Part 5
Cordelia sat in front of the newly-installed mirror in Angel’s room, running a brush through her hair. She did it more out of a need to busy her hands than a need to tame her look. Such a simple action allowed her to focus that part of her mind which ran in all directions when she was completely idle, the part that distracted her from being able to sort through difficult issues in silence.
Buffy sat beside Cordelia on Angel’s bed, playing with the frayed edges of the blanket underneath her. Her thoughts ran along the same track as Cordelia’s; amazed and overwhelmed with the knowledge of what had happened to both of them and what was about to happen. Right now, everything seemed surreal, as if they’d stepped from the real world through the looking glass into a strange, alternate universe. Colors seemed brighter, the air seemed thicker, and life took on a rose-colored tinge that neither woman had ever seen before.
Just one hour earlier, Wesley had laid out the solution to their problem, and it had seemed so outrageous, so ludicrous, that both Cordelia and Buffy and taken it in quietly and then left the lobby without a word, escaping to the comfort of Angel’s suite. No one, not even Spike and Angel, had intruded on their need to be alone and digest what Wesley had told them. Everyone, after hearing the plan, understood that Buffy and Cordelia needed time to think about what they were going to sacrifice and what they would gain. Their lives would never be the same again, and it was impossible to make such a decision lightly.
Wesley’s description of the solution to their problem opened so many doors that they’d thought impossible before now. It also brought around some seriously scary possibilities, and it was unnerving to walk willingly into such a precarious situation.
Buffy broke the long, comfortable silence first. “So what do you think, Cordelia? Should we do it?”
Slowly and deliberately, Cordelia set down the hairbrush on the dresser and turned to face Buffy. Her eyes sought the Slayer’s, and both women sensed the camaraderie that had built between them in these few short hours. It was almost impossible that two strong-willed women were able to put their past differences aside and feel the bond of sisterhood so deeply as these two did. No longer were they two young women, fighting for the love and attention of the same man and the affection of the same friends, but they were Seer and Slayer, partners in the fight against evil. And now that they’d each tasted the life the other led, they understood each other in a way that neither had ever thought possible. They were friends, and having experienced the pain of each other’s lives so acutely, they were well on their way to being best friends.
All of these feelings passed between them in a few moments, the positive energy of their new bond swirling around them and comforting them.
“I think we should,” Cordelia said confidently in answer to Buffy’s question. “What’ve we got to lose?”
“Well, our lives, for one,” Buffy pointed out, a small smile lighting her face. “Not to mention our freedom, our privacy, our choice of futures. . .”
Cordelia shrugged as if Buffy had just said she might lose her shoe. “Well, we risk our lives every day, anyway. And our futures? Those were decided the moment you were called and the moment Doylek kissed me. Can’t do much about those even if things were normal.”
Buffy nodded in reluctant agreement as Cordelia continued. “And since when did we really have freedom? Angel keeps me on a really short leash, even though I fight it every step of the way. Being bonded to him wouldn’t be much different.”
“But the mental link? Just think of the weird privacy issue that would create,” Buffy said. It gave her the wiggins when she realized that Spike would know exactly what she was thinking all the time. And she’d know what he was thinking. That was just . . . creepy.
“You don’t think that’s a good thing?” Cordelia said in disbelief, her eyebrows nearly up to her hairline. “Spike always says exactly what he’s thinking? You never have to guess?” She shook her head in admiration. “Must be nice. But I, for one, look forward to the possibility of being able to cut through all of Angel’s broody stuttering crap and figure out what he’s trying to say.”
Buffy frowned, then nodded grudgingly. “That would be kinda neat, I guess. Spike does talk a lot, but most of it is just fronting. To see past that would save me a lot of trouble.”
“And just look what we’ll be getting,” Cordelia pointed out, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
“Near immortality,” Buffy said, not able to keep the grin off her face at the thought.
“Angel’s anchored permanent soul,” Cordelia said, her grin matching Buffy’s.
“Spike with a soul,” Buffy countered. That was something she’d been wanting for what seemed like forever, even before she acknowledged her feelings for him.
“And our powers back in the right place,” Cordelia finished, the last component being the most important to both of them. “You have to admit, Buffy, that all sounds like it would be worth the risk of dying and the other side effects.”
Buffy nodded. “I just don’t know if I can convince Spike to go through with it.”
“Pfft!!” The small puff of air sent Cordelia’s short hair flying away from her face. She rolled her eyes at Buffy’s blindness. “Of course you can convince him! You’ve got him wrapped around your little finger, Buffy. He’s so Slayer-whipped he can’t see straight. You could ask him to walk out into noon sunlight and he’d do it for you.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow at Cordelia’s exaggeration. “I think that might be pushing it a little bit. I know he has feelings for me, but loving me? Really loving me? I don’t know about that. Spike’s a vampire, one who actually likes not having a soul, and I don’t know if he’d let himself be changed like that, even for me.
“Ask him,” Cordelia said simply. “He’ll say yes.”
“You sound so confident,” Buffy said, needing the reassurance.
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Buffy. He’ll do it.”
Feeling overwhelmed, Buffy turned the conversation back on Cordelia.
“And you think you can get Angel to agree to this? He didn’t look too happy about it downstairs.” Buffy grabbed a pillow from the top of the bed and snuggled up on her stomach, resting her head on her hand and looking up at Cordelia.
Shaking her head and grimacing, Cordelia grabbed her own pillow and stretched out beside Buffy. To the innocent observer, they looked like two old friends in the middle of a slumber party gab fest.
“He’ll get over it,” Cordelia said confidently, trying to convince herself as she said the words. “He always freaks when there’s even a possibility of me dying, and this isn’t any different. When Angel acknowledges how much is at stake, he’ll be okay with it.”
Cordy raised her eyes to meet Buffy’s. “Besides, Wesley said if we don’t do anything, we’ll definitely die. I’d say we don’t have much of a choice, whether Angel likes it or not.”
“This is just crazy,” Buffy said, still at some level of disbelief.
“No kidding,” Cordelia answered. “But a good kinda crazy. Never having to grow old? Always being able to fight the good fight and being almost impossible to defeat? Sounds like a good deal to me.”
Buffy sighed dreamily. “Yeah, there is that. Good thing I died once already and Faith was called. I think if I became immortal before that happened, I’d really mess up the Slayer prophecy.”
Snorting a little, Cordelia laughed at her. “Since when are prophecies anything to count on? Seems like we thwart them all the time around here. And I think I recall a few from Sunnyhell that we proved wrong, too.
“Damn straight,” Buffy said, grinning.
They sat in silence for a moment, both reflecting on everything that had happened.
This time, Cordelia spoke first. “I know we haven’t gotten along before this, Buffy, but I’m really glad I had the chance to live in your shoes for awhile. I had no idea what you go through, and I’m so glad that we’ve gotten through all the crap between us and we’re friends now.”
“Me, too,” Buffy agreed, smiling softly at Cordy. “You get Angel, I get Spike, and we get a friendship we never thought could happen. Seems like its too good to be true, doesn’t it?
Cordelia frowned. “Don’t say that, Buffy. Good stuff has a way of going seriously wonky around here. This has to work. It has to. Because if it doesn’t, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.”
***
“You’re sure this will work?” Angel’s voice echoed across the lobby and broke the stillness that had reigned since the girls went upstairs. Giles, Willow, Xander, and Gunn were all gathered at the couches in the middle of the floor, helping Wesley with the last details of the ritual. Anya and Fred had gone upstairs to quiet a crying Connor, who’d woken up in the middle of all the excitement. Angel, in his concern over Cordelia’s safety, hadn’t even checked on the baby, a fact that didn’t go unnoticed by any of the L.A. crew.
The vampire was pacing nervously across the lobby, waiting impatiently and keeping his eyes on the stairs. Cordelia and Buffy had been ensconced in his room for a long time now, and every minute that passed was making him more and more concerned for their safety during this risky ritual. The fact that they hadn’t agreed to do it already only made his fears increase.
Wesley took a deep breath and tried to rein in his impatience. Sometimes the dark vampire could be so annoying.
“Angel, as I’ve told you several times already. If we don’t do this, they will definitely die, and soon. If we do it, there’s no guarantee that it will work or that they’ll survive, but at least this way they have a chance.”
Wesley’s repeated words didn’t help Angel’s mood at all. He wanted reassurances. Solid, definite promises that Cordelia and Buffy would be okay and normal after this ritual was completed. He was extremely irked that Wesley couldn’t provide that.
Spike wasn’t pacing like Angel, but he was tapping his foot nervously as he leaned against one of the pillars in the lobby and keeping his eyes fixed on the staircase. He, too, was worried about what Cordelia and Buffy would decide. He knew that doing this ritual meant he would have to get his soul and keep it, and that wasn’t really a problem for him. He’d surprised himself by accepting it so easily. If Buffy’s life wasn’t on the line, maybe he’d put up a fight, but really, there was no question about it. He would do anything for her, and if it meant getting his soul back, then so be it. He could handle it. As long as it didn’t make him a replica of his annoying grandsire.
“Relax, Peaches,” he said, making Angel stop and glare at him. “They’ll be fine. They always are. Wesley knows what he’s doing, and Giles wouldn’t let him do this if he thought Buffy wouldn’t make it.”
Angel nearly growled at Spike’s logical reasoning. He wished the younger vampire would just freak out like he was doing and then everything would be okay. It didn’t make any kind of sense in this universe that Spike was being the responsible, cool-headed one and Angel was being the crazy, irrational one. Yet here they were.
“Are you guys ready?”
Cordelia’s voice drifted into the lobby as she and Buffy emerged from upstairs. Angel’s eyes followed her as she descended, knowing that if he’d had breath it would have been stolen. It seemed like every time he saw her lately, he was awed by her beauty. At one time in his life, he would’ve passed right over her for the blonde on her left, but now, he couldn’t see how he’d ever made that choice. Cordelia was so right for him, so perfect, that it was nearly impossible for him to imagine anything else.
Spike caught Buffy’s eyes as she walked next to Cordelia. He smiled softly at her, telegraphing a message of love mixed with mischief in his eyes. At that moment, Buffy would’ve sworn that he already had his soul. The compassion and longing in his gaze was unmistakable, and she was so grateful that she hadn’t squandered her chance with him by being overly cautious or worried about what other people would think. She loved Spike, and admitting that to herself had lifted a burden from her shoulders that she didn’t even know existed.
“Let’s get this thing over with,” Buffy said, walking up next to Spike and placing her hand in his. “You want to go over the details again, Wesley?”
Wesley straightened the stack of books in front of him on the reception counter in the lobby, and everyone crowded around. He flipped back a few pages in his notes and scanned them quickly.
“Yes, I believe we’re all prepared,” he said, glancing up to make sure everyone present was paying attention. “The ritual requires Cordelia and Buffy to reactivate the orbs simultaneously. The transference of power will occur, looking much like it did the first time. The problem we found was that the process would significantly weaken both Buffy and Cordelia, most likely causing their deaths.”
“That must’ve been what Lilah was so smug about,” Angel said, his face darkening. “I guess Wolfram & Hart didn’t think we’d find a way around it.”
“The important thing is that we did. Or at least we think we did,” Wesley amended, not wanting to promise anything too confidently.
“And that’s where we come in,” Spike said, gripping Buffy’s hand more tightly.
Welsey nodded. “Exactly. Before the powers are transferred, each woman needs to be bonded to a life mate, a creature with a soul, but not human.”
“Why can’t they bond with humans?” Xander asked, clearly upset that Buffy would be bound to Spike irrevocably.
“If they bonded with other humans, they would gain no additional strength or stamina. Bonding with Angel and Spike will allow them to gain some vampiric strength and give them, for all intents and purposes, immortality.”
Cordelia shook her head in wonder. “This whole thing seems too weird to believe. I mean, I don’t doubt you, Wes,” she quickly reassured him, “but I would think that humans would be doing this all the time if they knew about it.”
“It’s not that they haven’t tried,” Giles added, leaning against the counter near Wesley. “It’s just that finding an immortal being with a soul who’s willing to be bonded to a human is virtually impossible. Usually, the immortal being doesn’t have a soul, or if they do, they feel they’re above humanity and are unwilling to taint themselves with human blood. It has been done before, just not often.”
Not to be outdone by Giles’ watcher knowledge, Wesley added his own. “Interestingly enough, it is recorded that a bond like this was initiated by Hercules’ mother, giving her ‘goddess-like’ characteristics that were passed down to her son.”
Cordelia made a “get on with it already” motion with her hand, but with a smile on her face. “And the soul bond makes us telepathically linked?”
“Yes, to your life mate,” Wesley said.
“Like a Vulcan mind meld,” Xander added helpfully. Everyone stared at him for a moment, then turned back to Wesley.
“What?” Xander asked Willow indignantly, but she shushed him.
Buffy took up the questioning as Cordelia remained silent. “Okay, I understand that Cordy and I will be mostly immortal and that we’ll be bound to Angel and Spike. We can only be killed by decapitation, just like vampires.”
“Yes, decapitation only, not stakes or sunlight,” Wesley confirmed.
“Okay, so then do Spike and Angel get anything out of this? Other than our voices in their heads?”
Wesley’s face lit up in a grin. “Yes, they most certainly do. I hadn’t figured out what, but in the last hour, while you and Cordy were upstairs, I was able to locate what will happen to a vampire when they are bonded in this way.”
Wesley consulted his notes again as everyone waited. “They will become immune to the effects of sunlight, and stakes will not kill them either. They will also. . . um . . .” Wesley paused, his face now flaming in a blush.
“Spit it out, Wesley,” Angel said, smirking over the man’s discomfort.
Wesley cleared his throat and shuffled his notes before he regained the confidence to speak. “They will regain the ability to reproduce.”
Silence fell over the room, a quiet that made the smallest breath seem like a shout.
“Angel’s already got that,” Cordelia said after a moment.
“Well, that was kind of a fluke,” Wesley said. “Prophecy-driven, if you will. The difference here is that you and Buffy can have children with Angel and Spike, children that will be a kind of enhanced human, much like Connor already is. It’s just a side-effect of the ritual, not a miracle.”
“I’d say you’re wrong, there, watcher boy,” Spike said, his mind reeling. A soul, a life mate, and the ability to have children? That’s a whole lot for a vamp to take in at once.
Buffy looked up at Spike with a mixture of awe and unconcealed love. “I’d say its definitely a miracle, Wesley,” she said softly.
Angel looked down at Cordelia. She was standing just in front of him, inches away, and he ached to hold her. Realizing that nothing was stopping him, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her back against his chest. She jumped a bit when he touched her, but immediately relaxed as he brought her into his embrace. She rested her hands on his forearms, rubbing her thumbs lightly against his skin. It overwhelmed them both, this future they were about to have. They were going to be linked forever; mentally, physically, and emotionally.
He could just imagine the child they would create together. A beautiful little girl, features a miniature of her mother, dark curls and bright hazel eyes. Or a son, a younger brother for Connor, one with a tactless charm that won everyone over. Almost without thought, Angel and Cordelia tightened their holds on each other, excited for the opportunities that awaited them.
Spike began to get impatient with all of the paranormal tech talk. “Okay, so we restore my soul. Then we do the bonding thingy. Then the girls do the switch, and we’re all set?”
“That’s it,” Wesley said, chagrined at how the blonde vampire had boiled all of his hard work down to so few words. It made his labors sound so much less important.
“Well, let’s get to it then. Red, you going to do that soul mojo on me now?” Spike stepped forward, releasing Buffy’s hand and stepping into the middle of the circle the group had formed.
Willow nodded. “Giles and I are ready. I’ve revised Angel’s curse so that the ‘happy’ clause isn’t in it. We looked for another way to restore your soul, but we couldn’t find any other way, at least one that didn’t take forever or require some type of obscure sacrifice. Anyway, bonding your soul to Buffy’s in a little while will make your soul permanent, so that not even magic can pull it away again.”
“I’m ready,” Spike said, feeling nervous but still certain that he wanted to go through with this
“Willow, hold on just a second,” Angel interrupted her. “I should talk to Spike about this first.”
Spike glared at Angel. “I don’t need any advice or help from you, Peaches. I think I can manage this on my own.”
He turned back toward Willow, effectively dismissing Angel and his good intentions.
“Please, Spike?” Buffy asked him, coming up to stand in front of him, her face begging him to reconsider. “He’s been through this before, twice, actually, and maybe he can prepare you for it. I really don’t want you to freak. I need you to be prepared.”
Spike stared her down for a minute, torn between his loyalty to Buffy and his hatred of his grandsire. “I’ll talk to him,” he finally acquiesced. “But I don’t have to like it.”
Buffy smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”
The two vampires retreated to a corner of the room where they talked in hushed whispers for a few minutes. There were a lot of violent hand gestures, even some audible growling, but eventually, they seemed to come to an understanding. The rest of the group waited anxiously, and it wasn’t until Spike and Angel crossed the room again that everyone let out a collective sigh of relief.
The power in the room began to swell and crackle as Willow channeled the magicks and Giles chanted in Latin. Xander waved the “stinky herbs” and within minutes, the Orb of Thessela began to glow, William’s long-forgotten soul momentarily trapped within. Spike dropped to his knees and gasped as the glow grew brighter, then clutched his stomach, his mouth dropping open as his eyes glowed white and his soul was restored to him. He fell to the floor, his hands clutching his middle as he groaned at the intense feelings that washed over him. His eyes were closed and he rocked on the floor, shaking his head and moaning.
After a few moments, Spike opened his eyes and they met Angel’s. Compassion and understanding in the older vampire’s gaze soothed the disbelief and overwhelming guilt that stung Spike so acutely. Slowly, he forced himself to stand to his feet, his gaze seeking Buffy’s. He knew what he had to do, and even though all he wanted to do was run and hide, to cry and flail himself for all the hideous things he’d done over the last hundred years, he forced it all down inside and walked to her, standing shakily in front of her.
“I don’t deserve you, Buffy,” he whispered brokenly. “You don’t deserve to be tied to someone like me.”
Tears filled Buffy’s eyes as she looked up into the face of the man she loved. Her hand reached out and cupped his jaw, her small fingers stroking the smooth angles of his face. Earlier she had seen love, compassion, and desire reflected in those blue orbs she loved so much. Now, those feelings were intensified exponentially, but sadly mixed with nearly overwhelming guilt and self-loathing. The need to reassure him, to declare her love and support for him, overrode any fears she had ever had of being one with Spike.
“I love you, William. I love you, soul or not, for the rest of my life. But having that soul makes you a better man, and I have no doubt that you will live to become the amazing person I always saw reflected in your eyes. You’ve made mistakes. You’ve killed people. You’ve been evil. But you’ve also been good. And now, you have the second chance that so many never get. You can atone for everything you’ve ever done wrong, and you can make a difference as a force for good. I have faith in you, Spike. I love you, and I always will.”
Her little speech made Spike’s eyes fill with tears, and they rolled unchecked down his face as he stared into the eyes of the one woman who had the power to complete him like no other ever had. Without saying a word, he grabbed her into his arms and squeezed her tightly, burying his nose in her hair and whispering his love into her ear.
Everyone looking on was moved by the scene, eyes tearing up all over the place. Even Xander, although he would’ve never admitted it. At the beginning of Buffy’s words to Spike, Cordelia had turned in Angel’s arms and stared up at him, her mind echoing everything that Buffy was saying and reflecting it back to the man she loved. Angel’s grip tightened around her in response, and both felt the same sense of peace and security that enveloped Spike and Buffy.
It was an amazing experience, draining them emotionally and physically. And they weren’t even halfway through the rituals yet.
Wesley cleared his throat, the sound breaking the charged atmosphere in the room.
“I think we all could use a break before the next phase. Let’s meet back here in one hour, all right?”
***
As soon as Wesley dismissed them, Cordelia looked up meaningfully into Angel’s eyes, then firmly took his hand and pulled him upstairs. Neither of them said a single word until she’d led him into his bedroom and the door was firmly shut behind them. Both knew exactly what needed to happen between them, and words seemed superfluous. Right now, all that was important was how much they loved each other. It may very well be the last time they would spend together, and neither of them wanted to squander such a gift.
Angel took the lead once the door was shut, going to the bed and sitting down, pulling Cordelia down next to him. They just stared at each other for a few moments, both lost in the surreal quality of the night. Only one lamp was on in the room, the soft, golden glow highlighting the shadows in the corners and softening the angles, planes, and curves of their faces. Both of Angel’s large hands grasped one of Cordelia’s smaller ones, his thumbs traveling over her palm and stroking the pressure points gently, his touch soothing her wrinkled nerves.
Cordelia was the first one to interrupt the silence. She broke the gaze they’d held and looked down at their linked fingers, staring unseeing as she tried to find the words she so desperately needed.
“Angel, I know you said you wanted our first time together to be perfect, to have as much time as we could have together and not be rushed, but—”
“Shhh,” he said, bringing one hand up to place over her mouth. “I know I said that, and I meant it then. If everything was perfect, then that would be what I would want. But now, knowing what’s at stake and knowing how much I love you, I can’t imagine being anywhere else than here with you.”
She smiled softly at him, his reassurance nurturing the confidence that was blooming inside of her. Its warmth spread throughout her body, making her toes and fingers tingle with excitement and anticipation.
“I love you, Angel,” she said softly, bringing her lips up to brush against his. She pulled back, staring deeply into his eyes, and time seemed to stand still as she read the depth of love, devotion and desire in the brown eyes of her favorite vampire.
“God, Cordy,” Angel whispered hoarsely, his hands coming up to grasp her jaw and tilt her head up towards his. “I love you so much. I never thought that I would fall in love again, or that it would both consume me and heal me so completely.”
His words started a fire in her, and she brought her own hands up to the back of his head and pulled his lips down to hers. Their kiss was a physical demonstration of the fire that raged in both of them, the desire all-consuming and nearly uncontrollable. His tongue sought the inside of her mouth, brushing against her own and taking over the hot, wet cavern as if he’d never leave. He explored every inch of her mouth so thoroughly that she thought she’d melt from the inside out. Finally, they separated, Cordelia desperately in need of oxygen and Angel needing to gain control over his senses before it was over too quickly.
“I can’t believe this is happening to us,” she breathed into his ear, her flushed cheek brushing against his cool one. “Together forever. Bonded. Maybe even children.” She pulled back and looked deeply into his eyes, searching for the depths of his soul. “I want to have your baby so bad, Angel. I never, in my wildest dreams, ever imagined it could happen.”
An image of Cordelia swarmed Angel’s brain, her face glowing and wreathed in a smile as she cradled a stomach swollen with his child, and the intensity of longing for its fulfillment nearly overwhelmed him. But in the back of his mind, the danger of this ritual she was facing still niggled at him, the doubt threatening to destroy this ever so delicate house of cards they’d managed to erect.
Angel tightened his grip on Cordelia’s shoulders, pulling her close so that their noses were nearly brushing, his gaze boring deeply into hers. “I don’t want you to do this because you might die. But I know if I don’t allow it, you will. I can’t lose you, Cordelia. Not now, not when I finally have you.”
She smiled, the expression easing some of the intensity of the moment. “Well, you don’t actually have me yet, do you?” she said playfully.
He growled as she made light of something that was so important to him, but his eyes twinkled in spite of himself.
Rolling her eyes, she shoved his chest playfully, then turning serious. “I know, Angel. I love you and I don’t want to jeopardize that, either. But we have no choice. And I have confidence that Wesley and Giles know what they’re doing. Buffy and I are going to survive this, and you and I will be together forever.” She couldn’t help but grin at that.
“We will, Angel. You’ll see.”
“Either way,” he conceded, “we have exactly—” he glanced at the clock “—43 minutes all to ourselves. I say we make the best possible use of our time.”
She raised an eyebrow. “We’re going to go research?” she said innocently. “I know you don’t like any angles to be left unexplored.”
Smiling, he said, “Actually, I was thinking of exploring curves rather than angles.” His hand moved from her shoulder down her front, the backs of his fingers lightly tracing the outline of her breast.
“Oh, really,” she said, her eyes lighting up. “I guess I don’t have any objection to that.”
Her mouth found his again, and just like the first time, the passionate contact shoved everything from their minds except the need to feel and taste each other. With each kiss, each shared breath, each tender touch and stroke, the two became more intricately connected, fused and bonded physically and emotionally in a way that would only enhance their eventual telepathic bond.
Angel lowered her back onto the bed, stretching out on top of her and beginning a fevered exploration of every curve and dip she possessed, finding sensitive nooks and crannies on her body that had been previously neglected. Inch by inch, her golden body was unwrapped and ministered to, skin tingled with each caress. Her hands pulled frantically at his clothing, the marble skin rippling as his muscles convulsed beneath her fingers. The anticipation built powerfully, the love they felt for each other flowing freely between and around them.
Moments later they were joined in the way of countless lovers before them, his body resting in hers so perfectly it was like they were two halves of the same intricately crafted whole. Their eyes met, breaths mingling, these two destined beings linked so securely that neither could fathom where one began and the other ended. It was so right, so wonderful, that time nearly stood still in tribute to the perfection of the moment.
All it took to ignite the explosion was one phrase recited in unison, the pledge “I love you” falling from their lips as it bound them more tightly than any ritual could ever accomplish. In answer, their bodies convulsed in and around each other in an ancient rhythm, sparks bursting behind their eyelids as they fell from the brink of bliss into the heaven of each other’s arms.
***
For Buffy and Spike, the hour between restoring Spike’s soul and bonding their souls together was just as emotionally charged as their friends’, but less physical. As Cordelia and Angel sought privacy upstairs, Buffy took control of Spike’s trembling form and led him downstairs to Angel’s basement training room. She knew that the furniture down there would be sparse, but there was no doubt that they’d be alone, and that was more important than physical comfort right now.
At the bottom of the stairs, she pushed him onto the second to the last step, sinking down onto the step above his, then wrapping her arms around him from behind and pulling his head onto her shoulder. He brought his hands up to grasp her arms tightly, his eyes closing as he took comfort in her warmth. They sat like that for minutes that seemed like days, the pain of his new soul being eased by her gentle touch and healing presence.
Her soft words breached the stillness as she felt his trembling begin to subside. “I love you, Spike.”
The declaration was simple, but no less powerful than it had been earlier upstairs. Again, it amazed him that she’d said it at all, that she’d said it and meant it. And he knew that it wasn’t a love born in the same moment he acquired his soul. The look in her eyes as she’d declared her feelings had been one he’d recognized immediately. She’d looked at him that way many times before, but he hadn’t dared hope that it meant something so sacred. Now, that blinding love poured from her eyes in a way that was undeniable, unavoidable, and it healed him from wounds he hadn’t even known existed.
Those four, simple words had the ability to integrate his new soul into his old body so seamlessly that it had taken mere minutes to accomplish what had taken Angel several decades. Knowing that he had Buffy’s unconditional love, loyalty, and support made him believe in himself instead of castigate himself, hope for his future instead of despair about his past. It made his heart swell with pride and an overwhelming desire to do good, a need to finally be the partner in love and life that his soulless self had been unable to be.
Turning to the Slayer, Spike ran his fingers along her jaw like she’d done in the lobby. “I love you, Buffy, slayer or not, for the rest of my life. Having you in my life makes me a better man, and I can’t believe that I’ve been given such a second chance with you.”
He looked down at her chin, unwilling to meet her eyes for a moment as he searched for the words. “Without this soul, I felt so angry because you thought I was incapable of love, because you thought I was unworthy of your love. No, shhh, I’m not done,” he said as she opened her mouth to argue.
“I did love you without a soul, Buffy, I loved you in a way that most demons never can. But until Willow put this thing back inside of me, I never understood what you meant. And the moment—” his voice broke as his eyes filled with tears, “—the moment I looked up at you and felt the emotions my soul gave me I realized how that old love pales in comparison to the love my soul can give you. Before, I was selfish and possessive, determined to make you see things my way.”
He paused, his tears still there but a confident, humor-filled grin breaking through as he spoke again. “Now, I’m selfish and possessive and still determined to make you see things my way, BUT I would give you up if that’s what was best for you. I would love you forever, but I would die for you, I would live without you, if that’s what you asked of me. I never could’ve done as only a demon. I never could’ve given you up, not really.”
She brought her arms around his waist and hugged him fiercely, tears of her own shining in her eyes. “I will never ask you to leave me, Spike, not willingly, not ever. I will die before I let us be separated. I’ve finally found the one person who really, truly understands me, who completes me like no one else ever has. You keep me from wallowing in my misery. You challenge me to be a better person. You won’t take crap from me, and you love me even when I treat you worse than I’ve ever treated anyone before or since. “
Pausing, Buffy marveled at the intensity and perfection of the moment. “I can’t wait to spend forever with you,” she whispered, her tears spilling over and trailing down her cheeks.
Briefly he brushed his mouth against hers. “I can’t wait either, Buffy. I think maybe forever won’t even be long enough.”
Their lips met again, this time, the love the felt making the touch all-consuming. Just as they began to lose themselves, a discreet throat clearing was heard from the top of the stairs. They broke apart, Buffy flushed and breathing heavily, and turned to the intruder.
“Wesley says he’s ready to get started,” Willow said, a smile lighting up her face.
Spike grasped her hand tightly in his. “Let’s go see about our future, shall we?” he said, pulling her up the stairs after him, suddenly anxious to get this over and done with. It was about time that something went right for them.
