Chapter 5
Cordelia breathed in deeply, holding her hand flat against the large heavy door as she stared blankly at the finely polished wood. Her voice, when she finally found it, was quiet and high and uncertain. “Um. Angel. Kinda want to go here.”
“Um. Cordelia. Kinda want you to stay.” His voice was gentle, but still firm and sure. He turned her around and looked down at her, his face serious. “Stay. Please.” He looked into her eyes and wondered how he could have ever made such a serious mistake as to think Cordelia Chase wasn’t an innocent.
For all her bravado, he could see through it and through her pain to the wounded heart beneath. The wounds were fresh and new and on an unscarred surface. This was all new to her. He stepped back and held out his hand to her.
She stared down at his hand for a good moment and then slowly placed her smaller hand in his, warm and sure. He felt something lift in his chest, as if a part of him had been locked all up inside and was slowly opening up. They remained still by the door, silent, both lost for a moment in their own thoughts. Finally, Cordelia looked up at him, uncertainty in her eyes.
He turned and tugged on her hand, pulling her to the sofa. He sat and pulled her down beside him, trying to think of a delicate way to put it. “Cordelia….” She sat silently, her fingers entwined with his. “Cordelia.” He fumbled for the words. “Cordelia…..”
“Gotta say, if this is your way of reminding yourself that Buffy has left the building, I’m outta here.”
He choked on a laugh and turned to look at her calm face. “No, don’t need any reminding of that. Dammit. The hell with delicacy….” And he let go of her hands and grabbed at her shoulders, hauling her over his lap and cradling her body as he lowered his face to hers and pressed his lips to hers in a hot caress.
She landed with a soft “oomph” and parted her lips, startled, just as his mouth locked onto hers. His teeth tugged at her full bottom lip and she moaned softly, feeling his tongue stroke at the bites before surging into her mouth, strong and possessive. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight, feeling like she was floating and might just float up and away. Her head tilted back against his arm and she lifted her face, giving him more of her mouth….his new favorite candy.
He licked and sucked and pressed and he wanted more. He pulled back, his eyes closed, and rested his forehead against hers. He could hear the ragged thump of her heart, racing as blood pumped through her body at a fever pitch.
Cordelia drew shallow breaths, licking her lips to taste more of him….to take more of him into her being. She felt him lift his head and she opened her eyes to see him staring down at her intently. She drew a deep breath. “Wow. That answers the whole how does Angel kiss question.”
He looked down at her, his expression solemn. “How does Angel kiss, Cordelia?”
She was silent for a moment. “Like he’s thirsty, and I’m a glass of water.”
Angel grinned briefly. “That’s about it, times ten. Add hunger. Add want. Add need. And you just about have it.”
He set her aside, ignoring her confused expression, and rose, looking down at her before crossing to the sideboard and pouring a measure of blood from a decanter. He turned and faced her, meeting her eyes as he took a sip. He wanted her to see this; to understand. Buffy had never been able to watch him drink. It offended her. One in a long list of reasons they didn’t work. But Cordelia Chase…
Cordy sat there, frozen. Literally cold after wading in all that heat of his kiss. She watched him drink, and her mind raced in a jumble. Angel watched her, not knowing her thoughts, and frowned in disappointment. She looked completely repelled. He set the glass down, out of her sight, and said in a low voice, “Sorry.”
“Huh?” Cordelia seemed to draw back into her own mind as she startled and looked at him.
“The whole….blood thing. Sorry. I’ll drink out of your sight. I don’t want to offend you.” He spoke matter of factly, but resigned, as if it was only to be expected that her delicate sensibilities be tested by the evidence of his life force.
She watched him a moment then rose and walked to him, reaching for the glass of blood now hidden and holding it to his lips. He looked down at her, surprised, then parted his lips and let the warm coppery liquid spill into his mouth. She watched him, her eyes clear and her gaze even.
“It’s who you are, Angel. I like the whole package. Don’t hide who you are from me. That’s as….dishonest…..as cheating on someone. I’ve had enough of that. Show me the truth.”
Angel blinked; this wasn’t what he expected. He felt his body responding to her like it hadn’t even a few nights ago. Like it never had to Buffy. He’d had want from Buffy, and he’d had passion, and he’d had desire….but he’d never had acceptance.
Not really. And this woman, with one simple act, offered him all she was, plus her acceptance. A low growl sounded up from his throat as he grabbed the glass from her fingers and slammed it down onto the table just before snagging her wrist and pulling her behind him as he stalked down the hallway, towards his bedroom.
Cordelia trotted along, trying to not fall off her heels as she ran, and jumbled thoughts ran through her head. Had she done something wrong? She didn’t mean to piss him off; she had meant to comfort him. She was shaken out of her thoughts when he stopped abruptly and she slammed into his back before stepping back and looking up at him with puzzled eyes.
He looked down into the clear hazel depths of her gaze and leaned against the doorframe of his bedroom. “Take a stand, Cordelia. In or out?”
Cordelia wasn’t the least bit puzzled now. She knew exactly what he was talking about. In the door, to the bed, and nothing would be the same. Not going in the door probably meant walking out the front door and going on with her life, wondering for the rest of her life if she made the right choice.
Angel waited patiently; he wanted her to be sure of whatever choice she made. He could honor that choice. Really. He could let her walk out the front door without grabbing her, stripping that tight little dress right off her body, licking his way down that sweetly curved little frame….he shifted uncomfortably. Really. He could. He could let her go if she said….
“I’m in.” Cordy looked up at him, unwaveringly. A feeling of right pooled in her chest. This was right. And this was…this was right now. She looked up at Angel, who looked slightly stunned, and waved her hand in his face. “Angel? I said I’m…” she broke off as he scooped her up and carted her into the room, kicking the door shut behind them.
He set her down by the side of the gargantuan bed that dominated the room with its sheer size. She rested her hands on his chest to steady her body as it fairly hummed with anticipation. He looked down at her, first into her eyes, searching for the clarity he needed to see, then down to her hands, resting against the expanse of his chest.
He considered her a moment before pulling her hands off his chest and raising one to his lips to kiss briefly before dropping her hands and walking slowly around her, taking in her form…her stance…feeling the edge of excitement that rippled in waves off of her. He smiled to himself. Perfect.
Cordelia remained very still. She felt his hot gaze on her as he slowly circled her, not touching. She felt an unfamiliar heat begin to pool in her stomach….centering down between her legs. She shifted a bit, restless.
Angel stood behind her and inhaled the wave of arousal that poured out of her. He closed his eyes and savored the musky spice, all honeyed heat. He leaned in to whisper in her ear, eyes still closed, “Something you should know, Cordelia…” he felt her body stiffen at the dark whisper. “I don’t wear the leash. I hold the leash.” She whipped around and looked up at him, confused. “I’m not a lapdog, and after tonight, you won’t doubt that a bit.”
Cordelia continued to look up at him blankly, and Angel watched with satisfaction as a fine blush covered her skin when memory kicked in. She looked up at him with a mixture of embarrassment and shock. “You heard that? What is that, some kind of….Vampire hearing good thingy?”
Angel grinned down at her. She met his gaze and lifted her chin, placing her hands on her hips. “Well, pffft…..haven’t you heard the one about eavesdroppers hearing….not…..not good things, or something like that….”
Angel leaned down close to her face and said in a low tone, “Haven’t you heard what happens to women who enter dangerous bedrooms?” Cordelia shook her head no, lost in the heat of his gaze. “First, they take off their dresses.” Angel rose and sat on the bed, maneuvering so that he sat up against the headboard, his legs crossed comfortably at the ankles as he watched her.
She watched him, and felt her hands rise almost without thought to the zipper at the side of her dress. She pulled it down slowly, the feeling of right increasing as the parting zipper revealed more and more tanned, toned skin.
Angel watched impassively as he said, “Keep going.” Cordelia shot him a look as she pulled the dress off, a little put off by his calmness. He wanted a strip show; she’d give him a strip show. She’d show him that she wasn’t some little delicate flower. She slowly tugged the dress down her arms and let it bunch down around her hips, turning her back as she wriggled, bending at the waist to pull it down her hips and down her legs. She grinned to herself as she heard a muffled groan and she straightened, slowly turning back to face him.
Angel felt the reins of control begin to slip when she turned. Several nights ago, he’d been watching television and came upon the most amazing thing. While channel flipping, he discovered a program called the Victoria’s Secret Runway Show, and the entire hour consisted of young healthy women walking around in underwear. He was amazed.
But not nearly as amazed as he was now, watching Cordelia Chase standing in front of him, unafraid and apparently unaffected, wearing nothing more than a black lace low cut bra, really small black panties, and black thigh high stockings. Angel thought at that moment that if he had a beating heart, he’d have a heart attack.
Cordelia grinned to herself. She may be new to some aspects of this evening, but she did know when a man…or a vampire….was taken with her. And this vampire was taken. She preened a bit, meeting him stare for stare, before speaking. “Angel……what happens to women in dangerous bedrooms next?”
Angel thought a moment. “They take off their bras.” Cordelia looked at him steadily, sucking in a breath as she reached her hands behind her back to unfasten the delicate bra. Pulling it loosely to the front, she held the unfastened bra in place with her hands, holding his gaze as she slowly pulled the bra down and off. His gaze dropped to the firm mounds of her breasts, and she felt her nipples tighten into buds under the heat of his stare.
Angel’s voice cracked a bit and he cleared his throat. “Panties. Off.” Cordelia turned, unaware of the blush covering her body. Once again, she presented him with her back. She wasn’t being coy this time; she needed a moment before she faced him. She bent at the waist, tugging the silken panties down over her stocking-clad legs and tossed them aside before standing up and taking a deep breath, holding it as she turned to face him.
Angel uncrossed his ankles and leaned forward a bit, his eyes tracing over each line and curve of her taut body. Cordelia watched him, amazed at the pleasure she was taking in being viewed like this. Boys had wanted her, she wasn’t stupid. But this….this was so much more. Angel WANTED her. No one else. Cordelia. She stared at him a moment longer and then reached for the lace top of one stocking.
“Leave them on.” Angel’s voice was low and controlled. Cordy looked up at him, a little startled, as he rose off the bed and crossed to her. Her hands unconsciously reached up to cover her breasts and Angel snagged her wrists, holding her hands out to her sides. His gaze danced up and down her body, over each luscious curve, lingering on the coral tips of her breasts. She shifted her weight from one leg to another, and his gaze dropped to the curls between her legs; curls he knew that just from her scent would be damp and dewy.
He leaned down and gently kissed at a spot just under her ear, licking at the pulse that called to him. She shivered a bit, and he straightened, looking down at her and holding her gaze as he unbuttoned his shirt, slowly. Time seemed suspended as he parted his shirt and shrugged it off, letting it fall to the ground.
Cordelia seemed entranced with his chest and tugged her wrists out of his grasp to reach for the muscled expanse before her eyes, slowly tracing over one chiseled muscle with gentle fingertips. One polished nail circled the flat brown nipple there, and she smiled slightly as it puckered. She raised innocent eyes to his as she flicked her finger at it, feeling it harden even more and his body tense.
“Ya ok, Angel? Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.” Cordelia whispered, finding the fun in teasing. Angel looked at her, his eyes glowing with a slight golden hue as he leaned down close to her ear while he unfastened the belt at his waist.
“You need to get this Cordelia. I don’t do gentle.” She felt a tremor race up her spine at the dark promise as he unzipped his pants. She held his gaze determinedly, not ready to look at his…joystick….as he pulled his jeans down and off. They both stood there, facing each other, staring and lost in the moment. Cordelia looked up at him with such openness and trust, he wanted to just fall into the hazel depths of her eyes and drown there.
Finally, Cordelia spoke. “Is just standing there your way of telling me you don’t know what to do? ‘Cuz I’m kinda depending on you knowing…” She yelped as he swooped her up and effortlessly tossed her onto the huge bed, smiling as she giggled as she bounced a bit. He climbed onto the bed and reached down to remove her stiletto heels, tossing them aside as his gaze ran the length up her legs, up her body, up to her flushed, smiling face.
“I know just what to do, Cordelia. I know to do this…” his head dipped and he licked at the pulse point at her throat. She arched her neck and he felt her legs flex as she dug her heels into the bed. Holding his demon at bay, he licked down the silk of her chest, to the valley between her breasts. All his attention focused on the small telltale rhythmic quiver of flesh that pulsed with a seductive call to his senses. He licked at it, small flicks…..his tongue traveled up the slope of her breast and around.
His hand plumped the satiny flesh and held it as he blew softly on the puckered tip. Cordelia held perfectly still, almost frozen. He looked up at her, mouth poised just over the pebbled tip of her nipple.
“Do you want me to stop?” His voice was a rough whisper. She met his eyes and shook her head no, and he held her gaze as his mouth opened and he took her breast in….his other hand kneading the twin mound as his tongue laved and swirled and his teeth tugged.
Cordelia felt as though she was gripped in…..an icy fire. That was it….all cool burning heat. And that made no sense, but there it was. Her hands reached down to grip his head to make sure he didn’t have any more foolish ideas about stopping. She wanted this…she wanted his mouth right there…oh wait, there, too…..she moaned softly, arching her back so that she pressed her breasts further to him, offering herself in a need like she had never known.
Angel’s mouth traveled down further, kissing down the gentle slope of her abdomen, pushing his body down between her lax thighs. He gripped her hips and bit at the dip of her waist before crawling further down her body to rest between her thighs. He kissed the skin just above the dark curls between her legs, and felt her body tense. He looked up at her as she popped up onto her elbows and looked down at him, startled and unsure.
“Uh…Angel….”
“Cordelia.” His voice was low and firm.
“I don’t think…”
“Works for me. Don’t think.” And he dipped his head and buried it into her spicy, warm center, inhaling the core of her essence before flicking his tongue out at her clit. He hummed with satisfaction as he heard a guttural groan before she dropped her body back on the bed, and he looked up at her without moving his mouth to see her grab a pillow and smash it down over her own face.
Pretty soon, honey, you’ll beg me for it and you’ll sit up and watch me. He grinned to himself and shifted, feeling his cock grow even thicker at the thought. He tugged at her clit with his teeth, chuckling as he heard a muffled shriek from under the pillow. His hand clenched at her thigh and moved to stroke at the soft folds beneath his tongue. One finger, toying with the wet entrance to her core……another finger, joining the first to press slowly in.
The muffled shrieking had stopped, and her body was completely still. In fact, she wasn’t breathing. Angel pushed his fingers deep into her in one slick move, and heard a gusty sigh billow out followed by gasping pants. His hand twisted as he pulled his fingers slowly out, and her body arced…..her legs parting wider….her hips pushing out towards his hand.
Two fingers back in…..slowly out……twisting and curling slightly as he fucked her with his hand. He felt her body begin to tense, and her hips began driving against his in a bucking rhythm, harder and harder. He rose up over her and whipped the pillow off her face, looking down at her as he supported his weight on his elbows.
“Look at me.” It wasn’t a gentle request. It was command. She stared at him, fever and want in the hazel depths of her eyes. Her body wanted…she didn’t know…it just wanted. He stroked her slightly, before reaching down between them and placing the tip of his rigid cock at just the right angle….holding it as he began to push in, his jaw locked grimly as he remembered to take it slow.
Cordelia parted her thighs wider and reached down to push at him with her hands, trying to pull him in deeper. She was making little whimpery noises, and his cock felt like it was made of steel, and his balls were so tight and heavy, and he felt like some kind of frantic wave poured over him as he raised her hips and drove in one tightly clenched, slick move.
He held still, his back taut, and buried his face in her throat as he slowly pulled out and pushed back in. Oh, she was tight. She was hot. She was……kicking him in the ass with her heel and pushing at him with her hands.
“OH GOD”
He sank back into her, his eyes closed. “I know…I know, Baby….”
“GET OFF.”
He stopped. His eyes flashed open and he looked down at her. Her face was pale and sweat gathered at her brow. That wasn’t passion on her face. He held perfectly still, trying to calm his body.
“Cordelia…it’s all right….”
“Are you done?”
“What? Oh. Um….” Cordelia wriggled a bit, trying to get more comfortable. “NO! Don’t move like that….” Cordy stopped and looked up at him, confused. He leaned down and kissed her brow quickly. “Hold still, Baby….it’ll be ok…”
“Um. OK.” But she didn’t look reassured. “Just let me…” and she moved again, slightly adjusting her hips. There. That didn’t feel so….pinched. Maybe if she took it slower, she’d get back to where….she tilted her hips, moving again. Ohhh. That felt better.
“Ahhhhh……Cordelia, really….hold still.” Angel clenched his jaw as her body tightened around his. Unable to stop, he pumped into her again, faster…harder. Cordelia sighed, and her hands held his shoulders as his hips bucked. Seemingly out of nowhere, his orgasm rolled through him, white hot and sudden. He groaned and buried his face in her throat again, hips pounding into her body till he felt his body begin to still and calm. He lay completely unmoving, listening to the sound of Cordelia’s heart beating a soft tattoo siren call to him. Beneath him, she stirred a bit, her legs moving restlessly.
“Okiedokie. Well. Not to be rude here, but….are you done?” Angel held still, then slowly raised his face so he could see hers. Her gaze seemed steady, but her face was still pale.
“Uh, yeah, I guess. I mean, yeah, I’m……done.”
“OK, then.” Cordelia planted a huge fake smile on her face. “Wow. Look at the time.” She wriggled a bit and he levered his body off of hers, rolling to one side of the bed. He lay on his back, a disquieting shame settling in his gut as he heard her soft sigh as she rolled to the other edge of the bed before slowly sitting up. She looked over her shoulder at him briefly before tugging at the bedspread and wrapping it around her body before she stood up, taking care to not meet his gaze.
Angel watched her rustling around, uncaring that his body lay totally exposed. Cordelia stood still a moment, looking around, then asked in a calm voice, “bathroom?” Angel watched her with no expression before pointing to a door set in the back wall of the room. Cordelia gathered up the massive amount of bedspread and held it to her body as she scooped up her clothes and disappeared into the bathroom, the sound of the lock sliding home a loud click in the silence of the room. Angel rested his arm across his eyes, wanting to blot out the memory of Cordelia’s face as he drove into her.
Shit. 250 years old and he had apparently learned nothing. The last virgin he had was…well….Buffy. God knew that was a night to remember. Especially the part where he woke up evil. Which he probably was now, in Cordelia’s mind.
He had to make this better. He climbed out of the bed and crossed to the bathroom door, leaning in and listening and feeling relief at the absence of muted sobbing. He tapped softly on the door. “Cordelia.”
“Uh. Just a minute.” Her voice sounded unnaturally cheery. “Hang on. Girl stuff, you know….”
He waited patiently, and soon the door opened revealing a fully dressed Cordelia, who looked startled to see him standing there outside the door. “OH. Oh, jeeze. Angel, you have just got to stop the stealth thing.” She brushed past him and began looking for her shoes. “I mean, say I had a heart condition, or say I had some kind of peeing problem.” She thought a moment.
“Forget that last part, because, you know…..ewwww.” He watched her as she busied herself looking under the bed for her shoe. She chattered on, not giving him a chance to respond. “Look, this was great, but, ya know, the day’s kind of catching up, and I gotta sleep because I have to face Xander tomorrow….”
Her voice trailed off and she held still, sadness and grief and anger and loneliness washing over her all at once.
She slowly raised up and faced Angel, her eyes missing nothing. She blanched as she saw his cock, impressive even relaxed. Jeeze, she thought. No wonder. No way did that fit. Those damn romances of my mother’s must have been written by freakin’ nuns.
Her eyes met Angel’s, and he felt her sadness stab him in his still, nonbeating heart. “I’m sorry, Angel. I wasn’t…..I mean, I think I….” she broke off. “I have to go.”
“We need to talk. Let me…”
“No, thanks, I need to go.”
“Cordelia, I want to talk to you about…”
“NO. I have to go. I want to leave now.” She stubbornly held her head up, a tilt to her chin that told Angel that she was done listening. He sighed and reached for his pants, pulling them on and zipping them before walking to her. She watched him, prepared to lash out if he tried to keep her there forcibly.
“I’ll walk you out to your car.” His voice was resigned. She turned and walked out, snagging her keys from the coffee table in the living room before heading out into the still night. She climbed into her car, feeling so empty she couldn’t even summon the interest to cry. Angel watched her a moment and leaned down just before he shut the door.
“This isn’t the end, Cordelia. Go home and sleep. We’ll talk later.” He jumped back as she yanked the car door shut and started the engine before speeding away in a squeal of smoking rubber. Angel watched her taillights disappear down the road, then walked into his house, much much emptier without the heart of Cordelia Chase filling it with laughter and warmth.
Cordelia sped down the road, not feeling the careless tears that tracked down her cheeks. Yeah, this day could be a lot worse than just breaking up with someone.
And it was.