Without You 14b


After a manic day spent copying out weird ass symbols; sharpening weapons and filling glass bottles with chemicals and stuffing the tops with rags, Cordelia ached in places she didn’t even now had muscles.

“I just hope it was worth it” she said out-loud and heaved a despondent sigh. “Guess we’ll know that for sure after tomorrow”. Not that she was complaining about the work. “No sirree, not me. Only thing keeping me sane”.

Which was great while it lasted, only problem now being that there was nothing to do except wait and very likely go slowly insane with worry. Even more depressing was everyone saying their goodbyes now, just in case there was no time later. An attitude that was kinda worrying all things considered.

With nothing left to use as a distraction Cordelia’s mind refused to leave alone the idea that this could very well be her last few hours of life. Teeth worrying at her bottom lip she tried to keep it bottled down but being all alone reduced her defences to rubble like nothing else could.

“This sucks, everything sucks. Dammit I’m too young to die” she whimpered and curled up in a ball on the rough pallet.

Self-pity swamped her and her lips quivered as the tears she’d been holding back spilled from her eyes. “This is all my fault” she whispered, voice shaking with the force of her emotions. “Were all going to die and so is Angel” a low sob tore from her constricted throat. She wiped her cheeks with one hand and curled into a tighter ball, trying to squeeze her middle and dissipate the hard knots forming in her belly.

“I wish I’d never left. I was so damn *stupid*” she wailed, fully believing in that instant that she was the cause of the doom now threatening them all. Forgetting in the heat of misery that this conflagration of events would have come about sooner or later, with or without her.

Was it so wrong of her to want to feel safe again, like she had with Angel, Spike and Willow at the mansion? There life had had a routine she could depend on, including the ups and downs that make living worth living just for the fun of fighting and making up. Not that she was doing so well with that right now either.

The worst of it was, Angel was avoiding her and it hurt. She squeezed her eyes shut as tight as she could and jammed her knuckles into her mouth as the ball of misery ignored her attempts to suppress it and spread wider. Choked sobs escaped the self-imposed gag though, and the tears continued to fall past her wet spiky lashes to pool at her mouth.

“Angel, I don’t want to be alone” She whispered achingly, then hiccupped as another low sob worked its way free. That admission forced out of her as it was, broke the dam and her tears flowed freely, soaking into her dark hair as it lay trapped under her wet, flushed face.

Finally they slowed and quieter now she heard a muffled sound that seemed to echo in her ears and she latched onto it. Her breathing smoothed out and the tears started to dry on her cheeks as an inexplicable calmness stole over her.

Glistening hazel eyes stared at the curtain covering the door; the tan rough weave fabric thrown into relief by the flickering candle she’d left burning. Sitting up Cordy was aware of a warmth glowing inside and with a tiny part of her mind she wondered at that, then dimly she recognised it as … certainty.

Angel was out there. Whoah was that her voice or someone else’s? Cordy shook her head and dismissed it as irrelevant; she had better things to think about.

Just knowing he was there changed everything and it brought with it a desperate need to see and touch, be held and comforted by someone she cared about and who she knew cared about her.

She didn’t have time now to wait and see if he loved her. Fate had stepped up and knocked her down yet again but that didn’t mean she couldn’t grab what she had now with both hands and hold on for as long as she could.

Reenergised, Cordelia lithely swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up with an expression of determination firmly fixed on her beautiful face. Sure Angel wasn’t perfect, far from it with that permanent edge of darkness he liked to wallow in, but he was hers and she wanted him- now!

Tossing her hair out of her damp face Cordy scrubbed her cheeks to remove the traces of tears and on silent bare feet marched over to the curtain. Yanking it back she blinked in disappointment on seeing no tall dark figure lurking in the faint light spilling from the hole that served as her doorway.

“Angel” she called in a carrying whisper, then listened for any betraying sound. There was nothing.

“Angel I know your there, answer me” she demanded and held her breath. Still nothing and she couldn’t have stopped the hoarse, “please” that followed if her life depended on it.

He appeared out of the blackness and her heart leapt in her breast. Speechless with relief and paralysed by the strength of the need that pulled at her very centre. She simply stood dumbstruck and drank in the sight of him, here where she wanted- no needed him to be. He came when she needed him.

Useless regrets tried to pull her down again but she resisted them fiercely and held onto the here and now with everything she had. Standing back she gestured for him to come inside. Angel silent and watchful until then shook his head and refused to budge.

“You need rest, Cordy. Go back inside and sleep”.

He said it even knowing full well that she hadn’t been sleeping. Standing outside her door, he’d heard the anguish she hadn’t been able to muffle and he’d ached to comfort her. Only the knowledge that there was no way he could keep from going further than she’d be willing to go had stopped him from trying.

“I don’t want to sleep. I want you, in here now” she insisted huskily and reaching out a slim hand snagged his belt and pulled him through the doorway.

Unable not to, Angel breathed deep, taking her scent and the essence of her deep into his body. His head swam as the mingled fragrance of tears, pumping blood and sweet feminine musk filtered through him.

His hand caught her and pulled her fingers from his waist, holding the slim hand in his much larger one he gazed deep into her eyes while his thumb curled into her palm.

“Tomorrow’s going to pretty harrowing. I shouldn’t be here”, he insisted quietly.

“I could die tomorrow and you’re right where you should be- with me” refuted Cordy and shut off any more arguments by stretching up on her toes and brushing her lips over his.

“You’re not going to die” whispered Angel against her, closing his eyes as her soft puffs of breath washed over his tingling lips. He wet his dry lips with his tongue, tasting her there and then moaned when she instantly pressed her open mouth to the crease of his, capturing the tip of his tongue with hers.

“I don’t understand this” he admitted between kisses and creases formed between his brows. “I thought you didn’t want me”? He didn’t dare move either to press her more firmly against him as he wanted or pull back to try and clear his head.

“You’re the only one confused. Me- I know what I want. Can’t we just forget everything and just be us, here together?” She coaxed throatily sliding her hands up his shirt covered chest to cup his jaw in her hands, smoothing along the firm bone to delve into the short hairs at his nape.

Knowing honey coloured eyes filled with the seduction and determination of females through the ages mesmerised and made him weak. Angel felt a betraying tremble wrack him and knew he was going to give in,

“make love to me, Angel” she cajoled against his throat and he was lost.

Cordy felt him swallow and heard the defeated groan he gave just before his mouth finally swooped down to take hers in the kiss she ached for. The sweet intoxication she remembered stole her breath again and she melted against him, her braless tee-shirt covered chest against his while her arms twined around his neck with a mind of their own.

The taste of her sent him spinning into a vortex of need and a whimper worked its way past their lips. Gently he seized her shoulders and pushed her back to stare down at her dazed, heavy lidded face. Hauling in a breath he steeled himself and called her name.

“Cordy, look at me”.

Her lashes lifted so that he could see into her eyes and seeing the molten awakening passion in them was nearly his undoing, steeling himself he gulped and got out what needed to be said. He had to be sure.

“I won’t be…” the fingers of one hand curved round his cheek to trace the curve of his full bottom lip, flustering him.

He snagged them and kissed the tips, then tried again. “I might not be quite the monster I thought I was, but-” he saw her focus on him fully and forced himself to carry on. “If you’re going to stop do it now”. He asked hoarsely.

Guilt, need and warning swirled in the darkness of his eyes as they gazed into hers, such a contrast to the sweet masculine curve of his lips and the anxious arch up of his brows, she thought dreamily.

“I don’t want to stop. I want you… all of you. Don’t hold anything back, okay”.

That was all he needed to hear and as one they came together again, standing against one another, Cordy stretched along his front while he crushed her to him and she grasping his strong neck in her hands to keep him there while they willingly sank into deep consuming kiss.

Cordy didn’t notice when he picked her up and lowered her gently to the rough wool of her blanket. The kiss remained unbroken, even when he shrugged out of his coat and dropped it to the floor beside the pallet.

Their mouths fused again and again in frantic hunger, moving in tandem to angle for more as they sought out every taste and texture, revelling in the passion rising inside them like a stoked fire.

Breaking away, Cordy gasped for breath while Angel rained kisses over her cheeks and jaw then down to nuzzle her throat. His spiky hair tickled her ear and she thrust her fingers into the dark mass of it, pulling him closer and harder against the pulse in her throat.

Her core ached and throbbed with a pulse of its own and to answer its demanding call she slipped her leg between them and pivoted until she could wrap her bare legs around his hips. Instinctively she rubbed herself against the straining fly of his pants, and gasped at the exquisite relief that pressure brought her.

Her legs tightened around his hips so that she could stroke harder with only her panties and the soft fabric of his pants to act as barriers. She felt him throb against her folds and the craving to feel him inside her abruptly sharpened and echoed deep inside her womb, making her buck against him with fevered abandon.

His bracing arm quivered with tension as need and desire streaked through him. She was so warm and alive and giving it humbled him while at the same time made him want to just swallow her whole. His lips opened and he latched onto that tempting pulse, feeling it throb between his teeth and beneath the sensitive tip of his tongue as he swirled it against the soft skin.

Angel felt her tugging at the open neck of his shirt, pulling impatiently at it to get to his naked chest and be able touch him. Needing to feel her hands on him too, he pushed up so she could get at the buttons and mentally hurried her on as she attacked each one with a fervour that notched up his own passion every bit as much as it did hers.

The damned buttons seemed to take an eternity but finally she was stroking him, relearning the feel and texture of him. He was so hard her hands slid along his smooth skin like silk on silk while her long slim fingers flexed and lovingly explored every muscular inch she could reach.

She felt Angel’s teeth nip at the skin of her throat, bringing blood to the surface and acting purely on impulse she arched her neck in offering as he suckled the sensitised skin.

Thrilling to the power of the body under her hands Cordy pressed the pads of her fingers deep into the valleys and planes of his chest and arms as if to test the heavy muscles as they bunched and relaxed under her caressing touch; losing herself in tactile sensation. Too soon it wasn’t enough and she almost sobbed in relief when his hands ripped her tee-shirt down the middle to bare her to the waist.

Immediately she was free of it she reared up to press her breasts to his chest, rubbing the aching tips against him and wrapping her arms around his back like a soft and clinging vice. Those burning tips pressed to his chest drew Angel like a lodestone and one hand came up to palm and knead the soft flesh with a worshipful touch.

The pebble hard nipple pressing into his palm made his mouth water with the need to fill it with a firm succulent breast but first he detoured back to her lips and proceeded to plunder her willing mouth.

The slightly rough sweep of his tongue set sparks of lust shooting through her loins and soon she was straining to get closer as if she could burn away their clothing with nothing more than the powerful need coursing between them.

They pulled away simultaneously, Cordy to attack his zipper and Angel to sit up and twist the thin panties in his strong hands, ripping them off her rather than separate their bodies any more than strictly necessary. As soon as they were off he came back down and lifting his hips groaned when her hand burrowed inside his open fly to wrap her fingers around his throbbing and erect shaft.

His eyes closed and he grunted as sparks of pleasure shot straight from his loins to set his head alight. Heat from her surrounded him in humid and deliciously fragrant waves, making him feel drunk and light-headed with greedy lust.

His head dropped and if not for his arm jammed against the pallet he would have fallen and crushed her into the pallet as she pumped him, riding the hard length with her tightly closed fingers. He hissed a breath between his gritted teeth and fought to control the powerful surges of pleasure that threatened to drive him mad.

Cordelia brought up her other hand to cradle and raise his head so she could see what her tender ministrations were doing to him. His eyes were glazed and so dilated they were almost all black, drawing her into their depths while his lips were soft and full, almost boyish as pleasure rolled over him.

“I want to taste you” she whispered huskily and went to slide down under him. He bucked in her hand as she said it and grimaced as a white-hot surge of desire hit him. “God no-” he rasped out and pulled her back up.

Angel kissed her hard before she could protest and then carried on kissing her until she softened beneath him again. “Need you too much” he finally muttered and ducking down latched onto her nipple to draw it strongly into his mouth and lave it with his tongue.

Immediate prickles of heat spread out from the turgid tip and Cordy bowed her back in mute appreciation and mingled demand. The ache in her womb got more insistent and refusing to lie still and let him have his way Cordy used her feet to drag his pants down his hips, so he could kick them off, freeing him completely.

Then with her hand wrapped around him once again she raised her hips and rubbed against him, stroking her molten core along the thick length and pleasuring them both.

“Oh God! I want you inside me now” she demanded insistently, almost growling as the feel of his cock, now slick with her juices, pressing so close drove away the last of her control.

“I don’t want to wait” she panted and before he could deny her pushed the broad head into her tight entrance, squeezing her legs to keep him there while she undulated with frenzied passion against him.

Growling in relish as her sex grasped his shaft in its gloriously wet velvet sheath, Angel manacled her wrists and pressed them to the bed on either side of her head, then reared up to thrust into her mouth at the same moment he flexed his hips, driving deeper into the heart of her; filling her with all of the possessiveness in his nature.

Everything that had happened between them melted into forgetfulness as they strained together, Cordelia every bit as ravenous as he for the release they both craved and could only find with each other.

“I love you” she cried into his neck and screamed as he shuddered and surged deeper, touching her womb. Darts of pleasure so intense it was painful speared straight to her heart and she started to buck violently against him as the start of a shattering release began to build and surge with every rasping scrape of his thickness inside her.

Their mouths met and sparred for the final moments as Angel pushed them closer to the edge with every hard electrifying thrust, neither knowing or caring that their panting cries rose higher and louder, filling the chamber with the sounds of an approaching crescendo.

Cordelia twisted in his grasp like a wild thing until, undone by the fluttering squeeze of her sex as she started to come, he let her go. Cordelia’s orgasm blossomed and splintered the moment she was free to wrap her arms around him, then held on tight as he finally gave in to his own towering release and they surged and crested together.

Cordelia came back down to earth hearing the echo of his “I love you too” reverberating in her ears. Glistening tears pooled in her eyes and her mouth wobbled, and wanting to hide her face she burrowed into the juncture where his neck met his shoulder and sobbed.

Part 15

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