Chapter four
Angel grabbed the first man he saw. The muscle bound man squirmed against the wall trying to breathe.
“Cordelia Chase, where is she?” Angel growled dropping the man to the ground.
“Who?” the man struggled to get, rubbing at his throat. The man looked around for his buddies. But all of the other occupants of the gym began to become very interested in their workouts. No one wanted to get near the obviously insane and enraged dark man.
Angel glared, “brown hair, beautiful, hazel eyes, gorgeous,” A man would have to blind or dumb not to notice Cordelia. Angel studied the steroid enhanced man; he could be dumb. “This tall, beautiful,” Angel growled helpfully.
“Oh, her, that’s her name?” The man stood up. “She left with Billy”. He pointed to a picture of a blonde man holding some sort of trophy.
“Where?”
The overly buff man spouted out Billy’s address. The man didn’t really mind sending the crazy guy to Billy. Billy was a pain in his ass, always challenging his superiority at the bench press, always getting the young babes attentions. Though, in the tasty brunette’s case, he should be grateful, he thought studying his reflection in mirror.
Damn, he grunted he was going to have bruises on his neck. He was going to have to use extra heavy makeup tomorrow at the muscle man competition. But at least, judging by the dark man violent reaction, Billy wouldn’t be in any condition to come to the gym for awhile. And that meant that Billy couldn’t enter this year’s indoor triathlon contest, the muscle bound man thought with glee.
He stared at the trophy in the picture on the wall. He really wanted that trophy this year.
***
Angel collected himself as he heard someone come to the door. His shoulders hunched over in an attempt to shorten his stature and with a forced apoplectic smile on his face he turned as the blonde man opened the door.
“Can I help you?” asked Billy.
“Billy?”
The blonde nodded hesitantly.
Angel smiled. “Thought so, I recognized your picture from the gym. Great trophy. Must have been hard to win. …..Oh, you must be wondering why I’m here. I got your name at the gym. I just joined. They all say that you are the man to talk to about setting up a training regimen. I realize that it’s late, but I was in the neighborhood. I’d love to get a shot at that trophy next year. Obviously not this year,” Angel disparagingly gestured at his smaller body.
“Oh, you don’t look too bad, nothing that a few curls couldn’t fix up. Oh, come in,” Billy enthusiastically invited Angel in. Billy wasn’t necessarily stupid, he just really liked to talk about his workouts and he had never met a vampire before.
Angel was in the apartment in an instant. Cordelia’s scent filled the air. Angel didn’t think; he just reacted. Billy went flying across the room landing in a heap against the wall. Angel stalked around the apartment taking in the various smells of the room. Cordelia had been in the living room, but no where else. Angel strode back over to the unconscious man, lifting him from the ground.
Angel nostrils flared as he caught Cordelia’s fragrance on the man’s clothes. Angel smelled the man’s musk and the slight smell of dried sweat, but nothing more intimate. Angel dropped the man unceremoniously to the ground and left.
***
Cordelia threw her gym bag on the sofa. “Well, that was a waste time,” she grumbled out loud, wincing at her sore shoulders. Cordelia had gone to the gym with the sole purpose of going home with a man. And she found one. She had gone up to Billy, the reigning king of the gym, flirted outrageously, and feigned ignorance of all things mechanical.
Her old Cordettes would have been proud, hell, her mom would have been proud. Billy was interested all right, but first he had to show her how to use the treadmill, Stairmaster, rowing machine and he took her through the whole nautilus circuit. Cordelia guessed, she should have been flattered, Billy said he never left the gym less than three hours, but for her he would leave in half the time.
So, for the next hour and half, she ran, stepped and lifted. It hurt but she did it because she wanted Billy to make her forget her dreams of Angel. But it hadn’t worked. As soon as she got to his apartment, she had felt nervous and babbled on and on forever.
Finally, he kissed her and she almost gagged. His lips had looked fine, firm and just the right size. But they felt like a fish, all wobbly and ooey. But, she tried, really she had. But, then his skin, his hands, they were so warm. How could warm hands cool and soothe her inflamed skin? Granted, her skin hadn’t been heated or even near warm and would have never gotten that way, not with those hands touching her.
Cordelia gave up. Billy wasn’t going to make her forget her dreams, not when his every touch led to an unfavorable, unsatisfying comparison to her dream Angel. Thankfully, Billy was a nice guy, and not an asshole or anything. He let her change her mind without too much trouble. God, he must have thought she was an idiot, the way she babbled an asinine apology and ran out of there.
Oh god, she was an idiot and hopeless idiot. Cordelia rolled her aching shoulders and yawned. But then again, maybe the trip to the gym wasn’t a complete waste of time; she was exhausted. Maybe she would sleep straight through the rest of the night with no dreams. But first she had to take a shower, Cordelia was all sweaty and she needed to wash the feel of Billy’s hands off of her skin.
She started as rapid sharp knocks landed on her front door. “Cordelia.” Angel’s voice resounded through the wood.
Cordelia sunk into the couch. Please, make him go away, she chanted frantically in her head. She couldn’t face Angel, not with the dream still so firmly imprinted on her mind and body. Especially, not after what she had almost done tonight. What if he could tell? Angel had been able to smell that Wesley had had sex, even down the person’s hair color.
The knocks got louder, the voice more urgent.
Angel wouldn’t go away, not when he knew she was there. And that would be impossible for him to miss, Cordelia’s heart was beating out of her chest.
Cordelia struggled and got to her feet. She was an actress or at least she wanted to be, right. Right, she reassured herself, she could do this.
Angel stilled and waited for her to open the door. He listened as she dragged her feet across the floor. Angel knew that she didn’t want to see him. And he almost hadn’t come. Angel had been satisfied by his trip to Billy’s apartment that the man hadn’t taken advantage of Cordelia’s anxiousness to rid herself of the dreams. But Angel had to see her, just to make sure that she hadn’t tried anything like that again with anyone else.
Angel wasn’t mad at Cordelia, he understood her confusion, but he had to admit that he was a little hurt that she had been so ready to jump into bed with someone other than him. A low growl vibrated in his chest. Okay, Angel thought, maybe he wasn’t as calm about it as he should be. But as long as Cordelia hadn’t let anyone else run their hands over her or kiss her or……Angel forced himself to stop thinking, it was just making him angrier.
“Hi,” Cordelia said meekly as she opened the door narrowly. Her head peeked around its corner.
“Can I come in?”
“Of…..of course,” she stuttered moving away from the door. Cordelia forced herself to meet Angel’s eyes as he stepped over the doorway. She couldn’t stop the heat that rose to her face.
Angel studied the nervous young woman. Cordelia smelled like that man and of old and new perspiration, but of nothing else. His eyes raked over her taking in every square inch of her body, finally resting their scrutiny on her lips. Angel’s eyes narrowed, she had been kissed, but not well or for long, his mind calmed his agitated demon. He could live with that, this time.
Cordelia squirmed under Angel’s gaze. She felt like she was being examined by a magnifying glass. “It’s late. What do you want?” She tried to go on the offensive.
“You didn’t come into work.”
“I called and told Wesley,” she said now on the defensive.
“That you were sick. But you weren’t home all day. I called.”
“Oh, well…I didn’t feel, I felt out of sorts. I thought I was getting sick. But actually, I was just run down. So, I went to the gym. Thought some exercise would you know boost my metabolism, my energy…..So, I went to the gym,” she repeated, her eyes dropping back down to the floor.
“All day?” Angel raised his brows.
“I took a steam, swim, massage, an aerobics class, did stuff,” she rambled. “Why are you giving me the 2nd degree, I didn’t do anything wrong,” she protested. “It’s late. I’m tired. What do you want?” She said back on the offensive.
“I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I was worried.”
“Oh,” Cordelia bit at her lips. “I’m fine. Thanks. Bye.” She gestured to the door.
“So, you will be at work tomorrow?” Angel said not moving.
“I….” Damn, Cordelia shouted to herself. She resisted the urge to stamp her foot and cry. She didn’t want to go to work tomorrow or ever. She didn’t want to watch the vampire all day. Watch him use his hands to pick up the phone, pick up a pencil, pick up a book, and pick up a mug of blood to drink.
Needing him to touch her to make her dreams a reality. Cordelia glanced anxiously at the vampire; she had to get him out of there. “Yes. Now go. I’ve got to…..To take a shower. I’m all stinky from…the gym, then to…..bed.”
Angel nodded. “Yes, Cordelia, you should go to bed, and first you should take a shower, you are all stinky……from the gym…….,” Angel agreed. “Quite unpleasant.”
Cordelia gasped not in outrage but nervous fear. Cordelia got the distinct nerve racking sensation that Angel wasn’t talking about her obvious sweaty condition.
Angel smiled and moved closer, his large hand caressing her face, then cupping her chin. “Then have your sweet dreams,” Angel gently kissed her forehead and left.
Cordelia stood stock still as the door closed behind him. He knew. How could he know? He couldn’t. He may be a vampire with super sonic senses, but he wasn’t a mind reader. And Angel wouldn’t think her dreams were sweet, not at all. He would be appalled.
He was just using the nice standard goodnight wish and kiss. That’s all. Calm down, Cordelia urged her rapidly beating heart. She took deep long breaths. Angel didn’t know. He would never know. Cordelia just had to make it to the shower, then to bed, then to sleep.
Please, Cordelia whined to the heavens, no dreams tonight. She had to go into work tomorrow and if she had another dream she would either jump Angel when she saw him in the morning or go running madly out into the street. Cordelia stumbled into the bathroom, her mind unable to block out Angel’s departing caress and words. Her hand shot up to where he had laid his cool hand.
The skin was blistering. She was so going to hell, because she wanted him, her best friend, and the vampire with the tenuous soul. She would dream. Angel had unknowingly made that a surety. And god, she couldn’t wait. Cordelia would have to worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Tonight she would lay in her dream Angel’s arms, loving every torturous moment.
Chapter five
Angel sat on the floor of his bedroom staring at all of the sketches he had done over the last three weeks and the small wrapped package lying next to them.
He had found it as soon as he started to pull out the hidden pictures. Angel had forgotten that it was there. He had placed it in the back of the bottom drawer months ago.
It was a small package; it contained a thin silver chain with a three-dimensional angel pendant attached to it. It looked fragile and delicate, but it wasn’t. It had been crafted in platinum. Angel still didn’t know why he had gone into that antique store, but he had.
Then he saw it. Resting alone, separate from all of the common gold pieces of old jewelry. He had to get it for Cordelia. It was her, unique, delicate, beautiful and strong. Angel had bought it immediately, not once grimacing about the price. He had hidden it waiting for Cordelia’s birthday. He had taken it out a couple of times, just to ponder it.
Angel wouldn’t touch the small package. He didn’t want to ruin the tight curly ribbons that surrounded it. It had taken hours and numerous torn ribbons to get the curly ends just right. But he would look, wonder, and doubt. Because like all of his thoughts and feelings about his beautiful seer; he was never sure if they were right or reciprocated.
What if she hated it, what if she got the wrong idea, he would worry. Would she think he was being egotistical, presumptuous in giving her a pendant of an angel? Would Cordelia think that somehow he was claiming her as his? Angel glanced at the pictures he had drawn. She would have been right, he finally admitted. But would Cordelia have accepted it?
But, Angel hadn’t given it to her, not because he was too scared or nervous about her reaction, but because he simply forgot. Actually, not simply, he thought picking up one of the pictures. Angel forgot, because of these and the dreams that had produced them.
Angel traced the lines of the drawing. It was of Cordelia, alone. Her body gloriously nude spread out on his bed. Her limbs tied to the posts. Her beautiful face, glowing in ecstasy. This hadn’t been the first dream, but the first one that had simultaneously given him hope and despair. The sketch was erotically lovely. Cordelia was beautiful and the dream had been……so loving, so trusting, so passionate.
Angel picked up another sketch. Cordelia, nude. Lying out on her desk, her thick gorgeous hair falling off the sides, her arms reaching out for him, her face full of promised love and passion. Angel wasn’t in the picture; he wasn’t in any of them. That wasn’t what he wanted to remember or to capture on paper.
This was what he wanted. He gently brushed his fingers over Cordelia’s drawn body. This was the first dream. It had started out exactly how Cordelia described in her writings. She had been sitting at her desk. He had come in, from what? Who knew that wasn’t important.
But Angel had wanted to give her the gift, the necklace had been in the pocket of his coat, he knew that then. But instead, Angel touched her. And then he was touching all over her, the pads of his fingers reading her skin, learning her flesh as if he was blind. Angel explored, taste and teased. He had to have her.
Thoughts of the necklace, her birthday flew out of his mind. He had been compelled to learn her body, to bring it to exquisite pleasure. Angel had felt his demon’s lust and pleas to be allowed to possess Cordelia completely. Then Angel woke up appalled at his dream.
Cordelia was his friend, his best friend, and not some woman that he could take out his needs on. But regardless, of those feelings, Angel had felt a need to capture the moment of her completion on paper. So he drew. Then hid the drawing. And went down to face Cordelia, blocking out the dream and the call of her scent to his loins and to his demon.
As the dream filled nights went by, Angel became less appalled as hopeful. Hopeful, because of Cordelia. In every dream, she had given him more of herself, more of her trust, more of her love. And Angel relished every moment of those dreams. He would lie in bed, praying that the night before hadn’t been the last. Because, he had realized that he loved her, Cordelia Chase, his seer, his best friend and, the way too young, innocent human.
Angel looked again at the picture of her tied to the bed. It had been after that dream, that he had came to that particular epiphany. It hadn’t been completely joyful though; it had been full of doubts. Angel had been close to biting her in that dream, to ruining everything, just proving horribly why he could never love Cordelia in other manner than just in his dreams.
It wasn’t Angelus he was fearful of. That evil part of him was gone. Angelus had left after the Darla…..Angel didn’t even know what to call it anymore. To call it lovemaking mocked his feeling and need for Cordelia, hell even calling it sex was giving it to much credit. It was just a mistake, not one he was proud of or rewarded for.
But he had been rewarded afterwards for his resulting epiphany. Though, Angel thought, it was less of a reward from the Powers than an insurance policy that he would never be able to attempt to do something so stupid again. Angel hadn’t told Cordelia or Wesley.
It had been hard enough winning their trust again; he wasn’t about to tell them about his soul permanency and the reason behind it. Wesley may have understood and Cordelia actually probably would have too, eventually, after she cut him completely from her life, either by leaving him or staking him. Angel hadn’t been real eager for either option.
So, he hadn’t told them. And now it seemed too awkward and too late.
No, it wasn’t Angelus that he was fearful of, but his demon. It was still there. He would never let it touch Cordelia, but he wasn’t sure that he could stop it, if the wondrous dreams ever became a reality. Cordelia brought it too close to the surface.
The need to protect her was so ingrained in Angel, that his demon was inflamed whenever she was threatened. And his love and desire for his young seer, only brought out another violent reaction from his demon. His demon wanted to posses her, to own her, to taste her blood, to have all of her. And unlike with the need to protect Cordelia, Angel couldn’t accept his demon’s reactions in his love for her.
It was too monstrous, too much of the animal, too much to expect Cordelia to understand or accept.
Angel’s hand swept over all of the drawings on the floor. They were all pictures of Cordelia, nude, alone and in some stage of fulfillment. Each expressing desire, need for……him. Angel picked up the last drawing he did the one that had cemented his doubts and made him glad that he never told Cordelia about his feelings.
Again, it was Cordelia her lips bruised and swollen, her hair wild on the pillow. Her face was glorious; it made him hard just remembering the dream. His fingers touched the charcoal lines that composed her beautiful, firm and giving breast, gashed with two deep wounds. Blood trickling across the surface, marring her perfect skin. And this time she wasn’t alone, Angel had drawn himself in the picture. Not as a man, but a demon.
Angel tossed the picture aside and pressed his back against the wall. What was he going to do? What Angel should do his forget about his feelings, bury them deep inside, not ever allowing his demon close too Cordelia. But Angel wasn’t sure that was possible. Not if she stayed. So, he could make her leave, Cordelia seemed willing to try that route, she did go out looking for a man, any live man that would counter the dreams effects.
A deep growl vibrated in his chest. Angel might have doubt’s about the possibly of him controlling his demon, but he knew that it wasn’t possible for him to let her leave him. And he sure wouldn’t allow her to touch another man.
Not when Angel dreamed her face as he entered into her warmth, not when he watched her face explode in joy and pleasure at his bite. Not when Angel saw her beet red face as she nervously tried to get him out of her apartment, not when he saw her shock and want when he touched her face and wished her sweet dreams. He had done that on purpose.
Angel might have his soul, but he wasn’t a saint. Just not evil. He wanted to throw Cordelia off balance. Angel wanted to ensure that she dreamed of him that night.
And Angel couldn’t even blame his demon for that action or for the choice he was about to make. In fact it was his demon presence that was urging against the choice, well that’s not true, his demon wanted Cordelia as much as he did. But it was the demon’s lust and need that rang warning bells in Angel’s mind.
The warnings he should listen too, if he was going to do the right thing. Angel caressed at Cordelia’s face. But, he couldn’t, because the dreams that triggered those warnings; also gave him hope of the impossible.
Angel began to wonder if the bells and whistles were less of a warning than a sign of his own insecurity and fear that Cordelia could never completely return his love and all it truly entailed. And if that was true, demon or not, he would let her go. But, he wasn’t going to give up until Cordelia rejected him totally and completely, right or wrong his decision was made. And Cordelia hadn’t rejected him so far, at least not in the dreams they shared.
“Dreams,” he said out loud. Angel got up and ran downstairs. He searched the books until he found the one that Wesley had been reading earlier.
‘The Spells and Life of Morpheus’., Angel clutched at the book as he picked up the phone.
“Wesley,” he said as soon as the other man answered.
“Angel?” Wesley said in concern.
“The book, the Morpheus book, what did you find out?”
“Angel,” The worry gone, now just irritation filled his tired voice.
“The book, when did you get it?” Angel demanded.
Angel heard the deep sigh and Wesley’s movement from the phone.
“Don’t hang up, this is important,” Angel yelled.
“Why?”
“Wesley,”
“Three weeks ago. Damn, “ Wesley shouted remembering. “I went to the pier to get Cordelia a birthday present. I got the book instead. Oh bloody hell,” The former watcher cursed uncharacteristically. “I forgot her birthday, hey you did too, so did Gunn.”
Angel could hear the sigh of relief over the phone. Angel imagined that Wesley was happy that he wouldn’t be the only one on Cordelia’s hit list.
Angel wasn’t about to let his friend off the hook, not when he suffered pains of fear at the same realization. Like he admitted, Angel wasn’t a saint. “Yeah, I didn’t want to mention it, but you did. I got her a gift. Wes are you still there?” Angel said in response to the silence on the other end of the phone.
“Angel,” Wesley finally said in a small voice. “You didn’t by chance put my name also on the birthday card that accompanied the gift, did you?” He said with hope.
“Nope. Was I supposed to? You have to remind me of the proper etiquette of these things,” the vampire said innocently.
Angel pulled the phone away as Wesley let off a string of ungentlemanly, unbritish- like curses.
“Wes, I think you have been hanging out with Gunn too long, your proper English stiffer lip is wilting,” Angel chided. Angel held the phone out again. He sighed, fun was fun, but he needed some answers.
“Wes, cut the street lingo, it sounds stupid on you. Now, I need to know what was in the book?”
Angel looked at the phone. Wesley had growled. The former watcher was obviously hanging around both he and Gunn too much.
“The text is a chronology of the life of Morpheus.” Wesley finally answered.
“The dream god.”
“Yes, one of the sons of the Greek sleep god Hypnos.”
“As in the demon.”
“No, that was hupnos, close but not the same which was why I got side tracked, just an amazing coincidence. Really, they do happen. The demon is totally separate. Anyway, the Greek Mythology is well just a myth.”
“What else?”
“About the demon or Morpheus,”
“Wes, the dream god,” Angel demanded.
“Angel, what’s going on?”
“That’s not important right now,” Angel lied. “Just tell me.”
“Well, the book chronicled Morpheus ‘life’. He was the son that sent human shapes to a dreamer. There were two other brothers that……..”
“Stick to Morpheus,” Angel interrupted impatiently.
“Fine, like I already said the book told of his ‘life’ then it had some ‘spells’.
“Spells, what kind of spells?”
“There are many. The first one that I translated dealt with lovers. Actually, quite interesting. Morpheus had this spell that allowed soul mates to traverse in each other dreams. Not surprising really. After all the ancients needed something to explain how lovers seemed to be able to experience the same dreams.
Which of course aren’t the ‘same’ dreams just wishes and desires that two people who love each other would have. The more two people are connected and share a life, the more likely it is that they would dream about the same things. The spell was just a way of explaining it.”
“You translated this spell,” Angel said quietly.
“Yes, it was quite easy, though some of the pronunciation was a bit difficult. Ancient Greek isn’t the same Greek that is spoken now. Similar, but there are certain different nuances.”
“You did the incantation?”
“Angel, it wasn’t a real spell, it was just a myth. Well written and quite pretty, but just a myth.”
“You did this three weeks ago?”
“I guess, it was the first thing I translated. I’m working on a nightmare spell now, quite scary,”
“Stop.”
“Angel.”
“Wesley, you will not touch that book again. All right, not until we all discuss it and decide, got it. Otherwise, I’m tossing it into the incinerator now.”
“Angel, it’s a…….”
“A real handbook of spells, with real power. And you unwittingly let out a doozy…….”
“Oh dear,” Wesley coughed.
“It’s okay, I can fix it. And by the way, thanks.”
“Right, okay,” Wesley stared at the phone. He couldn’t tell if Angel was thanking him for the information or the spell. But why would Angel thank him for the spell. Wesley didn’t understand. He started as a hand swung out and hit him across the chest. Wesley grumbled and pushed the hand back.
“Why didn’t you remind me about Cordelia’s birthday. I told you to remind me.”
“Oh shit,” the sleepy voice responded.
“Exactly.” Wesley pulled the arm back over his chest.