Part 10
Angel watched as the front door of the mansion closed behind Buffy, probably for the last time. He couldn’t see her coming back. This changed everything and nothing. As timing went, it sucked and not in any good way a vampire might associate with that term.
The decision to end his relationship with Buffy had been on Angel’s mind for a long time now, but it had been something he couldn’t do. Not after all the pain he caused; even if it had been Angelus at the time that did most of the damage.
Whatever they had was lost with her innocence and if he had a shred of anything akin to it even that was gone too as that moment of bliss ripped away his soul.
If he wanted someone to blame, all Angel had to do was look upstairs, but it wasn’t that simple. Coming back, he’d known what he wanted, but his guilt got in the way and then it was all convenience. That and selfishness.
He had them both…Cordelia and Buffy. One who mystified him even as she made him laugh. A friend who made him feel more like a man than a demon. The other who cost him his soul and sent him to hell, the slayer whose instincts finally saw past her denial and saw not a man, but a demon; with her that’s what he had become.
Only now did he see the irony. Buffy’s ultimatum to find a way to secure his soul cost him far more than their relationship and even more than a missed opportunity with Cordelia. It cost him a part of himself.
Angel gripped the wooden banister as he gazed toward the third level of the mansion easily imagining Cordelia’s supple form stretched out on the bed. Only it was Angelus there instead of him, the part of himself he had let go. She was up there, no doubt exhausted from their marathon lovemaking. Not that he knew that for a fact, but it was what he would have done if the situation was reversed.
No, Angel had quite a different night. He’d gone to Willie’s bar after the fight with Buffy to drown himself in a bottle of Irish whiskey, but he couldn’t seem to get drunk on it. Even that was denied him. Coming home, he’d heard muffled sounds coming from above and tried to ignore them.
Tossing his jacket in the kitchen, careless that it was not perfectly placed on the back of the chair, he’d finished off a pint of blood before heading into the study.
That was no escape since he convinced himself he could hear Cordelia’s moans as she begged Angelus for more. Even with vampire hearing that would have been a stretch with two floors separating them, but after ripping the book he’d attempted to read in two Angel decided to head down to the basement.
It was peaceful, silent and dark. Cordelia would have accused him of brooding, but he figured he had a reason. Hours passed and the sunrise came; he could sense it even down in the basement. He had just convinced himself that he needed to quit the self-directed pity party and go back upstairs when the basement door opened in a wash of light from above and a familiar silhouette appeared.
Buffy.
He was only relieved that it was over. Angel let out a growl as he made his way up the steps wondering again why fate could be so cruel with the timing. If this had happened a week ago or even a day ago, there might have been a chance for him to salvage something. He knew all too well that fate wasn’t just a sweet young thing looking out for his interests; fate was a haggard old bitch who clipped hope as easily as she did lives.
Angel meant that literally for the ones who had spun the mystic spells securing his soul and bestowing upon Angelus his own existence were the Moirae, personifications of fate and destiny.
Was this the price for answering Buffy’s ultimatum? A life tied to his double, unable to exist apart because of the mystical threads still binding them together though in separate forms. Forced to exist under the same roof as his soulless self claimed the one Angel loved.
Yes, Angel finally understood the depths of that love and the well of misery to which he had sunk. Whatever path fate had chosen remained hidden leaving the future as dark and gloomy as a starless night. Now walking slowly toward his bedroom, Angel determined that he would stay alert and never allow an opportunity to pass him by again.
“Carpe diem,” Angel issued his marching orders. Seize the day. That’s what he would do and somehow fate would show him the way.
Angel was halfway to his bedroom when a scream sounded from upstairs. There was no denying he’d heard it. Pure panic echoed in Cordelia’s voice as she let out another screech. Turning, Angel took the stairs to the third floor two at a time, conscious of the fact that Angelus remained soulless and had all of his evil tendencies intact even if he was restrained by the limitations of the spell.
“Get away!” Cordelia called out and Angel heard the sound of her feet running across the floor. She slid to a stop and the sounds of a struggle followed, “No. Take that! I said—”
Not bothering with the handle, Angel kicked the door off its hinges with one powerful thrust. He barged into the bedroom ready to do battle with Angelus only to react in shock and confusion at the sight before him.
“Angel!” gasped Cordelia as she realized the vampire was staring at her very nude body. She yanked the pillow she’d been using to bash Angelus over the head in front of her managing to cover herself from breasts to thighs. “What is your damage?”
“I-I heard…screaming?”
Completely naked and semi-erect, Angelus tossed his own pillow back onto the bed. He had to admit that chasing Cordelia around the bedroom during a pillow fight was loads of fun, especially since he had anticipated fucking her senseless after claiming victory. The sneaky wench had got away from him and just when he’d caught up, Soul Boy decided to play the hero.
Angelus walked up behind Cordelia, putting his hand on her shoulder, a hint that was not missed by Angel. Now that he was here, Angel decided he wasn’t leaving until he assured himself that Cordelia was okay. That she’d been treated with all the love and tenderness she deserved.
“What happened?” Angel caught sight of the bruise on her throat and he knew the answer to the question before the last syllable was uttered.
“Pillow fight,” Cordelia explained still thinking he was asking about the noise.
Shaking his head, Angel stepped closer brushing her hair aside and gently rubbing his thumb over the temporary mark. “You’re bruised.”
Should he be pissed that Angelus left a bruise or relieved that he couldn’t officially claim her by leaving a permanent mark?
“Just a little love bite,” Angelus commented with a grin noting every flicker of pain that showed in his double’s eyes.
Still caressing her neck, Angel found himself saying, “It’s wrong.”
Cordelia automatically reached up to the spot, her fingers brushing against his. “I’m okay with it. I left a few of my own only they’ve disappeared already.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Angel lowered his hand and shoved them both into his pockets. “Y-You’re a….”
“What?” Cordelia asked still clutching her pillow.
Angelus rubbed his face along the top of her head, simultaneously telling her what his brother couldn’t seem to get out. “You’re a vampire’s mate, Cordelia. We mark each other with permanent signs representing our claim.”
The fact that even Angel seemed upset that she hadn’t been claimed properly made Cordelia a little sad. Obviously there was a lot more to it than going to bed together. Thinking quickly, she suggested, “How about tattoos?”
Chuckling at her ingenuity, Angelus ran a hand down the gentle curve of her spine settling it at the small of her back. “I know where I want yours, baby. Right there.”
As Angel’s gaze was automatically drawn to the move, Cordelia sucked in a shaky gasp of air. The heartbeat that had finally slowed after the romp of the pillow fight and the initial surprise of Angel crashing through the door started to pick up again. He was standing there fully dressed while she wore only a pillow and yet somehow neither she nor Angelus bothered to kick him out of the room.
“It’s not enough, though, is it?” Angelus sounded out his own frustration with the lack of a mark on her throat. “Not the same.”
In agreement, Angel shook his head, “No.”
Cordelia didn’t see that there was anything to be done about it and said so. Only Angelus had other unconventional ideas. The fact that he was willing to suggest it proved just how important the demon’s mark was to him. “Angel could start it; he could bite you, make the mark.”
Angel was so startled that he could only stare in silence.
“This is my neck we’re talking about like it’s the happy snacking ground,” Cordelia protested. “All of this biting and claiming and marking…is it really so important to you?”
“Yes,” Angelus’ chest rumbled with emphasis.
Though she wondered if the scars would force her to start a new fashion trend with scarves, Cordelia found herself saying, “Okay.”
Visibly shaken by Angelus’ suggestion and Cordelia’s ready acceptance, Angel started breathing hard even though breath wasn’t necessary. It eased the ache that filled his chest. Glaring at his brother for even suggesting it, Angel told Cordelia, “It’s not that simple, sweetheart. Claiming you…that bite will make you mine.”
“Oh. Guess Buffy won’t care for that,” she managed to emit a weak laugh. “Aren’t you two supposed to be rolling around on the training room mats by now?”
“Buffy’s gone,” Angel told her not bothering to hide the harsh tone creeping into his voice. How much more could he take today? First the slayer and now Angelus coming up with insane ideas to tempt him. “We broke up.”
Cordelia’s knees nearly buckled at the news and it was only the fact that Angelus was there to support her that she didn’t fall to the floor with shock. “You what?”
“You heard me. It’s over,” Angel said gruffly. That was all he planned to say about it right now, though he had no doubts Cordelia would grill him over the subject later on. At the moment, he had more pressing concerns.
“Forget the slayer,” the soft urgings of Angelus filled Cordelia’s ears. “She’s gone and you can have what you want, baby.”
“I—,” tears pricked at Cordelia’s eyes, their saltiness burning. “What do you mean?”
Angelus half turned her to face him and though Cordelia continued to hold the pillow against her, the fact that the rest of her curves were exposed never registered. Even as Angel softly sounded out her name in trying to prevent her from listening further, but he could no more stop it than he could force himself to leave the room.
With a nod toward his double, Angelus answered, “Angel. You’re in love with him. It’s really pathetic the way the two of you stare at each other.”
Cordelia couldn’t look in Angel’s direction. How could she agree even if it was true? It would be impossible to lie about it, but there was one thing she could say. “Angelus, I know that I have feelings for you. I love you…too.”
“Then do what I want, baby,” Angelus cupped her cheek. “I want my mark on you and there’s only one right way to put it there.”
“Letting Angel bite me, how does that make me yours?” was her honest query.
Angel pointed out, “It doesn’t,” though the idea of participating in a claiming ritual with Cordelia in a shared capacity or otherwise left his gaze locked on her slender neck.
“Anxious, much?” Angelus quipped in Cordy-speak. The soulless vampire could get around the feelings shared between Angel and Cordelia. He wasn’t without feelings himself, but doubted himself capable of the depth of the love they had been fighting against and ignoring for so long. “Make the mark, Angel, and I’ll do the rest. Let me finish it.”
Quivering at the idea, Cordelia glanced nervously at Angel. The idea scared her. It seemed wrong, but as her body reacted in strokes of heat that licked at her insides, Cordelia couldn’t deny that it also excited her.
Fighting the suggestion, Angel found himself tongue-tied. He couldn’t say anything because he knew that Angelus wasn’t just giving him an opportunity to sink his fangs into human flesh. This went beyond the bite itself because it was tied up in rituals as old as the vampire culture itself.
“Would you let him do it, Cor?” Angelus kept stroking her back and the sensation along with his words just inflamed her all the more. “You’d belong to us both.”
“B-Both of you?”
“He’s the only one who’ll ever touch you besides me,” Angelus told Cordelia. “Though Angel likes to deny it, we’re the same. He is me. I am him. There are two of us separated by the thin thread of what he likes to pretend makes a difference.”
Cordelia was still stuck on the comment that echoed in her mind. “Touch me?”
Her words acted like a stimulant dragging Angel out of his deep thoughts. Like a moth to a flame, he reached out to pull the pillow away dropping it to the floor.
“You’re so beautiful,” the deep timbre of his voice rumbled as he spoke. He made no other move to touch her even though Angel wanted nothing more than to follow his instincts and the lustful thoughts stemming from Angelus’ words to let his hands map out every curve. “I’d do it, Cordelia, if it means something to you. If you want it badly enough.”
Glancing at Angelus, she saw the determined expression on his face even as his cock pressed up against her thigh as a constant reminder of her own commitment to him. “It’s important to Angelus.”
“This isn’t just about Angelus,” he stressed. “This is about us, about giving me the right to touch you, to have you.”
She knew the answer even before she asked it, but Cordelia needed to hear Angel say the words. “Do you want that right, Angel? Do you want me?”
Those butterflies were back and doing somersaults. Her mouth felt dry and Cordelia licked at her lips to moisten them, drawing his attention there. Angel unconsciously mimicked the move as his tongue swept across his sculpted male lips and Cordelia reacted with an instinctive jerk toward him only stopping herself at the last second from actually taking a step.
“More than anything,” he told her honestly, “but your friendship means so much to me, Cordy. I don’t want to risk losing that. I can’t lose that.”
This wasn’t what Angel would have picked for them. Not what he’d imagined any of a hundred times. With Angelus in the picture, that was a path denied them and Angel knew if he wanted Cordelia as anything other than a friend, this would be the only way. Hadn’t he just promised himself not to ignore opportunities?
Cordelia’s hand came up to touch his chest moving in a slow soothing circle over his heart as if subconsciously sending out a message that heartache was something she didn’t want him to feel. Touching him only lit a fire of want in her eyes, even though her words were still mired by confusion.
“Neither can I,” she told him. Risking the loss of their friendship was something she already came close to doing when Angelus first agreed to her jealousy-inducing ploy at the Bronze. That was before she developed feelings for the soulless vamp.
Angelus let out an impatient growl of discontent. “Look at you two. Dancing denial and trying to lie to yourselves about what you want. Accept the fact that if there was still only one of me in existence, this wouldn’t even be an issue. You’d be on the bed, the floor or holding up the nearest wall fucking yourselves blind because you can’t get enough of each other.”
“That doesn’t bother you?” Angel asked bluntly. Cordelia felt a rush of heat flood her face and neck at the suggestion; it was one she honestly couldn’t deny.
“You need to ask?” Angelus laughed gruffly.
With a wry look, Angel admitted, “No.”
“I’m asking,” Cordelia wasn’t about to let it go. “My…being with Angel wouldn’t be a problem to you?”
“Baby, if I didn’t have my own body, I’d still be him,” Angelus commented while patting his washboard stomach. “I want my mark on you, Cordelia. Make no mistake that you’re mine and I want the world to know it. Letting Angel in on it is not that big of a deal. Not to me.”
That should bother her, Cordelia figured. Realistically, her new lover was lacking in the moralistic department even if other traits seemed to make up for that by far. He wasn’t just agreeing to let Angel sink his fangs into her throat just to create a lasting mark, but giving him the right to be equal in a relationship with her where anything goes.
Angelus added, “Belonging to both of us— it’s the reward you get for having to put up with His Broodiness. Double the pleasure, double the fun.”
“Don’t frighten her,” cautioned Angel with a frown. “This isn’t a situation to be taken lightly, either. Don’t make jokes about it.”
Cordelia didn’t want to be coddled. She’d rather have it all thrown out there for her consideration. Geez, it was like someone offering her Manolo Blahniks and asking if she wanted the left shoe or the right one when it was obvious she needed both.
It was Angelus’ willingness to share that confused Cordelia. Letting Angel touch her seemed like it would be a major not-gonna-happen scenario considering his vampire possessiveness. The soulless vamp kept insisting that they were basically the same being and so her reservations didn’t count. Technically, she supposed it was true, but the differences between them gave both Angel and Angelus an individuality that could not be denied.
“My reward,” she mused with a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. It was so damned tempting just thinking about it. That she could have them both. Still, this was more than just a fleeting moment; it was an expectance of commitment. No doubt even the simple things would have complications.
Seeing the doubt flitter across her face, Angel pushed his way past the urge to yank her into his arms and convince her that way. Despite his own desires, he counseled her, “Don’t do this if you feel pressured.”
Angel felt certain he would go to just about any lengths to ensure that Cordy stayed in his life. He wanted intimacy, but if it had to be only friendship…he’d have to deal. Somehow.
“Once this happens, there is no turning back,” Angel told her, “no changing your mind. Angelus wasn’t kidding when he said no one else would ever touch you except me. You know what that means.”
“Pretty much,” Cordelia pursed her lips in wry response. “You’d do the butt-kicking, head-crunching vampire thing with any guy that had the nerve to try. Got it.”
Angel stressed, “It’s forever. As forever as it gets for a human and two vampires who deal in the occasional apocalypse.”
“Maybe I want forever,” Cordelia pointed out. “You sound like you’re trying to talk me out of this.”
Not giving Angel the chance to answer, Angelus had to agree with her assessment. There was a hint of anger in his voice as he told his double, “Deny me this and you know what will happen. You’ll get broody and bitter; she’ll get weepy and whiny. Then I will have to put up with you both. Somewhere down the line, you’ll forget about resisting the temptation and just take what you’ve wanted all along. Finding you cheating would only serve to piss me off.”
Mutual understanding filled their eyes as Cordelia and Angel realized he spoke the truth. Living together, loving and wanting each other would only lead to trouble if it wasn’t sanctioned by Angelus.
“Cordy,” began Angel as he took her by the shoulders squaring her off to face him, “this is all up to you. We’re a family whether you agree or not. I’ll be whatever you want me to be, but I hope you’ll let me be your lover. I want you as my mate.”
Angelus sensed Cordelia’s answer, but big mouth soul boy had to keep talking. He explained, “Vampires have a different outlook on relationships than most humans. I can’t deny that. There are unique nuances to a triad and not all of them make living with it easy.”
“You’ve done this before,” Cordelia came to realize as she remembered Angelus’ past history. Angel’s too, since they shared the same memories, soul or no soul.
At opposite ends of the spectrum, the vampires reacted to her comment with smirk and frown. Angelus considered thoughts of Darla, Spike and Dru fond memories of his glory days. To Angel, those memories brought only a flood of negative emotions, reminders of pain, death and suffering. Though he had to admit, he’d enjoyed it at the time.
As for his trio of vampire companions, most of the time Spike & Dru and Darla & he kept to themselves as couples, but there were countless occasions where all of them shared a bed or where two of them would join him. Comparing that to what Angelus was proposing was completely different.
“Not like this,” Angel told her. “Cordy, this goes far beyond sex. You’ll be my mate— and his. Even Angelus knows that’s more than just a ménage a trios. I’d rather this just be you and me, but it’s too late for that. It’s not an option.”
Cordelia sensed Angelus gearing up behind her. All this talking was not for him. He probably wanted to throw her onto the bed and convince her by example. Was it wrong to wonder what that would be like? Still, she had to acknowledge Angel’s words, “I know.”
Tired of all the yakking, Angelus issued his ultimatum. “Double or nothing, baby. You agree to take us both now or the deal is off. You won’t get him at all.”
Having already warned them of the potential outcomes of that scenario, Cordelia saw that Angelus was getting impatient if he was backtracking on his own arguments. It was enough to make her head spin. The vampire who should be protesting the idea seemed to be all for it while the one who might benefit most from the arrangement was only concerned with letting her make a choice.
“Sheesh! Make up your mind,” Cordelia rolled her eyes at Angelus, laughing at his scowl as she did so. “I’ve already decided what my answer will be.”
Both vampires stared at her in silent speculation, full of hope and lust and promise sparkling from the depths of two pairs of dark brown eyes. The smile tugging at her lips opened up into a bright grin, “Guess I’ll have to get used to seeing double every morning.”
Moving simultaneously, both vampires attempted to give Cordelia a celebratory hug only to have her jump out of the way at the last second. Only their fast reflexes gave them an escape from ending up hugging each other. They each took a long step back noting that Cordelia seemed to be amused at their scowling reactions.
“Don’t get all mushy on me just yet, guys,” Cordelia crossed her arms in front of her unconscious now of the fact that she remained nude and that the move propped her breasts up in an eye-catching way. At least she had their attention. “There will be no having of anyone and certainly no biting of me until I have my say.”
Angel nodded, “I’m listening.”
“Am I the only one here who wants to fuck?” Angelus growled petulantly. He turned on his heel and pounced onto the bed stretching out, moving his hand low on his belly.
Cordelia paused as she waited to see if he would actually touch himself, but Angelus seemed content to tease them with his flagrant words and aroused body. Though Angel did not avoid looking at his double, he looked almost embarrassed by the blunt question and behavior. Cordy knew that Angelus liked to get a rise out of people just by saying whatever he thought he could get away with.
“I’m not your fuckety-fuck toy, Angelus,” Cordelia raised a brow censuring him. “This isn’t something I’m doing for the hell of it. You both want me, but if I didn’t love you two like mad, I’d tell you to get staked.”
Angelus held out his hand, silently calling her to his side. She moved closer, Angel edging further into the room as she did so.
“Baby, you know you’re more than just a lover,” Angelus took her hand, his thumb running a circle in her palm. “I want everything you have to give and I’ll always give you anything you want. Anything.”
Cordelia felt Angel’s fingers in her hair, curling slowly around a chestnut tress before dropping down to follow the path of her spine. She had a feeling Angelus was talking about his brother whose hands suddenly seemed to be wandering across her skin at will.
Angel’s hands curled around her slim waist pressing flat. One held steady while the other wandered a slow path along her ribs to trail the tip of his thumb along the soft curve of her breast. Cordelia leaned back against the muscled wall of his chest and grasped Angelus’ hand a little tighter.
“Just tell me,” she said on a soft moan, “there won’t be fighting over who gets to sleep with me every night.”
It seemed Angel was too distracted with letting his lips blaze a path across her shoulder to answer. Angelus’ eyes sparkled as he watched, anticipating more. It was like watching his mirror image if he had one and it was one helluva turn-on from his perspective.
Cordelia’s naiveté amused him. “Baby, chances are we’ll all be in the same bed.”
“Oh,” she sounded out a gasp, but in reaction to Angel’s fingers teasing the curling forest of hair nestled at the apex of her thighs. He skimmed through the soft hairs and returned to the plane of her abdomen running a path around her navel that sent shocks of heat shooting to her core.
“Tonight is all about you,” Angel promised as he pressed a kiss to her ear uncertain if she feared what might take place in a bed she shared with two vampires.
Cordelia automatically tilted her head, exposing her neck for his attention. Knowing that this had all started with Angelus’ talk of sealing the claim with their mark, she asked on a slightly nervous note, “When do you bite me?”
“No more worries, sweetheart,” Angel’s hands were now on her thighs moving up and down stimulating sensations left her wet and wanting. She could feel through the layer of his clothing separating them that Angel was far from unmoved.
“Let us handle the technicalities. Just let me love you.”