched teeth, her eyes flashing. \u201cWhat if someone comes in?\u201d<\/p>\n
He sighed, then brought his now empty hand up toward his mouth and she gasped. \u201cDon\u2019t!\u201d she whispered, knowing that his intended action would drive her over the brink of her lust and she\u2019d be lost, but he didn\u2019t listen. His tongue came out, licking her from his fingers, and she moaned, feeling every swipe of his tongue as if it were affixed on her own skin.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry,\u201d he said, obviously not meaning it. \u201cI just couldn\u2019t help myself. You just smelled so damn good, baby,\u201d he growled, leaning into her ear for the last word, the vibrations from his deep voice making her shiver.<\/p>\n
She could only pant some more.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry,\u201d he said again between kisses to her ear and neck. \u201cI locked the door.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not\u2014Oh god,\u201d she said, losing her train of thought as his tongue dipped into her ear.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot what?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
She swallowed, then opened her eyes, trying to focus on something. Anything.<\/p>\n
Oh, what the hell. She wanted him. Needed him. Who cares where they were? \u201cNothing,\u201d she said finally, her voice nothing more than a whisper.<\/p>\n
His mouth stilled on her for a fraction of a second, then resumed, moving down to the juncture of her shoulder. \u201cOkay,\u201d he said against her neck, and she felt the word all the way to her toes. He licked her skin, right over her his mark, then sucked until the blood rushed even further to the surface. She arched against him, feeling the call of her blood to him, and she\u2019d never been more turned on in her life. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than for him to bite her again.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo it, Angel!\u201d she said, frustrated. \u201cHurry!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he said back. \u201cIf I\u2019m going to be biting you, I\u2019m going to do it my way,\u201d he said, and she could hear the determination in his voice. God, what the hell was wrong with him? He\u2019d had no problem with this earlier. When he was dreaming.<\/p>\n
Somehow, though, as his hands once again began their exploration, she knew in the more rational part of her mind where his hesitance came from. Biting of any kind meant accessing his demon, unleashing Angelus if only in a small part, and that meant relinquishing some of his tight control. Doing that was dangerous. Very, very dangerous. She\u2019d been playing with fire earlier when she\u2019d bitten him in his sleep, and she was lucky she hadn\u2019t been scorched. Much.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel!\u201d she gasped again as his fingers worked her close to climax. She gripped his shoulders tightly, her tailbone pressing hard into the counter behind her, and she knew if it weren\u2019t for his hands and the counter\u2019s support, she\u2019d be a puddle on the floor right about now.<\/p>\n
And then, just when she was about to go over, he backed away, his hand stilling as his eyes found hers. She watched his handsome features shift into the dangerous ones of his demon, his eyes glowing yellow, but no less passionate. Even there, in the depths of his beast, she could see his true feelings.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you, Cordelia,\u201d he said simply, then leaned down and sank his fangs into her skin.<\/p>\n
Cordy gasped as she felt the pain, quickly followed by a burst of pleasure that sent her screaming into a powerful climax. His fingers slid deep, touching her inside and out, and her body clutched at him, even as he tasted her desire in her blood.<\/p>\n
Angel had to work to avoid losing himself in her taste. Every emotion she was experiencing spiced her blood, making her taste like the finest of wines, heady and intoxicating. He forced himself to pull back, his tongue sweeping out and closing the wound, infusing it with his scent and claiming her as his. He wasted no time in putting his fangs to his wrist, then shifting back into his human features and lifting the wound to her open and gasping mouth.<\/p>\n
Cordy\u2019s eyes flew open as she felt the taste of Angel\u2019s blood on her tongue for the second time in one night. She sucked automatically, again marveling at the fact that she loved the heady taste of him. But after just a moment, she stopped herself, her tongue sweeping the wound and closing it.<\/p>\n
But it still wasn\u2019t enough.<\/p>\n
Scoring his chest with her fingernails, she reached for his jeans and quickly opened his fly, pulling him out and into her hand. He grasped her ass, lifting her up and onto the edge of the counter, then moved closer, aligning himself to her. With one swift thrust, they were one. And just like the last time, they felt whole.<\/p>\n
Part 19<\/b><\/p>\n
\u201cYour left arm is weak, Connor. Protect it!\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace\u2019s instruction grated on Connor\u2019s nerves, but he was right. He had been leaving one side unprotected, and Jace was taking advantage of it. Connor already had one good bruise on his side from the blunted tip of Jace\u2019s sword.<\/p>\n
Connor did as he was told, and fought back viciously. His hair hung in his eyes, sweat pouring from his temples, and yet he didn\u2019t feel tired. He never felt tired, at least not from fighting. The dreams on the other hand. . .those were becoming exhausting.<\/p>\n
Kicking out, Connor planted one foot solidly in Jace\u2019s midsection and sent the older man sprawling, his air escaping in an audible \u201cooph.\u201d Connor sauntered over to him, balancing on the balls of his feet as he stood near him, waiting for the other man to get up. Jace lay there for a second, winded, amazed yet again that Connor was so powerful. He had to work to keep the grimace from his face as he thought of the treatment Eve had planned for him later this week. A treatment that would make it almost impossible for Connor to defeat him in a one-on-one battle.<\/p>\n
\u201cHad enough?\u201d Connor asked calmly, staring down his nose at Jace.<\/p>\n
Jace stared up at him, then vaulted to his feet with the grace of a gymnast. He might not be up to the same strength as Connor, but he was still very powerful and agile by human standards. He set himself up across from Connor, and the two men began to circle one another.<\/p>\n
Connor stared into Jace\u2019s eyes, realizing for the first time how cold and hard they were. The brown irises had seemed to be full of warmth when he\u2019d first met him, but now, they seemed icy, like frozen mud in winter. Jace smiled at him, a harsh curve of his lips that barely transformed his face, and then lowered his head, looking at Connor from under his heavy brow.<\/p>\n
That one look made Connor\u2019s breath catch. A flash of recognition hit him, a minor flash from one of his dreams that stole the air from his lungs and made him stumble backward. He caught himself just in time, schooling his features and tucking the revelation away for another time. He couldn\u2019t think about it now. Even if what he\u2019d just discovered had raised so many questions it made his head spin.<\/p>\n
Jace noticed the startled look on Connor\u2019s face, but it was gone so briefly that Jace thought he might\u2019ve imagined it. Whatever it was, Connor didn\u2019t seem to be affected by it. He punched out swiftly, catching Jace by surprise and knocking his jaw so hard that he flew across the room, smacking against the concrete wall, his back popping with a sickening crack. He moaned, but stood his ground, planting his feet solidly and turning to face Connor again. Connor bounded over to him, thrusting with his sword, and they fought for a minute, their weapons clanging in the stillness.<\/p>\n
Connor kept everything inside, his face neutral, his eyes in fierce concentration. Jace was nothing but an opponent now. Whatever warm feelings he\u2019d had for the man were beginning to dissipate, and he attacked him as though Jace were the ultimate enemy.<\/p>\n
What he really was, Connor had no idea.<\/p>\n
Book II: Hope<\/strong><\/p>\n Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don’t give up.<\/p>\n Anne Lamott<\/i><\/p>\n True hope is swift, and flies with swallow’s wings; Hope is the thing with feathers In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. If it were not for hopes, the heart would break. Part 20<\/b><\/p>\n Cordelia stared out the window of the Plymouth, the wind tangling her hair. She was excited that Angel hadn\u2019t ever gotten rid of his car. His new fleet of toys had made her think he might\u2019ve gotten rid of it, but he hadn\u2019t. As much as she\u2019d hassled him about his obsession with it, she loved this car. It held so many memories.<\/p>\n Sighing, she looked back into the car and over at Angel\u2019s stoic figure. Ever since they\u2019d left the restaurant, Angel had been quiet. Reflective. Almost broody. She\u2019d sighed, holding his hand in silent support, knowing that he probably wouldn\u2019t talk about it. They\u2019d gone back to his apartment only long enough for him to pack and then had headed north.<\/p>\n Cordelia had put up with Angel\u2019s silence for a little while, but now she was about to tear her hair out from boredom. In the last half hour, she\u2019d tried every conversation topic she could think of, from reminiscing about their past to her stay in Heaven, but none of it had seemed to interest him. Finally, she\u2019d decided to talk about Connor, hoping that his worry for his son would draw him out of his shell.<\/p>\n \u201cSo Connor\u2019s been living in San Francisco?\u201d Cordelia asked conversationally.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d Angel said, clearly distracted. Stress had made his fingers grip the steering wheel with a force that should\u2019ve shattered it. As it were, the tough material was used to his super strength and hadn\u2019t cracked yet. \u201cWolfram & Hart erased his memories and gave him new ones, putting him with a family in the Bay Area. Far enough away that he wouldn\u2019t run into me by accident, but close enough that I could keep an eye on him.\u201d<\/p>\n Close? Cordelia frowned. A five hour drive wasn\u2019t what she\u2019d call close, exactly, but she guessed he\u2019d had a point. Having Connor in L.A. would just be too hard for Angel. Having his son nearby and not being able to see him would be heart-wrenching. It was already hard enough the way it stood.<\/p>\n But things had<\/i> changed. Cordy sighed, running her fingers through the hair that kept falling in her face as the breeze from the open window whipped around her. The night was beautiful, the coast highway winding and breathtakingly scenic. Off to the west, the Pacific Ocean twinkled in the moonlight as they glimpsed it in a few minute intervals. They were nearing San Francisco, and as the closer they got, the more their apprehension grew.<\/p>\n Angel had been very reluctant to confront Connor. They\u2019d argued about it briefly while he\u2019d been packing. Cordelia had pushed Angel to do it, to walk up to his son and explain that he was in trouble and they were there to help. Angel had argued with her and they\u2019d had their first fight since she\u2019d come back. She\u2019d sighed; it was bound to happen sometime.<\/p>\n \u201cI won\u2019t do that to him,\u201d Angel had said vehemently, his face set in a determined expression. \u201cHis parents have just died. He doesn\u2019t need anything else to deal with.\u201d<\/p>\n He\u2019d yanked the zipper on his duffle bag closed with a violent movement, and turned to face her. He\u2019d even closed his stance; his arms were crossed, his jaw clenched, his feet spread wide.<\/p>\n \u201cAngel,\u201d she said, her voice carefully neutral. \u201cThe Powers insisted that time is an issue here. If we don\u2019t confront Connor, how are we going to warn him of the danger? For all we know, they could be planning to kill you tomorrow. We need to hurry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI realize that,\u201d he agreed, \u201cbut I know Connor. His memories may have changed, but his personality is still intact.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLess psycho, I hope,\u201d she said irreverently.<\/p>\n He frowned. \u201cYes. But he\u2019s still my son. And you of all people know that he inherited some personality traits from me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d she asked innocently. \u201cStubbornness? An inability to trust people? A preference for black clothing?\u201d<\/p>\n He glared at her. \u201cCordelia, this is serious!\u201d<\/p>\n A sigh escaped her as she reached out her hand to reassure him. \u201cI know, baby, but Connor is different now. He doesn\u2019t remember Quortoth, so he has to be softer. More receptive. We should talk to him. Appeal to his sense of reason. Maybe he\u2019s noticed something not quite right about this guy that\u2019s training him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe won\u2019t know until we see him, Cordy, and I don\u2019t want to just go barging in there without knowing the score.\u201d<\/p>\n In the end, they\u2019d agreed to a few days of surveillance to discover just what was going on, and then they\u2019d reevaluate. Cordelia had been somewhat mollified by this course of action. At least they\u2019d be able to keep an eye on him.<\/p>\n Her need to use the bathroom brought her thoughts back to the present. She glared over at Angel for awhile, willing him to look at her, but he was lost in space, his eyes firmly affixed to the winding road in front of them.<\/p>\n \u201cAre we almost there?\u201d she asked, bouncing in her seat and trying to keep the childish whine out of her voice.<\/p>\n Angel clenched his teeth. She\u2019d asked that question at least once every thirty minutes since they\u2019d left the hotel. \u201cYou have the map, Cordelia. You know how far away we are.\u201d<\/p>\n She shot him annoyed glance. \u201cWell, duh, Mr. Smarty Pants. It\u2019s just that some people around here need to stop to pee once in awhile, unlike other self-absorbed vampire types who shall remain nameless.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCordy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou want me to stop up here?\u201d He gestured to an illuminated gas station sign at the next exit.<\/p>\n She flashed him a brilliant smile. \u201cGee, thanks, Angel! How thoughtful of you to come up with that idea totally on your own.\u201d<\/p>\n He made a face at her, but she could tell that some of the tension had eased from his shoulders during their light conversation. \u201cSure, anytime.\u201d<\/p>\n Part 21<\/b><\/p>\n \u201cWhere the heck are we?\u201d Cordelia asked, turning the map in her hands upside down, then sideways, as if it would help.<\/p>\n Angel glanced over at her, then back at the road. \u201cWe\u2019re near downtown. His address is listed in this area, right?\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded, then grabbed the paper where Angel had jotted down the address Harmony had dug up for him. They\u2019d called the office on the way up north, telling Wesley only that Angel needed to get away for awhile. Nobody knew yet that Cordelia had returned, and Angel wasn\u2019t yet ready to share her. He\u2019d asked to be transferred to his secretary, and after a little bitching and moaning, Harmony had given him the info he needed, just like she always did. It always amazed him how efficient she was for being such an annoying airhead.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d she said in answer to his question. \u201cJust up here. Oh!\u201d she said, bouncing in her seat, then pointing. \u201cThere\u2019s the street. Turn quick!\u201d<\/p>\n Angel executed a swift left turn, just barely missing the light as it turned red. A cop on a motorcycle frowned at them as they whizzed past, but they\u2019d been under the line of legality this time. Just barely. Angel slowed immediately, and they both scanned the numbers on the row houses turned apartments nearby.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat number?\u201d Angel asked, trying to keep one eye on the street and the other on the house numbers.<\/p>\n Cordy consulted her notepad again. \u201c517, Apartment 2C.\u201d<\/p>\n Just as she looked up again, she spotted it. \u201cThere it is! The green one. Look, there\u2019s a parking space right there.\u201d<\/p>\n Angel maneuvered the big car effortlessly into the tight space. He shifted it into \u201cpark\u201d and looked around apprehensively at the neighborhood.<\/p>\n \u201cYou think he\u2019s safe here?\u201d he said, noting all the dark corners on the silent street. \u201cSan Francisco\u2019s not exactly a safe place, and he doesn\u2019t have anybody to look out for him here. Don\u2019t you think that\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n Cordy laid her hand on his elbow and his words stopped immediately. She smiled softly, sliding over on the bench seat. Pulling his arm up, she draped it across her shoulder, then snuggled into his side. She kissed his chest, her nose tickled by the soft material on his shirt, then ran her hand up his jean-clad leg.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s fine here. At least for now he is. The neighborhood looks good. Expensive. Rent here must be pricey, so I\u2019m sure he\u2019s totally safe.\u201d<\/p>\n Pausing, she looked up at him and reached her hand out to stroke his jaw with her fingers. Her voice was soft. \u201cHe\u2019s a grown man now, Angel. A grown man who\u2019s had a good life, at least as far as he can tell. His new parents raised him well. Wolfram & Hart saw to that. He can handle himself.\u201d<\/p>\n Angel\u2019s muscles relaxed a little under her words and gentle hands.<\/p>\n \u201cBesides,\u201d she added. \u201cHe\u2019s your son. Whether he knows it or not, he\u2019s like you, and the men in your family can take care of themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n She smiled in the dark, thinking of Spike. That one definitely had the stubborn, self-preservationist Aurelius streak in him, too. She\u2019d heard about him during her stay in heaven even though she\u2019d tried not to make any ties there. Spike had become a legend when he\u2019d saved the world and for awhile, he was all anyone up there could talk about.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m worried about him,\u201d Angel finally admitted, the his fingers lightly brushing her side as he hugged her close to him. \u201cHe\u2019s all I\u2019ve got, Cordy.\u201d<\/p>\n She punched him playfully. \u201cNot anymore!\u201d<\/p>\n Smiling down at her, he kissed her softly. \u201cYou\u2019re right. Not anymore. But he\u2019s still my son, and I want to protect him, grown man or not.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll keep him safe, Angel,\u201d Cordy promised with a confidence she didn\u2019t feel right now. The Powers had sent her on a mission, but they hadn\u2019t promised success. They expected it, yes. But could she deliver?<\/p>\n Right now she wasn\u2019t sure.<\/p>\n
\nKings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings.
\nWilliam Shakespeare, “King Richard III”, Act 5 scene 2<\/i><\/p>\n
\nThat perches in the soul.
\nAnd sings the tune
\nWithout the words,
\nand never stops at all.
\nEmily Dickinson<\/i><\/p>\n
\nAlbert Camus<\/i><\/p>\n
\nThomas Fuller<\/i><\/p>\n
\n